We sent out our Save the Dates. We're having a pretty relaxed, but pretty big, picnic wedding in a park. I'll wear a white dress, he'll wear a suit, there may be speeches, there will be games.
But we're already married. We have been since December. Due to circumstances, we got married in a tiny ceremony, with only our immediate family and the pastor — a total of nine people in attendance. A lot of people know we're married, but a lot of people still don't. We haven't announced it publicly, and we won't until all three of our weddings are over and done with (more on that later) and we can say for sure, regardless of what country we're in, we're married!
So as I put together our WordPress wedsite, and our Save the Dates, I thought a lot about wording, and about transparency, and about inclusion.
My husband Howard wanted (in some extent) to keep the legal wedding under wraps. He didn't want anyone to feel left out, or hurt that they weren't there at the “real” wedding. It rubbed me the wrong way, though, to deceive them through omission into thinking that they were there at the “real” wedding, even when people sitting next to them knew the whole story.
Originally, I had a tab on our wedsite for each of our three weddings: the tiny legal wedding, the Korean wedding with his family, and the American wedding with my family. Originally I had cute names for each of the three weddings, to try to put everything into perspective: a Union of Families in December, a Union of Spheres of Influence in America, a Union of Nations in Korea. Originally, I had wanted to include lots of photos from the legal wedding on our wedsite, to make the announcement (and show off how great we all looked). Originally, I wanted to include a line in the Save the Date wording explaining each wedding.
But Howard is right, and we decided to not “rub it in.” We were able to find a balance of transparency and tact. I took down all but four of the photos from the legal wedding, and streamlined the wedsite — focusing on the American wedding, and our Google Docs RSVP form.
Once the wedsite was streamlined, writing the Save the Date was surprisingly simple. It just says, “Howard and Ruth are celebrating their marriage.” That's what it is!
We feel like our marriage began when we decided to do it, not when we said “I do.” Truly, every day will be a celebration of our marriage. That Sunday in August will simply be a bigger celebration with our friends and family.