Whenever I show someone the photo of me in my wedding dress, and they ask me who took the picture, their first response to my answer is an audible gasp.
“He saw you?!” they say in a mixture of disgust and horror.
Yes. He did see me. I asked him to take the photos. And yet, I don't feel as if our relationship is doomed for failure. Weird.
You see, I live with my fiancé almost nine hundred miles away from my family. His family is about two hundred miles or so away. Which means most of the time it's just us. Him, me, and the dog. And try as I might, I have yet to teach Sophia how to use a camera with her paws. Which leaves me to one option.
When I began my dress shopping adventure, I was a bit more traditional in my thinking. But as time went on and I began to hate every dress I tried on, I would flip through photos on the internet and ask my fiancé's opinion on them.
This went on for months. Until one day I bit the bullet and bought a dress that I didn't hate. I bought it used, online from a private seller and the transaction couldn't have gone better. I had no regrets.
Still, I was a bundle of nerves as I tracked the dress on the UPS website, waiting for it to arrive. For safety reasons, and because I don't trust my neighbors, I had the dress shipped to my work. While my coworkers did manage to persuade me to open the box, I didn't try the dress on. Instead, I went home where I knew I'd have a couple hours alone before my fiancé came home from work.
At home, I was able to be by myself, unpack the dress and really take it all in. After I took the dog outside (taking no chances) I put myself in the dress. I don't have a full-length mirror at my place so there was a lot of turning and bending trying to get a good view in the bathroom mirror.
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By the time my fiancé came home, I'd taken off the dress. He knew it had arrived, though (I'd been keeping him up to date on its ETA for three days) and I wanted to show it to him because buying this dress was a huge deal to me. And I loved it, and I was excited. I didn't have my family, my sisters, or my best friend nearby to share that excitement with. And I was okay with that. Because I had my fiancé — the guy who asked me if I would spend the rest of my life together with him.
Of course I wanted to show him my dress. Not only that but I had just bought the most expensive piece of clothing I will most likely ever own. It deserved to be shown off.
He loved it. He said I looked beautiful and that it was better than “any of those other ugly dresses you were looking at.”
I don't regret showing him my dress. In fact, I would do it again. I did do it again two days later when his parents came to town for the weekend and I surprised them in it.
I'm not worried about losing out on any special moments when I walk down the aisle. When I do put on the dress for my wedding my hair will be styled instead of pulled back and frizzy from work. And my make up will be flawless instead of smeared from the day's events.
Besides, it's a wonderful dress and my fiancé should see me in it as often as possible.
Where do you stand on the issue of your partner seeing you in your dress before the wedding day?
Love this! I’m fully planning to have my husband there when I try on dresses for our getting weddinged ceremony. I definitely show him dresses. I trust his opinion on what looks good on me more than anyone else, so why would he be the only one not to get an opinion on this dress?
Get it, girl! Good luck!
Exactly! My beloved is always honest with me about what I look good in and what I don’t, so on such an important day, I’d absolutely want his input. 🙂
I keep hoping that the tradition will catch on of the groom participating in choosing the dress for his bride — after all, first and foremost, most of the brides I work with are concerned about whether or not he will like what she looks like on her wedding day (rather than what the guests, etc. think). And I suspect most men would love the opportunity to help dress their beloved.
I had a hard time finding a white dress I really liked, and I realized that the reason none of the white dresses looked right was because I wanted to get married in a nonwhite dress. I browsed online, and when I found this dress (http://www.igigi.com/plus-size-wedding-party/antoinette-gown-in-lapis.html), I gasped loudly enough to make my husband ask what was wrong.
I asked him “How would you feel about me wearing a nonwhite dress for the wedding?” And I could tell by his initial response — “Welllllll, I don’t know…” — that he wasn’t crazy about the idea.
So I asked him, “Can I just show you a picture?” When I showed it to him, he hesitated for about 2 nanoseconds, and said, “Get that dress! NOW.”
Including him in picking out my dress is one of my favorite wedding-planning memories. (And when it was delivered, I tried it on for him because I wanted someone else’s opinion, and who better than the man who was going to marry me while I was wearing it?)
What a great dress! Would love to see pics of the wedding!
Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I had high hopes for this post, and (unnecessarily so) found myself getting angry as I read. My fiance’ has been looking at dresses with me online and offline – today actually. We’re partners, we love each other, we know each other, why wouldn’t we be involved in these decisions? I tried on my future dress and was relatively made up – does that mean he’s going to be indifferent on the day? I doubt it and hope not. I couldn’t be more excited that we’re doing this together and I suppose I’ve got several months ahead of defending that decision.
