Bobbie & Mario’s family-focused accessible wedding

The Offbeat Bride: Bobbie, Massage Therapist

Her offbeat partner: Mario, Chef

Date and location of wedding: Family ranch outside of Athens, TX — April 28, 2013

Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our secular ceremony was officiated by a friend and held in a pasture on my family's ranch in rural East Texas as the sun was setting on what we call Flag Pole Hill. We had five different music groups perform at specific times throughout the evening, including an acoustic guitar duo playing various covers before the ceremony, a gospel choir singing both Bob Dylan and Stevie Wonder songs for our processional and recessional songs, a self-proclaimed “tropical space funk” genre band, and accompanying DJ at our reception, as well as an impromptu open mic session at our after party. Lots of music and lots of fun!

Our reception was held in a historic Ice House, which we used as a dry hire and backdrop for our farmer's market-themed foodie reception. We served an array of small bites, things on a stick, and various finger foods along side a gourmet street taco bar catered by a local artisanal grocery store. For dessert, we had an arrangement of bite size bars, brownies, mini pies, cookies, and petit fours in lieu of a cake. We provided microbrew beers from Austin (where we met), with signature cocktails, and ,of course, some sweet tea and homemade horchata.

We had a lounge tent set up inside as well as a photo booth and a retro cigar lounge. Everything we used was either a rental, handmade, borrowed, or biodegradable. Also, we have a lot of talented friends and family, so we enlisted them to help with their skills!

Tell us about the ceremony: I wrote our ceremony and started with the musical choices and the lyrics therein. Mario isn't much for words, so he left this to me. “Make You Feel My Love” by Bob Dylan is very important to us, so I had a gospel choir sing it as our entire wedding party's processional.

We had two readings. My maid of honor/aunt, read an excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams to begin the ceremony. The other reading I chose was “i carry your heart with me” by e.e. cummings. My 79-year-old grandfather read it. This is probably my favorite part of the ceremony because afterwards he said a blessing that was both respectful of our beliefs and incorporating of the other belief systems that our families share. It was so encouraging and I'm glad I asked him to do it, even though we aren't much for prayer.

Our biggest challenge: Mario and I are an atheist interracial couple raising a child together in tandem with her biological mother. When we decided to have our wedding in my hometown in rural Texas and involve our families who do not share our belief system, we expected a few roadblocks. To our surprise, these weren't main issues throughout our planning process. The difficulty was in the details. No one said directly that they didn't agree with our marriage… but they did disagree with having fresh flowers, or with not inviting acquaintances and children, or the amount of money that went into all of these things. I heard a lot of “That's just how it is,” or “You're the one that decided to have a wedding.” Throw in a few cultural differences with the in-laws and you've got a handful.

It seems many people have serious emotional connections to these events and they trigger strange behavior. For example, I found some people constantly comparing their experience, or even their lives, to my own. Sometimes it was hurtful. Sometimes I was made to feel like a plus size bride somehow didn't deserve all of the pretty things she wanted. That somewhere there was some unwritten rule about silhouette or skin tone to adhere to within a wedding party. That only the religious deserved the formalities of a ceremony. That in some way, my impending marriage just didn't mean that much because of the non-traditional aspects we embrace.

In the end, the wedding was truly an expression of the happiness I felt on that day. I was glad that regardless of any hurt feelings I may have suffered or any I may have injured in the process, were tossed aside for one day to make room for a love in its many forms. Weddings aren't meant to usher in perfections in your various relations. They're meant to be an expression of you and your partner's unique type of love.

My favorite moment: We gave special roles to almost every member of our collective immediate families. The most meaningful of these posts went to my stepdaughter as our flower girl, and to my terminally ill 14-year-old brother as our ring bearer.

Blake, my brother, is a very important part of our lives and a daily reminder to enjoy whatever cards you've been dealt. He was diagnosed with a rare form of muscular dystrophy when he was 5, and since then he's been engaged in an uphill battle. We implemented several of his suggestions into the details of our wedding so he'd be more comfortable.

We had him roll down the aisle with our officiant to begin the ceremony and start the ring warming. Making the wedding accessible for him was very important for me!

Our baby girl Izzy was meant to walk down the aisle with two junior bridesmaids, but decided to stay with me as we walked. I was actually relieved to be holding her as my parents walked on either side of me. It ended up being more of a troupe parade than a bridal walk down the aisle, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Nearing our pronouncement, she somehow knew something big was about to happen and joined us at the front. It couldn't have been more perfect for us.

My funniest moment: We held an after-party a honky-tonk-themed event center across the street from the warehouse where our reception was held, which is also next door to our home. Mario and I took a moment to relax and change into something less formal, and as we walked out our door and turned to the right, we saw a group of our close friends and members of our wedding party gathered on the smoking porch. They'd taken the oversized helium balloons and inhaled its contents to produce the most ridiculous rendition of “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show I'd ever heard. Directly behind them one of my bridesmaids was blowing a whistle that was hanging around her neck while pouring whiskey shots from the bottle into willing participants mouths while shouting “We're in TJ! Drink like we're in TJ!” despite the fact that we weren't anywhere near Tijuana.

What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? I thought I was prepared for the Wedding Industrial Complex, but it took me by storm. I didn't check out some vendors thoroughly enough, and I wasn't prepared with proper budgeting before meeting with them. Arm yourself with knowledge! I wish I had brought organized questions on paper to all of my meetings. The emotions of the wedding event are enough to throw anybody off their game, but remember there is life after.

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?

• Bride's Gown: Wtoo Jasmine
• Bride's Boots: Old Gringo Erin
• Photography: Brynne Owen
• Specialty rentals and décor: Pursuing Eden
• Catering: Fresh
• Band: Sheer Khan and the Space Case

About the Author: Offbeat Weditors

@offbeatbride @offbeatwed

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