I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. “Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle.” “Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?” “The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen.” “Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!” And then this tweet caught my eye:
“Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?”
I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:
Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?
Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.
So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:
@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me
And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy “grown up” of him.
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But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.
Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.
And what's the point of it really? ‘It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.
So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.
And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear “the precious.”
Comments on No, he doesn’t wear a ring
My fiance isn’t going to have a ring, well neither of us are exchanging rings. We opted for wedding tattoos instead. For awhile we had matching promise rings before we got engaged, it didn’t last long since he is cursed to lose every ring in his possession. He has a ring right now which has lasted a surprisingly long time for him, but the expense of wedding rings wasn’t worth it to us when he is prone to losing them.
You know, he offered to get a ring tattooed on that finger, needles give me the heebie jeebies so i told him it was not necessary. But, man, I think that’s SO romantic!
Weirdly my first reaction was thinking that a tattoo is too permenant, which I find kind of sad since marriage is supposed to be forever as well. Of course that’s not always the case, but at least going into it I think that should be the plan.
(Kind of ironic that some of the people against getting a tatoo were some of the same people nagging me to get married. A drawing is too permenant and what if I regret it, but I should hurry up and comit to spending my whole life with another person?)
Anyway, I think the idea of wedding tattoos is great, and even better because you’d have to do something really impressive to loose it!
we are getting tattoos, we haven’t decided about jewelry. i gave him a pin when i asked him, and neither of us ever wear rings. he won’t wear the pin except on special occasions also, because he is terrified of losing it. i keep telling him i’ll make him another (i made it for him in a silversmithing class), but he still doesn’t want to lose it. the crazy thing is he says if i made another one, he would wear that one (like some people wear fake versions of diamonds they actually own), but he doesn’t want to lose the original.
but anyway, we’ve planned the tattoo long before deciding to get married(we’ve been together 10 years). and anytime people get buddy tattoos there is that ‘what if it doesn’t work out’ question (maybe less if you’re married) but i’ve always thought of it more as a tattoo for us and our time together, and not a promise we’re making. if we broke up in a few years, the tattoo would still have meaning, because we’ve already had a life together.
My Fiance wanted to get a wedding ring tattoo but then he talked to his tattoo artist and he told him they always rub off after a little while and they don’t look good anymore. I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I just wanted to comment this so you can check that for yourself and not be disappointed if it did rub off. Congrats! : )
I just came out with an idea, after reading this I was thinking of an alternative for a tatoo and two things came to my mind, one of them is having similar scars… I would definitively have them done by a doctor and ask how to get “the nicest scar”.
At first my husband agreed (we have a friend that is a plastic surgeon and we trust him) but when I reminded him about his promise, he said “we already have similar scars” I don’t know what he meant, we don’t share any scars in common… yet!
Let me know what you think.
Any finger tattoo will rub off after a while, but getting touch ups and using oils/lotions/sun screen will all aid in the healing and maintenance of any tattoo : D
My fiance is a welder. It is super dangerous for him to wear a ring. He actually knows a couple of guys who have had their fingers burned down to the bone because of their wedding bands.
We bought a cheap ring for us to use during the ceremony and I have to admit seeing a ring on him just makes my heart flutter! 🙂 Since wearing the actual ring is so dangerous he decided to get my initials tattooed on his ring finger. We both have and love tattoos anyway so it’s fitting for us.
At first I was a little disappointed that he couldn’t wear a ring, but half the people he works with were surprised when he asked for time off for the wedding because he talks about his “wife” all the time and they thought we were already married. If your husband truly loves you then he doesn’t need a ring to show he is committed. 🙂 Took me a little bit to figure that out but I am glad I did.
I was JUST talking to my SO about that. He thinks rings are too transitory and that we should get symbolic tattoos. I’m a little sad at the thought of not having an engagement ring but aside from that I love the idea.
One factor I’ve never seen brought up in a wedding ring discussion is that, for a variety of medical reasons, not everyone has a ring finger (or any fingers) at the end of his or her left hand.
You know, while researching if, in fact, this “no ring” is really a big deal, I DID come across a story about a girl whose fiance is missing his left ring finger. So apparently, he’s just going to wear the ring on the right hand instead.
I have seen a couple like this – the wife was missing her “ring finger” so they both wore their rings on the right hand. I thought it was very sweet. Personally I would want my spouse to wear his ring unless his job prevented it. I love the whole idea of it.
Aw, that does sound sweet. I think the ring issue, like so many others, is all about what works for the individual.
My father-in-law to be has worked for Otis elevator forever, and he’s worked his way up from being a stock boy or whatever to being upper management. Back in the day, though, when he was doing serious factory things, he got his ring caught in something and since it wouldn’t slide off, the ring got caught on his knuckle and pulled half of his finger out of his hand. They can’t reattach if the joint is pulled apart, only if it’s severed, so he opted to have the rest of the finger removed and he now wears his mangled gold ‘ring’ on his keychain as a reminder, I guess. Which works for them, since my mother in law to be is allergic to metal and doesn’t wear one either 🙂
A friend of my parents had this happen – he’s a farmer, and caught his ring on the top corner of his truck door as he was jumping out. He lost his entire ring finger. He got his ring back, but never wore it again, on any finger. He and his wife are still married, and have been for more than 40 years.
Gah I’m such a clutz now I’m rethinking all of my jewelery.
EEEK! I just read that and gasped so loud it woke up my dog. That sounds so painful. Perfectly valid reason to not actually wear a ring!
My fiance won’t be able to wear a ring because his left hand was mangled in an accident. I’m an aspiring tattoo artist, and he love tattoos any way so he wants me to tattoo a wedding band on him.
My guy might not even get one to not wear! The idea of wearing a ring for the rest of his life seems to be the one thing he’s least excited about, even after the idea of an Alchemy Gothic ring came up. (And if you’ve not seen them those things are amazing.)
He’s still considering it but if he can’t find one he likes we’ll probably just skip the idea. I know he’s mine anyway. 😀
My Dad always wears his wedding ring but my mom doesn’t always. I don’t think that makes her any less married or committed. Rings just aren’t for everyone!
I love my ring, but I am clumsy and bang it against things. So I try and remember to wear it at times, but it’s off my finger about as much as it’s on.
I don’t think it’s a big deal if he doesn’t wear a ring…if that’s what works for both of you. I’m not sure how I would feel about it to be honest…since we haven’t gotten married yet. But we did go order our wedding bands this weekend and watching him try on rings and seeing him with that piece of metal on “that” finger did give me a little flip in my stomach…but if he was adamant against it I’m sure I’d feel the same as you.
I think that part of the reason that so many brides are manic about their husbands wearing their rings, is that it’s a tangible symbol of their loyalty. What’s the first thing (In movies TV etc) that a man does when he’s about to practice infidelity, or at least wants to try it out for awhile? He takes his ring off. The ring is a symbol that they’re linked to you. So you’re brainwashed to think that if your husband doesn’t want to wear his ring that he wants to be unfaithful. And that’s why so many brides cling to it. The mental connection between “If he wears his ring he loves me and we’ll be together forever. If he doesn’t he’s cheating on me/ashamed of me.”
My husband is a mechanic, so the ring is dangerous for him to wear at work. As much as I love the fact that he wears it, my emotional attachment to it isn’t nearly as strong as his. He’s forgotten it a few times at work and was a complete wreck. Now I have to ask him why it’s so important to him, LOL.
Excellent point Ang. My brother-in-law can’t wear a ring because he is in a similar line of work and it is really dangerous. So not worth risking injury!
What’s so funny about the idea of a ring as tangible proof of fidelity is that we consider it a tether specifically because of images that you mentioned – philandering men in movies removing their wedding rings right before hooking up with someone who is NOT their wife. It’s hilarious, though – what’s further proof that a ring does nothing to prevent infidelity than the image of a manwhore removing his before cheating?
But on a broader scale, aside from concerns of fidelity, there’s the idea that a man is willing to put up with some discomfort in order to broadcast the fact that he is taken. Because for so many women, there’s always this nagging sense that the entire marriage is HER idea, HER deal – so that she plans everything, and in the end, she feels like she is forcing her man to go through with it. If he wears a ring without complaint, it’s a sign that he’s willing to make a subtle public statement that he’s on-board.
A guy who doesn’t want to wear one might have totally legitimate reasons for not wearing it, but if you are insecure, you can always see those reasons as more of an excuse.
I personally don’t like wearing rings, so I don’t really care one way or the other if I end up with a set of rings if/when I get married. But my father has always worn his hand (and had a new one made when his fingers got too arthritic for him to comfortably wear the original wedding ring), and my dad is pretty much a pillar of a stable husband and parent – so I can see where some women (and men, for that matter) would crave this kind of thing from their husbands.
It’s true, a ring doesn’t mean commitment, his actions and brain do.
my fiance picked out his ring and intends to wear have it sized, but will most likely wear it on his chain(AHAHAHA Tricksy Hobbitses) with his others. I’m down with that
I think its more likely he will wear a ring (with his other 3 or 4!) and I won’t. I might get one and put it on a necklace.
I appreciate the boiling blood! It makes me crazy when people make comments like this. My dad never wore a wedding ring – I didn’t really realize men did until I was a teenager. 🙂 My parents celebrated their 44th anniversary last week and are the closest clouple I know. The ring is not a reflection of the feelings, although it can be a symbol for them for those who feel that way.
My FH isn’t interested in jewellery unless it comes with a big hand and a little hand. He loves watches. We are going to do a ring/watch exchange. I love my ring, and enjoy wearing it – I am giving it back to him to put on my hand again since I don’t want a 2nd ring. The symbolism of the ring – the never ending circle can be mimicked by the right kind of watch – that is what we are doing.
Yeah, I like the idea of exchanging things that will actually get used or worn or displayed or what have you. I think a wedding watch is awesome!
Oh and congrats to your parents for 44 years! that’s inspiring.
Yes a watch works just as well!
I got my fella an ‘engagement watch’ as I didn’t see why I should get something nice to mark the occasion and he shouldn’t. He’s not into rings but he’s going to try a wedding ring. I wouldn’t be bothered if he didn’t wear it though.
This is a really good idea! As I mentioned above my guy doesn’t like the idea of wearing a ring. I’m not sure he’d want a watch either but I’ll defiantely suggest the idea of something other than a ring and maybe he/we will be able to find something he likes. Thanks!
with tattooed rings he couldnt take it off as in the movies….lol
my FH wants a ring, but even if he didnt…I would try to convince him otherwise…not because i dont trust HIM, but more as a material warning to the swarms of single-man-grubbing women who live around my area “back off bitches ..hes taken”
Me too! I got my fiancÃ© an ‘engagement watch’ for the same reason. I felt like he should have something, and since he didn’t wear jewelery it was perfect. Since then we have traveled a lot in muslem countries and we have both worn “wedding” bands to make things easier. I thought he would take it off once he didn’t “need” to wear it anymore, but he has grown used to it and wears it every day! But he does tend to loose things too, so we are getting some inexpensive rings just in case. 😉
My fiance can’t wear any jewelry at work due to safety reasons so when we got engaged, I was trying to find something to give him because I, too, felt like he should have something. We talked about watches but the ones he’s after are a little out of our current price range (But totally within reason for something for me to give him to wear instead of a wedding ring, once I’ve saved up). We shopped briefly for engagement sunglasses, but he was too afraid he’d break them or lose them. What did we finally decide on? An engagement xBox 360. You’re thinking, “WHAT!?” but that’s ok, it works for us. Sure one day it’ll be replaced by the next cool game system, but maybe we’ll upgrade (people upgrade their wedding sets all the time!) but for now it is something we can do together, we both love and a symbol of how much we love to be together, and I’ll let him win. . . sometimes 😉
Ah! My man LOVES watches too, and (jokingly) asked for an engagement watch. I’m looking/ saving for one I like, but I think it’s an awesome idea, and he’ll be totally thrilled. And yea, why should one person in the relationship get something and the other doesn’t!
My FH’s dad lost his wedding ring in the Aegian Sea on their honeymoon and hasn’t worn one since.
My dad, on the other hand has not taken his off for a second since the moment they got married 22 years ago. He got 3rd degree burns on his left hand when he was in a fire, and when they were bandaging it, he slipped it loose, stuck his right and left fingertips together and slid it onto his right hand while his left hand healed.
Aw, Lena, that is such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing!
My FH is so excited about ring shopping. He wants to wear his before the wedding because “he already feels married”, except that he’s a pilot which means they’re not allowed to wear metal jewelry, and being in the militarym he’d get shit for being “whipped”. Sigh.
MEGAN! Where did you get the coral you used for your centerpieces? I want to do something similar, but can’t find the coral for less than $60 each!
Lena! I believe all the answers you seek re: the coral centerpieces can be found here. There’s a link to where i got them at Z Gallerie and how we turned them orange. Good luck!
My fiance wants to start wearing his band immediately, and is somewhat disappointed that I want to wait to wear mine until the ceremony in 6 months. I think I’m going to buy him an engagement ring to match his band, so he can wear that instead.
Lena – suggest that your FH slip his ring onto his dogtags. That’s what I do when I go fly, and it works really well. 🙂
My husband forgets his ring sometimes (he forgets a lot of things sometimes, usually his keys), which I’m used to and is totally fine. However, when he goes out at night without me, I make sure he’s wearing it so all the 20-something girls don’t try to hit on him. It’s not that I don’t trust HIM, I don’t trust those girls not to get big ideas. He’s adorable, sweet, charismatic, and a musician, so he’s a magnet for new “friends”.
