Like many Offbeat Brides, I'm pretty insecure. I'm insecure to the point where I sit on the subway making up things for people around me to say behind my back. Of course, in my mind, they're never flattering.
Of course this insecurity extends to my wedding. And it always gets the worse when I hear somebody discussing a wedding they recently attended.
6 ways to survive wedding planning with your self-esteem intact
Leading up to our wedding day, I felt terrible about myself. I'd gone and convinced myself that, during everything from my walk up the aisle... Read more
“It was a beautiful ceremony, but the reception had horrible music!”
“The food was great. Except the cupcakes were so dry. And cupcakes are so tacky.”
And of course I've stressed myself out thinking of all the horrible things my guests will say about my wedding. It's made worse because we had a wedding in our family that was extravagant and beautiful and published in one of those $10 bridal magazines. Hello comparison insecurity city, population: pretty much every bride ever.
So now, less than two weeks from my own wedding, I decided to STOP thinking about the horrible things people MIGHT say about my wedding. From this day forward, I'm only going to think of the awesome things they'll say about it to their friends, family, and each other.
So my wedding will be forever spoken of as fun, unique, so “them,” memorable (in a good way, of course), cute, and possibly a bit touching. They will remember the awesome bouncy castle, my dad's home-made ice cream, our candy “sand” unity ceremony, and the urban beauty of downtown Chicago. They will comment on how happy we looked, how beautiful the weather was, and that one reference we threw in that they actually understood. And of course they'll remember the fireworks over Lake Michigan. Because fireworks.
So, I ask you. What awesome, amazing, and complimentary things will your guests say about your wedding for years to come? The one rule here is you're not allowed to say anything negative!
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Been feeling the exact same way, it feels good to know I’m not alone and honestly if you don’t let go you can’t have fun with it. Either way, people yeah can say bitchy things but some people can’t exist without being a twit. That being said, your wedding sounds like fun!!!
Everyone remembers how our officiant messed up my name twice because he was so nervous (he was a friend of ours) and one of my favorite pictures is of both my husband and I laughing with our heads thrown back.
They also remember the cake fight we had. It was pretty epic.
“The bride made an awesome herbal burn salve favor for the guests, and it’s the most useful thing we’ve ever gotten from a wedding.”
“Don’t forget the groom doing some badass grilling for the dinner.”
“Yeah, and the cute mini-yoga session the couple did just after the ceremony on the beach for the photographer.”
(Fear paralyzes you from doing awesome things. Don’t let it win.)
They will all say: “It’s so awesome that they played Metallica by Apocalyptica/4 Cellos during their ceremony and Queen for their walking-out music…and I canNOT believe these flowers are all made of paper!! They are an amazing couple!” I am convinced! 🙂
I’m having the “nothing else matters” by Apocolyptica for my walk in!! Such an awesome cover
I’m sorry did you say bouncy castle? Because anybody who doesn’t like something about your wedding is going to end their sentence with “but there was a bouncy castle so it was still the greatest wedding of all time”.
I’ve been married three years and people tell me how awesome our wedding was all the time to this day. The best compliment to me is “that was the most relaxed and fun wedding I’ve ever been to” because that was totally what I was going for.
I just wanted to thank you for writting this post. It’s nice to be reminded that you’re not the only bride with those fears and worries.
For me, my guests will commend the beauty and relaxing atmosphere of the venue; they will enjoy the food and open beer and wine bar; they will remember the ice cream bar; and they will enjoy the photo booth. I am still up in the air about the DJ, only because I know some of our guests have reservations about dancing, but we have an awesome DJ.
Those beautiful book rose bouquets that the bride and her bridesmaids carried! And the bride made them herself!
14 years later & friends still say they danced more at my wedding than any wedding they’d ever been to — our killer club DJ rocked the ’80s new wave & goth tunes all night 🙂 I remember less & less over the years other than the clothes we wore (which we’ve reused a ton) & the dancing, so much dancing with our best friends & family.
Time blurs the little hiccups of planning & stresses of the day. Just make sure to have stuff going on that you love doing, that will make you & your guests happy. That’s what you’ll remember.
Thanks! I really needed this, I’m getting married THIS SATURDAY and my mind has been spinning with everything that could go wrong… What I want everyone to say is “I had fun” that’s all. thanks for putting it in perspective.
