Mom’s my BFF: Should I have my mom as maid of honor?

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Should I have my mom as maid of honor?
No matter what her title, she's always a star
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My mother is my best friend and I would love for her to be my maid of honour. My dad thinks that it's not appropriate because I “should choose someone my own age” and “the mother of the bride is a role that is demanding enough.” What do you guys think? Does anyone have experience with this topic? What do I need to take into account?

– Nina

I LOVE this question! I can definitely relate to having your mom be a top candidate for maid/matron of honor since she'd probably end up doing most of the leg work if I was having a wedding (sorry, mom!). Plus, we're just really tight. But in her particular case, she might not want to be anything but the mother of the bride since that designation is pretty rad in itself.

Obviously, on this site, there are no rules when it comes to picking your wedding party members (or not even having one at all). I think it more depends on what your mom wants. If she'd rather have the honor of being in the role of “mother of the bride” and any traditions that go along with that, then that may be her preference. Mothers and parents can often have roles in unity ceremonies, flower ceremonies, and generally be honored in the program and toasting at the rehearsal dinner and/or reception.

The maid/matron of honor often (but not always) has duties that involve throwing showers and/or bachelorette parties. It may actually be a lot for her to take on, especially if she's already helping you in the down and dirty wedding planning. Adding traditional maid of honor duties, like planning the other parties, might be a lot.

However, there's absolutely no real rules anymore when it comes to which wedding party members, friends, or family members plans which parties or is involved in which planning duties. I'd suggest that if you do plan to have your mom as maid/matron of honor, give her the choice in which activities she'd like a role. Then whatever roles are left are delegated to your friends or other wedding party members. Just having your mom in the wedding party alone will shake things up enough to let everyone know that it may deviate from the norms they may be expecting. But it totally CAN be done and will be awesome regardless. If you'd love for her to take on the role and she's willing and excited, absolutely do it.

TLDR: see if being maid/matron of honor is something your mother would want, and if so, make it happen! If she'd rather let someone else do the party-planning legwork, that's cool, too. Customize the planning to what makes sense for her, you, and the rest of your squad. Ultimately, it's just a title that can be as flexible as you want it to be.

Fellow readers: would you consider having your mom as maid of honor? Help a fellow Offbeat Bride out with your experiences!

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Comments on Mom’s my BFF: Should I have my mom as maid of honor?

  1. I am having my mom as my maid of honor! My sister is second bridesmaid and we decided that anything that felt like to much for my mom to do,since she will be playing two roles, will ultimately go to my sister. So while my mom is my maid of honor, my sister kind of is too.

  2. My grandmother was my matron of honor when I got married and I was so happy I made that choice. Having your mom standing up there with you, having your back, will be lovely if it is a role she would like to have!

  3. I agree with the article, let your mom decide what she wants. I saw this adorable article where the bride had her grandmother as a bridesmaid! Love that! I showed my mom that article and she said she wouldn’t want to be part of the bridal party for my sister or I, but would totally for a grand kid. If your mom doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid, you could still as her to stand up with you during the ceremony, or find another way to include her. Either way, it’s so fantastic that you have a close relationship with your mom.

  4. we aren’t having a wedding party, and our mom’s are our witnesses! I’m so excited, and it’s saved a tonne of stress! Thankfully the moms have coordinated their outfits, without meaning to! Since we don’t have a wedding party we’ve invited our guests to wear their bridesmaids dresses if they want!

  5. Since my mom is a single parent and we’re ridiculously close, this was a no brainer for me. I just went ahead and asked if she’d like to be my maid of honour. (My advice would be to ask “would you like to be” instead of “will you be”.) The result was a resounding “NO!” because she hates organising and being mother of the bride is “more than enough”. But it led to great tea drinking, hugs, happiness and love, because she loved that I had asked her.

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