Haha. My husband, also a musician, just did a show recently where, strangely enough, afterwards a couple of his cute 20-something girl friends were giving him shit for NOT wearing a wedding ring! It was pretty cute.
Thanks for posting this, Megan. It brought tears to my eyes. I have really been struggling with this for awhile. To me the ring represents fidelity and faithfulness. My dad always wears his ring. Before I met my FH, when I saw a man wearing a ring, it meant “he’s taken”. I think another reason I am hung up on the wedding ring is because he never wore it during his first marriage, so I stupidly freak out for some reason.
I know it’s silly. My FH does not want to wear one. He has allergies, and it will bother him and he never wears jewelry and feels weird wearing it. He also said that people may be unfaithful with or without a ring.
He said that he would give it a shot–try to wear it and see if he gets used to it. He also said he will wear it on special occassions.
You are right–he is marrying me, I am marrying him. We are professing this in front of our loved ones. That should be enough. A piece of metal on his finger doesn’t change that.
Erica! Thanks for commenting. I’m so glad the post helped you. I thought the same things as you before I got married and watched my poor husband struggle wear something just to please this silly notion that I had. It just all started to seem so silly. The jewelry isn’t what makes a good marriage.
I don’t know much about my husband’s first marriage, but I’m almost sure he didn’t wore his back then, any way, there are plenty of new things he will experience with you and a ring won’t make a big difference, believe me I’ve been through that and it gets all solved when I realize:
He’s gone through divorce (not nice), he’s been hurt, he has a life to enjoy, and he is so great he could be with any other girl, now, he knows what he is doing, he knows what can go wrong… and still he picked me!!!
giving ourselves second chances isn’t so easy for humans, specially if it could hurt, he is giving himself a second opportunity with you, don’t waste it thinking about the past because for sure he loves yo 10,000 times more.
I’ve been told “second time has to be way better, otherwise you don’t do it”, I believe it.
Probably too late to comment on this but I just wanted my fiance to wear the ring because I’d get frustrated when I would spend 30 mins chatting up an interesting man and then he’d mention his wife.
I just don’t want him wasting those hawt single girls time. 🙂 BUT REALLY – a ring does not make a marriage. My dad is super happy and doesn’t wear a ring – he says women hit on him more when he wore the ring – I told him he was hotter 20 years ago when he wore it 😉
Either way, if its super important to you, there are a lot of rings that are hypoallergenic. I think platinum, titanium, cobalt and tungsten to name a few….though I would check with your jeweler to be sure.
If the biggest issue for him is the metal, try coating the ring where it will contact skin with clear nail polish, or get a non-metal substance.
My dad and his wedding ring were always trouble. He can’t wear it for work, as he’s an industrial electrician, so he saved it for formal events (like weddings, funerals, etc), which has caused him to lose his ring four times; my mom did replace it each time until he smashed up his knuckle bad enough that his final wedding ring sits on top of his dresser with his spare change. I don’t think my mother minds though, as he buys her craploads of shiny metal and jewels.
it isn’t the jewelry that makes you married – it’s the marriage.
many cultures don’t have rings but their marriages are just as real as those that do.
I didn’t wear my ring for years (and years) as I was afraid of losing the antique, family heirloom from his great-grandmother when washing after diaper changes or when at the gym – it’s very tall and got scratched when I was lifting weights. it also didn’t fit so well the three times I was pregnant with our wonderful boys, and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn’t fit but the marriage still does.
jx, do you know of any interesting traditions for other cultures? My FH has bad luck with new rings (He’s got a few he wears all the time, but any new ones quickly disappear), and I’m concerned for him as well because he works outside.
I’ve considered the tattoos (we’re both inked already, so that’s not an issue), and a friend’s brother is a jeweller and wants to make our wedding jewelry if we have some.
We’re very interested in other cultures and love incorporating new things that we like, but there hasn’t been much investigation into wedding traditions. I’m Pagan and he’s non-aligned, though connected to the spiritual realm, so there’s no specific traditions to follow.
(Still trying to decide on whether we’ll do a hand-binding.)
My FH will be wearing a ring, but on his right hand, not his left. He’s an engineer who’s always smashing things up and didn’t want a ring that would disintegrate on him, so we finally settled on Tungsten. And while he loved the weight of it and how it looked, he’s never felt comfortable with rings on his left hand. He’s a bassist and it interferes with his playing, plus would scratch up his base something fierce, so the right hand it is.
I do like rings and what they represent, so I’m just happy he’s wearing one at all. But if he couldn’t for any reason, I’m sure we’d work around it somehow.
My husband’s ring is tungsten, too. He’s a chemist and spends all day in the lab, so he wanted something that would be tough to destroy. Only downside is we couldn’t get it engraved- it’d void the warranty.
He’s also pretty old-fashioned when it comes to romance, and I think he’d be hurt/insulted if I told him he didn’t have to wear it (or just say “Pfffft, I want to!” :).
love your husbands version of this post!
I have a friend who lost his ring finger when the ring latched onto a nail head as he was jumping over a fence. Needless to say, he no longer wears a ring on any finger.
My mother has a big hangup about men who don’t wear wedding rings. I think this is, in part, because she’s middle aged and single (and, therefore, uses that as a barometer), and also because it’s a generational thing – i.e., no wedding ring means that the guy is LOOKING to cheat.
Seeing as she’s already doesn’t care for my FH and is constantly looking for excuses to put him down, I asked him to please, please get a ring and wear it when we knew we would be seeing her. She’d never say anything to him, but I would never hear the end of it.
FWIW, I know plenty of men who wear their wedding rings faithfully and are the slimiest cheaters around.
My grandpa is a farmer and he although he has a wedding ring, he never wears it. Its way too dangerous and for him to put in on and then off all the time… he couldn’t be bothered. My grandma told me that he wore it for their honey moon and then as soon as they got to their new home together [which was his family’s farm, given to him as a wedding gift] he took it off and has never worn it again. My grandma only wears her when they go into town… she spends her day cooking, cleaning and knitting.
They are the two most in love people I have ever seen!
I wear an engagement ring and like Offbeat Megan’s hubby, I spend more time playing with it then it does actually just sitting on my finger. FH really wants to have a ring [and he especially wants me to have one so that everyone knows I’m taken…]. I’ve been tossing around the idea of tattoo rings… we both have tattoos so it would be awesome!
You just have to be careful about the tattoos. I discussed the idea with my artist and he said that depending on your profession and hobbies it might not work. I am a hairstylist and apparently having my hands in water and chemicals all the time means it will wear out. My fiance is going to wear a wedding ring because he’s indifferent to jewelry (doesn’t like it…doesn’t hate it) and the band was my grandfather’s so he knows it means a lot to me.
I took the tweet in a different way. It really is a question of why. Legitimate reason or because he doesn’t want to appear tied down? Yes, I would have an issue with that but probably wouldn’t be marrying that guy. I’m also confused why you bash the tweeter but you cared a little too right? You got butterflies and were excited for him to wear it. Honestly I would care if my FH didn’t want to wear a ring BUT not to the point of forcing it on him and especially not if it interfered with his job. I do think it is a sign of outward committment which is not to say FH would cheat without it on. It’s also part of our vows but again, I would be sad but would understand.
TZizzle, I did care when he stopped wearing it because I thought it was neat, but not for suspicious reasons as the RT suggests, hence my reaction.
There are so many stupid, stupid people on wedding related sites (I love this one, obviously).
I would like for C to wear his ring since I picked it out for him and all that but by all means, if it were uncomfortable or dangerous I would be the first person to tell him to take it off.
My Dad didn’t wear a wedding ring until 20 years into their marriage when he was able to. He was an electrician and couldnt wear it at work and so left it at home where it was stolen withing a month of their marriage. He wears it now but only because he is a jewelry whore. lol.
My future husband won’t be wearing a ring… he just does not do jewellery. And I have zero problems with this. I kinda feel like rings are for everyone else to see like “stay back, I’m taken”… He doesn’t need to wear a ring for me (or anyone who knows us) to know about the huge way in which he is committed to our life together. I do have an engagement ring but won’t be getting a wedding one. We are (like many others) opting for tats (yuss!) and hey, you can lose a ring down a sink/toilet/compost bin but a tattoo ain’t going anywhere that easily!
My husband doesn’t wear his ring often, if he remembers he’ll put it on when we’re going out somewhere special. It bothered me when we first got married, but it’s not like it’s a magic ring that would prevent adultery. He would wear it day-to-day because he loves it (He picked out a fancy engraved one) but being a mechanic, it’s too dangerous. If he was injured at work because of the ring, worker’s compensation wouldn’t cover it. I’d rather have a forgetful husband than a finger/hand-less one!
I think symbols are really important. Would you have such a strong reaction to someone wearing a cross which means “I am Christian” or a yarmulke? I think most people who read OBB dress in a way to tell people something about themselves (I’m goth, I’m counter-culture, etc.) and wearing a wedding ring serves the same purpose.
It says, “I am married, I’m part of a pair.” I understand OF COURSE that NOT wearing rings doesn’t mean you aren’t a pair.
But it IS really important to me that my husband wear a ring, and I wear mine. Because I want people to know that he and I are part of a bonded pair, it tells people something about how we feel about each other without us ever having to say it.
I know OBB hates the idea that anyone has to do anything just because they are married but I think a symbol, between the two of you (even if it’s a watch or a tattoo or a name change) is both beautiful and important.
So yeah, I think “would you care if he didn’t wear a ring” is a valid question for discussion and that if my husband didn’t want to wear his, I’d want an explanation. Not a concession, necessarily, but an explanation at least.
Dude, symbols are great! I love the exchange of rings, watches, buttons, you name it, OBBs have exchanged it and worn it and I think that’s awesome. And “would you care if he didn’t wear a ring” is a totally valid question because there are many different schools of thought on this and I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments and stories.
However, what isn’t valid is to suggest there is something sinister going on if he doesn’t wear a symbol, there-in lies my problem. This post was about the LACK of symbols and how people react to it. Would I react if a Christian *wasn’t* wearing a cross? And would I believe that it made them any less Christian? Not at all. My point was that wearing or not wearing a symbol should be a personal choice and respected as such.
The thing is, that first tweet *didn’t* suggest anything sinister going on if someone doesn’t wear a wedding ring. It was a *question* – a valid question for discussion, as Samantha said.
the way we ask things often implies judgements. in this case the implication was that not wearing a wedding ring deviates from a norm in some way that might bother you, without acknowledging that rings are not ubiquitous. that blog would doubtfully ask “does it bother you that your eso wears their ring?” because the implications of that question would be considered themselves absurd.
It is a fairly uncharitable and insulting assumption to decide that anyone who would feel uncomfortable about their husband not wearing a wedding ring is too stupid to question advertising.
Maybe it’s because the ring itself is just the last straw of a more major issue in the relationship.
What if they had worn jewellery before to symbolise their commitment, had no practical reason not to wear a wedding ring, but still didn’t wear it?
What if they stopped wearing it without telling you?
What if, even though it’s just a stupid piece of jewellery, its symbolism matters to you and your husband knows that?
After all, Ariel herself was concerned about Andreas’s outfit not clashing with hers on their wedding day, even if he was not wearing his first choice of clothing. There’s no practical or important reason for having a consistent theme between bride and groom. But I don’t think anyone is arguing that because Ariel cared about it she’s been brainwashed by the tired old clichÃ© that is the WIC.
As much as I love so much about the site and the OBT, this post is exactly the problem I have with the Offbeat concept: sometimes it seems more important to attack wedding traditions than to celebrate creative alternatives. Even worse, it’s not just the advertisers who get attacked, but the women who follow any of the traditions of a western wedding – as poor, unenlightened folk who are not smart enough to identify when they’re being marketed to.
And when is it ever offbeat to judge other women?
Cinara, I was by no means attacking a wedding tradition. I myself wear a wedding ring. But I was defending the rights of people to either subscribe to traditions of not. Which, I believe IS the offbeat concept — do what feels right for you and don’t judge others if what feels right to them isn’t exactly your cup of tea.
To assume that something isn’t right if a man isn’t wearing a ring is not okay. And neither is assuming something isn’t right if a man IS wearing a ring. In an ideal world both of those things should be accepted without question is what that post was saying.
i think you really misunderstood this post. it was about not judging people for not wearing rings, and was at no point attacking people -for- wearing them or wanting their spouse to wear them.
Of course a ring doesn’t make a marriage, and of course there are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone may choose not to wear a ring. However, I’m really glad my partner appreciates the symbolism of his ring and chooses to wear it. So I guess I do care. Why is that a problem?
Katie, that’s not a problem at all! I think you should care about your own husband. But I think the problem lies in someone ELSE cares enough about it to make generalizations about someone else’s husband who doesn’t appreciate the same symbolism.
I don’t think it’s a problem to care! Lol. It’s great that th OP’s husband and herself were able to work out a compromise–kinda what the whole marriage thing is about.
Regardless, I personally would be disappointed if my future husband decides not to wear one or to in someway wear a “badge of honor,” because at the end of the day it IS a symbol of your dedication. And don’t get me wrong, symbols vary from couple to couple. For example, I dislike growing my hair out since it makes me hot and takes dedication to comb out, but I see the way it lights up his face when I wear it down and he gets to play with it, so I invest in ponytail holders and deal.
In my situation it’s my husband that wears one and not me. I’m left handed and have never liked the feeling of a ring on the hand I write with. I do wear it when we are out someplace special. I do that for him (haha).
