Let's talk about the “perfect” wedding. Why do we all hear (and use) this term for everything when we plan a wedding?
It wasn't until I was re-watching the first season of Game of Thrones that I caught just how dumb it sounds…
Sansa keeps talking about how “perfect” her wedding will be, even though she knows she will be marrying the most hated son-of-a-bitch of all time. Like the “perfect wedding” excuses anything that has happened (or will happen)… because she will get the wedding she wants.
Of course, it isn't quite that we are all being delirious about our lives turning magical post-wedding. Most of us just want things to go as envisioned. But why set ourselves up for failure?
Every bridal magazine is guaranteed to be plastered with the words “perfect,” “flawless,” or “must-have.” When, really, the only “must” is that two people like each other enough to make some sort of official binding decree.
It isn't all sunshine and unicorns: Reconciling my wedding expectations with my likely wedding realities
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Well-intentioned friends and family have been making suggestions that are usually followed by “this would be PERFECT!” and I could never tell if I just hated the idea or hated the salesmanship. I think now it is more the salesmanship. Some of the ideas were good starts, but not ideas that needed no improvement. If we could all mind-read, this would be way easier.
My wedding will not be perfect. Someone will drink too much. Another will wish the cake was a different flavor. Maybe a groomsmen will fart at a silent part of the ceremony. Hell, I may accidentally let a nervous one rip. No one knows 'til it actually happens.
I hope that my wedding and everyone else's goes at least according to plan for the most part and that they are happy with the end result. (Hopefully the desired end result is marriage).
All I can say is that no wedding will be perfect. “It is known.”
SERIOUSLY!!! I will just be happy if it doesn’t turn out like the Red Wedding at this point 🙂
Love this!! Thanks for posting! 🙂 I can be uptight and people keep bombarding me with advice and treating me like I’ll flip out any moment! I’ve simply decided that my wedding WILL be perfect, because I say so. If it rains it will rain perfectly, if something goes amiss it will do so perfectly! The only ones that can determine whether my wedding will be perfect is my fiance and me, and we have already decided that any day on which two people as awesome as ourselves get married will be perfect no matter what happens because HELLO, we’re getting married! The cake, weather, clothes, and other people can not affect the perfectness of my wedding day, I will not allow it!
Hear, hear! I’ve been married before (and hope to get married again soon!) and the piece of advice I give to brides is … something is bound to go wrong. Unless it’s catastrophic, no-one will notice as only you and your hubby will know all the details. Don’t panic. Just smile and act as if it was planned that way 🙂
For me it was the wrong number of button holes, one of the groomsmen having different style trousers and something else that I can’t even remember! I remember a guest saying that was that it was the most warm, friendly and relaxed wedding they’d ever been to not that one of the groomsmen looked odd.
My wedding day was perfect. There were rogue wasps in the bridal suite, one of my bridesmaids was in the bathroom almost the whole day with a norovirus (which she then passed onto several other guests, who got sick days later), a family friend passed away the morning of the wedding, the string trio didn’t give me my cue to walk down the aisle and vamped for an extra 3 minutes, and there were a handful of guests that had been very over served.
But, you know what? My brother killed the wasps. My bridesmaid rallied and made it through the ceremony, dinner, and half of the reception. You can’t even tell she’s sick in the photos. My family and friends told me about the passing the next day, after we had brunch and I wasn’t surrounded by a million people. The string trio realized what happened, and started my “aisle music,” even if my now-husband was getting extremely nervous waiting. And the guests that just imbibed a little too much? Well, aside from sheepish looks and nursing coffee the next morning, we all have some good “remember how drunk you were at Mallory’s wedding? Oh, wait, you wouldn’t!” jabs to throw in the future.
My wedding was perfect. We had friends and family surrounding us as we proclaimed our love and devotion for each other. The love in that day was palpable. It was truly one of the best days of my life.
This. All the glasses were filthy and we had to get new ones. Our chiller trailer kept cutting electricity to the whole venue and we had to truck alcohol back and forth to the cabin fridges, and the local place brought us a generator. The venue was flooded in the morning due to torrential rain overnight, and my bridespeeps swept it all out with brooms. The rain was on and off all day, but it cleared in time for the ceremony. One of our popcorn makers died, but a friend made sure it was all made anyway. I forgot to get fashion tape, but I just safety pinned my dress to my bra. I couldn’t walk on the grass in my shoes, so I went barefoot.
My wedding was perfect. Because I got married and had an amazing time.
I would love an audible fart during a silent part of my ceremony 🙂
and on the other hand, it can never go as bad as the second season wedding: an ambush from the arranged bride’s family, man slaughter!
…so you think….
Anytime I get worried about my upcoming day, I will always just breathe deep and say, “At least it’s not the Red Wedding!”
It helps that instead of a maid of honor, my sister has enthusiastically accepted the title of ‘Hand to the Bride.’ Now if only my fiance would start watching/reading Game of Thrones so we can REALLY geek out this wedding!
1. You have the best username I have ever seen!!
2. Thank you for this post! I have a few relatives who really enjoy listing every single thing that could possibly go wrong at a wedding, and even though we’re having a pretty laid-back affair it can get a little nerve wracking. It’s nice to hear that the world won’t end if our napkins don’t match the flowers (one of my cousin’s actual concerns for my wedding).
The ‘at least it cant end /that/ badly was our mantra. 🙂 That along with a shared love of Game of Thrones meant we had Karliene’s version of ‘The Rains of Castamere” as a processional. Everyone cheered when they heard the Tywin speech we’d edited in at the beginning of the song. 🙂
I think the best advice is not to set out with the idea of it being “perfect.’ That way you’re less likely to have a complete tizz if something that wouldn’t usually bother you goes wrong on the day.
I dun know…. ages back -before I even met my now husband- I heard this saying and I can’t remember if it was from a movie or a friend but it was generally this- The worse the wedding goes the better the marriage will be. Somehow, that’s always what stuck with me.
Our wedding day way….. well…. nothing like we hoped. It was a fifteen minute ceremony in squishy wet grass and we’d forgotten the chalk for our circle AND the rings. Our chosen site was under construction so we had to stay across the water from it. My feet were in blisters and we got a lot of insults from people who didn’t realize they were walking through an actual honest to god wedding. (Very small wedding but still…) We had a plethora of family drama. Out of so many lovely rainy/cloudy days it was sunny as all heck for the wedding – I burnt to a crisp. (I was really hoping for rain. We had been watching the weather for weeks and it was supposed to rain. We actually WANTED that.) I over-dyed my hair and ended up with neon pink instead of soft cupcake pink. Nearly every friend and relative we invited to the wedding turned us down- which left us with a total of seven guests out of the 75 people we had invited. Our reception was at Ihop because it was the only place we could find that had parking and we were bone tired. Oh and our officiant forgot to sign our marriage certificate. We didn’t realize till we got home.
BUT….. I actually was glad so much was not “perfect” on that day because so far- I’ve had an amazing marriage, and that’s all I wanted. 🙂 I know our five year anniversary probably wont go like we hope either, but I think that’s ok because that means my marriage will just be even more awesome after that. 😛
I have said from the beginning my wedding can be either perfect or fun, but not both, and I’d much rather it were fun.
Perfect is as perfect does – what I mean is what’s my perfect may not be your perfect and does perfect even exist anymore anyway?
If you and your hubby/partner loved it and had a great time who and what else matters?
I had lots of people saying how much they enjoyed ours and the ones that didn’t can just take a hike!