While shopping for his outfit, my future husband goes straight for the shoes that cost twice as much as my dress did. (It was a complete “bargain,” but still…) And we had a slightly tense conversation about budget and finance.
Like an evil-but-sensible Bridezilla, I say no to the beautiful shoes.
We continued to search all day, and I tried to make him settle for some less-beautiful shoes. I felt terrible because the original shoes were the first thing that he had felt and showed mucho-emotion about in the groom's clothes department.
Then my bridesmaid pointed out that if it was the bride saying “I want to spend X amount on shoes because they're perfect and wonderful, and they'll make me feel just like a princess.” Then everyone, including the groom, would be telling the bride to JUST BUY THEM!
At which point I threw caution to the wind and we bought his dream shoes.
It's so easy to let the day be “all about the bride.” But it was worth spending that extra money, for that smile on my partner's face. THAT was priceless.
Now we have both been jumping around the house in our wedding shoes since we got home. It's amazing to share that “I'm getting married, I'm like a real-life princess, and I feel so fancy” feeling with him.
So don't forget the wedding is about both of you, and don't forget to make the groom feel like a fancy princess too!
Comments on Your groom should feel like a fancy princess too!
My guy’s outfit cost 4 times more than mine, but it was exactly like this. I got what I really wanted, and so did he. And we both looked amazing! 😀
Same with my groom and me! I happened to find a dress I loved at a total bargain but the suit he wanted (which was the perfect color, while not being too expensive and just so happened to fit him like a glove right off the rack) was about 3 times as much as my dress.
We bought new shoes for the groom and then got fancy leather shoelaces on Etsy to coordinate with the wedding colors (his tie, pocket square, etc.). And we LOVE the photos that show his feet!
We also took a black suit that he already owned (off the rack) and took it to a tailor to have it custom fit to his body. What a difference that made! He is now in the process of having all his suits and sport coats done.
Guys want to look good for the wedding (and in general) too!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/craftanne/search?search_query=1.5&order=date_desc&view_type=gallery&ref=shop_search is what we used to make shoelaces (like the ones in the photo above!)
. . . am I the only one saying, “WELL DUH!”?
This is so timely — I got married over three years ago, but we’re going to a wedding this weekend and my husband is busting out the suit we had custom-made for our own wedding. I was commenting to a friend the other day that I’m glad he’s “finally making use of it again.” I went on to explain that we spent loads of money on him getting the perfect three-piece suit, with the justification that he’d be able to wear it again many times, but that it hadn’t happened until now. My friend gently asked, “how much was your dress?” ($100 more than the suit) “And how many times have you worn that again?”
*put in my place*
We had a similar experience. I was trying to make things easy on my man and offered to find him some nice khaki pants and a white or cream button down shirt so the guys could look all summery and stuff as our wedding was July 23, 2011. He insisted they all needed to be in suits and leather shoes and the whole works. For me it wasn’t about money though, it was about practicality – we didn’t both need to be roasting our tits off in the heat! After thinking about it more though, I realized he wanted to look just as amazing as I did and “let” him order suits.
I designed my dress and spent a little over $200 on material for it. My husband spent almost $500 on the kilt alone not to mention the highland shirt, the socks, the belt buckle and sporran all bought specially for the wedding 🙂 He looked so wonderful and gets a lot of wear out of all the elements throughout the year.
We approached our wedding as *our* special day not just the brides.
My husband has large feet. Like, really large, if you’re lucky you might find three pairs in the store in your size, feet. As an adult he never got to pick shoes based aesthetics, just whether or not it fit and it wasn’t too ugly for words. For our wedding we spent the money to get him really nice shoes (online) that were pretty flashy. It was really fun to watch him show off his snazzy shoes to everyone on our wedding day.
This just happened with his ring actually-
Mine is his family heirloom and I’m not getting a band so when we went to get his band I was trying to aim for a metal that was less expensive when he REALLLLLLLY wanted a more expensive one. I had to put my budget concerns aside and remember IT’S HIS SYMBOL OF OUR MARRIAGE FOREVER -and he REALLY likes it
My brother had the most baller shoes I had ever seen at his wedding. You could tell he was super pumped that he got to buy and wear them just for the wedding.
I have actually really enjoyed pampering my fiance a bit when it came to picking out his clothes and ring. It felt so good to say “Baby, it’s your day.” It made me rethink the bristle I used to get when people said the same thing to me. People just want you to feel special and happy. Bride or Groom!
My fiancé really wants a unique pair of shoes for our wedding, a dress shoe that has been painted or drawn on somehow to include his love of fallout. I’ve tried looking everywhere and I can’t find anything, can anyone suggest anything? Even just a website with ‘iron fist’ style men’s dress shoes might be a good start of anyone knows of one, thanks 🙂
Have you tried to find some local lowbrow or street artists? Custom vans and cons are pretty popular in the street art scene, and there’s some awesomely talented pinstriping and sign writing artists in the hot rod world. Maybe you could find some base shoes and commission an artist to paint them with a fallout vibe?
so many times it’s all about the bride, bride, bride. love this concept that the groom should feel like a princess too!