My Dad hasn’t worn his ring since the day after their wedding. Dad works construction and was worried about lose of fingers and that sort of thing. it’s sitting in my Mom’s jewelry box. I don’t plan on wearing my ring after the honeymoon eather since I’m an massage therapist and would constantly be taking it off and putting it back on, if I remember to take it out of my pocket before it runs though the washing machine which judging from the amount of Kleenex that runs though it I’m not good at looking in pockets. I’m planing on getting a small heart tattooed on the inside of my left ring finger. It will be just for me and him since I’m sure most people will never notice it. I don’t like the assumption that someone is up to no good if they don’t wear their ring. there are many resounds why someone might not.
My hubby and I both wear rings because we love the symbolism of it, and we think it’s a beautiful tradition. HOWEVER, if one of us couldn’t/didn’t want to wear “the ring” that would be fine too. Commitment shouldn’t come down to whether or not someone is wearing a ring. I’ve had severe edema for the last few months and have not been able to wear my rings….that doesn’t make me any less committed or married! That’s crazy. People get too wrapped up in the wedding ring debate. It really should be a personal choice for the couple.
My hubby and I wanted to get tattoos done, but our artist refused to tattoo mine because my fingers are small, and she didn’t want the ink to fade or bleed.
My FH wears his ring now because he thinks it is awesome, but he takes it off all the time and fiddles with it. I’ve found it under the table, in the dryer, etc. When he looses it, I’m not buying him another one. 🙂
ha! I can’t even tell you how many times we had to chase it as it went rolling through a restaurant.
THANK YOU!!! I can’t tell you how long I have been looking for support on this (my FH has no intention of wearing a ring) and even in more “offbeat” circles I still get wrinkled noses and questions about FH’s real committment to the marriage. I’ll admit I was bummed at first, too, because my dad has always worn his ring with pride…but I’m marrying a person who never does anything without full committment, so I quickly let it go. If the fact that he won’t wear a ring makes other people uncomfortable, that’s their problem!
For me, it was very important that my fiance also wore a wedding ring. Neither of my parents wore a ring. They are both very pragmatic, unsentimental people and their marriage was a very civil lets-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake type of partnership, and I want my marriage to be nothing like that. The silly, romantic, sentimentality of us having these little fancy symbols on our fingers reminds me that our relationship is something I didn’t see growing up. I am not saying that every couple who doesn’t wear rings is like my parents, no worries! If he didn’t want to wear a ring for any of the reasons mentioned above I am sure I would be ok with it… like you said there are other ways a guy can show that he is committed. I realize that it is basically just a trinket after all is said and done, I just appreciate the gesture and luckily my manthing likes wearing it. Traditions and customs that have a lot of meaning for one couple may be completely empty for another.I love how this site recognizes that and is never judgemental! Wahooo!
I honestly hadn’t given the ring “issue” much thought. My father is left handed and didn’t wear a wedding ring for the first 20 years of my parents’ marriage because it pinched when he wrote. When they renewed their vows, my dad went out of his way to find a comfy ring.
I hadn’t even thought of asking my fiance what he thought about wearing a ring. We’ve exchanged all kinds of jewelry over the years, so when we got engaged, he excitedly moved his Clauddagh to his left hand and started showing off his engagement ring.
Neither of my parents wears one as they no longer fit, and they can’t be bothered getting new ones that do (and they are not resizeable).
Wow, maybe for the first time ever OBB and Etiquette Hell agree! I did a search for ‘not wearing wedding ring’ to get some other opinions and after a ton of stupid celebrity gossip stories found a thread on their forum with much the same comments as here – it’s a personal choice/practical issue, everyone should decide for themselves what they want to do and it’s not one elses buisness. 🙂
(Although the celebrity stories seem to contradict that last part. Might just be a ‘celebrity culture’ thing, once you’re famous apparently everything is everyone’s buisness!)
Funny that this is something my fiance and I were just discussing. I work on live 480 volt equipment. A ring can mean the difference between a severe shock and death at those voltages. To us, it’s more important that I come home after work than wear a ring.
Don’t get me wrong, we are still exchanging rings and I am going to wear mine, just not every day at work.
My happily married father never had a wedding ring so I grew up thinking that was completely normal. He always said his commitment was ‘much deeper than a symbol’. My husband had never worn a ring before our wedding day. So though he’d tried his ring on at the shop, we had picked one out a few sizes too big. It took 3 trips to the shop after the wedding to get one that fit (lovely gracious shop keepers). Imagine the shock when ladies at church learned that the ring he was now wearing was not the one ‘blessed’ in the ceremony! That had never even occured to me… Because really it’s not about The Ring, its about your commitment, and if you enjoy some bling that’s fine too ; )
I’ve been married for almost 19 years now, my hubby doesn’t wear a ring. After replacing them a few times and they end up smashed beyond recognition(he’s in construction), I just haven’t bothered to get him a new one. When you see a beautiful platinum/gold band look like a piece of modern art and completely oval, then you know better than to spend hundreds on man jewelry again. It doesn’t change anything between us, and it’s probably safer for him not to have something that will catch on metal or wood(which has happened, I’d rather him have a finger than a band)
I love reading all these stories. My father and my uncle both work with their hands (commercial fishing and carpentry, respectively) and neither of them wore wedding rings, and I never thought anything of it. I know both my mom and my aunt haven’t thought twice about it.
That being said, when my partner recently mentioned that, with his allergies he might not want to wear a ring, I did feel a pang of sadness. But I totally support his decision either way! Most of all, I want him to be happy and comfortable.
I’d love to figure out something else, as a symbol. He’s definitely not a tattoo guy. Any other ideas, OBB?
Same here. My dad was a plumber and then a steel worker so has never worn one. He borrowed my pop’s ring for the ceremony and gave it back before the reception! As such, I didn’t even think my partner would until he said he wanted one. That threw me way more than if he had of said he wasn’t going to wear one!
I am planning on giving B a ring… but I don’t at all expect him to wear it. He works on fire alarm panels and security systems so metal on his hands isn’t the best idea plus his fingers are HUGE (ring size is a freakin’ 14/15) and he has carpal tunnel so they swell up even further. He has a claddagh that he currently breaks our for special occasions but even then it isn’t a “given”.
Likewise my dad consistantly smashes his wedding band and mom finally got tired of repairing it (30 years later) so he just doesn’t wear one. And my mother has multiple engagement/wedding rings (all either from my father or family heirloms or even a few she’s bought herself) and changes them out constantly based on her mood, what she’s doing, and the company she’s keeping (eg when she’s working with the homeless veterans program her “usual” huge diamond mess seems a trifle inappropriate so she “downgrades”.
I’m sorry, but the ring means something to me. I feel that it’s important that I wear it, and important that he does the same. (Barring, of course, dangerous jobs, etc.) But as far as things like “it’s uncomfortable” – well, what if I think so too? Why would I have to wear a symbol of commitment and he can cop out of it? And I did once have a date with a man who turned out to be married, he “just didn’t like wearing a ring.” Oh, wasn’t that convenient…I looked at his hand and saw it was bare, and since he hadn’t mentioned a wife in any of our conversations (and HAD ASKED ME ON A DATE), I’d figured he was single, silly me. So to me, a lack of a ring means a philanderer – it’s just my own personal experience.
All this being said, it’s really the bride and groom’s choice. If one of you or none of you wear a ring, it’s none of my business and I wouldn’t make it such. It’s your marriage, not mine. To all of those out there who are opting out of wearing rings, I give you nothing but good wishes. But should I ever marry again, I want a ring on both our fingers. (And a tattoo wouldn’t be an option for my boyfriend, btw, although I’d do it!) I guess that’s just how I feel on the matter.
of course you’d have the right not to wear the ring if you were uncomfortable!
i’m surprised there are any ‘he should wear the ring’ comments. offbeat indeed. i mean, i understand people are offbeat in different ways, but to judge anyone for not wearing a ring for -any- reason at all is f’ed.
i have never ever noticed whether a man was wearing a wedding ring and i wouldn’t think about it either way. i know people are married when they tell me they are married. that’s it. why would i go by anything else -knowing- that some people don’t wear rings?
and what about people who are nonmonogamous? should they wear rings to warn you or should they not wear rings so people don’t assume they are unavailable? the answer of course is who cares.
I love the idea of wedding tattoos. After the initial terrible pain of tatooing your finger, having something so beautiful and unique would be an awesome milestone in your relationship, and testament to your faith in the future of the marriage too — a tattoo is a much more permamnent symbol than a ring.
Here is some perspective:
My grandparents have been married for 69 years(!) and do not wear wedding rings. They couldn’t afford them at the time. They are both 93 years old, and the cutest couple you have ever seen. (Yes, I’m bragging a little, but they are just SO cute). When my mom goes out with them in public, strangers will literally stop and say “Awww….” Him wearing a derby hat, her wearing pearls and clutching her handbag. Even if they are just going to Wal-Mart.
Like another poster said above, it’s BEING FAITHFUL that counts in a marriage, NOT, “wearing a ring/not wearing a ring.” Just ask Tiger Woods. Just ask Jon Gosselin. Just ask Jesse James.
Indeed, “being married” or “wearing a ring” does NOT make you a good person. (Frankenstein was married, and he wasn’t a good person…lol). It’s that, small-minded people need ways to “quantify” things which cannot be easily quantified. Material things are an easy way to “judge” ppl, but are not accurate. HEZ WEARING A RING. Yeah, so what?
So @OffBeat Megan, if you start to feel bad, just think of my cute little grandparents! 🙂 And given that your husband wrote that Hilarious post? He is Definitely a keeper. 🙂
To this post: I can understand being upset someone wouldn’t wear their ring. Some men do cheat, married or not and that can be a reasonable concern for a woman (my mother was cheated on by both her husbands), but that’s not even necessarily behind the desire for your man to wear a wedding ring.
For some it’s the “this is mine factor”, a possessiveness not necessarily negative in nature because also gives of itself (or at least it should). For some it’s a show of solidarity, not necessarily the ring itself, but anything you regularly wear or carry to remind you of your commitment and (most importantly) your love for one another – tattoos, hemp necklaces, lighters, converse, sunglasses – like with the engagement “ring” it could be anything you agree on.
I’m not saying an object is even required, but unless feelings or potential job hazards are communicated to your intended, they will most likely feel upset that you are not wearing the symbol they have given to show their love for you.
I think you may be misunderstanding the issue at hand. A wedding ring is not really a WIC object. While the materialistic views of an engagement ring are almost universal, I’ve hardly heard of anyone ogling the solid band on a woman’s (or man’s) finger. And wedding rings existed long before the WIC was ever thought of, in the forms of malleable metals, whittled wood and even hand braided grasses. These rings were given as treasures of love and affection to provide a tangible reminder of that love.
Sort of. The real escalation in wedding bands for men starts in WWII/post War period. So part of the general expansion of consumer culture. Before that, only the woman getting a wedding band was far more common.
Judging by the tons of comments it looks like you are in good company! We made our wedding rings with silver “clay”. His barely fits & mine collapsed in the flames into a gorgeous pendant. So he wears his only sometimes (along with much comedic bravado “love hurts, babe”) and I wear mine on a chain. These rings are so perfectly us, DIY & wacky. Maybe one day we will recast them in gold, maybe one day we won’t. It isn’t a problem either way because our love never comes off!
@Kaloof & @Hmm, your grandparents make my heart warm! My favorite moment ever was when my 80 yr old grandpa pinched my 76 yr old grandmother’s behind when he though the kids weren’t watching. I can’t hardly wait til I can lean over to my elderly hubby, swat him on the arm, and say, “TURN up YER hearing aid.” Ah, love for the ages.
Side note but your story reminded me: One time my grandpa and grandma were arguing about something so my grandpa asked her “Do you have your hearing aid in?” She said “Yes!” and then he asked “Do you have it turned on?” the reply:
They’ve been together like that for over 50 years. 😛
Honestly, I gotta say, I’m surprised at how many people DON’T wear rings and for so many different reasons. I’m really enjoying reading everyone’s individual stories… from faithful wonderful fathers never wearing his ring, to elderly couples married for 69 years who couldn’t afford them in the first place, to wives not wearing them and husbands so excited to wear theirs that they want engagement rings. It’s all so interesting. My husband is definitely in good company and I have been sharing all these stories with him.
I think my favorite comment so far has been jx’s who said “and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn’t fit but the marriage still does.” That totally summed up what I was hoping to communicate.
My husband wore his ring on our wedding day, and nearly lost it twice, becuase he couldn’t stop fiddling with it. Two years on, it still sits in a box in the drawer, and we’re still happily married. No biggie.
Hubby wears more rings than me!
I refuse to wear my engagement ring which was very heavy (el cheapo silver).
He loves his “promise” ring and his wedding ring. Loves to show them off really. One is tungsten carbide with carbon fibre (wedding), the other titanium.
I don’t wear my ring half the time (although I love it) and we always take it off at home. So I’m with you Meagan, all the way!
The best question is why you, who are always on about not being rude or assuming the worst about people, would assume the supposed twat who thought it was important to know WHY a husband wouldn’t wear a ring was being accusatory. Why is a good question. It’s what you spent not just your reply but your whole post here explaining. There are a lot of valid reasons, and she asked why.
The accusatory tone of the tweet was confirmed once I received a DM apologizing and saying that they hadn’t thought about it like that and I had “changed their mind.” So in this case the tweet was absolutely meant to be assuming the worst.
The exchange of rings and the wearing of wedding rings is a relatively modern concept and one that does actually serve a current social function in western society. Even if the individual does not choose to participate by wearing one, the social construct still remains.