But yay, we all survive!
I’m not sure whether I’ll give him a preview of me wearing it yet or not, but I did show him a stock photo of my dress online!
I went dress shopping with my fiancé because I wanted his opinion and couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather dress shop with. And it was fine and our relationship was not doomed.
Yes, I was thisclose to bringing him with me to the stores if I hadn’t ended up buying online.
My husband helped me pick out my dress, helped me try it on the first time, and helped me get dressed before the ceremony… I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Good for you! Some of the old traditions and superstitions are just absurd. I just got married last month, and not only did my husband see my in my dress before the wedding – he was there when I bought it! Congratulations and Best Wishes to you and your new husband!
Thanks so much! Congrats on your new marriage too! 🙂
As I’m going to be making mine, and FH and I already live together, I’ve got a feeling he’ll see it whether I want him to or not. I’m probably not going to trot around the house and show it off, but I’m also probably not going to put effort into keeping it a secret… I’ve already consulted with him on design and materials and whatnot, as he has done with his desired outfit (he’d better, as I’m making that too….). We’re both super excited about each others’ plans!
Yeah I’m doing the same thing. Knitting the damn thing sitting next to him on the couch while we watch anime. I don’t think he realizes that this is (most likely) going to be the wedding dress, but if he asked about it I would tell him. Plus I’ve already shown him pics of dresses online, and me in dresses I tried out so I could get his opinion.
ooooh, you’re knitting yours? I’m planning on knitting a shrug (the Matrimonial Shrug, actually, I think it’s pretty), but the thought of knitting my dress hadn’t even crossed my mind! What pattern are you doing?
I’m adapting the Splash pattern by Nikol Lohr, mostly just by adding sleeves and some length to the bottom. It’s simple and pretty and is knitting up fairly quickly.
That is lovely – I hope you submit pictures so I can see how it turns out!
Same here! I spent six months hand embroidering my bodice during my evenings. There were bits of dress in progress hanging all over the place! He loved it, I loved showing him how I was getting on plus he was able to help with fittings! (Corsets are much easier with someone to lace you up!)
Indeed! We’re both costumers, so co-fittings are important aspects, and will be for this event as well. Through the years, he’s gotten good at the corset lacing. <3
I did the same thing! I sewed my own wedding dress, so my husband saw it in pretty much every stage of construction. I don’t get what the big deal is.
I made mine and I couldn’t have done it without my spouse’s help. Also we were living in a 1 bedroom flat at the time so I don’t think I could have hid it if I’d tried.
I also showed my fiance dresses frequently before I found mine. The day I did find mine online I freaked out and sent him a link immediately- the lace on the dress features leaves! About two months later the dress showed up and it was all messed up, they had gotten the length very very wrong. It was more like a long shirt than a dress. Originally I wasn’t going to let him see it in person, but I was laughing so hard and alternatively upset I showed him. Thankfully the dress maker worked with me and I got a longer version of my perfect dress in the mail three weeks later, he helped me put it on!
I don’t think it takes away the specialness of the day off- we’re doing first look pictures and I’m sure we will both be pleasantly surprised with our whole ensembles!
I really, REALLY wanted to show my fiance pictures of me dress shopping to get his opinion before I made a purchase, but he insists on being surprised on our wedding day. I managed to convince him to do a first look, but that was as far as he would compromise, probably because he’s had that silly “but it’s bad luck!” rule drilled into his head forever. I know he’ll love the way I look no matter what because we’re in love and blah blah blah… But it’s honestly a little stressful to go MONTHS without knowing what he thinks of my dress. It seems like everyone else in my life has seen my dress besides the one person whose opinion I actually care about!
So yeah, that is one tradition I could live without. Fortunately, I think it’s on its way out thanks to the rising popularity of first looks (yay!)
My fiancé’s the same way! He won’t even do a first look or look at any wedding dresses at all, even online! Silly boys lol
I’m in the same situation! For me, it was a no-brainer that I’d let my fiancee see my dress beforehand. I’ve gotten the same shocked responses. One of my friends even said, “So much for the surprise!” I’m with you, though, it’s so pretty that I want him to see me in it as many times as possible!
My (now) husband knew how excited I was to order my dress, customized, sight-unseen. He had a feeling when it arrived, so he opened up the package, carefully hung it up so it could start losing wrinkles and thoughtfully took a picture and texted it to me with a note that it arrived safely and looked really neat.
My coworkers flipped out. HOW DARE HE?! NOW HE KNOWS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I half expected them to demand that I break the engagement.
