How life and a terminal illness inspired us to elope

As two women who had identified as straight for the majority of our lives, we knew our decision to get married would come with a few challenges and pitfalls. We knew whatever ceremony we had in our home state wouldn’t be legal, thus opening the door for onlookers to question the purpose of even having a wedding. The topic of elopement came and went several times, but we both decided that a big, beautiful wedding was the way to go for us. It would make us happy, so our family would either be happy right along with us or they wouldn’t be. It was their problem.

Then life decided to get involved, because life is nosy and loves to get all up in everyone’s business. I got a phone call from my doctor saying simply “You need to come in.” Not words you want to hear from your doctor on a Saturday night. Two days later, sitting in a sterile office with uncomfortable chairs and uncomfortable words, I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given an “expected timeline of events.” In other words: I now had an expiration date.

This illness came with a mile-long list of do’s, don’ts, and limits that made work impossible for me. The only jobs I could get were in food service, which was riddled with the things on that list of don’ts. Filing for disability proved to be impossible, as my condition was rare enough to prevent me from receiving assistance. This left my girl single-handedly footing the bill for our entire life. We could barely afford to live, much less pay for the large rave of a wedding we really wanted.

Neither of us could ignore the incessant ticking of the clock the doctors had set for me, though. So the topic came again: to elope or not to elope? Would we be happy without the full-on party we wanted? Would our families condemn our decision or worse: not care at all and ignore our decision instead of celebrating it? We didn’t want to do anything less than what we had originally planned on. We couldn’t afford to act, but we couldn’t afford to wait.

Finally, as we walked through the gardens of a place we’d once considered for a venue, the idea struck us that we could attempt both. Elope now, throw a party later. We’ve been calling it a “celebration of epic proportions.” A vow renewal and a celebration of not just our life together, but of life itself and the amazing, precious gift it is. Who could possibly argue with that? Maybe meanies could, but they aren’t invited anyways. So there.

In other words, this was a huge life lesson. Was it anything like how we thought we would do this? Absolutely not. Will it be perfect? Unlikely. Will it make us incredibly happy and allow us to live our lives without regrets?

Absolutely.

How have life-changing events such as illnesses or accidents helped shape the way you planned your wedding?