This funny wedding ceremony script is packed with science & pop culture references

When Offbeat Bride reader Gabi told us her sister read a quote from the sitcom Brooklyn Nine-Nine, we had to learn more! Gabi was generous enough to share her entire funny wedding ceremony script with us lead by her wedding celebrant Julie Trump. They wanted a wedding ceremony script that was intimate, personal, and fun, and Julie certainly delivered! We were happily surprised that there were even more great quotes from Carl Sagan, Neil Gaiman, Doctor Who, Star Trek, and even our favorite existential sitcom, The Good Place.

We love this thorough example of a funny wedding ceremony script filled with readings and quotes from the couple's favorite TV shows and books. Let's dive in!

WELCOME

Celebrant:  Thank you. Everyone may please be seated. 

All of you are here today because in one way or another have been a part of Gabi and Erich’s lives. It gladdens their hearts to be surrounded by their friends and family. They thank you for being here to share in their happiness. 

“We humans have the special fortune of being one of the means by which the universe can comprehend itself. Our awareness is a rare gift, and we should remain grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides. 

The sum of all our evolution, our thinking and our accomplishments is love. Marriage is a human ritual, symbolizing the unification of two lives. The result of which is a new whole, a unified vantage, greater than the sum of its composing parts. It gives two questioning natures a renewed reason for living. It is the dawn of a new life – and in that new life, a new warmth to the sunshine, a new beauty to the earth, a new appreciation for life itself.”

– Carl Sagan

CELEBRANT REMARKS

Celebrant:

To recite a favorite quote of Gabi’s from the TV show, The Good Place:

“If soulmates do exist, they’re not found. They’re made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work building a relationship.”

– The Good Place

The marriage of Erich and Gabi begins today on the foundation of a long relationship that started six years ago as co-workers at Panera Bread, where they were in training together. Gabi immediately developed a crush on Erich, obvious to all. But it was not until two years later when she left for new employment that their friendship turned a corner … sparked by a trip to Best Buy together, where Erich acted as a consultant to Gabi’s buying her first computer — and ended the day with lunch at Firehouse subs. As they’ve shared time and experiences together over the last few years, their love and understanding of each other have only grown and deepened into a connection that can never be broken. 

Each of us was brought into the world without any decision of our own; each of us was stamped with the condition of mortality from the moment of conception. And so, of the three most significant events in our lives, birth / marriage / and death, it is only in marriage that we have the full power of personal decision.

In the words of author, Elizabeth Gilbert, “People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it ….”

Erich and Gabi stand across from each other to be joined as Husband and Wife because they have chosen each other above the rest. When we feel safe in the presence of our partner, there is no need to hide any part of ourselves for fear of being judged or rejected. There is a gentleness to the presence of love that softens life’s rough edges. It makes us braver to go forth into the world knowing that the shelter of someone’s love awaits us at the end of the day. In choosing to share their lives with one another, Gabi and Erich trust that their lives will be far richer than had they chosen separate journeys through this world. 

Marriage is a spiritual connection of two people united for a common purpose, bringing love and trust into single focus. It’s a commitment not only to love, but also to life, to the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other human relationship can equal; a joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller; memories more vivid; commitment unshakable; even anger is felt more keenly, and passes away more quickly. 

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nourishes new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing love throughout the seasons of life. 

CHARGE TO COUPLE

Celebrant:

Erich and Gabi, as you head into marriage, remember the words of Doctor Who:

“There’s lots of things you need to get across this Universe. Warp drive … wormhole refractors ….  You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.”

– Doctor Who, Season 2, Episode 11. 

READING

Celebrant:

At this time, the Bride and Groom invite Gabi’s sister, Hannah, to come forward and read something from the “Boyle-Linetti Wedding” episode of the TV show, Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Reader steps forward; Celebrant hands printout

Hannah:

“Marriage is a contract. But it’s so much more than that. Marriage is love. It’s commitment. It’s joy. It’s understanding. It’s patience. It’s anger. It’s reconciliation. It’s everything. It’s like oatmeal. It sustains you.” 

– Brooklyn 99

Reader returns to seat 

MONITUM 

Celebrant: 

Now I, Julie Trump, an ordained minister, will proceed to officiate this marriage commitment between Erich Peto Alderfer and Gabrielle Dawn Fagan. Let it be understood that, in the words of Commander Deanna Troi:

“Marriage is an agreement to share who you are with someone else … to spend your lives together … to grow old together.”  

