We had an engagement party thrown for us by a wonderful friend. And it was fun. And I was so thankful. And it was filled with love. But the next morning I woke up crying. WTF!? Here's what I realized when I had unpacked those unexpected tears of sadness, and how I'm making sure I don't cry again after our wedding…
1. We spent too much time apart
We both had a blast. We both had wonderful conversations with people we love. But we both had them absolutely separate from each other for 80% of the evening. We didn't get to experience an event about and for us as us.
My wedding day solution: So I'm implementing the invisible handcuffs hack! We may get separated from time-to-time, but we have to remember to come back together. Because, hey, he's my favorite person to hang out with at a party… especially one that's all about us as a couple!
2. You can't spend enough time with everyone
Part of those tears were from guilt about not being able to spend enough time with everyone who came. I feel like I ignored my elderly grandma, my aunt, the host, and that one friend who came by herself. I know I talked to and said hi to almost everyone, but I don't feel like I got to spend enough quality time with anyone. And our wedding is going to have even more people in attendance.
My wedding day solution: At first my solution was to make sure to do a receiving line, or that thing that I hate, where you go from table to table and say hi to everyone. I did that at my first wedding, and it was my least favorite time of the night. I barely got to have any meaningful interactions in that time. I felt like I was both spending too much time at each table and not enough time at each table. And the next morning I woke up feeling the same way I felt the day after the engagement party.
Instead, we're hosting a “day after brunch.” So that if (probably when) I wake up feeling guilty the next morning, I can seek out the people I truly felt like I accidentally ignored and make sure to spend more time with them.
3. We should make a registry, even if we don't want to
I didn't expect gifts. In fact, we said “no gifts.” Turns out, people will buy you things anyway, even if you ask them not to. And if people who don't know what you need, you'll get things you don't want. Which is worse than getting things you might want, even though you don't “need” them. If you're like me, this will leave you feeling super guilty.
My wedding day solution: Just fucking register. Do we need a blender? No. Is it a more useful item to receive than the World's Ugliest Picture Frame? 100 times yes. If the people I love are going to insist of spending their money on us, I'm going to make damn sure it's on something we might actually use.
And if you don't know what to register for… luckily Offbeat Bride has some helpful suggestions. Thank you and you're welcome, me and you.
4. Bonus take-away: Floral crowns are the shit
This one didn't cause any tears (because I made good choices!). I just really feel like letting you know that if you've never had a chance to wear a floral crown before, you're missing out. I decided, fuck it, I'm using this as an excuse to rock one of those awesome hipster floral crowns. I forced my friend to make me one. And I wore it all night. And IT WAS AWESOME.
My wedding day solution: Wear a fucking floral crown or something equally as epic.
Anyone else experience pre-wedding tears that lead to lessons about wedding planning?