I adore seeing my husband wearing his wedding ring, the one that he designed and that I had made for him. I love the feel of it on his finger as I hold his hand in mine. However, when he is far away from me, he will not be able to wear it. He is in the military in a practical hands on role, so he does not wear his wedding ring whilst ‘at work’. Nor would anyone expect him to for safety reasons.
During our handfasting ceremony, we spilled our own blood to seal our vows. The small, faint scar I carry on my thumb and my husband’s matching scar on his thumb, will remain with us forevermore, long after our rings no longer fit our gnarled arthritic hands in old age.
WOW! I had never heard of sealing vows with blood before. And as someone who faints at the site of blood (and gets woozy at just the thought) I actually think that is really cool. And even the whole scar thing made me go “aw.” 🙂
For that very reason (queasiness), we did warn our guests that if they didn’t like the sight of blood, that they should just look away and listen to our vows.
The spilling of blood was symbolic, to signify the sacrifice that we’d both be willing to make for each other and our marriage and to seal our vows. As if the words were not enough.
Without going into alot of detail, my groom cut his finger/thumb with a scalpel and then bled onto a piece of bread (from a loaf that I’d made), before offering it to me. I accepted the offering and his vows and then ate the blood soaked bread. I repeated the same actions & similar words for him etc.
I was nervous and cut a little too deep and bled a little too much, but love is like that. Deeper than you imagine and what you give, enriches & sustains you both.
We then exchanged rings after a ring blessing – which brings this back to the topic of wearing rings. It’s symbolic, but then, so are our actions that we live and breathe every day. The wearing of a ring is not the beginning nor the end.
My dad is a construction worker who drives a cement truck and deals with concrete all day, making his hands completely caked with cement and other muck. He has never worn a ring (I’m not even sure if he has one) and I grew up not realizing that any husbands did. I think it’s perfectly fine if either the groom or the bride aren’t interested in wearing rings. It didn’t affect my parents’ marriage or how anyone (including me) saw it, so why should anyone care?
I’ve got to say, I’m a bit surprised at the angry response to the tweet. I realize that some people prefer not to wear a ring, and that’s fine if both partners are comfortable with it. But I would be very upset if my fiancÃ© did not want to wear a ring. When my father stopped wearing his, it was a big sign, a sign that he did not want other people perceiving him as married. In a society in which such a small piece of jewelry means SO MUCH, to me and to many others, it is still very important. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring.
Has anybody said there is anything wrong with wanting your partner to wear a ring?
my dad never wore his wedding ring when I was growing up. They discovered a few days after the wedding that he has allergic to gold (so happy I didn’t inherit that allergy) his finger had swelled up and they had to have the ring cut off. He kept it in a box.
as for me and my sweetie we are getting both tattoos and rings. The tattoo’s are gonna be of toad and toadette.
I completely understand this opinion and I am glad to see there are so many in agreement!
I don’t value symbolism and rings are not inherently meaningful symbols to me anyway. I don’t wear one, but my husband does choose to. I just don’t agree that a ring represents my relationship so it is not a tradition I chose to honor when I married my husband!
My husband said up-front he didn’t want a ring, he didn’t like jewellery, and he wouldn’t wear one if he had one. It didn’t bother me at all – I’m not a jewellery sorta girl myself, with the exception of sleepers in my ears, so I certainly wasn’t going to criticise.
I asked him to humour me and at least buy a ring, just to exchange for the wedding ceremony, and maaaaybe wear it on special occasions. We picked a ring he likes (titanium), and much to both of our surprises, he actually wears it every day!
My Daddy doesn’t wear a ring, he has one that hangs out in my Mom’s jewelry box but he doesn’t like wearing it, so he doesn’t. If someone didn’t tell me that it was different, as a kid, I wouldn’t have even known that it was a societal obligation to wear a ring… I’m OK with it 🙂
I think like many other decisions in a relationship, it’s a personal choice about whether or not to wear rings.
Yes, we have rings, but for a while thought about tattoos (we just couldn’t find anything we both wanted). So my husband made our rings out of silver coins.
For me, I’d prefer not having to explain to people who make unthinking comments when one of us is not wearing a ring.
I’m fine with my husband not wearing his ring for whatever reason; we’re still married whether he’s wearing it or not.
I gave my husband his wedding band for christmas a month after we got engaged and he wore it the 10 months we were planning our wedding everyday because he loved it. Some people thought it was weird that he was wearing his ring early. Who cares? Of course, a month after we got married, he lost his ring, and so now he doesn’t have one. Haha. Kind of funny how that worked out!
You know, I don’t think I ever remember a time when my dad wore his wedding ring. In fact, I grew up with the odd notion that “boys don’t wear wedding rings!” (I was a quite, fey sort of child who tended to develop really weird notions about the world without bothering to confirm them with adults).
When I was older, I asked about it. Turns out that my mom once smashed her left hand in the car door and her wedding ring had to be sawed off when she got to the emergency room. She was really bummed about it, so my dad gave her his wedding ring to wear until her ring got fixed. It took something like 10 years 🙂
Respectively, I completely disagree. I can understand if your husband doesnâ€™t wear it at his job (for manual labor) but shouldnâ€™t it go right back on afterward? I donâ€™t think your â€œblood would be boilingâ€ if it didnâ€™t bother you at all that he didnâ€™t wear it, defense mechanism much?
No, wearing a wedding ring does not define your relationship & to each their own but from an outside perspectiveâ€¦most people who see men who donâ€™t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife. â€œWearing a ring bothers meâ€ Oh please guyâ€¦get over it. You will get used to is fairly quick.
I asked my husband what he though about this & he said, â€œMaybe itâ€™s an ego thing, thereâ€™s really no reason not too.â€
Iâ€™m sure you & your husband have a good relationship & the no the ring does not define you guys but if itâ€™s just an external thing & has nothing to do with where your heart is at, shouldnâ€™t it be easier to wear?
Well, let’s turn this around. I was instructed not to wear my ring when I’m washing dishes (as the setting can come loose), when I’m at certain sites for my job (that require all workers to remove rings and jewelry due to concerns about injury to crew and equipment), when I’m taking a shower (it could slip off), Etc. Etc. Etc.
Sometimes (OK, a lot of the time) I plum forget to put them back on. They’re the only jewelry I typically wear and even 18 months after the wedding they’re just not something I think about. Does that make me a horrible wife? Does that mean I’m thinking about cheating? If you see me walking down the street, and my husband has a ring and I don’t, will you assume that I am his mistress or something?
I don’t let the judgemental attitude of others dictate my own behavior. If you want to know about my personal life, ask! Don’t make assumptions based on my sartorial choices for that day! Much less on whether or not I had a hectic morning and just forgot!
“â€œWearing a ring bothers meâ€ Oh please guyâ€¦get over it.”
– I wouldn’t ever tell my husband to ‘get over it’ if he felt strongly about something. If you’re insecure about your husband not wearing a ring that is something you should deal with instead of projecting it on to him. I would be incredibly insulted if my husband told me to ‘get over it’ and wear a ring if I didn’t want to and felt strongly about it.
blood boils when people judge you for not wearing a ring.
“most people who see men who donâ€™t wear rings & know they are married automatically think there is serious trouble in paradise and some girls are ruthless and can be very forward in getting what they want. I think wearing a ring is a sign of respect to your wife.”
really? so when you see a married man without a wedding ring you judge him and his relationship to his wife?
I said in my reply to the original post that I don’t expect my FH to wear a ring but am happy that he wants to, but my view on it is basically this:
Is it possible people will assume there’s “trouble” if the man isn’t wearing a ring? Sure. But I don’t give a crap what other people think. I know there’s not trouble and that’s all that matters. And I know FH will be 100% faithful to me and has all the respect in the world to me. If he had NOT wanted a ring and I said it was important, he would wear one. But personally, what other people think about whether he wears a ring is the last thing on my mind. If women make moves on him because he’s not wearing his ring, it doesn’t bug me, because I KNOW he will say “I’m married.” There is nothing any other woman could say or do to make him break his vow, and knowing that is far more important to me than whether or not he wears a piece of jewelry. I think if you want your man to wear a ring, that’s just fine — to each her own — but I also think if the sole reason for wanting it is that strangers might judge the marriage, it’s your (I mean the universal “your” here, not you specifically) insecurity that’s the real issue. Who cares what other people think if you know the marriage is good?
Side tangent on that topic: My dad has never worn a wedding ring consistently. He also has single female friends(who also are friends with mom). He doesn’t go out with other women, but if he sees a friend in the store, he might give her a hug. One time, my mom had been gone out of town for work or something and a friend of my dad’s came by and said, “Rumor has it you guys are splitting up. I just separated from my wife and I need a roommie. Interested?” My parents were in NO way separating and we can only assume the rumor came from dad’s lack of a ring, but my parents thought it was hilarious. The idea that anyone who has ever met them would believe that rumor was just ludicrous. That’s how I feel about my relationship. Anyone who knows us knows the relationship is solid, so I don’t care what strangers think.
I agree that if the man’s ring is important to the woman, trying to wear one is a sign of respect, but I think it’s silly to automatically assume a man who isn’t wearing one is disrespectful or unfaithful or that there’s trouble in the marriage.
My dad didn’t wear a ring for the first 35 years of his marriage. He was a trucker and knew a few guys who’d lost fingers from wearing rings and getting them caught. He has a nice one now that he wears for special occasions, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love my mother for those first 35 years, just that he has the opportunity to wear one now.
Right on! My finance and I talked about just doing the ring thing for the ceremony and since neither of us wears rings anymore, just nix them after. Maybe we’ll put them in a display case on the shelf with all of our trinkets and collections 🙂
I totally agree that men OR women should not be forced to wear wedding rings. However, I can relate to Nathalie’s previous post. I noticed that my uncle stopped wearing his wedding ring a few years before he decided to leave my aunt, when things were going downhill (they raised me). So deciding not to wear it can also have other meanings, from the anecdotal evidence seen here. Also, I am not sure if someone already brought this up, but a wedding ring is also a form of communication, and not necessarily a symbol. It is an artifact, that screams, “Unavailable.” If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won’t people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.
If your partner decides not to wear a ring, won’t people assume they are not married, and feel free to flirt with them? Should it not be a big deal that other people are constantly flirting with your partner? Or am I just too jealous? Haha.
I think the MAIN message it carries (in Western society), is ‘not available to marry anyone else’.
1) If a married man wants to cheat he will cheat regardless of whether he wears his wedding ring or not.
2) If you want to know if someone is married or not maybe you should ask them? I personally don’t run around looking at people’s hands to see if they’re married or not. I generally find out whether they are or not by talking to them. Strange concept I know.
umm…i know a lot of single women who DO check for a ring before they approach a man…ring on..they move on…no ring…they are like fricking lionesses going in for the kill.
hmm….maybe I am too jealous too…i know i dont want every stray single woman smiling and giggling and batting thier eyes at my man.
something else to consider, for people who are hung up on rings meaning ‘unavailable’ to other people: i’ve been unavailable for 10 years without a ring. are you available until you have a ring on your finger?
My boyfriend and I simply decided to forgo rings because neither of us care much for them. Instead, he proposed to me with a Hawaiian tribal necklace. It meant more to me than any ring ever could have because it symbolizes me becoming a part of his Hawaiian family. Instead of a ring exchange we’re going to use matching tribal necklaces.
Oh that is WONDERFUL! I’d love to see what the necklaces look like. the ONLY piece of jewelry that Aaron ever wore was his hei matau given to him by a very dear Hawaiian friend of ours during a ceremony. He wore it for years until the cord broke and he became afraid to lose it.
http://hawaiianhooks.info/cart/hawaiian-hook-bone-menehune-dwarfs-in-the-forest-p-49.html This is the necklace he gave me when he proposed. After seeing it so often around his neck, I was just stunned that he had offered it to me as a proposal. It was honestly the most romantic experience I’ve ever had.
Megan, I just went through the whole shark ceremony set. So amazing. I read a bit on your blog before, when your honeymoon was posted here, I think.
I love Hawai’i and the culture and learning about the shark ceremony was so interesting.
Sad that your husband was hurt but so much amazing stuff in the aftermath! Cheers to you both.
Oh Ali, thank you! That’s sweet. Yes, it was a HUGE lesson that out of really horrible strokes of luck amazing things can happen. The shark ceremony was one of the most amazing things that we’ve ever experienced.
My FH is the one enamored of all things shiny. I have an aluminum locking necklace I wear, that distinctly states “hands off”. I’m just perfectly in love with it. When we talked about rings he went on a..Rampage in a cute way. “I wanna get you a big ole red diamond made out of my hair!! and I’ll get a black diamond ring for me! and that way we always have our wedding colors!” I pretty much vetoed that idea when i saw the ring he wants to get me is like, $20,000 or something retarded like that. I did however point out a Red Spinal ring (a $900 ring. Had to compromise on the price. I still think its WAY expensive) I rather liked. I just still have a problem with doing that whole “bling” thing. I honestly think I should have a manicure all the time wearing a pretty ring or it doesn’t do it justice on my short nailed unkempt waitress hands lol. But he is so enthused by it I couldn’t say no.
In many if not most of the Jewish sects, married men don’t wear wedding rings.
That’s true, there’s the cultural aspect. My boss is from India, and while he wears rings I don’t think there’s one that’s really a “wedding ring.” Or maybe it’s on a different finger. But there’s not a solid band that, according to Western culture, identifies him as married.