– Star Trek

DECLARATION OF INTENT

Celebrant: 

Please hold both hands for the Declaration of Intent. 

Erich and Gabi … Love is a choice, wedded to action.

Celebrant (turning to Groom): 

Erich, please respond “yes” to signal your intent once I’ve asked you the following:

Do you Erich Alderfer take Gabrielle Fagan as your beloved Wife?

Will you protect her from carbon freezing

And promise to protect her from the Dark Side

Through hyperspace and the far reaches of the galaxy?

Will you love, help and encourage Gabi in all that you say and do?

Will you listen to her thoughts and care for her well-being?

Will you share with her your laughter and your tears?

Do you give your heart to her as her devoted husband now and forever? 

Erich: Yes.

Celebrant (turning to Bride): 

Gabi, please signal your intent by saying “yes,” in answer to the following: 

Do you take Gabrielle Fagan take Erich Alderfer to be your beloved Husband?

Will you love, help and encourage him in all that you say and do? 

Will you listen to his thoughts and care for his well-being?

Will you share with him your laughter and your tears?

Do you give your heart to him as his devoted Wife now and forever? 

Gabi: Yes.

BLESSING OF HANDS 

Celebrant:

To take another’s hand in marriage and jump together into the unknown with hope and bravery is the ultimate act of trust. So at this time, Erich and Gabi perform the Blessing of the Hands. 

These are the hands of your best friend, wise and strong and full of love for you — that are holding yours on your Wedding Day as you promise to love each other today, tomor- row and forever. 

These are the hands that will work alongside yours as you build your future. 

These are the hands that will love and cherish you throughout the years, and with the slightest touch, warm you. 

These are the hands that will hold you when you need comforting. 

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sor- row and tears of joy. 

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family together. 

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. 

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled with age, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just one touch. 

May these hands always reach out to the other’s with love, care and respect. May these hands continue to form a strong partnership that outlasts time. 

As your hands are joined this day, may your hearts and lives be also joined in a union of trust, honesty and love. For: “True love holds with gentle hands the heart it does entwine.” 

WEDDING VOWS

Celebrant:

Marriage is a vital social construct. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. Marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. 

At this time, you pledge your love and commitment to one another. 

Celebrant (turning to Groom): 

Erich, you’ll go first.

[COUPLE EXCHANGES VOWS]

RING EXCHANGE

Celebrant:

Now to the exchange of wedding rings. As long as your love is complete and continuous — as rounded and continuous as the rings you are about to exchange — your future will be assured. May these rings always reflect the light of your love throughout the years of your life together. 

Celebrant (turning to Groom):

Erich, please place the ring on the tip of the Bride’s left-hand ring finger and repeat after me. 

Groom places ring on tip of Bride’s left-hand ring finger 

Erich: 

Gabi … with this ring, I marry you. / Wear it with love and joy. / As this ring has no end, / never shall my love for you. 

Groom pushes ring to base of Bride’s finger 

Celebrant (turning to Bride): 

Erich, please hand the Bride the ring. 

Groom hands Bride ring 

Please place the ring on tip of the Groom’s left-hand ring finger and repeat after me. 

Bride places ring on tip of Groom’s left-hand ring finger 

Gabi: 

Erich … with this ring, I marry you. / Wear it with love and joy. / As this ring has no end, / never shall my love for you. 

Bride pushes ring to base of Groom’s finger 

BENEDICTION 

Celebrant:

On behalf of all the Bride and Groom’s family and friends, here and a far, I offer a poem by Neil Gaiman, entitled, “This for you, for both of you.”

This for you, for both of you

a small poem of happiness

filled with small glories and little triumphs

a fragile, short cheerful song

filled with hope and all sorts of futures

Because at weddings we imagine the future

Because it’s all about “what happened next?”

all the work and negotiation and building and talk

that makes even the tiniest happily ever after

something to be proud of for a wee forever

This is a small thought for both of you

like a feather or a prayer

a wish of trust and love and hope

and fine brave hearts and true

Like a tower, or a house made all of bones and dreams

and tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows

– Neil Gaiman

PRONOUNCEMENT 

Celebrant: 

Erich and Gabrielle … you have publicly declared your love and commitment to one another — and proclaimed your choice to marry before these witnesses by the Blessing of Hands and saying of Wedding Vows … further symbolized by the Exchanging of Rings. Therefore, by the power vested in me under the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia, I pronounce that you are Husband and Wife. 

THE KISS

Celebrant: 

You may kiss the Bride! 

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