Date and location: 9/28/2024 at Cornet Bay Retreat Center at Deception Pass State Park in Anacortes, WA
Our Queer Woodland Dungeons and Dragons Camping Trip wedding at a glance:
Rad and I met at probably the least romantic environment possible – working at the county Coroner's office when we were both death investigators. After about a year of scene responses and autopsies (super romantic, I know), we were dating. From the beginning of our relationship, Rad was adamant that we would be getting married at some point in the future, turns out he was right!
Once we got engaged, we knew we wanted to incorporate the things we loved into our wedding. Our big three came down to Dungeons and Dragons, camping/hiking, and tattoos. We both love the Pacific Northwest, and Deception Pass was one of our favorite places to camp when we were living and working in Northern Washington.
Finding a venue close to the park that was also within our budget was originally a challenge, but we learned there was a retreat center and event space right on park property! While we knew we wanted to have the ceremony during the cooler months due to our respective chronic pain (heat = inflammation), the availability of the retreat center helped narrow us down to late September.
While the path to the wedding was full of challenges, from layoffs to moving to hospital visits, we had an amazing team of family members and friends cheering us on. Our moms and Dylan's sister helped us talk through weekly meetings to make sure we were on track and help take things off our plate when things got too stressful. It really made the process feel like much more of a community effort.
Tell us about the Queer Woodland Dungeons and Dragons Camping Trip ceremony:
We held the ceremony on the retreat center grounds, at a stone bonfire overlooking the bay. Dylan and their friends constructed a backdrop to cover the fireplace itself, and our florist covered the whole area in greenery. It looked exactly how we hoped – covered in greenery and reflecting the woods we were surrounded by. the area was remote enough that deer regularly wandered through, even up through the ceremony!
While we couldn't scatter anything on the ground, Rad's brother handed out flowers to everyone on the aisle seats, and Dylan walked down the aisle to a Spanish cover of “make you feel my love” by Bob Dylan. During the ceremony, we had two family members perform readings for us – the first was Dylan's aunt Gabby, who wrote a poem for us, and Rad's stepdad Matthew read a passage by Richard Bach. Both were extremely personal, and it meant so much to have them support us.
Additionally, our officiant was a close friend of ours, and we worked with them to create a ceremony that was personalized while incorporating faith rituals that mattered to us. To do this, we decided on three marriage rituals; an exchange of rings and consent, a sharing of wine, and a hand fasting prayer while we read our vows.
Dylan: I was raised catholic, and while I knew I didn't want to get married in a church, I wanted to incorporate pieces of the catholic wedding ceremony where appropriate. While Isevan (our officiant) is not an ordained priest, we settled on keeping the exchange of rings and consents typically found in catholic wedding services. It was personally really affirming to get to incorporate parts of my faith without having to have a full catholic service; this felt far more relaxed and more faithful to us as a couple.
Radovan: I personally identify with the Jewish faith, but wanted a more secular ceremony since we have people of all faiths (including Dylan!) attending and participating in the wedding. I really enjoyed the sharing of wine, a tradition in Jewish wedding ceremonies with an accompanying prayer and, my personal favorite, the hand-fasting.
We performed a three-chord hand fasting, incorporating each into our knot while we read our vows, and the final cord while the guests all repeated a blessing for us. That's about when we both started crying, our vows have been incorporated below (with some edits for length):
Radovan: Dylan, Standing here with you feels both surreal and absolutely inevitable. Every moment of my life, every decision, every choice, has led me right here, and for that, I wouldn’t change anything. You have this magical ability to make me feel so calm and at home, yet simultaneously like the sun is in my chest, I’ve never felt anything like it. I’ve never been so sure that I was put on this earth to do exactly this, to love you with everything I have and to provide for you and the family we want to build. This is the part where I promise you things, things I’ll do for you, things I’ll give to you, but if you’ll bear with me, instead, I have a few things to ask of you. Let me help shoulder your burdens. Show me your grief, your sadness, your anger. Trust in me to keep our heads above water when the world threatens to drown us. Most importantly, believe me when I say that my hands are yours, and even if I can’t carry it for you, I can carry you.