I was touched. He knew I was a bit antsy about it, he wanted to make sure I knew it was here and safe. He did the same thing when my engagement ring and our wedding bands arrived. He doesn’t believe in superstition, he’s my partner, we don’t hide things unless they are true surprises (like christmas presents or surprise parties).
He also was the one to help me get ready before the wedding, he zipped and pinned and tied the straps in place. He told me I was beautiful the whole day and all evening long. He wasn’t about to be surprised by that.
The trend of not seeing the dress should fade. Always a little disappointed when couples won’t do a first look on the wedding day… they’re so sweet and intimate.
I HATE many of the traditions put in place from hundreds of years ago. This wasn’t an arranged marriage and my husband is not going to back out from seeing me before the wedding or whatever kind of stupid superstitions arise. My then fiancé was with me dress shopping, helped me pick the one and helped me decide wether or not to wear tights with it. My BFF is SO superstitious and was so nervous that we did that. We even helped each other get dressed before the wedding, dressing in the same room. BOOM! We were even OUT mingling with friends and family before the ceremony! We pretty much shattered every tradition at our wedding! And we loved it
We mingled before the ceremony as well! The venue we chose didn’t have a proper getting-ready place (I got ready in the coat room!), and we weren’t going to hide; there were people to see and last minute preparations to be done! 😛
The photographer is taking some photos before the ceremony, and honestly, I think it’s going to relieve a ton of anxiety for both of us. He figured we;d see each other beforehand anyway. “There’s a lot about traditional weddings that I don’t really get.” It’s nice it’ll be just us and the photographer before we “present” in front of everyone.
I haven’t let FH see my dress and I plan to keep it a secret but I LOVE this story! It was right for them and that’s what matters. I just really love the fun of keeping him in the dark until we do our first look especially because I get to tease him about not getting to see it. But he definitely gets to see and weigh in on all my accessories including my lingerie because I like the idea of him knowing (and imagining) what I’m wearing under my dress. 😉 Also I should add that he’s not savvy about women’s clothing. He fully admits that he doesn’t have a clue so it doesn’t really make sense for him to help choose a dress. But I did ask him to look at pictures of dresses and tell me what he liked about them and that helped me a bit when I did finally choose one.
My husband helped pick mine out. After trying on a dozen it was great that we both fell in love with it at the same time. It was a special experience for us both!
The concept of the groom not seeing the dress before the wedding seems as antiquated to me as the concept of the bride planning the wedding all by herself (or only with the women in her life). The whole day is about the two of you, and this just fits into planning in my opinion. I bought several dresses online before I settled on my final wedding dress (all dirt cheap and secondhand, by the way; I wasn’t out there buying several thousand dollar dresses), and I tried every single one on in front of him so he could tell me how he felt about them. It was really important to me to pick it out together, and that he thinks I like good in the dress I picked. His opinion is definitely important. And we fully expect to do the same thing when it comes to picking his clothes for the wedding. We’re just enjoying getting into the whole process together.
This. Our wedding is OUR wedding, not MY wedding. I weighed in on what he wore, he weighed in on what I wore. In fact, he was the first one to say to me “Please don’t wear white. You never wear white any other time. Wear blue, you look beautiful in blue.” We were together when I designed the dress in Thailand, he was there when I had my first fitting, he was there when the dress arrived. And he took the photos too.
Secretly, it’s not that traditional and was just invented as an excuse to get out of dress shopping in my opinion~
Oddly enough, I’ve had the exact opposite reaction from most of the commenters on here—I want to wait until I’m walking down the aisle for him to see it/see me, and that seems to surprise people. I’ve had a lot of “what? Why be so traditional/uptight?” or “What if he doesn’t like it?” Well…to be honest, I’m pretty sure I could show up in a burlap sack and he would think I looked gorgeous, so I’m not too concerned about him “not liking” the dress. And the idea that the first time he sees it is on me on our wedding day creates the “moment” that I want to remember.
Yes! I was surprised to see this article and the reactions, because I thought the same thing. After looking at so many weddings lately in preparation for mine, it felt like everyone was doing first looks and nobody did the old “don’t let him see you til you walk down the aisle” tradition anymore. I figured I was in the minority now, but maybe it’s kinda 50/50 these days.
My fiance won’t see the dress until I walk down the aisle, and we’re also spending the 24 hours before the wedding apart, because I guess we’re sentimentally romantic about old wedding traditions — I am really looking forward to that “moment” too! In fact, my fiance gets pretend mad when I even hint about what the dress looks like. He wants that surprise just as much as I want to surprise him with it!