Indian men do not wear wedding rings, unless they’re angl0-Indians or getting married in a Church. But most South-Indian families of brides we know of give a token of the engagement like an expensive gold chain or ring to the groom. Sometimes the groom or his family opt for some other gift like a car or a bike.
The concept of wedding ring is recent Western import like Malls & pubs.
ARGH! I almost freaked out trying to find where to add my two cents on this bullshit topic.
My fiance will NOT be wearing a ring for two reasons – he HATES jewelry of any sort and his job is too dangerous to wear a ring. Do I really need him to prove his love and commitment to me by potentially having part of his hand ripped off at work?
To add to that, my bro & sis-in-law, married by the way for 15 years, have NEVER worn rings. They are the purest definition of offbeat (I’m so fuming, I know my spelling is horrific!) and could give a rat’s ass what people think about rings or no rings.
Personally, I like sparkly things – that’s the ONLY reason I have a ring. And, the jeweler was a total a-hole because he clearly pointed out that “that isn’t an engagement ring”. Well, if it’s on my ring finger, it’s a fucking engagement ring!
Okay, thanks for the vent – getting off the soapbox now…..
My dad never wore a ring because he’s a farmer and the job presents some occupational hazards detrimental to wearing a ring. My fiance is a construction worker. I told him I’d rather him have 10 fingers than wear a ring and get it caught on something!
What if it is reversed? What if the chick is the one not wearing the ring? I know we are supposed to eat, sleep, and breather a big sparkley rock, but my engagement ring is antique, made up of three Jade bars and a) I’m afraid to lose it and b)it gets in my way at work and c) I work with stones that could damage it so I rarely wear it. Does that mean that it means any less? Nope. Does it mean that I love my guy any less? Nope. It’s just a ring. It’s a symbol. What’s in our hearts is what matters.
Just checked out this wedding book from 1956 from my college library. It says that
“Whether or not the groom has one (a ring) is entirely a question of personal taste.”
Just putting that out there.
Interesting. You know, I was shooting a wedding this weekend and the rabbi mentioned that it wasn’t until recent times that men wore rings. It made me smile.
I too did not see anything offensive in the first tweets – a little back-n-forth that clearly didn’t look to “dangers in the workplace” or “missing fingers” when considering the issue. Come on. I get p.c., but then I also get “touchy” – striking a balance is important. USUALLY when rings are discussed, it is in the context of wearing an item which is universally understood to symbolize an individual is married, and thus no longer available. Sure, sure, there’s the romance and the all that symbology, and yeah, it’s lovely to look at, but mostly it just tells that creepy bar fly or overzealous receptionist that they’ll likely get nowhere fast by flirting with you.
Now, of course, people can be faithful or not whilst wearing a ring or not….blah blah blah etc, but I think, barring physical dangers or problems, the Tweeter that asked the second question was probably asking something more along the lines of “why wouldn’t your spouse want others to know he’s taken?”. It’s stupid, yeah, but I don’t think it has anything to do with missing fingers, danger, or painful air conditioning. Hmmm…..I don’t know. Of course, I’m no stickler – I suppose I was just surprised by your taken aback-edness. People don’t really self-edit much on Twitter, but that one was particularly mild.
I think there’s way too much hubbub about the rings. For example: My fiance felt he had a right to wear an engagement ring as well, and so we both put on a ring when I accepted his proposal of marriage.
You would not BELIEVE the comments. People thought it was “weird”, unethical, tantamount to LYING, and some even claimed it was effeminate. WTF?
Symbols can be powerful, but only with the power you give them.
My partner isn’t a big fan of rings, so for the longest time I figured he’d wear it on a necklace (we’ve both been wearing each other’s wedding ring on a necklace as engagement jewelry). It’s not a big deal for me. He’s marrying me, he’s putting up with me going completely crazy planning this thing, it’s pretty clear that he loves me.
There is some logic with not wearing a wedding ring. Most constructors wont wear them as you instinctively remove your hand from under something thats about to crush it, litterally striping the flesh from the bone. This includes architects, mechanics, manufactures well the list goes on really. Some of us don’t really wont to lose our fingers, in something that would normally be a near miss.
I am nowhere near even considering marriage, but I have found myself drawn into the thought process of what I would want. For years I was turned off to the idea of ever getting married, for the sole reason that I can’t stand puffy white dresses, and bouquets, and makeup, and RINGS!!! I loathe wearing rings; I despise them with a fiery passion. I just don’t like wearing them, and I never even considered that I could be married without them. My parents are very “traditional” and “conservative” when it comes to “marriage”, so I never knew any different.
Thanks to Offbeat Bride, I have realized that I can do whatever I want at my hypothetical future wedding, and my hypothetical future partner and I can do whatever we decide to, without being bound to the “traditional” mores of our present-day culture. At this point, I will be strutting by myself down the red carpet-lined aisle in pants, a corset, and 8″ platform wedge heels, with blue hair, multiple piercings, and a top hat veil. (Hey, just throwing that out there!) And I will NOT be wearing a ring if I can help it, it being a personal decision that I am allowed to make.
This post made me laugh. I’ve seen girls get REALLY upset by their husband not wearing their ring at all times (work, sports, etc)
My husband doesn’t wear his ring at all. It’s uncomfortable and dangerous at work. I rarely wear mine either since I’m a massage therapist.
We are getting married in about a year and we have already had this discussion about my *future* husband not wearing his ring. He doesn’t wear a watch, or even a necklace. The first time the conversation came up, I have to admit I was a little devastated. But, take a step back. What is a round piece of metal versus every day that you get to grow old together. For those of you who want him to wear something every day what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe?
“what is the difference between a ring, and a shoelace laced through this shoe? ”
a ring is a symbol of emotional attachment/marriage/unavailability”… a shoelace is not s symbol but a functional mechanism used to keep the shoe on the foot of the wearer, therefor preventing physical pain and potential injury to the owner of the foot in question.
two very different things 😛 above statement is meant as a funny and nothing else.
my FH and I are going to have rings….he will likely lose his often and soon after the wedding…he loses everything…from keys to wallets to remotes, lighters, clothes…you name it…he has no damn idea where it went.
I do think it should be up to each individual couple if they want to wear a ring..or a necklaces or noting at all or something entirely different. Its really no ones business but you and your partners.
and i cant spell and now realize there is a spellcheck…sorry
My partner hates wearing jewelry, so he rarely wears his, which is so fine with me. His ring is set aside and on reserve – he wears it “upon request.” He never says no when I ask and I don’t abuse the privilege. Every once in awhile, it’s nice to see him put it on for special occasions. I can still get that warm-fuzzy feeling.
My brother doesn’t wear his wedding ring on his finger (he has it on a chain around his neck though) because of his job. His mother-in-law freaked out at first, but she eventually got over it. I never understood the mom-in-law freak out. When you marry someone–it seems as though you are accepting them for who they are. And if they don’t wear jewelry, then they don’t. I personally don’t think they need to change who they are to go along with tradition.
Neither of my parents ever wore a ring. They were married during WWII, metal was in short supply, neither had any money… after the war, my father worked in jobs where a ring would have been dangerous. Rings weren’t important to my mother.
I wouldn’t have a problem if when I get married my husband decided not to wear a ring. Technically a guy wearing a ring to symbolize he is married is something new to the last century. I’m not sure when it started but I think it was around the 30s or 40s. With my boyfriend right now he would be into wearing a ring if we get married (he’s even considered getting a Claddagh ring to show he’s in a relationship!) think that’s sweet but honestly if he were to decide not to I would not be offended. Marriage does not depend on a piece of jewelry. 😛
I wouldn’t mind if my future husband didn’t wear his ring… it would be a little hypocritical of me after all, as I probably won’t wear mine! I have these long knobbly fingers that change size with the weather, so the ring would need to fit my finger in summer, when my hands swell, and also be large enough to get over my finger joints. In winter once the ring is on, it stays on but rattles around, it would likely be too big to stay on any way after being fitted for my summer fingers.
In the end, it’s just a piece of metal.
Just about a month ago, my husband and I were out with his immediate family. My mother in law ignores us for the first forty minutes and then when the food comes, I’m a lefty, she says, “You don’t wear your wedding ring?” in a tone that suggested I might be sneaking around.
I just smiled and told her I forgot it after my shower, but I don’t normally wear it. I love my ring, but I don’t need it all the time, especially not when my husband is sitting right there.
I think I might have my fiance read this! He’s been a little… uneasy, maybe? whatever it is, the ring discussions of late have been more about trying to reconcile the fact that, in his line of work, the ring maybe ISN’T so safe and the typical alternatives (putting it on a chain and the like) aren’t any safer. This will be his second marriage, and he’s already had a bad experience once with putting it on a chain; he thought he lost the ring and spent hours panicking about it. I don’t really know if reading this will help him feel any better, but at worst, it won’t make him feel any worse!
I was just reading an article about “How to Choose a Man’s Wedding Ring” and came across this offensive comment which portrays every woman as one who NEEDS a BIG, SHINY, SPARKLY, EXPENSIVE wedding set.
The quote: “So, what decisions need to be made? Well the first is this. Will he wear a ring? That’s probably the hardest decision in the process.
For a woman there’s no decision. She’s engaged, she wants the ring. For her she needs an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring, and an expensive engagement ring at that. But for a man it’s not so straightforward.
I can immediately think of three contradictory situations that prove that statement wrong:
A couple of my friends are getting married this month and the groom has an engagement ring as well as the bride.
Another friend has ONE ring, a diamond engagement/wedding ring.
Myself. I don’t want an engagement ring to cost more than a few hundred dollars.
Article here: http://www.weddingvendors.com/planning/articles/man-wedding-ring/)
Wow. Just wow to that. Talk about blood boiling.
This comment is from a website called Wedding Vendors? Well then, there’s no need to get upset about it – it’s very simple.
It’s simply a marketing campaign for a jeweller or someone who supports that industry – ‘wedding vendors’ kinda gives it away.
DeBeers did the same thing in establishing diamonds as the MUST have stone for enaggement rings. It was a marketing campaign that was very successful and over time, it started a tradition.
They’ve also done very well in promoting the right hand ring trend as well. I especially love their tagline….The left hand says ‘we’ the right hand says ‘me’ etc
Brilliant I say, but easy to see where its coming from and why.
We’re the opposite- My husband wears a wedding ring, I do not. I hate rings, I always have. Sometimes people give us crap about it, or try to make it seem like I’m making some great feminist statement at the sake of my husband. I just tell them that it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I hate things on my hands, and that my husband is secure enough with me to know that my commitment isn’t tied into a piece of metal.
My husband does not wear his wedding ring. He works on power lines and it is incredibly dangerous to wear jewelry while doing this. It does not bother me in the least that he does not wear his ring. It sits on the ring holder in our bathroom and when I walk by or wash my hands or brush my teeth I see it and smile. He loves me no matter what and I know. However I am the opposite you would only be able to get my ring off my cold, dead, finger~ I love, love, love my wedding setïŠ
This selfsame thing happened to my father (a contractor) when I was a kid; he was installing a garage door opener and got caught, almost losing a finger. After that, he no longer wore his ring (after he got it back from repairs!), and it was never and issue in my family at all. My sister’s fiance will not probably wear his either as he’s an electrician, for the same reason.
My FH and I have already discussed the fact that he will not be wearing his ring to work. For both safety reasons and because he is afraid he will ruin his ring. I also work where wearing my engagement ring is a hazard so will not wear it to work. The wedding band may be a different story. We have both decided, however that we will put them on when we get home. I am totally good with that. I would way rather have him go ringless, than fingerless.
I was frustrated for a while cuz my husband didn’t wear his ring, I don’t like rings and when he gave me the engagement one I thought it was too much for me, but I wore it every day with pride. (this caused my fiance to be mad at me because the ring wasn’t shiny any more)
Then we got the wedding rings and they were sooooo expensive, I at the ceremony I told him I hoped he would wear it every day and he prommissed to do so.
That lasted for about a week, and he stopped using it. I got really mad of been the only one with the ring, because for me they only mean something if we both wear them, it doesn’t show “union” if only one is wearing it, so whatever, we could have save that money and go somewhere nicer or have an extra day at our honneymoon.
So I don’t care if he doesn’t want to wear it but there was a big deal around those things, we had to make a special part at the wedding just to exchange rings, I got gnasty things around my fingers for wearing them and playing drums, and he is sad because mine never shine… We could have avoided all this if only he had been honest and said “you know what, I think I’ll never wear it”
But thanks for posting, it has taken some frustration away, currently I wear the ring if I want and the way I want, I wear mostly the engagement one, because I think this one means more to me…
I do think he looks sexy with it and I wish he would use it for a special dinner or in our aniversary (if he wants).
wow, that -is- frustrating.
we haven’t decided yet, but i hadn’t thought of the getting in the way of playing instruments factor (we both play guitars and neither of us wear rings generally). maybe we should stick with pins (i gave him an engagement pin).
I liked having the ring, but I don’t see a ring as showing love (I know it does) but i see it more like “sharing something in public” and obviously we aren’t going to dress alike every day, so rings sound good, but for me anything that we see as a representation of our love, works even better than the rings we do have and never wear.
I just found this website. I’m kind of in love with it. Just so you know. 🙂
Anyway, my husband doesn’t wear a wedding ring and it bothers EVERYONE but me for some reason. I wear mine (most of the time anyway) because it’s lovely.
I figure we are committed to each other and we both know it…why do we care what anyone else thinks?
My guy doesn’t wear any kind of jewelry and watches aren’t his thing. I think I’m going to buy him some engagement khakis….