My husband and I were talking about grooms’ feelings this week, just after our 1-year anniversary. He was really miserable in the 18 hours leading up to our wedding. It wasn’t until this week that I began to understand what that was all about. 10 minutes before our ceremony was set to begin he started yelling at me, an episode we have all lightly and laughingly referred to as his “groomzilla moment”. It wasn’t until this week that he explained how hurt he has been by that label, and explained why he felt he needed to make his feelings known right then, as our guests were being seated and I was supposed to be putting on my dress. He wasn’t trying to be an ass (Duh!); he was hurting and was trying to get some sympathy from the person who was supposed to care the most. Unfortunately, I completely dropped the ball.
As we sat there arguing this week it finally dawned on me that what he was saying was that he wished he had been given the same consideration as the bride (me). No one would *dream* of doing things against the brides wishes on HER special day, but no one had asked HIM what he wanted, what did HE need, could they help HIM? All the attention was on me and he was left feeling alone and lonely. What an awful feeling on your wedding day and the day before! I admit I am the biggest culprit in making him feel that way, and that’s what hurt his feelings the most.
Part of the problem was that we had different expectations of what would happen that day, and didn’t communicate those expectations to each other. We didn’t because the way it was going to play out in each of our heads “was so obviously the way it ‘should’ happen it didn’t merit discussion” (aka “why would anyone do it any other way?”). How wrong we were! His expectation was, “We are a couple, a team, the whole reason this is happening. We should be trying to spend time together when possible while we set up, greet guests, etc.” My thinking was, “There’s a lot to get done. We will be spending the rest of our lives together, things can happen more smoothly and efficiently if we split the tasks.” When he tried to say he wanted to be with me, others turned to me, as the bride (aka “The Important One”) for direction and everything was done my way, leaving him to feel like crap. If we had realized the difference in ways of looking at that day, we could have dealt with those issues and feelings and avoided a year’s worth of hurt feelings. Of course I didn’t want my groom to feel left out and lonely on his wedding day!! If I had realized I would have addressed the issue. I was so caught up in what was going on I didn’t stop and say, “Are you getting what you need?”. I wish I had. It would have helped a lot.
I know this is long, and sort of off topic, except that it does address the issue of why grooms feelings are important too. All too often (especially in Onbeat weddings, but it can happen in the unicorn and rainbow strewn world of Offbeat weddings too), the groom is seen as the guy who is supposed to “show up and shut up”. To me that ranks right up there with letting kids bully other kids because “kids will be kids, it’s part of growing up”. That’s Bullshit (with a capital B), and I feel terrible, and sad that I did that to the sweetest, most wonderful man on planet Earth on the most significant day of our life together.
Luckily, once the ceremony started everything was perfect and we had a magical day.
I don’t usually like to think of myself as a “princess”, but I think both bride and groom should feel as if they are treated that way on their wedding day.
So much this. It’s been really important for me to often check in with my FH about what he’s feeling and what he wants. We’ve both identified that we need to listen to each other, make sure we have good reasons for wanting something and that we do nothing that we don’t both agree on.
It’s totally OUR day, and it makes me angry when other people forget to ask for his opinion or “joke” “Is that what he wants or what he’s told is happening?”.
I am glad you changed your mind, it is the most special day of your life.. Let it be perfect, stand up for yourself men 😉
Haha, I’m exactly the opposite – not only would I tell him “no, that’s too expensive” but I expect him to do the same if I get out of control dress/accessory shopping!
I smiled a lot at your comment, Passerby, but I have a question for you: how easy would it be for you to hear your Future Husband to tell you “no” to a dress and/or accessory, especially if it’s something you really wanted?
This is wonderful! When my fiance and I went shopping around for tuxes, he kept looking at me and expecting that I would pick his outfit out for him. I told him to try on whatever he wanted and see what he really liked. He usually wanders around in his work clothes, so I wanted him to feel snazzy for the wedding. He ended up choosing an all white tux with black and white shoes, colorful socks, and funky laces. He asked me to make boutonnieres special for him and his guys and I happily agreed. I can’t wait to see him all dressy and happy on our wedding day. Because I agree, he should feel just as special.
Haha! This reminds me of a similar(ish) problem I had with my mum… not groom related I know, but it fits the topic. We went shopping together a few months before our wedding to find her a nice new dress to wear. Mum doesn’t usually spend a lot on clothes or buy new things, but I wanted to treat her and for her to feel at her best on the day- I knew she was nervous about the way she looked for the pictures etc.
We found a beautiful dress (suitably un-mother-of-bridey) which looked wonderful and I was so excited. I encouraged her to try on some matching shoes with it, and pick up a gorgeous clutch bag too. I’d never seen her look so fab and it made me really happy. Her response was that it was too expensive and how could she possibly spend more on her outfit than I had on my (bargain) dress??? Trying to explain to her that it was important to me that she felt good and had something perfect to wear, and that it wasn’t about the amount spent, was quite difficult to say the least!
In the end, after lots of ‘discussing’ in the changing rooms, we bought her the outfit, including the shoes and handbag, and a matching shrug. She only felt better about it later on when she (her words) ‘redressed the balance’ by buying me the beautiful shoes I wanted to wear. She looked amazing and comfortable and happy on our wedding day and I didn’t give a s*** about how much it cost!
Weddings make people crazy…
So often it’s all about the bride, people tell you it’s your day. Everytime I have to correct them. No it is Our day. He has equal input on every part of this process and I hope that he feels every bit the princess standing at the alter in his custom made zoot suit 🙂
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