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If you want to honor both of your parents when you walk down the aisle, take a page out of Susan and Jana's book: have both sets of parents (or any of your important people) walk you down the aisle. This concept may not be new to those familiar with Jewish weddings, but here's how Susan and Jana did it:
Because we both have supportive parental units and don't care to be “given away,” we opted to be walked down the aisle by both our mothers and fathers. This was one of the things we hemmed and hawed about the most but it turned out to be the right solution to the problem.
You never have to have anyone walk you down the aisle, but this was a pretty sweet way to share the moment with those you love most. Bonus: ultra cute photo opportunity! Head over to see more from Susan and Jana's barn dance wedding in the Catskills.
Yeah, you can walk down the aisle with both parents… but what if you and your fiance walk down the aisle with both sets of parents?
About the Author: Catherine Clark
Catherine Clark loiters at her local library, makes art, watches movies en masse, plays video and tabletop games, poorly cooks healthy things, cuddles with her feline fur babies, and blogs at BijouxandBits.com.
One of the [very] few things I have known about my wedding for quite some time is that I want to walk down the aisle with both of my parents. I always figured it was my day and that wasn’t such a big deal and my parents are pretty cool, so it should be good.
Well, now I’m getting married in two months and I talked to my dad about this and he was less-than pleased. At first he just said it was bizarre (as if I’m a traditionalist), but then said that he didn’t think of him walking me down the aisle as ownership, but as chaperoning me and that he was the only one who seemed acceptable. When I told him I wanted my mom to be honored in the celebration, he told me that she gets her recognition by planning the wedding and the bridal shower and everything… the only problem is that my mom lives in another state and my step-mom and dad are planning wayyy more of the wedding than she is.
My mom and dad have been divorced for about 7 years now, but have a decent relationship. When I was growing up, my mom paid the bills and my dad stayed at home. Despite living in different states, my mom and I have an amazing relationship and I love her sooo much and need her to be recognized on this day.
My dad’s response made me cry and when I tried talking to him about it again, he told me how he had always been there for me and my brother and that my mom put work first; he sacrificed a lot because we were more important… whereas my mother had not (according to him). More tears.
I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Honestly, this is MY and MY FIANCE’S big day, but it’s also important for my dad as I’m his only daughter (and only blood child).
This has seriously been the only block I have hit in my wedding planning so far (aside from just wanting it to be over so that I can enjoy the guy I’m marrying).
I’m sorry your dad is acting that way. Let him know exactly what you have stated. That you want both your parents to walk you down the aisle and this is the 21st century and you won’t be saddled with patriarchal traditions. Your mom is important to you.
He’s being incredibly selfish and this may have to do with your step mom. You may want to find a way to incorporate her add well as this might be part of his concern. But ultimately it’s your day. Be a strong woman and stand up to him.
I’m going to fight him on it some more (very calmy and nicely).
I was considering telling him that he could walk me down the aisle alone OR have a daddy-daughter dance (since he was very excited about the dance). Or even that maybe instead of the daddy-daughter dance would be a mother-daughter dance instead and ask him just how bizarre that would be…
But after reading through some of the conflict resolution information on this site, I’m thinking maybe telling him we could choreograph a dance together or something (he likes to dance) and then explain again that I want my mom to walk with us. This way he will be winning some more personal time with me before the wedding while we dance together and whatnot.
Also, I intend to not be “given away” by my dad, but to have our (my fiance and my) families support and bless us, stating that they have raised us and approve of our new union and promise to help us, etc. This would include my step-mom in the ceremony.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, your dad’s behavior is really hurtful and inappropriate. Like, I can hardly put my reply to you into words because it’s just so flat-out unacceptable that he’d say those things.
He’s welcome to THINK them. He can believe that your mother put work before family. He can believe that only a father can walk a bride down the aisle. But actually telling you those things is nothing except damaging to your relationship.