I feel like people are so hung up on weddings needing to be a certain way. I don’t care if your fiance picks out your dress with you or if you don’t see it until the aisle as long as you love each other and your wedding represents the two of you. 🙁
Don’t worry! Everyone is totes entitled to their own opinious. You don’t have to do a first look, your SO doesn’t have to help you pick your dress, do whatever you feel is right! The last sentiment write about is probably shared by all the commenters on this article who are just really enthusiastic about sharing their dress with their SO before the wedding. I don’t think they mean to imply everyone should do so.
Please turn that {smiley} frown upside down ^_^
I feel the same! Well, not exactly the same, I do want to do a first look, but not have my partner see the dress until that day. My partner thinks I’m a little silly, but it isn’t that I buy anything about it being bad luck, I just really like the fun of the surprise. When I married my other partner we did a first look but he didn’t see the dress beforehand, and I was totally happy with doing it that way. I’m untraditional in pretty much every way imaginable, but for some reason this is still something I’m excited about. But (hopefully) obviously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong or weird about others feeling differently! I think the important thing is that we each try to do the things we genuinely want to do, and not follow tradition only because it’s tradition if we don’t like it.
when i was getting married (back in the days before OBB) i was torn between two dresses, a pewter gown ala the oscar statuette and a full-on bridal explosion in white with a short skirt and ridiculously long detachable train. i couldn’t make up my mind. also i wasn’t thrilled about that whole keep-the-bride-in-hiding-while-guests-arrive tradition. when i was chatting about it with a wise elder she said “nothing else in your wedding is traditional, why are you worried about that?” voila! problem solved. i wore the pewter gown with my veil to welcome our guests with my groom and then changed into my bridetastic splendor to start the show. couldn’t have been more thrilled with the outcome!
“a full-on bridal explosion in white with a short skirt and ridiculously long detachable train”
I now have visions of a Guns ‘n Roses music video. Please tell me I’m correct 😀
I’m not letting my fiance see my dress, but that’s mostly because it’s driving him crazy and it’s fun teasing him! He doesn’t do well with secrets (somehow I always end up telling him what his Christmas/birthday/anniversary presents are going to be in advance because he begs and pleads and gives me puppy-dog eyes until I give in and tell him), so it’s payback time!! Also, he’s not really well-versed in ladies’ fashion, and he once said, “I look at wedding dresses and all I see is ‘white dress'”, soooo…yeah. He still keeps pestering me to see it, and I always reply, “Oh, you’ll get to see it…when I’m walking down the aisle towards you!” Tee-hee.
I really love this story! I haven’t got my dress yet, it’s being made for me after the new year, but I’ve described it to my fiancé in detail, and he’ll see it once it’s done. Our place isn’t very big, and it’s not like I can hide it anywhere! Also it’ll be nice to get his opinion, it matters to me!
Me too!
I wanted my fiancé to be a part of my dress decision–he didn’t see me in it until the wedding, but he knew what it looked like, and LOVED it.
I figured, if I get to have an opinion about his clothes, he might want to weigh in on mine. It was a lovely experience for us!
I fully support people doing whatever makes them happy in this situation. If you want to pick out dresses with your partner and have them there every step of the fitting process, hell yeah, do it. If you want to keep your ensemble a secret from everyone until the wedding day, rock on. Everyone’s different. You do you.
My partner helped me choose my dress, helped me try it on for the first time, and was the only person with me while getting ready the day of our wedding. For us, there was a lot of stress around the day, so having that quiet time to get dressed together was a huge relief.
My husband came to my final fitting. Mostly because I was excited to show him my dress (and to spend an afternoon with him because we both work so much!). And it didn’t ruin the impact on the big day at all. I could tell by the giant grin on his face the whole night. 🙂 It’s a whole different bag of cats seeing your future bride trying on her dress and seeing her all dolled up on your wedding day.
I’m not letting him see it, but it isn’t because of superstition (ok, well, maybe. I do own a lucky fork, after all). It’s fun to keep this a secret, because I so very rarely have the excuse to have a little secret! It wouldn’t have made sense to have him with me to pick it out, because he has literally zero fashion sense. Actually, I would have totally let him pick whatever for his attire, but he actually asked me for input (again, total lack of style). To keep it fair, I’m sending my super stylish brother along with him when he gets his suit so that it’s a surprise for me too!
What was weird is that his MOM didn’t want to see a picture. She wanted it to be a surprise on the day of. Weirdddddd
I like this 🙂
My fiancé hasn’t seen my dress (I haven’t bought it yet but I’m going with Vivien of Holloway so it’s hanging out on their racks whenever I’m ready) but he knows where I’m getting it. I’m sure he’s been to their website so knows what it looks like but not what it looks like on me.
