Yesterday was hubby's and my 7th month anniversary. (If we kept track of those things. It usually ends up, “Hey! It was our monthiversary yesterday!” “Yay us!”) I got a chance to reflect on marriageness as opposed to weddingness. Which is good because we're constantly asked by people “So how's it feel being married?” and while our standard answer is “Pretty much the same, but with jewelry”, that isn't quite right.
All I know is it's freaking awesome. It's like I've been living life going to the $2 movie theater, and now I'm sitting smack dab in the middle of an IMAX.
Thus, I reflected. Matt and I were together for 8 years before we got married, and lived together for 4-5. Our “honeymoon phase” was over a LONG time ago. I knew about his habits (Which I will not entail here as the payback will be wretched. I'll just leave it at disposal of belly button lint), he is well aware of my snoring, neurotic food habits. (“You cut it on the diagonal. NO NOT LIKE THAT!!! ARGH I can't eat it now…”), and obsession with parenthetical statements. We still live with his family (We pay the bills so they don't lose the house), we still share a twin bed (and chiropractor visits), there are no babies (in spite of my screaming ovaries), we're no more or less romantic then we were before (This is the guy who pantsed me in the middle of a BJs Wholesale Club a scant 2 weeks ago), so for the most part all the changes that are “supposed” to come after a standard marriage haven't. But I can't get past the point that when I sit and think about it, we are most definitely married, and we feel married.
All I know is it's freaking awesome. It's like I've been living life going to the $2 movie theater, and now I'm sitting smack dab in the middle of an IMAX. Or, as a friend of mine used to describe a certain recreational drug “It's like you've had insanely thick work gloves on for your entire life, then you take them off, and for the first time you can actually feel things.” This person has chosen to pledge their life to me, and I pledged mine to them, how can that not change how I experience the world? Without getting all mumbo jumbo, I'm part of an entity now, something that is bigger than me, but wouldn't exist without me. It's so weird in a fantasmilogical trippy sort of way. And the extremely primitive harpie in me is all “MINE! Take THAT snotty bitches who lusted after him in highschool! I WIN!”
The world sees us differently. I don't know how I feel about that. For some reason we're considered more legitimate then we were before. Hubby lost his job a few weeks ago. It sucks, but he's making the best of it, and becoming a good little house husband until he finds something. He's so good at it, we might make it permanent. While it's perfectly acceptable for him to do that now, if the situation was the same and we weren't married, he'd be looked at as a freeloading bum, regardless of the fact that we've been together so long. People would be pushing me to dump his butt, insisting he wouldn't be able to provide, and on that basis alone I should wash my hands of the relationship now. I know of similar situations where one long term partner stays at home, and even if it's a woman, everyone insists that they're taking advantage of the working partner. What does the ceremonial signing of a legal document do, that suddenly transforms a gold digging leech into a caring home maker?
At the same time, while before I was looked at as an individual person, now the rest of the population sees me as half a marriage. Before I could make my own decisions, now it's “Let us know when your husband will be home.” “What does your husband think?” Believe it or not, being married doesn't render me suddenly incapable of all coherent thought and decision making skills. Plus, if you're talking financials, he runs away screaming when that stuff comes up, and if you cornered him you're going to get an “I need to talk to my wife”, so you're better off talking to me.
Another part of how we're perceived, which I REALLY don't appreciate, and maybe it's just me, but people think that us being married now gives them free license to discuss our sex life. Which is iggy on so many levels. Something that was considered dirty and unmentionable before is now apparently everyone's business. It's incredibly invasive, and I've actually lost a lot of respect for a ton of my parents' acquaintances. Not because older people don't have a right to be sexual beings, I just don't appreciate pushiness, such as when I say we like to keep that kind of thing private, I'm steamrolled by “Have you done this yet?” “This one will get you knocked up right away!” “Oh when *insert friend's grandfather* *verbs* my *body part* with his *other body part* I bellow like a hippo!” I get a lot of mental images that I really wish I could burn out of my brain, even if I forget all of elementary school, it'd be worth it.
I am so glad that I live in a blessedly enlightened state where same sex marriage is legal, so all my local friends and loved ones are afforded the same privileges that “marriage” provides us. I hope and pray that it becomes the norm across the world.
So anyways chicas, that's my take on marriage so far. The part between hubby and me is wonderful, its the rest of the world that has sucktastic parts, but that happens regardless of what it says on your tax forms.
Go forth and be committed! To loved ones… not the other committed thing…