Dylan: Radovan…even outside of these circumstances, I would have a hard time explaining how you leave me awestruck and sometimes fearful of how much and how hard you love me. I worry it is not unwisely, but too well, and far better than I deserve. I have spent most of my life making mistakes, and I thought that meant I was less deserving of care and hard work. It was overwhelming to meet someone who has spent every day choosing us and embracing the same mistakes that brought me down. …With every step we have taken to get here, I can say that getting to meet every version of you has been the greatest privilege of my life. I am honored to watch you change and grow as a colleague, as a friend, as a partner, and now, as your wife. I promise to do all I can to strengthen us; it's the best way I can think of to thank you. For believing enough for the both of us….For coffee in bed in the mornings and popcorn and horror movies at night. For telling me what you want and need without fear, and letting me do those things for you. Thank you for showing me that I can and should be loved in abundance, just as I am, in this life and after, 'til death and decay do us part. I'll close by saying you knew we would end up here long before I did. I'm sorry it took me a bit to catch up with you. Thanks for waiting – i can't wait to take the next steps in tandem with you. Te amo siempre, mi amore.
Tell us about the Queer Woodland Dungeons and Dragons Camping Trip reception:
We really wanted the the vibe to land on “classy but comfortable”; To encourage people to dress nicely, but keeping in mind that we were staying in the woods, sleeping in bunkhouses, and running around on hiking trails. We also encouraged everyone to wear fantasy elements like capes, horns, ears, and tails, and our friends definitely delivered. In keeping with the “camping trip” feel of the wedding, we invited guests to stay on site with us at the retreat center bunkhouses, and it ended up feeling like a big sleepover going into getting ready. This also served as great way to let our friends and family have a quiet place to sit if they needed it, or a place with access to a bed for our friends with mobility concerns.
In keeping with the laid back theme, we decided on charcuterie and small bites for our cocktail party, and wood fired pizza and salad for dinner. We kept assigned seating just to prevent crowding, and Dylan DIY'd all of the center pieces for the tables and assigned each table a DnD class to match.
We also had a “build your own loot bag” bar full of dice, chocolate coins, and temporary tattoos that we also put together!
One of our goals was to make use of the whole property, and so we made sure people had the chance to explore the space during the reception. We set up a fire pit and s'mores outside, and the center had lawn games we were able to set up on the lawn too.
What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding?
Over the course of the planning process, we learned the stress of the little details and the associated vendors needed to combat those details could be overwhelming. The ability to talk through our options with friends and family truly helped us feel grounded and talk through our decisions, in addition to asking for help when challenges became too large or too time sensitive. We also struggled to adapt to changes in our individual needs as chronically ill folks (both of us struggle with crowds and over stimulation, in addition to chronic health conditions) so having the ability to take breaks and have places to go was something we were adamant about with our vendors and parents. We found finding designated spaces made for a far smoother experience – and it gave us time to catch our breath!
Dylan: My suggestion to Offbeat readers is to have a variety of people on your team – people who will pump you up, people who will help you kill your darlings, and people who will Get Shit Done without further instruction from you. Also, don't let comparison get you down! There were times we worried our wedding wasn't queer enough and was ignoring a part of ourselves. Both us being trans/gender non-conforming, our queerness was something we wanted to embrace during this process, but were discouraged when comparing ourselves to other queer weddings or couples. Relax! Your wedding is exactly as queer and fun as you are, and anybody that tells you different is trying to sell you something.
Queer Woodland Dungeons and Dragons Camping Trip vendors
Photographer: Jodi Crawford she's my mother-in-law, and gifted our photos as a wedding present! Jodi was absolutely amazing as a photographer, she made sure to give everyone time and attention throughout the weekend, scouting out locations ahead of time, and making sure we stayed on schedule while leaving space to have lots of fun <3
Posted by
Comments on Queer Woodland Dungeons and Dragons Camping Trip Wedding