I always thought the traditional thing was a bit silly. As other people said, it’s not an arranged marriage! In our case, he won’t see the dress or me in it before our day but that’s only because we want to surprise each other. We’ll definitely see each other before we walk down the aisle so hopefully we can take some photos of the first look 🙂
I haven’t purchased my dress yet, but I’ve shown my fiance’ the pictures of me wearing the ones that I tried on at the bridal stores and of the one that I plan on buying from Etsy. He has strong opinions on things and I’d rather not be surprised if he turned out to not like the dress. Thankfully, he does like the dress and all is well. 🙂
My husband didn’t get to see me in my dress before the wedding, nor did he want to. And, no, it wasn’t superstition. It was simply wanting that “moment”, that beautiful, walking-down-the-aisle-seeing-my-spouse-for-the-first-time moment.
But, I fully understand that there are parts of the Western wedding mythology (for lack of a better word), that people don’t ascribe to. Some people couldn’t give a damn about a cake cutting. I hated the idea of a bouquet toss and a garter toss, so we didn’t have either. But I could get on-board with the wedding dress shopping in secret – it created a lovely few days with my grandmother (who generously bought my dress and helped me pick it out), and created that scene, that picture, that moment, that ritual of the Walk Down the Aisle. And hells bells, I liked it. I LOVED it.
Isn’t that what’s great about this Tribe? That we have options that make the most sense for us, emotionally, spiritually, and practically? *warm fuzzies*
Thanks for sharing your story!
Well said!
Love this! I just got married last week, and my husband saw me in the gown before the wedding because I wanted his opinion on whether or not I should keep the floral crown I’d made. I asked him if that particular tradition was one that mattered to him–just because I didn’t care if he saw me didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be disappointed–but he agreed the whole thing was a bit silly. After all, as the OP said, this is “the guy who asked me if I would spend the rest of my life together with him.” So far, nothing utterly catastrophic has happened, and it certainly didn’t rob us of any special moments at the wedding; we got MARRIED! We were both totally giddy! We could’ve been wearing pyjamas and I think I’d have been just as excited.
Love this! Congrats on your marriage!
We are doing a first look and photos before the ceremony but FH won’t see the dress before the first look. I want to have that moment. The first look will be great because he will show his emotions. If it was at the aisle, he would keep it all in and I wouldn’t get to see him see me.
I tried on wedding dresses (his mother’s and my mother’s) in front of my then fiance. It was a moment of hilarious bonding because both dresses were so not me, didn’t fit, and just weren’t going to work at all. We had a great time laughing at me in his mother’s dress. Some people were kinda horrified when we mentioned that I’d tried on those dresses in front of him, but it just wasn’t a big deal to us.
It is true that he didn’t see the actual dresses I wore at the wedding until the wedding. But we didn’t have an intimate first look or a “seeing me for the first time walking down the aisle”. We had to take family photos before the ceremony, so our first look was with everyone else and we were all trying to organize ourselves for pictures. Not the most romantic moment of my life, but logistically speaking, taking pictures before the ceremony was the best idea ever.
I actually love the even older tradition (tradition, ha, it’s practical and has very little larger meaning) of a woman’s wedding dress becoming her best dress thereafter. The idea of being able to revisit that moment and carry it with you — who doesn’t have “the suit I was wearing when I got my good job,” or “the dress from my first date with her,” or “the sweatshirt from when my grandfather was in the hospital”?
I was considering doing this by dying my dress after the wedding and just having it be a really nice cocktail dress, but it’s just so dang heavy…
I took the middle of the road approach. I want to keep the dress as “secret” as possible, but my fiance is wonderful. I kept wondering if I had chosen the right dress. I persuaded him to look at dresses online, but that also didn’t help. I had purchased the dress and had some pictures on my phone, and there were some things I was concerned about. I decided to show him the pictures once. He loved it. I also showed him 8 months before our wedding, so I’m sure he’ll forget exactly what it looks like. But, I liked knowing that he had an idea about the dress. I don’t think it’ll take away from anything overall.
