When your culture is counter-culture: Lovingly explaining your more traditional wedding choices
Offbeat Bride has some wonderful, “Thank you for your interest but I’ve already decided” conflict resolution posts that apply to pretty much anything. But here are some specific scenarios if you, like me, find yourself a little bit too onbeat for others’ likings.
Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away
Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…
Wedding trend overthinking: Everyone else is doing it!
I started searching online and found all these great ideas: mercury glass candle holders, stacks of books for centerpieces, stationary with those cool old brackets on it, lanterns, library card escort cards — and ran with it. I was so happy that we were doing things that felt like us and not just the same old cookie-cutter wedding stuff that we had seen throughout our twenties. It felt amazing. Until we realized that everyone else was doing it, too.
Oh Noes, I Think My Wedding Will Be Normal!
You may think I’m crazy since our wedding was actually pretty darn offbeat and unique. But it didn’t really feel that offbeat, and I was wondering if I should be concerned. I saw all these seriously amazing weddings on Offbeat Bride and the Tribe and I wanted to be among that crowd. Then I realized that the fact that it felt normal was awesome. It actually meant we were doing it right.