Posted byThese Storm Troopers and zombies may be familiar to you, and you may have seen Deyanna & Dustin's ceremony too. I can only imagine how much you want to see the rest. Read on, friends!
The offbeat bride: Deyanna, Full-time mom and misc. artist (and Tribesmaid)
Her offbeat partner: Dustin, Structural Engineer
Date and location of wedding: The Gatehouse at Lionsgate Event Center, Lafayette, CO — March 31, 2012
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: We basically scrapped a cohesive theme and dubbed our wedding a “hodge-podge of awesome.” We took wedding party photos at a graveyard. The groomsmen were Stormtroopers. Two zombies followed me down the aisle. We chopped up a zombie head with a machete in lieu of a unity candle. Our ceremony music included Guns N' Roses, The Beatles, Queen, and AC/DC.
We had a fajita bar for dinner. The open bar had five kegs of various home-brew and two kegs of homemade mead brewed by the groom and a couple of his friends. Instead of a champagne toast, we did car bombs (our favorite!). We booked Denver locals That Eighties Band to rock the dance floor.
Green man (who was actually our officiant!) crashed the party. We also did not do a bouquet toss, garter toss, cake cutting, or any sermons.
Tell us about the ceremony: We wrote the ceremony and vows ourselves. A good friend (and one of the reasons we met) was our officiant. We tried hard to make it light-hearted and funny, and had our maid of honor and best man do a reading from Calvin and Hobbes.
Deyanna's vows:
When you are hungry, I will fry you some thick-cut peppered bacon and slice up some nice ripe avocado to build you a rockin' sandwich and then bake a pineapple upside-down cake that you can have all to yourself.
When you are sad, I will pour you a tall black IPA and then try to recite quotes from Robot Chicken: Star Wars until you laugh beer out of your nose and hopefully forget why you were so sad.
When you are sick, I will sacrifice all my softest blankets to make sure that you are warm enough. Then I will bring you chicken noodle soup and a glass of ginger ale; I'll even hold the crazy straw for you.
When you are tired, I will finally stop talking so darn much so your brain can rest. Then, I will give you a back rub so that your body can rest too as you drift off to sleep.
When you are bored, I will invent silly new games for us to play so that only you and I know the rules. If that doesn't work, I will give you a list of chores you could do and suddenly the games will sound a lot better.
When you are mad, I will listen to you rant about your day at work, bad traffic, or whatever else is on your mind. I promise to nod and agree by saying things like “yeah, that guy is a jerk!”
When you are hurt, I will kiss your boo-boos better and cover them with cartoon Star Wars band-aids. Then, I will hunt down the butthead who did it and beat the living crap out of them.
When you are old, I will fetch you some prune juice and rub the bunions on your feet while we complain about how kids these days have no respect.
But when you are happy, I'll be happy too. And when you are laughing, I'll laugh with you. I only hope that in the years to come, and as our family grows, that I can find some way to make you happier and happier every day.
And when the zombies come, I'll stand back to back with you and fight off the hoard. But if you should be bitten, I'll hold out my arm so that you can bite me too. Then we'll share brains and laugh because being a zombie is more fun anyway.
I love you, Dustin. Not just because you are funny, smart, sweet, and a million other things that I could go on about… but because you make me feel like I matter. With you, the bad stuff doesn't seem so bad and the good stuff is a thousand times better. You've already been such a wonderful husband and father. I'm so lucky to have you and I promise to love you rain or shine. I can't wait for the rest of our lives together.
Dustin's vows:
When you are Hungry, I'll use my finely honed culinary skills to turn our cupboard of ingredients into the most delectable meal you can imagine. A symphony for your taste buds to waltz to. Until I discover that all we've got is Hamburger Helper, and no burger. Then, I'll take you to Taco Bell.
When you are Sad, I'll give you my shoulder to cry on, and my ear to vent to. I'll bring you tissues and ice cream. And then I'll make silly faces and tell you corny jokes that you can pretend are funny.
When you are Sick, I'll give you thousands of milligrams of vitamin C and Echinacea, spoon feed you chicken noodle soup, keep the baby occupied, and temporarily relinquish control of the remote.
When you are Tired, I'll pour you a glass of Cab-Franc, bring you your comfy clothes, turn the TV on to ‘Friends' reruns, and tell you what I did at work today.
When you are Bored, I'll offer suggestions like crocheting, baking cupcakes, and Facebook. I'll wander the aisles of Hobby Lobby with you, and I'll point to random places in the Yellow Pages to visit. And, I'll tell you stories of growing up in Montrose, so your boredom doesn't seem so bad by comparison.