My fiancé and I compromised, because when it comes to the big wedding traditions he’s much more traditional than I (ironic considering he wanted to get married in full Klingon make up.. I’m still not sure if he was kidding), whereas I’m traditional as far as not adding so much extra stuff that it no longer feels like a wedding at all to me, but the big traditions aren’t a big deal to me. So he helped me pick the dress and has seen it but he has not and will not see me in it until the day. But, since we’re doing two ceremonies, and I have one dress, and the second ceremony is the ‘real’ ceremony where we plan on signing the license and all that jazz, that’s sort of like a first look, I guess. I did like the idea of having some sort of big reveal, but I also wanted him to love the dress, and it wasn’t practical for us to buy two dresses, so this was a good compromise for us. I love that the OP and partner did what made them happiest. That’s the way it should be!
I’m reading a lot of comments about how everyone either did or did not let their significant others see their dresses prior to the ceremony and how perfect of a choice this was for them.
Did anyone show off their dress before the ceremony or first look and/or get ready together and regret it? Also, would you say this “keep the secret” tradition changes in any way if you are having a same-sex wedding?
If my FH had gone with me dress shopping, there is no way I would have gotten the one that I did. That being said, I want to show it to him early (he’s hesitant) for the reason posted at the end of the article: he should see me in this awesome dress as often as possible!
My man knows exactly what my dress is going to look like but neither of us have seen it yet. The perk of a custom dress is it’ll be a surprise to both. I’ve shown him pictures of me in dresses I’ve tried on to get his opinion on the elements he liked then did the final designing with my mum (she’s special too and didn’t want her to miss her moment). Can’t wait to see the final product and twirl around our place in it! 😀
My partner and I are doing a mix. We’ve somehow ended up with two weddings in the works (he’s Korean and I’m Canadian, so one in each country nearly 2 years apart~!) I’ve already found my dress for the Canadian wedding so I think I won’t be showing it to him until “the day”. But for the Korean wedding, we’re trying to get some kind of Hanbok fusion dress, and I have no idea what is going to work for me / what he might love me in… So we’re taking a weekend trip in December and the two of us will be at the dress shop together ^^ I’m definitely looking forward to it!
I took my groom and my mom dress-shopping with me. I show lots of people the photo of me in the one I picked (it’s on my blog, for goodness’ sake) and a few people notice that you can kind of see my groom, holding up the camera, in a sliver of one of the mirrors behind me. Yes, he was there. He took the photo.
Somehow, this fact is FAR more shocking to everyone than anything else offbeat or non-traditional about the wedding. Aquarium venue? Awesome! Salt covenant unity ceremony? Fascinating! Being legaled in the morning and having a friend do the evening ceremony? How nice! But he saw you in your wedding dress? W-T-everloving-F?!?
I love this so much! my fiance is my best friend, why wouldnt i show my best friend my wedding dress before the day? I dont care for the belief that it is bad juju or whatever, i want something that we both love because when it come down to it, its both our wedding and we should both have a say in everything.
My FH has seen my wedding dress. Honestly, I showed it to him at a time of distress in our (long distance) relationship. He tolde I was beautiful and he loved it. For me, it made me feel good in my choice of dress! I don’t think it’s bad mojo to see it beforehand, especially because day of my hair and makeup will (probably) be significantly better than normal!
Congratulations, Ashley!
I love this! My groom was also a big part of me choosing my dress. It is being custom made and the laced up back is because he loves that look, the white is because he knows I dont really like white and he asked me if I would still wear white for our wedding day (its not a wedding thing, he seriously LOVES white! Always has. He’s always had white linen, owns tonnes of white tshirts and goes gaga on the rare occasion when I wear a white dress or top), and he helped me to pick out the material for my dress. The person we are marrying is our best friend. We consult them on most decisions in our lives, so why not our dresses if we want to?!
I showed my fiancee pictures of me in two dresses I could not make my mind up about. I would have taken him with me, but he works whenever my bridal designer is open.
I must admit, I was not totally comfortable showing him. But while part of me is a little disappointed that he won’t be surprised, I am happy knowing his thoughts on what I should wear – especially when I could not decide and he is one of the people i trust the most – and the only person who I want to impress on the day 😉
I bought a dress on a shopping trip with my mom very soon after we got engaged. I wasn’t expecting to and it sort of happened on a whim. I had though that I would keep it secret until the big day and go the traditional route but as the weeks passed it felt strange to be keeping something from my fiance. I started having doubts about the dress and buying it too soon and ended up showing my fiance and he loved it. I felt so much better after sharing it with him. He’s my best friend and I think the anxiety came more form making a big decision without his opinion for a day that was supposed to be “ours”.
