The “faux-ficial” Bridesmaids’ Bill of Rights

Guest post by Susan
#Friends & Family Advice#bridesmaids
Photo by Orlando Claffey
Photo by Orlando Claffey

I'm planning to ask my girl friends (or as I have taken to calling them, the Valkyrie Force) to be in my wedding party by putting together a little envelope with “Will you be my bridesmaid? Circle YES or NO” on the outside and relevant data on the inside.

One of the things I had thought to put inside was a faux-official Bridesmaids' Bill of Rights, both for a laugh and to assuage any nervousness. Here's the language I came up with:

The Bridesmaids' Bill of Rights

I, the undersigned (BRIDEY MC BRIDERSON, hereinafter referred to as “the Bride,”) agree to respect and abide by the following guidelines in partnership with my awesome rockstar friends, sisters, and sisters-in-law, hereinafter designated as “the Bridesmaids” or “Valkyrie Force”:

  1. The Bride shall make no rules involving the length and color of the Bridesmaids' hair, the presence or absence of tattoos, piercings, leg hair, or makeup, or the shape of the Bridesmaids, and shall generally respect and affirm the Bridesmaids' decision to do whatever they damn well please with all of the above.
  2. The Bride shall not subject the Bridesmaids unwillingly to giant butt bows, hoop skirts, penis-shaped novelties, awkward dances with groomspeople, or anything lime green.
  3. The Bridesmaids may choose to wear whatever they like, within general guidelines for approximate color and level of formality; the Bride will not insist that everyone match or try to convince everyone to wear Renaissance costumes, Star Trek uniforms, or some combination of the two. (Although that would be kind of awesome.)
  4. The Bridesmaids will, of course, be earnestly welcome at any wedding-related events that may occur, but out of respect for scheduling conflicts and travel time, everything besides the wedding rehearsal and the wedding itself is completely voluntary. (But please do actually come to those two.)
  5. (Wheaton's Clause): The Bride shall generally promise to be pretty chill and not an inconsiderate jerk, on pain of velociraptor attack.

Any and all questions may be directed either to me or to the groom — our goal is to have a fun and meaningful day, and I would be honored if you would share in it with us!

Sincerely, (the Bride)

Guest Post By: Susan

http://tribe.offbeatwed.com/members/silentfive

I'm a graduate student in English Linguistics who in her spare time (haha, WHAT spare time?) fronts a theatrical murderpunk band, plays a variety of tabletop RPGs, knits, cooks, reads, and occasionally pitches in on a theater project or two. I'm both terrified and thrilled to be embarking on the grand science experiment of building a life with my First Mate (who is, no joke, my childhood spelling bee rival. And yes, he calls me "Cap'n" instead of "honey.")

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Comments on The “faux-ficial” Bridesmaids’ Bill of Rights

  2. I don’t know what Wheaton’s clause is, but this is really awesome! This could have been written by me, because I pretty much let my bridesmaids and maid of honor “maid of awesome” do what they wanted. I gave them a dress color and they picked what they wanted. I didn’t force anything on them either. And they were amazing!

  4. Love this. Sometimes you gotta pledge it out in black and white to keep chill in stressful times. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  5. As the one who caused such a stir with the “blue hair at a wedding” article here, #1 is greatly appreciated.

    • Agreed! My hair was never blue, but I’m naturally blonde and love to have it bright red. So I was a little crushed when my best friend sat me down on a day where my hair was rather boring looking and said, “This! This is the color your hair should be! Don’t dye it or anything until after the wedding!” No “please”. Just the demand.

  6. This is pretty cool. I wish I did something like that when I asked my brides people. I asked them in the lamest possible way. I just said “So… we’re engaged! Do you want to be my brides maid?” If I knew about this site before that maybe I would have found a much more awesome way to do it XD

    • I’ve already asked my girls, but I’m going to give them a list like this anyway, because I think they’ll appreciate it.

  7. I love this idea. As a bridesmaid I actually, and honestly and without reservation, give up all of my rights. I think a bridesmaid should be up for paying for a hideous dress and doing awkward daces with strangers. If I wasn’t comfortable I wouldn’t say yes (cost of the dress would be something worth a discussion). It is probably unreasonable to expects bridesmaids to act the way I do (many don’t). I would love to make a contract of promises to my maids, I just think mine would be different 😛 Cool idea and great communication.

  8. Valkyrie Force for the win! (I’m having a German opera-inspired wedding, and love me some shield-maidens and approve this term.) 😉
    I also don’t get why some people want to have BMs cut their hair the same or wear different size heels to all be the same height or whatever…I have heard at least one person say it’s so the attention is on the bride and not destracting from her moment. Umm..I’m wearing a huge sparkling ballgown and have a massive choir serenading me? Pretty sure a bridesmaid with purple hair or tattoos isn’t going to “steal the show.”

  9. I just wanted to say how much I absolutely LOVE this idea!! It inspired me to create one for my bridesmaids as well!!

Comments are closed.