When you are Mad, I'll hunt down that no-good, rootin' tootin', sunnuva varmit that made you angry, and bring ‘im back to you with a bow on, so you can kick ‘im in the shins and give ‘im a wedgie. Man, I hope it isn't me that caused your anger.
When you are Hurt, I'll probably tell you to buck-up and walk it off. But, after that, I'll clean the ouchie, and kiss it until it's better. It actually will hurt me more than it hurts you, sprinkling rubbing alcohol on it.
When you are Old, well, I'll be really old. But, I'll try my best to help you chase the high-schoolers off our lawn, and to remember to tell you to turn off the blinker.
But when you are Happy, I hope that means that, somehow, by the grace of God, I've managed to fulfill some of these things I've listed. And, it also means that I'm happy, for having you in my life, and just having the opportunity to bring joy to your life.
When the zombies come, I'll stand with you, watching your back, knowing that you've got mine, fending off brain-eaters with machete and 12 gauge, until we find a nice abandoned castle to live out our days. Together.
Deyanna, I am, without a doubt, a much better person for having you in my life. Be it our inside jokes, our Sundays watching football or running errands, our crazy imaginations creating together, or our handsome son. Can't imagine spending another day without you, and truly love you.
Here is the full video of our ceremony:
Our biggest challenge: The biggest challenge was definitely people. It was incredibly hard to keep my cool during disagreements sometimes. We also questioned whether people understood that they have to RSVP. One guest never RSVPed, showed up two days before the wedding, and then asked if they could crash on our couch!
My favorite moment: We had a lot of really great moments, but I would have to say that the most meaningful was our vows. We're not usually the mushy-gushy types, we're really more the fart joke types. So to have such a “real” moment in front of all those people gave me crazy butterflies. We both teared up ever-so-slightly, but we made it through.
My funniest moment: Definitely our zombie unity “candle” FAIL. We tried to chop the head with a machete but the latex skin was so thick that the machete just bounced off. Then, Dustin decided to just knock it off the table and stomp on it. I was afraid to stomp lest my heel get stuck and I fall on my ass. So I thought I'd give it a gentle kick down the aisle, but it bounced off my toe and flew straight for my mother's head (and our friend holding the camera)! Oh, and there's a video:
My advice for Offbeat Brides: I've seen a lot of Offbeat Brides talk about how their friends or family don't like their wedding choices. We were also concerned about that, so we saved a lot of headaches by keeping as much as possible a “surprise.” We made sure to avoid saying “We don't want your opinions,” but instead just put the emphasis on excitement and surprise.
Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?
- Photography: Rachel Kriegshauser
- Band: That Eighties Band
- Venue: Lionsgate Event Center
- Hair: Niki Vox
- Flowers: Miranda Gaudian
- Peacock hair clip: daniAWESOME
- Bride's dress: Venus Bridal
- Necklace: Jewels by Park Lane, Nicole Strimbu
- Earrings: Swarovski
- Shoes: Fergalicious
- Fajita Bar: Hacienda Colorado
- Tuxedos: Men's Warehouse
- Zombie head and wedding party gifts: Cori and Jesse, Etsy seller MischiefMaker
- Ceremony Music: Vitamin String Quartet
- Wine: Garfield Estates Winery
Enough talk — show me the wedding inspo!
fashion: daniAWESOME
Want to see MORE geeky and zombie weddings?
- A 1920s-inspired peacocks and zombies wedding
- For the zombie “fans” out there
- Rose & Aaron's zombies and pizza Wooly Bugger farm wedding
- Lisa & Kyle's zombie apocalypse, punk-rock dance party wedding
- Zombie wedding portraits for your dearly beloved/deceased
- Candice & Greg's Zombie Walk Wedding
- Amber & Trey's nerdy love pop culture wedding
- Geeky undies for a sexy wedding night surprise
- Lisa & Dan's gamer geeks in love wedding
About the Author: Offbeat Weditors
Working tirelessly to bring you stimulating content day after day, the Offbeat Wed editors will not sleep until you've gotten your offbeat fix.
aww those vows are so lovely and so personal. I’m not surprised you had butterflies, but well done on ploughing on ahead any way 🙂
Oh, man, that video is amazing!
Full disclosure, I usually just skim most of the vows in the OBB wedding profiles… but not this time. They are fantastic!
And your baby is 50 shades of ADORABLE.
Thank you! I’m pretty proud of how our vows turned out and I like to think that they’re not TOO boring. I’m even more proud of my baby, so double thanks! I think he’s adorable too but my opinion can hardly be objective.
Best vows ever. Hands down! Care if I steal the general premise? Obviously many of the details will not apply! Absolutely love them! Plus, I’m a fellow Coloradan!
Steal away! I’m not using them anymore 😉 …and thanks!
I second that! One of the best – if not the best – vows I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.