I’m in a similar situation to you, Ashley! My fiance and I just moved from the East Coast to the West Coast. His parents live out here, but all my family is back in PA and MD. It ended up being the two of us and his mom doing the dress shopping, but dear man that he is, he moderated a Facebook messaging thread with my mom and bridal party! They got to weigh in on the options in real time via the internet while I and my future-MIL dealt with the dresses in real life. It was a really great experience, and really fun for everyone back home to still be involved, and I wouldn’t have had that if I’d made him stay away.
Hah! So much this.
I’m planning (possibly going to regret this) to sew my own dress, as well as a couple of simple things like matching waistcoat for the groom, so the chances of my fiance NOT seeing the dress are… approximately nil.
He’s going to be offering input on the design sketches, on pattern research, fabric choices, he’ll be helping me work out a custom dress form… I fully expect to be in it half-finished with him sticking pins in it/me quite a lot, so he’s going to get to have a rather intimate view of it, I expect!
I offered to let Himself come dress shopping with me, or see the dress on me or just on the hanger once I purchased it, or do a first look before our ceremony, but he adamantly wanted to be surprised. We spent the night before our wedding together, but come the morning he disappeared to another part of the house to get ready and I didn’t see him again until I walked down the aisle. If he had seen me and/or the dress I don’t think it would have doomed our union, but I thought it was pretty adorable that of all the “traditions” in all the land, this was the one that he really, really felt strongly about!
I love everything about this!
And so far have done the exact same thing.
When my sister and mom came to town (they live 3,000 miles away) and took me dress shopping, they took pictures of everything and told me I couldn’t show my FH. Um, of course I showed them to him. We laughed together at my mother’s taste, at how awful this one was or how almost-the One that one was.
I have no close friends in town so dress shopping alone was terrible. I ordered a dress online and after staring at it for a while, decided I wanted a second opinion from FH. We both agreed it wasn’t the One and he helped me box it back up for a return.
When I finally decided to make my own dress and picked out the lace with my grandmother, she told me I couldn’t show him the lace. But he had already seen the pattern. When I got home, he saw the lace and was equally as excited about it as I am.
FH is my best friend. We’ve already shared so much together. This is the “most important” dress I will ever wear, so why wouldn’t I want his second opinion?
I plan on making my dress, and since the two of us live together he is going to have to see it. I’m gonna have a hoop-skirted dress form somewhere in our apartment and he’s not going to just not notice. Besides, I’ll probably need his help laying out the fabric and things. I usually do.
I tried to take my groom dress shopping, and it was a rather awkward experience. The stores were all full of women and NO other men. The saleswomen handled it ok, but the other customers seemed shy and uncomfortable… as if ANY man seeing you in your dress (or actually just potential dresses) was unlucky. We later contemplated going together again and claiming he was my gay friend rather than the groom to ease the tension, but it didn’t seem worth it. Somehow I imagine this will not be a problem when he tries on tweed jackets.
I’m so glad you posted this! I really value my fiancé’s opinion because (of course) only we really know “our style”, so I want him to see my final selections when it comes time. I’m glad you didn’t burst into flames!! 😛
My SO and I are choosing the dress together! We also made the decision to get engaged together and picked out rings (yes, he gets one too!) together. No surprises with us, we involve each other in every part of this process. We’re best friends, so why not?
Woot Woot… Love the wedding photo with the frame as the BG :P….
My fiancee looked at online pictures with me, but I only dragged him to one try on session. He was clearly bored to death and of the opinion that I would look spectacular in what ever dress I picked, so he was grateful I let him stay home after that. He has since seen photos of the chosen gown, and he will see the gown before the ceremony, as we’re doing most of our pictures first while the sun is still up!
I so agree and love this idea so much! I’m pretty much in the same boat. I’m not much of a dress girl anyway to begin with and since I have no family of mine in town to go with me and my only local friend has three kids to take care off and is way too busy to go with me, I’d be doing the dress thing solo anyways and ordering it online. Being a very plus size girl with disabilities it makes sense, despite the risk of ordering online. Having my best friend (FH) see me in the dress beforehand is really no big deal. Plus we don’t believe in superstitions so it would just be a matter of honoring some tradition we aren’t particularly devoted to. But I do think once I do get my dress I definitely wont get all dolled up, so at least the “first look” right before walking down the aisle together would still be a nice surprise for him. But I will still show him what I look like in when I first try it on. I think it will add a private and memorable moment for the two of us that won’t be shared versus doing it at the ceremony. I think ultimately we will cherish that more.
My almost-husband has already seen me in my dress. I wasn’t going to let him, but I couldn’t get it off by myself! I don’t really mind him seeing my in my dress, but I’m not going to let him see me all dolled up on our wedding day before the ceremony.