This is so me, thanks for sharing. I have been trying not to have those kinds of imaginary conversations in my head, but it is hard! My latest obsession is the fact that our date is on a Sunday rather than a Saturday. I’m worried that this will be an inconvenience but no one I’ve talked to seems to care (most people are traveling from out of town and were going to take some time off anyhow). In the end, I’m hoping that people walk away saying “wow, that was fun!”
“I didn’t get most of the references, but they were all listed in the wedding plan, so I just watched them and they are awesome. Cried my head out when played To The Moon”
“When the groom played the piano it was really heartwarming and not tacky. I liked how the bride joined him with singing”
“I finished all the achievements! All of them!”
“At first I was skeptical about card games at the dinner table, but Monty Python Fluxx is just awesome”
My wedding is less than 4 months away. All my frirnds are married already or had eloped so this is a big thing for me. Thank you for posting. I hope my guests will say, “her decorations looked great amd she made them all herself! “
so far my favorite thing that i have heard about our wedding (it was 2 days ago), was my wife’s cousins’ girlfriend saying to someone else (not us): it was clearly beautiful and full of all their favorite things, but it wasn’t all about them. it was about giving every single guest an awesome day.
After my wedding many people said: “You had taken care of everything!” And that was exactly what I wanted to hear, because most of my wedding planning was about making guests comfortable and having fun. Success!
Also some other highlights:
“That cocktail bar was awesome!” (not common in my country to have bartender and cocktails, usually it’s wine and spirits on the table)
“I have never danced like this in a wedding!”
“Can I have recipes of those tasty homemade muffins and cookies? Oh, you have a recipe booklet already? Terrific!” (quite a lot of planning and baking, but so worth it!)
Bottom line – SOME people will always dislike SOMETHING about your wedding (yes, from time to time I am THAT person who says “This wedding was great, but…”, because I would/have done something differently). But your guests will ALWAYS appreciate your effort to take care about their comfort and, most of all, your love and compassion to marry each other and to throw this party for them to celebrate.
When I was helping my dad and stepmom plan their wedding we actually had a really fun time trying to think up all the gossipy/snarky things people would be saying about it. White dress at a second wedding?? Picturing the little old ladies positively fainting from the scandal of it all. But that’s just our sense of humor 🙂
Every single person above the age of 20 who attended my wedding said it was the best wedding they’d ever been to. They were all so pleased with the perfect weather and the fact that my husband and I couldn’t stop smiling all day. They all said you could really feel the love, and that’s what I really remember from the day of!!
My cousins, who are a bunch of twats, are a different story, but none of their complaints were said to my face and I haven’t heard anything about it since, so they can all go jump in a lake for all I care. ^.^;;;
I’m hoping people will say it was great having a wedding in the centre of town because it was accessible, that the venue was great, that the staff were nice, that we looked insanely happy, that the ribbon rose bouquets were cool – and the bride made them herself, that the groom made great centrepieces, that the cake was great and that they had fun, talked a lot and went home happy 🙂 I think I have a reasonable shot!
I can tell you something positive and funny someone did say about our wedding:
“As it turns out, you can have a pretty good wedding in a two-car garage.” ~ Grandpa-In-Law
We got married at the end of May, and the number 1 thing people have said about our wedding is, “There was so much love between you.”
Followed by, “And that Bonnaroo cake was amazing!” 😛
My wedding is in 2 months, my best friends was last Saturday. I’ve been having the issue of not wanting people to compare them. All I want is people to leave saying they had fun. We are having photo props and lawn games to go with the dancing.
Oh I hear ya! My sister is getting married 2 months after me, then my cousin a month after that. So 3 weddings in our family from Oct – Jan! I’m probably the least traditional out of all of us, followed by my sis, then my cousin I think will have the more traditional wedding. So I’m secretly fearing comparison as well. BUT you know what.. if they were the same it, would be pretty boring huh!
People still remember “snowmageddon 2008” that was our Seattle winter wedding. It was snowing and some people got stranded in the airport or couldn’t make it. But those who did thought it was magical…despite the fact that there was no heat in the reception hall. Despite the fact that the boning in my corset dress broke and my right boob popped out flashing my dad during the father/daughter dance. Because it was full of love and laughter…people all these years later say that they remember how relaxed I seemed despite all the ‘out of control’ circumstances happening around me!