Absolutely amazing! I love the zombies! <3 My only concern would be offending people by doing this in a graveyard. While I personally have no issue with it, I know a lot of people in my family who would be offended by people running over graves and whatnot. Was this an issue at all for you?
No one expressed concern to us. The only people at the graveyard were wedding party (no family or other guests) and while some of them joked about how weird we are, none of them seemed bothered by it. Also, while getting our photo ops in, we made sure to be as respectful as possible and avoided stomping around on the actual graves.
I really wanted to have pictures in a graveyard for the beauty of it, not because of the zombies (zombies can attack us anywhere!). I’m a bit obsessed with the aesthetic value of graveyards and take pictures of exceptional ones when I travel
I am in love with ALL of this!! I am doing (or rather NOT doing) all of the “traditional” stuff. And the worst part of that decision is the people. They just can’t seem wrap their heads around “non-traditional”. Including my own dammit MOH who knows me! Your vows are spectacular! I’ll be offering a double pump should he be bitten by a zombie…so you two are nicer…LOL! Our daughter us going to be involved and wants to do a light saber battle!
Wonderful wedding!! Thank you! (and I may steal some vows too!)
Holy cow! A lightsaber battle would make a really awesome sub for a wedding party dance!
Courageous and well done, huzzah! And the unplanned funny stuff is the stuff of video and pictures we found as well!
Thank you!! We’re in the midst of planning a hodge podge themed wedding ourselves with zombies, balloon hats, beer, and candy. It makes me happy that your day was so unique and beautiful. Your vows made me laugh and cry. Thank you. It’s nice to know that other couples have successfully managed to make their day all their own.
Shut the front door! I love you guys! Incorporating Star Wars and Zombies has blown my mind in so many good ways. Your vows are extra adorable. Bravo!
Beautiful and full of love and joy! Loved the vows. I wish you both many happy years together!
For those of you worried about the graveyard, it’s not as uncommon as you’d think.
I’ve been to 2 weddings in a graveyard and it’s a beautiful setting and everyone showed respect to the departed and the seriousness of the ceremony. Of course the 1 that had life sized puppets of the grooms departed parents was a little strange…
It absolutely is a beautiful setting! Isn’t that why we take the time to pick meaningful headstones for the departed? The way I see it, a cemetery is a place where we keep our departed loved ones… and a wedding is a celebration of love. Love love love! <3
Hold on. What did they read from Calvin and Hobbes?
The reading is in quotes about 2/3 down…
http://offbeatwed.com/2012/04/silly-ceremony-wording-with-zero-religion
AWESOME! Our own wedding wasn’t nearly as offbeat as I wanted it to be, but we still managed to get married on Halloween. Kudos and congrats to you both!
Been reading all sorts of vows for months, had to go steal candy from a child or clean up my own vomit after many of them…being so sickly sweet and generic. Your vows are the first that made me say “i can do this” and write our own. thanks!
Thank you so much! You totally can do this!!! Writing the vows was one of the hardest things for me to do… I wanted to be sincere without being sickeningly sappy and still sound like ‘us’. Your comment really made me smile!
A quick reiterated thank you to all of you with nice things to say… Our wedding is suddenly blowing up all over the blog-o-sphere and a lot of people have some really nasty things to say (not all blogs are as nicely moderated as Offbeat Bride). It’s amazing the things that people will say when there’s a computer screen hiding their faces. Somehow, the internet has a way of making us all forget when our mommies said ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say…’
Long story short, thank you to all of you who see that this was about celebrating how much we love each other in a way that expressed who we are and for giving me warm fuzzies with your nice comments. 🙂
You know, back before I started working for the Empire, I had certain sites that were “safe” for me to read the comments. I loved how Offbeat Bride was always a safe spot for reading comments. I’m bummed that you’re having to read those, but at least you know for every one troll, there are TONS of lurkers who are totally loving what you’re doing. 🙂
Now is the ideal time to read this post: How to deal when your wedding goes viral and people hate it!
Just when I think that you guys have thought of everything and that I’ve already seen it all… thx! I really honestly appreciate all the work that the Empire staff does. Now, I think go disconnect for a while.
I have to say I think you are BRILLIANT for keeping your choices a “surprise” to avoid having to hear potential distaste about things you were excited about. I think a lot of times family members are confused or unhappy about ideas when they have time to think about them – when they’re just thrust into the wedding without prior expectations, they’re more likely to smile and go along with it and later remember it as “fun” instead of “stupid/crazy.”
Love (!!!) the purple dress and the zombie head. Even if it didn’t turn out as planned, I still think it was perfect! Also yay for a northern colorado wedding!!
What an amazing wedding! And those vows – well, they made me tear up a little. I am in awe. Congratulations!