No big thing to me, either. In fact, my MIL made the dress, so she began by making a muslin mock-up for alteration’s sake, and we shipped it back and forth during the process. My fiance helped me with the adjustments on the backnof the dress, since I had to wear it while being fitted!
I had actually been bugging my fiance by showing him dresses for a while and he would say he didn’t want to see. My family lives far away and the day I went to look at dresses for the first time I went alone. I was overwhelmed because I didn’t like anything. I came home and over dinner I told him how frustrating it was. He asked if there was anything he could like he always does when I’m upset. There was a dress I fell in love with online but the store is in a bad part of town, so I asked him to go with me to see if they had it. I promise him he wouldn’t see it as he was the one that didn’t want to see it. When we got there the dress was discontinued. I was very sad as I really loved it. There was another dress of the same line that had the same fabric and he started laughing; he hated it. So I took him around the store showing him dresses at random and he shot them all down: quinceañera, comforter, doily, Barbie, and one that was just “NO”. I finally said so what do you like and he pointed at a dress that was similar to a red dress I have which he picked and he loves. I thought, you are crazy, that looked good because the dress is dark but in a lighter color that will look horrible. The next day I had an appointment at another salon to which I went by myself. The girl picked all these beautiful but huge corset dresses and I saw one that was closer to what he liked so I asked to try that on just to say I gave it a shot. As each dress went by I thought: quinceañera, Barbie, Glinda The Good Witch, cupcake, etc. When I finally tried on the one I picked because of him, I took one look in the mirror and started to cry. Even now the memory brings tears to my eyes. I looked gorgeous and I loved it. I also thought “damn it! he was right!” but it also made me very happy to know that I am marrying a man that knows me better than I know myself. At that moment I knew I had the right choice, both in dress and man. He still hasn’t seen it and he doesnt want to see it until the wedding. To be honest, I don’t want him to either. Not for tradition but because we live together and share everything; that one little bit of a surprise will make a huge difference. I can’t wait to see his face! I will definitely need a handkerchief!
I tried on and bought my dress with my fiance. I first went with my brother and his girlfriend but I really wanted my best friend’s opinion on my dress. I don’t regret it one bit.
I had the special dress shopping experience with my Mom, stored my dress at my parents’ house for a while because I was undecided on whether I wanted to let my SO see it, and then wound up getting his help with getting ready for my bridal portraits a full six months before the wedding. I managed to score some free bridal portraits such a long time before the wedding and there was no way I was going to hide the photos for six months, so I figured I’d like him to see me in it in person first anyway. We also did portraits together before the ceremony on our wedding day, but the big Aisle Moment was still incredibly special and dramatic in its own way. Less so than if he’d never seen my dress? I dunno, maybe. I don’t think he and I were any less emotional on the aisle than the couples I photograph who wait to see each other though. I suspect most of us are emotional moreso because we’re taking the final steps before we are married than because it’s the first time The Dress is seen, or because you haven’t seen each other yet at all on that particular day. I’m sure it heightens the emotion, but I was enough of a blubbering mess as it was. 😉 It wasn’t a tradition that mattered to us. I’m respectful of my clients who feel otherwise, and work with that plan. Logistically, I always have my fingers crossed for a First Look and/or pre-ceremony portraits, but I totally get it when folks don’t want to go that route.
I got these kinds of comments SO MUCH because I took my boyfriend dress shopping with me. I always managed to shut them down by saying ‘my dad helped my mum pick her dress, and they’ve been happily married for 23 years’. It worked out perfectly for us, and was the right thing to do because (compared to a lot of other guys) my husband actually has strong opinions on fashion, and it was way more helpful to have him with me than anyone else.
I love this! The only reason my fiance hasn’t seen my dress yet it is because he truly doesn’t care about fashion and I have shown it to my mom, my dad, and my best friend. If he sees me in it before our wedding day, fine. If not, fine. He’ll definitely see me before the ceremony on the wedding day though. Our wedding isn’t until 3 pm – how could I wait until that late in the day to see the person I’m going to commit my life to?! Go girl!
I’ve been taking him with me because: He is my best friend. We like being together. I value his taste and his help. I don’t have anyone else. We’re going to do photos before the ceremony anyway.
I was married at age 20 and my groom was 22.I let him see my dress and veil before the wedding and it was no big deal! I am the nervous type when i get in front of people so i decided to wear a “bridal diaper” under my dress just in case! It was a white adult size disposable diaper and not wanting to take any chances of it leaking if i had an accident,i wore a pair of adult size plastic pants over it.I showed them to my fiance and he thought that was a good idea.Our day went off without a hitch!