I was talking with some friends about attending and judging and remembering weddings and one of them made a surprisingly encouraging comment:
“What happened at Jordan and Annica’s wedding: they got married? I’m pretty sure? There was also food.”
The details I’d fussed and stressed over (and the mishaps that I KNEW everyone had SEEN) weren’t included in the recap. Just us. Because ultimately, everyone’s there for you. The stuff going on around you is just icing on the (wedding!) cake.
So much this! The first time I saw my cousins after I got engaged they all launched into horror stories about what went wrong at their weddings. While I do vaguely remember some of them (how could I forget the groom being an hour late to the ceremony and my dad thinking he’d run off?) I really had to be reminded. All I remember from most of their weddings is that they looked beautiful and we ate and danced.
I need to keep reminding myself about that because I’m a total overplanner and worrier.
I hope people will say the candy bar was awesome,the pot luck food was delicious, the card and trivia games were so much fun and “they got married by Maleficent! How is that not amazing?!”
We are having a bouncy castle at our wedding, too! People will love it and will say how thoughtful it was of us to make these massive party bags for the children (crayons, colouring in books to go with the theme, waterguns for later on in the day etc). And of course they are going to love the buffet style food because this way, everyone can pick just what they want to eat and nothing goes to waste.
The photo props they’ll love, of course. The theme in general. The super amazing waistcoats the groom and the groomsmen are rocking. The caaaaaaake. Deary me, what is not to love? Guests will be bowled over by happy, positive wedding awesomeness!
My mom is so concerned about what people will say after attending our wedding because she is so used to going to $100,000 weddings that are over the top. My fiance and I decided to get married in our home state of Alaska with Denali as the backdrop and I keep telling her not to worry about every small detail. Everyone will be so excited that they are in Alaska and having fun they won’t worry if the flowers aren’t exactly perfect or if the food is so-so.
I’m getting married in August and today I dyed my petticoat purple. I hope people think it’s as cool as I do.
As it turns out, even though I’m only 31 I’ve been to over 16 weddings. Out of them all, the most simple, non-traditional, off-beat wedding I ever went to was by FAR the most talked about. And I mean that in a good way! Everyone LOVED it and all they could talk about was how relaxed it was, how happy the couple looked, how funny the celebrant was and how awesome was that bourbon slushie machine!? (Unfortunately I was pregnant, missed out on the slushies damn it) They had no bridal party, no big decorations, no bouquet.. hell the bride even had no shoes! (And no one even noticed – not even her husband haha!) The whole wedding came in under $5000. So I hope that helps some of the budget brides out there! It was a big eye opener for me to see how lovely it was without all the additional hoo-ha and as a result I’ve cut a lot of the unnecessary stuff out myself too. Not that there’s anything wrong with hoo-ha, hoo-ha is great! But it’s even better when you get to choose which hoo-has are more important to you and not everyone else 🙂
Oh, forgot to mention too.. at my wedding they’ll be talking about my amazing boots, the amazing decor that I typically made myself and of course how funny was it when they attacked the cake with an axe?? Yeah!
People will remember my cartwheel on my wedding dress!!!! I’m so happy someone caught it on video! Also the photobooth, it was so so so much fun!
I was very worried about these things too. But now I know everyone is talking about all of our “nerdy” touches that made our wedding ours! The comic book paper flowers, the Star Wars champagne glasses, the fact that I walked down the aisle to the Jurassic Park theme. But mostly, the amazing job my brother did as our officiant! He included quotes from all our favorite movies, including sending us off as newly married couple with a “May the Force be with you!” as we walked down the aisle. Everyone has told me it was one of the most fun weddings ever, simply because we didn’t take it seriously and had fun ourselves!
We had a catered backyard party with a small ceremony in the middle. There was a live gypsy jazz band, sangria, pinatas, a unity pull-up, kid activities and a blue piano in the front yard. We didn’t have a wedding party, a procession/recession, father/daughter dance or bride giving away. The backyard was brown because it was a drought year, so we relied on paper heart garlands, twinkle lights and flowers from a u-pick. The actual wedding took about 15 minutes and the rest was all party. I loved it and I’ve heard feedback from many friends (and our neighbors) that it was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. Even my Catholic parents had a blast.
I think there is something to be said for weddings of mid-thirty somethings… We just wanted good food, good friends and to be married at the end. The only thing I regret is that it went too quickly.