Wow, I originally laughed a bit when i read that but honestly: go for it! Sounds like a pretty practical, considerate (and definitely unique in a good way) idea. 🙂
This post has been fascinating to me. I wear a wooden ring (when I remember), and my husband wears a silver ring (when he remembers). My husband is awesome and because of that he gets hit on a lot. Even when I’m with him, even when–gasp–he’s wearing his wedding band. I think it’s silly to believe a ring deters people from hitting on other people. Also, the ring as indicator doesn’t work because as we’ve seen in this post many people (both male and female) can’t wear them, and many people choose alternate styles. I can’t tell you how many people have looked at my ring and told me it isn’t a wedding band because it’s made of wood.
Hell, I’ve been hit on by men who were wearing rings on their left hand. So not only does it not stop the person with the ring from being hit on, it doesn’t always stop the person himself from doing the flirting.
my man didnt want to wear a ring either he said it was too uncomfortable. however one day i got him to try on a comfort fit ring and he loves it. i was always fine with him not wanting one but i never thought it would be sexy to me hehe
I kinda hoped my husband-to-be would wear a ring, but I was also practical enough that if he didn’t think he’d wear it, that I didn’t want to spend the money! I knew he loved me, and that a ring was just symbolic and not really necessary (though I liked the idea of him wearing one, I wasn’t hugely set on it either). The ring he was looking at was a fairly plain band with layers of different colored gold – looked sort of like wood-grain. But it was around $700, an OK amount to spend if he’d wear it for the rest of his life, but WAYYY too much if he wouldn’t (and he wasn’t sure he could – he’s never been able to wear a watch). So I told him my position, and let him decide what he wanted to do. He decided that he thought it would work out, and we got it. He’s worn it every day since (had no trouble getting used to it, actually) and that was 13 years ago.
7 years married. No he does not wear his ring, b/c he lost the 1st 1 on our honeymoon in vegas. not on tables, jewlery is foreign to him, he forgot and left it. losing the money was harder for me, since i paid for it. but being a former sailor and hearing about the scary details of electricity blowing up his finger, it no longer bother me. he’s wanted to be w/ me since 7th grade and been after me till we made it offical, i know he won’t destroy everything we’ve made. i trust him (he has a 2nd he wears here and there), i don’t care for the cause mention above.
I wear my engagement ring about two days a week, sometimes less. Many of you seemed to talk about how your significant other can’t wear his ring at work, but in this situation, I’m the one who can’t wear my ring at work. I have been installing commercial HVAC for five years now. I can’t wear a ring. Sometimes I feel bad. Like I should wear it. But then, I think about the fact that I don’t care if random people i meet know I’m engaged. I care that Gary and I have chosen to spend our lives together. However, I feel for all the women who can’t wear their ring (for whatever reason) because I always get the feeling that people find it offensive or disrespectful that I am not constantly trying to show off my ring or advertise our engagement.
I mean, it seems like a fairly common issue, men wearing a ring vs. not wearing a ring, but what about those on the other side of that equation? People tell me I should tattoo my ring on. I wear my ring on a chain at work. No one sees it. but I constantly can feel it, and it reminds me of Gary throughout the day. Does it really matter that no one else knows that?
So I guess, what about women who cannot or choose not to wear a wedding ring? do we all ask the men-folk how they feel about it?
How would we respond to their opinions?
I like that Gary gave me a ring – but does it matter that I barely ever wear it? it is still important to me as a symbol, but do I need everyone else to see that symbolic gesture for it to have the same meaning? I mean, yes, maybe you wear a ring because you find it beautiful, but what if you aren’t the ring-wearing type? or you can’t wear it because of work or medical or physical reasons? do you still want the ring?
You know, since writing this post I actually stopped wearing my ring too. I stopped wearing it for a few months because it was starting to irritate me. And NO ONE even noticed. I expected someone to ask, or give me crap like people give my husband crap, but I got nothing! And then after a few months I started wearing a totally different ring because the irritation was gone and I felt like mixing it up. And now, if I feel like wearing a ring, I rotate through several different rings that I’ve collected over the years. And still… no one has said anything. And my husband? He doesn’t really care either way for all the same reasons stated in the post.
So, I guess I’m saying… I don’t know about other women and their partners, but it my case it was/is a total non-issue. Of course, we’d already established that wedding rings weren’t really super duper important to us in the first place, so my experience is probably not the norm.
I guess I’m in the same boat, my experience is probably not the norm either. I’m just curious because even after dudes at work, friends, and family found out about the wedding, no one ever questions me for not wearing my ring. However, many of the guys I work with either constantly wear their rings even though it could injure them or endure harassment from other guys for not wearing it.
Not that there is anything wrong with women’s rings being flashy or unflashy, it always stands out to me that most men’s rings are very plain. Since Gary works with people and clients a lot, I like to tell him that I’m going to get him a ring full of rubies.
Neither of my parents wore their rings for most of their 34 yrs. of marriage b4 death parted them. I wasn’t around for the first 2. My man wont wear his b/c of his work and we’ll see if I wear mine. I barely wear my diamond as I’m not comfortable with a ring on all the time and I’m afraid of losing it. I don’t think its mandatory attire. While the ring is a symbol of commitment, the commitment should be seen in the actions and not the metal on one’s hand!
I like wearing my engagement ring because it’s a GTFO to the randos who hit on me when I’m walking down the street. I trust my man completely, but I guess a ring is kind of my way of being possessive a little and telling all the other girls to back off, lol.
I’m allergic to metals – earrings, rings, necklaces. This website is all about being offbeat – who cares about THE RING its just some tradition that has been handed down and if it holds no meaning for you – why wear it? Being that I don’t put a lot of weight on that tradition AND i’m freaking allergic to metal – oh well I’m not wearing it.
My fiance I would say is the opposite. He even wanted an engagement ring. He said that it didn’t seem fair that I got two rings and he only got one. So I bought him one (a cheap one from amazon) and proposed to him too. So now I will have three rings and he will have two, I am sure he will not wear both that would be ridiculous. But he doesn’t wear it at work, otherwise he may get slag stuck on it or maybe weld it to something. (not really :P) I say to each his own, if he doesn’t like it that’s fine. I think some people look down on it bc they think it’s a sign that the guy doesn’t care about you or something. Really whatever, those people are idiots.
I got this text from my mom yesterday: “FYI Buckingham Palace has just announced that Prince William has decided NOT to wear a wedding ring… so take that Bitches!!!” 🙂
My darling husband doesn’t wear a ring and I sometimes forget to put on mine. We are 100% committed to each other. Someone once told me I was wearing my engagement ring and wedding ring wrong (engagement ring on the inside). I told her that I really didn’t think that I love my husband any less because my wedding band was 5 centimeters away from my heart. A ring does not make us more committed to each other — if we were to stray from the marriage, a ring is not going to stop anyone. It’s really just a ring.
That’s funny. I got that too. I wore (when I actually still wore) my engagement ring on the inside too — I just liked the way it looked better — and got scolded by a few people. Really guys? Really? And now I only wear my rings (any of them) when I feel like it.
I’ve suggested rings to my fiance but it doesn’t seem to interest him, so I’m not going to push the topic. If he doesn’t want to wear a piece of jewlery, I don’t care. I care about him just loving me the way I am, and so I’d better love him for who he is too!
To be honest, this isn’t something that I’d ever really thought about. Growing up, it was always “Of Course the husband wears his wedding ring.”
That being said, my hubby was never one to wear much jewelry. So even though I wanted to get him a super fancy ring (cause he deserved it!), I’m so glad I listened to what he wanted and what he would be comfortable with wearing – a very simple, lightweight band.
I ended up getting him a titanium ring. And less than two years after we were married, my FIL had an accident at his workplace – almost losing his ring finger. In fact, if his ring hadn’t been gold and soft enough for them to cut, he would have lost his finger.
Needless to say, it took all of a minute for my hubby and me to decide to replace his titanium ring with a white gold ring. We both love the symbolism of the ring, but none of that is worth losing body parts over!
And it’s worked out great. Hubby likes his new ring even better than the first, and I’ve strung his old ring onto a necklace passed down from my grandmother.
OMG! The LotR version is HYSTERICAL! I couldn’t stop laughing.
I agree with your comments Megan, my dad has never worn a ring and I think jewellery on a man is weird personally. I also don’t wear a lot of jewellery unless it is plastic so for me even the thought of an engagement ring for myself was off putting. I got around this by finding a lovely simple band with black diamonds round it to do the job of both wedding band and engagement ring for me and my fiance designed his own wedding band to match, however when he proposed as we knew it would be several years before our wedding, I proposed right back at him so he could wear his too.
It is less a symbol of ownership than an awesome piece of metal that rocks and doesn’t get in the way or annoyingly catches on everything. People so tend to think we are already married though cos he is wearing a ring too…
My husband and I have never had rings. He would like to have one, although I don’t particularly care to wear jewelry. Over seven years of marriage I have never felt the lack of a ring, engagement or wedding, except for the very few times when I wanted to flash some bling. One interesting thing I find is that some single men and women get upset when they find that one of us (whoever they are interested in) is married and unavailable, despite the appearance of our ringless fingers.
My FH and I were just having this discussion the other day. He hates wearing anything that he can “feel” constricting him. No hats, no watch, no jewelry; he even freaks out when he can feel his hair touching his forehead or his mustache curling around and touching his lip (how he survives having a full beard is still beyond me).
Anyway, I told him long before we even got engaged that I would prefer him to be comfortable, and although I would be happy to see a ring on his finger because I think it’s romantic, I love him so much that I would NEVER insist on it if it bothered him.
I guess it’s a testament to how much love and respect we BOTH have for each other, because when we were talking about it the other night, he said, “If you had really wanted me to wear a ring, I would have because I love you and want you to be happy, but I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you don’t mind if I don’t.”
That he would have made that sacrifice for me is just as touching to me as seeing a strip of metal around his finger.
Thank you for this article. It’s great to know there are so many people out there who feel the same!
I’ve read this article a few times and never saw anything wrong with wearing a wedding ring. Then, after a trip to my parent’s house, I realized why: my father doesn’t wear a ring! I never remember him wearing a wedding ring when we were growing up. When we’d asked about it when we were kiddos, the responses were always “I don’t like rings” and “My fingers are too fat” (Dad had gained a lotta weight between wedding day and the day we asked).
He wears one now–a brush with diabetes and his thyroid inspired him to lose the weight–and I don’t think it’s actually the same one from his wedding day. I’ve never asked about the “change” in rings (or my mom for that matter). To us, it just seemed normal that the guy had an option. My mom never cared–and to this day, only wears a simple band as opposed to her original rings (she’s a lefty). I think all the WIC nonsense about “ring upgrades!” “biggest ring ever!” “show your love!” have just forced the notion of jewelry on people. Just ’cause they don’t wear a ring doesn’t mean they don’t love you (and, conversly: just because they DO wear a ring, doesn’t mean that they love you).
My partner wants to wear one after we get married (as a mechanic, I have to find something indestructable for him) but I like the idea of the guys having the option without the pressure.
Another option is tattoos in another place than the ring finger – I’ve been thinking about over the heart. Also know a couple that has wrist tattoos. I also know a couple who gave bracelets. It’s an interesting topic b/c there are so many sides to it – the couple’s choice fro themselves, how we view each other etc.
I’m not used to seeing men in rings. My dad is a construction worker so it’s dangerous for him to wear one so I have gotten used to seeing men without them. I really couldn’t care less. I wear a cladaugh facing in on my left hand because it is symbolic of the commitment that I have to my boyfriend, but I don’t wear it everyday. I figure that if I don’t wear jewelry all the time it unreasonable to expect my partner to.
My dad doesn’t wear one and he has been committed and in love with my mom since 1969. So no I wouldn’t make him wear one if he did not want to.
I’m pretty sad that my fiance doesn’t want to wear a wedding ring but I totally understand the not being a jewelry person (I’m not and wearing a ring is going to be an adjustment for me) plus his line of work makes it a little dangerous.
Does anyone have any ideas for alternate ring ceremony wording where only I’m getting a ring?
My fiance and I were having the same quagmire, so for our ring ceremony he gave me a wedding band, and I gave him a love note rolled up into a ring shape 🙂 It’s a keepsake and symbol of our marriage…no awkward explanation at the alter needed.
My FH said that he didn’t want to wear a ring. I was a little disapointed. I was so excited about wearing mine that I didn’t see why he wouldn’t be. Anyways, I realized that that was silly, so I’m buying him a ring with engraved viking runes (his fav), and then I’ll get him a chain so he can wear it next to his heart. Problem solved!
I actually have this issue on my end and I find it so judgemental. My father hasnt worn his wedding ring or any jewelry my entire life and guess what still warried faithful etc, but wll like having all our fingers intacts and not cutting them off through our work. I work in restoration /construction and FI does mechanical/flight. We are both getting rings and he insisted on getting me an engagement ring, but I practically never wear it. I’d hate to ruin the stone with an odd solvent or by crushing it, snagging it etc. I think it’s horrible that guys specifically get picked on for not wearing them when I know my Fi was initially kind of bummed when he realized I wouldn’t be able to wear mine all the time, but no one seems to think its horrible of me not to wear it, yet they judge that I wont make him wear one to work when it has nothing to do with loyalty or our wedding or our relationship.
My parents don’t wear their wedding rings, except on special occasions sometimes. I’ve seen my mom’s ring a few times throughout my life, and dad’s..no clue where he even keeps his. A drawer somewhere I’m guessing. His first one got stuck to his finger and had to be cut off, and then he just didn’t wear the new one after that. But he’s a plasterer and works with his hands, so best not to wear it. My mom use to work in a stock room, and now she cleans for a living, so also not the best job for a fancy ring.
