Sarah & Andy’s casual, secular, feminist, ceremony and dance party

The offbeat bride: Sarah, Mechanical Engineer (and OBT Member)

Her offbeat partner: Andy, soon-to-be-employed as a Materials Engineer

Location & date of wedding: Fitzhaven Estate, Lake Tahoe, CA — July 12, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: We had a pretty big budget thanks to Andy's parents, but had our hearts set on the stunning venue, the caterers, and the cake.

The rest of the wedding was hand-crafted, like the birdcage veil and other hairpieces. In addition the centerpieces were made by my mom and aunt using beads that had been passed down from my grandmother.

Andy and I decided that we wanted a secular and inclusive ceremony, which was mostly comprised of inspiring and romantic readings by our friends and family. Andy and I walked down the aisle arm-in-arm and had mixed-gender attendants. The “homily” was lifted directly from the Massachusetts supreme court ruling that was the first in the country to legalize same-sex marriage.

After that, we just ate and danced till they kicked us out! It was amazingly casual and everyone had a great time.

Our biggest challenge: The biggest challenge was to get everything done in time. We planned most of the wedding from our home base in Texas, but flew in several days early to do the finishing touches. Unfortunately, our friends all flew in early too. We were busy driving friends and family from the airport and only realized a few days before the wedding that we hadn't made a dance playlist or made a seating chart, among other things. Luckily we could rely on our friends and family to step up and take care of a bunch of the last-minute details – one friend steamed my wedding dress on the morning of the wedding, then proceeded to iron 5 button-up shirts for the groom and other attendants!

My favorite moment: After the ceremony, Andy and I disappeared for a quiet moment alone, followed by a private session in the woods with the photographer. We were all giggly and goofy and the energy was very intense. Some of the best pictures from the whole evening came from that session. It was incredible just to be there with Andy and connect with him without the other guests around. It helped that Courtney, our photographer, was so warm and it seemed natural to be in front of the camera.

My advice for offbeat brides: Plan and communicate your plans well in advance, but on the day of the wedding, try to go with the flow! I had thought that I didn't want to do all those stuffy patriarchal traditions like the father-daughter dance, but at one point in the evening it seemed really natural for my dad and I to have a private moment together on the dance floor. It really was a special moment, moreso because it wasn't exactly planned.

Another example: since we didn't have a DJ a few of my friends messed around with our crafted-at-the-last-minute playlist, but generally it lead to better songs over-all!

One final piece of advice following from “my favorite moment” – plan for your best pictures to happen right after the ceremony. All the posed photos we took before the ceremony look a little strained as we were still in planning mode, people were late, etc. But after the ceremony everyone looked a lot more relaxed and engaged with the photographer. Since we didn't care much about the posed photos this worked out well for us, but brides who want extra-nice posed portraits should consider doing them after the ceremony.

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?

• Photographer: My photographer was the amazing Courtney Wilson who was really friendly and didn't seem phased at all by the off-beat elements. All our guests raved about her!
• Catering and cake: D'lish Catering the Indian/Mediterranean buffet was delicious, and they took care of all the rentals and staffing as well.

Enough talk — show me the wedding inspo!