If you’d like my advice (and maybe you don’t–that’s okay!): tell your father that you already decided that you will be honoring your mother by asking her to escort you down the aisle (or, if you’ve already asked her, that you are honoring your mother by having her escort you down the aisle). He is welcome to accept or decline the same offer, but that’s the extent of his choice.
I also have to throw some epic side-eye at his insistence that your mother prioritized work over family. Without knowing anything about your father except what you’ve posted, but based on his comments and the way you talk about your mother and your relationship with her, I really suspect that this is a gendered dig at your mom.
I was recently in a friend’s wedding that had very complicated parental relationships (essentially three sets of parents plus grandmothers, as a best man it meant dealing with four mother figures not including grams).
The solution was the “groom” walking with her parents, the bride’s moms walking with a grandmother and the “bride” escorted by her dad, now I can’t remember what the step mom did.
Long story, of course you should be able to do what you want. Perhaps incorporate other important people?
I’ll personally deal with this predicament as my fiance’s parents haven’t spoke in over a decade and his mom keeps making comments about whether we’re even going to invite his dad (or that we shouldn’t)…
I don’t want anyone to walk me down the aisle, I HATE the tradition and where it stems from. If anything my fiance and I will walk down the aisle together as equals. That said, I love my father and we’ve always gotten along well. I don’t want this to appear to be a public snub or for him to be hurt or humilated in anyway. I need help, any suggestions of how to include him/both parents?
Avoid problems and complications that will reflect on the feelings at the wedding. You want this to be a most wonderful time. Have your father walk you down the aisle as is traditional, and if your mother has married again have her walk down the aisle too but with her new husband, or another significant man like her father. Don’t be too mad with your dad; he took care of you. And stepmoms work hard too, so maybe she can also walk down the aisle with the bestman who can drop her at the first seats and then continue to the alter. What will be remembered is that they all had a part in it!
This is so wrong and so unfair to women. Why and how can you write that the father took care of the daughter? That is not the truth. Mothers work too and many work outside and inside the home. Mothers shouldn’t have to accept all this ugly treatment, or those of you who exalt dads above her!!!
A mother should have always been accepted as the one to walk the daughter that she gave birth to, down the aisle. 2-22-15
Why would it be said that the dad took care of the daughter, this is so wrong. Our country should not accept patriarchal traditions, that demean and belittle mothers.
I’ve given this whole aisle walking drama a lot of thought, as I said in a previous post, my dad was hurt that I didn’t want him to walk me down the aisle, and my mum was upset as it seemed like I would be publicly snubbing him. I’ve come up with a solution, a bit like how Jewish ceremonies work and a bit of just how I want to do it. I just wanted to share since I know many are in the same boat and looking for ideas. So I’ve got a combination of groomsmen and women and bridesmaids escorting honoured guests down the aisle to their seats, here’s how it goes:
Best man and FH’s Grandma
groomsman and FH’s Mom
groomswoman (also FH’s sister) and FH’s stepdad (now divorced from FH’s mom)
bridesmaid and my brother
My parents together as they have been married forever
bridesmaid and maid of honour (they’ve been friends a long time too, so that’s neat)
Me and my FH.
It gets a little complicated as the FH’s mom and stepdad are divorced, but FH’s sister calls the stepdad ‘dad’ and he is an important part of the family, I’m happy that the sister gets to walk him down the aisle as they are close and that I found a way to incorporate everyone and make them all feel special.
I very much wanted to walk down the aisle with my fiancee. I hate where the tradition of the father walking down the aisle comes from and it does not represent our relationship at all. I’m 30 years old, I’ve lived on my own since I was 23, and I’ve lived with my future husband for two years. No one is giving me to anyone. We are coming to this marriage as equals and representing that was very important to me. I also don’t have the best relationship with my father (the kind in which he doesn’t realize that it’s a bad relationship). It really meant a lot to him to walk me down the aisle, though, and I didn’t want to create conflict, so the compromise was that we would each escort our parents to their seats before the ceremony. That way, we are coming into the ceremony on equal footing and no one is delivering me to anyone else.