I’m the one that doesn’t wear my ring in our relationship, haha. I lost weight and it’s really loose, so I only wear it when we go on dates, or when I’m around my more conservative family members, because they get quite huffy if they catch me not wearing it. He doesn’t mind at all!
My Dad’s 1st wife DEMANDED that he wore a ring all the time, so when he married my Mom he didn’t want to wear one & she was fine with that. On their 35th Wedding Anniversary they did a recommittal ceremony and he decided that now he would like a ring. 4 weeks later he was mugged and they stole his ring :S so now he’s back to not wearing one
PS LOVED the LOTR post
My husband wears a ring and has since the day we married. I, on the other hand, took mine off the day after we married and haven’t put it back on since. Feels odd. It’s no big deal.
I personally find it frustrating how people here boast about how they don’t wear their wedding rings — or didn’t have any to start with. My husband and I are in different branches of the active duty military. We are apart for long periods of time. When I’m feeling alone, all I have to do is look down at my hand, and I’m comforted by the fact that he has the matching one on his hand. I know he feels the same way. It’s our connection while we’re apart, when we can’t write or call each other. Although he works with dangerous equipment (and has gone through one ring already) he chooses to wear his ring and never takes it off. It means a LOT to us, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything other than a tattoo ring. If he told me he didn’t want to wear his ring anymore I would be crushed.
Hey Alis, I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated by the comments, but I definitely wrote this post specifically to reach out and give those ring-less couples a safe space to speak up, be represented and feel accepted. I’m sure no one means any disrespect to those couples who DO wear rings. They more than likely just as proud of their choice to not wear rings, as much as you are proud of your super sweet matching rings. 🙂
I’m not judging anyone but I definitely have an opposing opinion on this issue. Wedding rings to me symbolise commitment to someone. They are a visible sign that someone is no longer available. As a single woman I don’t want to make the mistake of chatting with or dating someone who is unavailable. A man with a ring = married = stay away. Believe it or not I believe that the man should be upfront about being unavailable (especially if there is no clear visible sign of this, i.e. a ring). If a man courts me (yes, I know it sounds old fashioned, but oh well), asks me out on a date or suggests romantic weekends away then I assume he’s available. Why? Because I believe its unconscionable to do any of this if you are married. My apologies to anyone that thinks that makes me naive, old-fashioned, conservative or not with the times. Past experience tells me that no ring (if it isn’t for safety reasons of course) implies an unwillingness to be seen as attached to someone. Personally I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
Well, wedding rings for men are a pretty recent development. Most people agree that they only start getting going during WWII and weren’t very common until the 70s or 80s. And the funny thing is, back when men didn’t wear wedding rings, the divorce rates were lower! : )
(Of course, part of the reason for divorce rates being lower then was because women literally could not afford to get divorced…)
I’ve never seen the big deal wheather a man is willing to wear a wedding ring or not. My father worked on trucks and with his hands a lot, and he is just not a jewelry kind of guy. I don’t ever recall seeing him with a wedding band. In fact, I believe my parents cashed it in for money years ago when times were rough.
Same thing goes for my boyfriend, I have already been forewarned that he will not be wearing one because he doesn’t like jewelry, I am fine with this. I know that it is a personal preference rather than a ploy to be able to hook up with other women without a ring to hinder him. We will buy something cheap from a department store for show during the ceremony, and that will probably be the last I see of it on his finger.
That being said, my boyfriend’s brother got married 2 years ago. He isn’t required by his wife to wear his all the time because of where he works. But she will flip out if he goes anywhere else without it. They were even going to a wedding together and he forgot it, and they had a huge argument and had to turn around to go get it. I don’t understand the point in creating so much drama over it, especially when they were going together. It’s not like she caught him coming home from the bar half in the bag with lip stick stains on his collar, come on now!
My fiance is a previously married cop. He stopped wearing his ring to work when the brother of someone he arrested was found with photos of him, his ex-wife, and their daughter. I’m perfectly fine with him not wearing one; I can’t get used to wearing an engagement ring myself!
My husband doesn’t wear a ring unless we go out for a special occasion (even then I usually forget to give it to him). We both know hes committed to our marriage so its not a big deal. Due to injuries he received in Iraq he regularly loses feeling in his left hand and works on motors and cnc machines. The thought of him wearing a ring full time truly scares me due to the risk of injury even though it is extremely sexy on him. I never take off my wedding ring because I feel naked without it. Anyone wearing or not wearing their ring is completly up to them not anyone else.
I thought that was pretty ignorant of that lady on twitter to say. My dad doesn’t wear a wedding ring and he isn’t leaving my mother any time soon. He’s worked with his hands as a mechanic, photographer and filmmaker for most of his life so it didn’t make sense for him to wear his ring after a while and my mom was okay with it.
If my FH decides he doesn’t want to wear a ring, he certainly doesn’t have to. I know he loves me and is committed to me now when he’s not wearing a ring.
I think some women (especially, but some men, too) forget that their significant others were committed to them before they had to wear a ring. So why is it such a big deal to have the ring if they were committed all along?
My parents have been married for 32 years and neither has ever worn a wedding ring. At the time money was tight, but it’s been so long it’s basically a non-issue. They know they’re married, I know they’re married. What’s the big deal?
Megan–Thank you! My future hubby does not wear jewelry! I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that marrying me is not going to change that. I appreciate your insight and I totally agree with that ring being incredibly sexy but also, I will have his last name so what the hell? I decided to ask him to wear it only when we are in bed–not while we sleep–so I get my fix of finding him sexy with it and he does not have to suffer any more than he has to for being married to me! 🙂
Just married in a single ring ceremony (only I got a ring). Celebrant was flummoxed by that. Which I found strange.
No man in my family has ever worn a wedding ring, and they didn’t work with their hands, just thought it was “vulgar.” All of them had marriages that lasted forever — my parents are coming up on their 50th next month. Please that my guy has followed my family tradition!
Neither of my Grandfathers had rings either, one worked with his hands the other didn’t. My Dad does have a ring, but his fingers swell in the heat now so my Mum wears it as a thumb ring for most of the year. Doesn’t make ’em any less married, right?
My parents have been happily married for 34 years now. My father still wears his wedding ring, he always has, but not on his finger. He wears it on a necklace.
My future husband and I got our rings a year in advance. We’re very excited about it. I must admit we did have a little argument about how to wear it: he wants to wear it on his right hand and I want to wear it on my left hand. To be honest, I don’t mind. I just think he’s a little weird. And he thinks that I’m a bit weird as well. 🙂
My husband and I had all of our rings made (my engagement ring and the wedding rings) in a design that he came up with…and since his finger is so much bigger than mine–his ring cost almost twice as much as my wedding ring…and he almost never wears it. He’s a carpenter so he can’t safely wear it at work and he plays guitar all the time and it interferes with his playing…so it lives on a hook on my dresser…and in a perfect world it would be cool if he would wear it (not only because it lets potential bitches know he’s taken (haha–joke), but because it was pretty expensive)…but I see it every morning while he’s still sleeping and I’m getting ready and I think about how that little reminder of our promises will always be at home, and that’s cool with me.
This may have been said, but I’m too lazy this Friday morning to sift back through the comments. My boyfriend and I aren’t engaged yet, but it’s imminent. When the discussion of rings came up, he said the idea of wearing it made him uncomfortable. Not being married, but wearing the jewelry (he doesn’t like physically constricting things, which sounds silly, but hey, we all have our quirks). And you know what? It didn’t bother me one bit. If Prince William doesn’t wear a wedding ring, then by golly, my boyfriend doesn’t have to! Obviously that wasn’t the only reason why it didn’t bother me, but I feel like the Prince William comment would shut up any naysayers.
I never thought much about it. Neither of my parents wore their rings consistently, and I can’t even remember if I’ve seen my dad wear his recently. They’re both teachers, so it’s not an issue of safety — they’re just not big jewelry people. They’ll wear them when they remember, but if not, whatever. They’ve been married about 35 years. Long before we got engaged my fiance had mentioned his father doesn’t wear a ring (because he doesn’t believe men should wear jewelry), so I didn’t expect FH to, but he surprised me by really wanting one. When we went to get my engagement ring sized shortly after he proposed, he picked out his own ring and put it on the same store account. I wouldn’t be unhappy if he didn’t want to wear one, but it did feel kind of good to know how much he wanted one of his own.
I’d rather my dairy farmer husband didn’t lose an expensive ring to a cow if you get what I mean. Just saying.
My dad never had a wedding ring. He worked with machinery and he once witnessed his coworker get his wedding ring stuck in a bandsaw and lose his whole hand. After that my dad was not much interested, and even though my mom was a little disappointed she understood. I figure, it’s more about the quality of the marriage than it is about whether he wears a ring or not.
We are coming up on our one-year anniversary of marriage, and both of us have gotten into a strange habit: we leave our rings on our ring holders. Our rings are insured, and we love them. They just don’t make it out of the house very often. Neither of us feel bad about it, nor do we make each other feel bad about it. It’s not that we forget our wedding rings; we forget all our rings. It’s kind of awesome 🙂
We went to a punk rock show a couple of weeks ago and was in the pit with a 100+ people. I wore all my rings, and after each song, I’d check my hands to make sure I had all my rings and the stones. It was awkward.
Earlier this week, we went to a metal show, and neither of us wore our rings. It was nice to say we were married and not have our rings. I guess the thing is we love our rings, and we love each other. If we wear them, it’s great. If not, it’s still great 🙂
My dad works in the OR and he saw his colleagues forget their wedding rings so often after an operation that he decided not to get one. My mom has one but never wears it. They have been married for 30 years, had their problems, got over them and never had any issues about the rings that I know of. I’m used to not seeing a ring. Still, I want to wear a ring because I like to wear rings. Sadly I have broken and lost several over the years, that is why I’m looking for a simple design that doesn’t get caught on anything and something sturdy.
We’re still two months out from our wedding date but we reached a compromise that works for us both on the jewelry front.
I want to wear my rings all the time, but I work hands-on with kids and didn’t want to a) scratch/hurt the kids or b) scratch/hurt my rings. To solve both, I designed my engagement and wedding ring to be snag- and scratch free. No sticky-outy, sticky-upy bits for me!
He isn’t able to wear his ring at the chemical plant he works at, so he wasn’t going to bother having one. But, because he knows I would like him to have a ring he’s going to have one to wear just for special occasions, vacations etc.
Works for both of us.
my husband is a hemophiliac so it’s dangerous for him to wear a ring b/c if he hits his hand and gets a bleed, he could lose his finger if he can’t get his ring off in time. him wearing a ring isn’t worth a finger. besides he’s been committed to me since the day i met him and that’s all that matters!
My hubs doesn’t wear one because of work (airplane mechanic for the Air Force) and neither do any of the other married guys in his shop! At first I thought it was strange but its a safety thing and I would rather have him be safe than stylish!
I actually didn’t realise for years that it was a ‘thing’ for men to wear wedding rings. My dad never wore one, and as far as I know he had no reason other than he didn’t want to. They have a great marriage, so it clearly isn’t a problem! So when my FH told me he didn’t want to wear one, he was surprised when I wasn’t surprised (he’s from a culture where men usually wear rings). Sadly, his family are pressuring him to wear one, and don’t understand that I don’t mind in the slightest.
If it’s good enough for William and Kate, it’s good enough for us!
A friend of mine works in the military and is therefore not allowed to wear her engagement ring on the hand. So she simply wears it on a chain around her neck, underneath the uniform. I find it very romantic!
My dad has been joking for several years about making an ear piercing out of his ring. That’s another fun idea, instead of wearing them on the finger.
My mother hasn’t worn her rings since she got pregnant…her jeweler originally sized them so that they would never fall off. Well, lo and behold, her fingers swelled and she couldn’t wear her rings anymore. My father got into a bike accident several years ago and broke his hand, and now he can’t get his ring past his knuckle. They’ve been married for 33 years and are still going strong.
I wear my engagement ring daily and I’m excited to get my wedding band. My fiance wants to wear a ring as well (he says he wants the One Ring…I was thinking more of getting our rings engraved with “I love you” and “I know”), but if circumstances prevented him wearing it, I wouldn’t mind.
Whatever floats your goat.
FH has mentioned he doesn’t like rings, which made me pout…until I read this article.
WHY wouldn’t he want to? *this made me fume*
Well, if he needs a ring to remind him of his commitment to another person, or if he needs a ring to advertise he is taken to others, then he’s not much of a mate choice, is he? And that’s on him.
Not on the bride, Mr. Twitter Poster-who’s-obviously-targeting-brides-and-being-a-jerk!
Never bringing it up again. We’ll exchange rings, because of the symbology. But not being *that* person ever again.
To each their own, but I couldn’t be any more put off by the thought. Thanks but no thanks!!
My husband and I just got married for legal (hospital visitation rights) reasons but haven’t had our wedding yet. I love wearing rings but doesn’t. I’m getting one to wear whenever I’m in the mood for rings but he wants to get a bracelet or necklace instead. It certainly doesn’t diminish our love or commitment. We’re different from most people in this way and that’s exactly why I love him. Though we both like the idea custom made matching rings, it’s just not for us.
