A cozy & cosmic New Jersey wedding by the sea

Offbeat Partners: Bess, she/her & Eric, he/him

Date and Location: 4/22/2023 at The Grenville Hotel & Restaurant in Bay Head NJ

Our New Jersey wedding at a glance

It was the perfect choice for us to get married at the Grenville Hotel. I spent childhood summers at the Jersey Shore, and my husband proposed to me on this beach at sunrise. Since we both love astronomy and the vastness of the cosmos, we wanted our wedding to have an ethereal, contemplative quality. Our wedding was an ode to the beach, the stars, and cosmic joy. In lieu of anything religious, much of the energy at the wedding was sheer gratitude for existence. This couldn’t have manifested more perfectly than with the rain – more on that later!

We booked every hotel room in the Grenville with our 50 wedding guests, so we knew everyone in the building – the weekend felt like one big sleepover! I think it was comforting for guests to be so close to their rooms throughout the festivities. In terms of planning, this was very much a DIY wedding where my husband and I put together the overall vision and all the details. It was only made possible with the emotional and logistical support from our family and friends!

Tell us about your New Jersey wedding ceremony

We loved walking down the aisle together, as equal partners, to “Feels Like Home” by Bonnie Raitt. Our close friend and officiant made opening remarks, then my Mates of Honor read passages by Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan that celebrated the profundity of being in the same space and time together.

My having a Jewish background and my husband having a German background, we wanted to incorporate both cultures into the ceremony in a meaningful way. I rewrote the Seven Blessings to reflect our secular view of the world, with our family members reciting each one. (Editor's note: You can read their Seven Blessings script here!).

We recognized the people “who have already moved on to their next phase of star stuff,” particularly Eric’s father and Bess’ grandmother. We then performed an original ritual: having started the ceremony on the same side as our given families, after a few words from the other person’s family, we SWITCHED SIDES at the altar, symbolizing joining our second family.

My mother recited “A Wedding Poem” by Kathleen Latham, which had everyone in tears, particularly its final lines, “If love is a choice, make it again and again until your last breath. Say, I choose you, my love. Today and every day, I choose you.” This transitioned into our I Do's:

Officiant: Eric, of all the paths to take, of all the people on this planet, and of all the star stuff in the universe, do you choose Bess?

Eric: I do. I choose Bess.

Officiant: Bess, of all the paths to take, of all the people on this planet, and of all the star stuff in the universe, do you choose Eric?

Bess: I do. I choose Eric.

Breaking the chuppah glass symbolized for us that no matter what happens in the future, there will always be something irrevocable and eternal about this moment; and to appreciate the fact that with every celebration, sorrow always bides its time in the shadows. Shouting “Mazel Tov!” means, “we wish you a lucky alignment of stars,” which couldn't have been more appropriate. We walked back down the aisle to “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles, which we often sing to each other as we fall asleep.

Tell us about the cosmic New Jersey wedding reception

The dinner banquet tables were horseshoe-shaped, so it felt like one big family dinner! We had made a custom crossword puzzle, so guests who didn’t know each other had to work together to solve it (i.e., my college roommate would know one answer, while my husband’s cousin would know another answer). It was a big hit, and even led to guests across the room competing to finish it first.

For our wedding cake, our cake toppers were beach chairs, with little fondant bathing suits – the joke was that our topper bride and groom ditched the cake and ran off to go skinny dipping. The bakery even put little footprints in the cookie-crumble sand!

Our first dance to “It’s Only a Paper Moon” took place in front of our photo booth (which of course was a paper moon!) that my sister-in-law built for us. Everyone had fun on the dance floor for about 40 minutes when suddenly a torrential rainfall started outside. My husband and I went to take photos in the rain, and all the guests followed, watching us from the veranda.

After the photos, the guests never really went back inside! They all settled into the comfy chairs on the veranda to enjoy the rain. At first, I wondered if it was ok that our wedding had such little dancing, but people were so happy cozied up in blankets around the fire pit, having long relaxed conversations with each other. My husband and I found ourselves looking at all these loving, kind people, the rain pouring, and thought how lucky we were.

What was the most important lesson you learned from your cosmic New Jersey wedding?

Remember that planning a beautiful wedding is a different set of priorities than planning a beautiful marriage. Your wedding is simply one day, but you’ll be married to this person hopefully for the rest of your life. Whenever we were getting stressed or wrapped up in the minutia of wedding planning, it became a really easy metric to determine if this problem was serving the wedding or serving our relationship. If it was only serving the wedding, it suddenly just didn’t seem important anymore.

Also: although we didn't, hire a planner! Even if you think you're organized enough not to need one, your peace of mind will thank you. My husband and I were both confident in our executive function and our taste, and while our wedding ended up being beautiful and exactly as we wanted – we joked about the line in Jurassic Park, “You were so busy wondering if you COULD, you didn't stop to think if you SHOULD.” Not hiring a wedding planner did save valuable money, but what we saved in money, we ended up paying for in mental labor and other responsibilities. There were moments when I likely would have been more present and having more fun in the weeks leading up to the wedding, if we weren't doing what felt like a full-time job planning everything. Make it easier for yourself to enjoy the wedding season!

Vendors

• Venue/Food/Hotel: The Grenville Hotel & Restaurant
• Cake: Mueller's Bakery
• Photography: Inspire Me Imagery IG: @inspiremeimagery
• Videography: A Lost Epic IG: @a.lost.epic.cinema
• DJ and Lighting: This Is It Entertainment
• Florals: Ling's Moment
• Dress: Anthropologie
• Capelet: Vintage Ageless Things
• Tailoring: Sky Blue NYC
• Veil: White and Ivory Store
• Tiara: Cassandra Lynne
• Custom Coasters: Premium Favors
• Flats: DSW
• Ring: Rings By Lux
• Bridal Style Consultant: Megan Rutherford

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