Kids plot their grand wedding escape: a bedtime story

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Photo by True Love Photo
Green stuff at a Stephanie and Jerred's retro gamer wedding. Photo by True Love Photo

Once upon a time, in a land of tulle and sequins, young children donned tight suits and itchy dresses. They bumped into legs on dance floors, and found nary a puppy to pet or game to play. Vegetables were offered, kissing was happening, and the cake seemed like it would never get cut. They were at… a wedding.

This is how we get them to leave a room

Beth and Jay tortured the children with their cooty-spreading ways. No circle, circle, dot, dot was going to help here.

Ogling the Cotton Candy

Lauren and Stan attempted to hypnotize them with cotton candy. Some of them even succumbed to the temptation. It was pure, delicious evil. There had to be a way out of this.


“Hey, sheep: send for help! You guys, these sheep are doing nothing.” There seemed to be no escape at Rebecca and Andrew wedding.


Patty and Frank's wedding had a fatal flaw: the rainbow tube escape route. “This is your mission, kids, should you choose to accept it.”

well these two clearly raided the prop box!

“We'll hold them back. Save yourselves.”

Lindz and Jack's punk wedding. Photo by the groom's brother, Ian

The children made their break while others selflessly sacrificed themselves to hold back the grown-up horde.


They may take our video games, but they'll never take OUR FREEDOM!

And so the children had escaped the vegetables, the kissing, and the terrible dancing from uncle Jim. But as soon as they breathed the sweet air of the outside, they heard that cake was being served. Screw freedom.

Highly classified anti-escape documents:

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Comments on Kids plot their grand wedding escape: a bedtime story

  1. I LOVE this post! Especially the Braveheart reference and photo. Also, yay for kid-friendly activities links. Thanks!

  2. Adorable! I love seeing kids at weddings get grossed out by ALL THAT KISSING.

  3. This sounds like a good storyline for a Rugrats episode. (Yes, I know the show’s ended a long time ago.) Great job Superman!

  4. At my older sister’s wedding they laid out an improvised playground with medieval games (the wedding was medieval-themed) for the kids, and half the grown-ups spent all day outside playing. ^^

    I guess if you are going to have people with children at your celebration (be it a wedding or not), you need to plan some entertainment for the tiny beasts so everyone can relax. (Plus I’d totally ruin my dress playing with the kids instead of being grown-up at my own wedding…)

  5. Great post! Suggestion that the kiddo’s loved at my wedding: Musical Chairs! You may have chairs and music already and the more adults that get roped in the better.

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