Adorable story: My parents have been married for more than 30 years, and they got married young even by 70’s standards: they were 18 and 19, about to start college and totally broke. To save some money, my dad said he didn’t want a ring, so they didn’t get one, and he’s never worn one all my life. But last year for Christmas, out of the clear blue sky, he told my mom he wanted a wedding ring. She wrapped it up and put it under the tree with all the other presents. Watching my dad see his wedding ring for the first time, and my mom slip it on his finger, and the way they looked at each other was absolutely priceless.
I am just going to weigh in with this: My husband wears his ring far more often than I wear mine. He puts it on to go into clients’ offices. He says it makes him look “responsible”. I forget to put mine on most days. Neither of us cares. At All. Wear it, don’t wear it. Just don’t lose it because it costs $.
My fiance is a firefighter and I am a massage therapist so needless to say we both hardly wear our rings. Honestly we barely remember to wear them on our days off lol… I don’t think its a big deal.
Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don’t seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions.
My husband recently started taking off his wedding ring because he has *cough* put on a little weight, and the ring tends to pinch his finger, and coincidentally causes his hands to become cold due to bad circulation. I’d buy him another ring, but that seems silly and a waste of funds. Everyone we know is very aware of our marriage. Even former customers he use to work with walk up to me and say, “Hey! You’re blah blahs wife! Congratulations!” It’s kinda weird but nice.
I’ve also recently stopped wearing my engagement ring because I was 1) afraid of losing it (I take it off to wash my hands) and 2) I have a fear of being mugged for my jewelry. My rings aren’t necessarily expensive, but they mean a lot to me and I wouldn’t want them to be lost because I’m lazy and particular about hand washing. 😉
“Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don’t seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions.” I love that! It’s so true.
Btw, I’m going on 5+ years of that guy I married not wearing a ring, and it’s completely a non-issue at this point. In fact, no one’s even brought it up in YEARS. Which is great.
We both have wedding rings. My husband takes his off all the time and I am more worried he’ll lose it somewhere since this has already happened.
Being in the military, it slipped off during PT one day and he went and borrowed a metal detector and spent all day looking for it with a buddy of his. They found a ton of trash before they found his ring.
But he does take it off when he’s playing with the dogs (we have small dogs and one pretty much got a black eye while rough housing), or for work. I told him to not wear it when he does PT or what not.
In all honesty I don’t care, it’s a ring. The same ring that just about all the other military guys have. But seriously, it’s just a ring. My sister and her husband don’t wear their bands at all and she doesn’t have an engagement ring. Some people don’t need a ring. Some people can’t wear them. And some people get tired of stones coming loose or falling off. (My niece’s husband got a matching band to hers complete with diamonds on it. He no longer feels comfortable wearing it after loosing almost all the stones after only 2 years of marriage).
If you are so insecure in your relationship that you need him to wear a ring to show the world that he’s taken, then you should reevaluate your relationship. We are doing the ring thing, but I forget my engagement ring by the dishes all the time and he doesn’t care. Likewise if his ends up in the ring dish before a night on the town, I would never question his loyalty.
I don’ wear my wedding ring, my husband wears his every day and it’s never off. Bizarely I make wedding tiaras and accessories and don’t really enjoy wearing jewellery, I love looking at it and own lots and make lots and always wear new designs for a week to make sure they ‘work’ but I prefer my jewellery in a box.
Being married isn’t about a ring, its a commitment, my commitment to my husband is no less just because I choose not to wear a symbol of it. I am married, I have pledged to love and respect my husband and his choices, he choose to do the same at the same time, that is enough for us.
Mine works with engines keeps his in his pocket but we’re getting anchor ring tats he said he wanted something there. But I agree the risk working on boats is too dangerous. When were out he wares it. My dad same way he worked on machines. Nothing wrong with not wearing it. He’s got a bigger ring around his heart marrying you 🙂 but it is sey when they do
We exchanged rings and my husband wore his for the first few months… then he lost close to 100lbs. and it didn’t fit anymore. I kept wearing mine because I loved it, but then I lost like 50lbs. and mine didn’t fit either. We couldn’t get his sized because it’s titanium, and at first talked about buying him a new one and started saving up to get him a new one and get mine resized… then we realized after a few months that it was silly and there were a lot of things we would rather spend that money on. I bought a sized for mine and wear it sometimes but not everyday, he put his on a chain and wears that sometimes… we used the money to take a second honeymoon to Universal to visit Springfield and The Wizarding World on our 2 year anniversary. I’ll take the memories over the jewelry any day.
It is an amazing article for me because we have the opposite problem. In traditional Jewish Israeli culture, women wear rings but men do not usually. In a traditional ceremony the only one making a vow is the husband to the wife and the ring is a token of that vow. The wife doesn’t even speak. She shows her consent for the wedding by allowing the groom to cover her with her veil. I think it is summed up best in our language. The word for wife in Hebrew is “Isha” which directly translated means “Woman” but husband is “Ba’al” meaning “Master”.
I run with a pretty progressive crowd. When we said we didn’t want to get married in Israel under the religious authority, they said great. When we said we wanted to both exchange vows, they said ok. So I thought they would approve when I gave my fiance an engagement band as well. Also, though I call him Ba’ali “My Master” (it sounds very S&M in English but it doesn’t have a sexual connotation) he calls me Giverai “My Mistress”….aaaannnd people lost their minds. I was told by bi-sexual girls with pink hair that I was being too dominate of my fiance and he would get tired of it and runaway. No one wants a Ballabusta ( a tough bossy ass housewife), I was told. His friends questioned his masculinity.
In short as offbeat brides, no matter where we live, are going to force people to question customs they think are natural, even if they are anything but natural. It is demeaning to think that without a band of gold a man will be unfaithful or with one he is less of a man. Some times we catch some flack for rubbing against the grain but for me and my wonderful fiance who is secure enough in himself to treat me as an equal, it is the only way to be 🙂
I couldn’t agree more. My fiance probably won’t wear his much, if at all after the wedding and honeymoon. His job makes it potentially dangerous to wear it as well as the fact that he is a hunter and I would really rather him not lose it in some marsh during a hunt. I told him he has to have one but mainly so we can exchange on the wedding day. If he wears it once a year, I’m ok with that. The marriage isn’t about a stupid ring.
He will have a ring for the ceremony and special occasions, but he works with dry ice on a regular basis and him wearing a ring is not worth possibly losing his finger at work! He has, however, opted to get a tattoo instead. It will say “all my love all my life” in french and the same will be engraved inside my wedding ring. We were actually just discussing our wedding tattoos this morning…he will have his ring tattoo and we will both have our wedding date tattooed on our wrist…I already have a tattoo on my wrist that says Love in support of TWLOHA and my beautiful niece who has struggled with cutting, so adding the date we chose to commit ourselves to this shared life feels right for me.
I agree that I think it’s a personal decision made by the couple, and really none of anyone business! It’s infuriating when people say judgmental statements like “Why wouldn’t he!?!” Like you said, there are lots of reasons. And for the record a ring doesn’t actually mean that someone is more or less committed to a relationship!
However, I’ll be honest. The whole concept of the woman wearing the engagement ring after the couple gets engaged does bother me a little bit. There is no expectation that the man will need to wear a ring in the WIC. It does make my inner-feminist go “hey, wait a minute! What century is this!?!”
That being said, my guy will wear a ring once we’re married and sometime before. I am currently wearing an engagement ring and he’s not. We’re still 14 months out ’til the wedding and once we have enough money saved up we’ll buy his wedding ring so he can wear it as an “engagement” ring. He was a little indifferent to the ring concept until we went ring shopping. Then I think he got a little excited about having something that could make a statement about his style that is also a statement of us.
I wonder if I’m the only one with the opposite “problem” (in quotes because neither wearing a ring nor NOT wearing a ring is inherently a problem in my book)–my fiance couldn’t wait to wear his ring! Shortly after I bought it, he wore it for a few hours to get used to the feel (he plays bass and we both wondered whether it would get in the way) and got hooked. Now he’s wearing it all the time (pre-wedding). Some people think it’s weird or ask him why. I think it’s sweet that he can’t wait to be married to me and wants to show it. His mother of course jumped to her personal version of a worst case scenario and asked him if we were “shacking up” (wait, wouldn’t a ring be a more likely sign of having eloped than that anyway??). Hehe.
My fiance isn’t too keen on wearing jewelry either. He’d rather have a nice watch to symbolize our marriage.
My mother doesn’t wear her wedding ring because it’s made out of coral. She wears her emerald anniversary ring or her diamond right hand ring instead.
My fiancé and I have matching engagement tattoos near our hip bones.
I do look forward to seeing A in his ring eventually, but it certainly won’t be every day. He mucks about in caves, aquariums, the river, and wherever else our head naturalist leads him; outside of work he is typically covered in corrosive art stuff. I’m completely okay with that – cause he has his eye on a pricey bit of metal and I don’t want to pay for a replacement.
My Dad and Mom hit 41 years last month, and he’s never had a wedding ring. The symbolism of commitment is so personal that sometimes we can Miss it entirely.
When I was 12, his wallet was stolen and he was beyond distraught. It was found a few weeks later in a burned out building. When he got it back the first thing he checked wasn’t cash or cards. He checked the picture flap. He didn’t care about the money, he needed to see if my mom’s senior picture was still there. It was taken about a month before they got married and it’s probably his most precious possession.
My Dad never faltered in loving her, even though they had some rough times. He never lied about being married. He worships my Mom and there’s no piece of metal that can make that happen magically. It’s the integrity of the man or woman that enforces the exchanged promises.
To infer otherwise, is like saying that if you wear lipstick, you must be going on the pull. Which having pitched to us is just rude and a bit predatory.
Watches, rings, necklaces, tattoos, and pbotos are all beautiful symbols. But it’s the people involved who make the real Bond work. And they dont owe anyone a show, a symbol, or an explanation.
My Hub was really apprehensive about the ring. So I told him we’d go look at some rings together- I had a feeling he’d like something hammered or the like. Sure enough, we found one hammered that he slipped on, looked at me, and started singing the Game of Thrones theme. Then wouldn’t stop. I laughed& said “yeah, we’ll take that one.” He got used to how it felt to wear & loves it now.
But had we not found one he liked, or had he not gotten used to it, I’m with you. Who cares? Marriage is more than weddings & rings. Not wearing one doesn’t make a person any less committed. Not acting committed or being faithful is what makes someone less committed, and news flash, a ring is not a magical force field to stop that!
Let me just say, my parents have been married for nearly 40 years and I’ve never seen a ring on my dads finger. I didn’t even know he owned a ring until I was in my late teens- my mom found it in an old jewelry box. No one I know has ever considered my parents any less married because my dad doesn’t wear a ring and NO ONE ever questioned my fathers commitment to my mother. Marriage is an internal commitment, it doesn’t need to be validated by an external possession, it’s validated completely by the love between two people. Anyone who implies otherwise is missing the point- a marriage is still a marriage, a love a love whether the couple decides for rings, against rings, tattoos instead of rings, or wedding necklaces instead of tattoos.
I’m in your boat….seeing a ring on my husband’s finger made me swoon! He wore the one we got married with until he started dropping weight (it’s been replaced twice since then) all becoming too big. He carries a firearm for work and when it became more of a hazard for him to wear it, the decision was made not to. Although, he was never a jewelry wearer to begin with (he gets props for trying) he seems much more comfortable without it. At first it bothered me. Now I just glance at my name he opted to have tattooed down his left forearm as a sentimental replacement.
My parents never wore their wedding bands. I don’t even know if my dad ever had one (He’s a welder too!) and my only wore a diamond band on special occasions. I also have two good friends, the husband never wears his band and the wife only wears her engagement ring. Both couples have been happily married for over 20 years.
When my husband and I married we didn’t have rings because we couldn’t afford them. We had a second wedding to pacify my religious family where the bought us rings. We never wear them. He works as a computer programmer so it’s not comfortable and I forget. He married me twice we don’t need ring to prove we are committrd.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If he can’t remember he’s married without a wedding ring, what makes you think he’ll remember with it on?
We’ve discussed the ring thing…he’s not a fan of jewelry but he promises to give the thing a go. My feelings are pretty in line with the OP; While it matters somewhat to me and it’s definitely my preference that he wear it, ultimately, I love him enough to choose his comfort over my own emotional attachment to the symbolism.
We’re going to try to find one he can tolerate and see how it goes.
What I’m wondering is, are there other solutions out there that we haven’t thought of yet? My fiance is a contractor, and in the same situation of wanting to wear a ring (or at least being open to it) but knowing that it’s too dangerous to wear at work, and not wanting to be taking it off all the time, for fear of losing it.
We’ve talked about the tattoo option, but I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas about solutions that would allow the default to be that he wears his ring on a daily basis, without the danger of getting hurt. A silicone ring that won’t damage his finger? A chain around his neck where he can wear the ring if he’s doing dangerous/hard-on-the-hands work? We’ve talked about the tattoo option too, but just want to see if there are other “physical” ring options out there we haven’t thought of. Thanks!
My SO is a beekeeper, and works with his hands a lot, so it isn’t really practical for him to wear a ring…he also dislikes wearing jewelry. I’m mainly happy with him not wearing a ring, but really want to exchange rings in the ceremony…any ideas? We’ve thought I could wear his ring around my neck post-ceremony, but I am not really a necklace person…Ill be wearing my engagement ring (which may double as my wedding ring bc why not).
So I’m having the opposite problem…. I honestly don’t care that my husband wears one or not. He’s a musician (percussionist and drummer) and his hands swell time to time and lately it’s been really irritating his skin. However he cares! He says he feels naked without it. I need suggestion for alternatives. He can’t get a tattoo due to him being a teacher (no visible tattoos). Any suggestion would be helpful.
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