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The Offbeat Bride: Kitten, Fashion Manager
Her offbeat partners: Brynn, Computer Programer; Doll, Fashion Designer
Date and location of wedding: Codman Estate Lincoln, MA — August 4, 2013
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our wedding had to include meaning for all three of us brides in our polyamorous wedding.
We didn't want to spend a fortune, but all definitely wanted rings we would cherish forever. We went to Na Hoku and picked out tanzanite rings together.
We found all our gowns in the clearance section of David's Bridal, and added our own bursts of personality (read COLOR!) to our traditional, white dresses.
We spent several date nights searching the woods for tree branches to use as decorations. Closer to the day of, we spent an entire day painting every branch white and glittery! Some date nights were spent making paper flowers for aisle decor, and on other nights we got matching shoes and Mod Podged our favorite colors onto them for another splash of color. We made our own invitations with an email RSVP to save on paper, stamps, and time. We also designed and made our own programs and bug spray, as the wedding was outdoors and we have a lot of “crunchy” guests.
We decided to not have a dinner reception, but rather a selection of fruits and cream due to the number of allergies in our guest list. The guest list itself was another interesting project. With three brides, and Kitten's family being HUGE, we set a firm number based on what we could afford, and each of us invited within 1/3 of that number. Once we had RSVPs in hand, we used the number of declines as an opportunity to invite those we wanted there but did not have room for originally.
Tell us about the ceremony:
Our entrance music was Emilie Autumn's “On a Day,” and our officiants read the following:
I'd like to welcome you to a most unusual wedding. In our society today, no wedding is really “normal.” Our polyglot nation has blended together so many ideas of what it means to be married, and how one goes about doing it, that there is truly no one true way to structure a marriage ceremony. But even by modern standards, where blended families are the new norm, where ceremonies invoke ancient customs alongside modern creations, where in a seemingly ever-increasing number of states and countries, anyone can marry the person that they love, this is a most unusual wedding.Today we have gathered to witness the union of Brynn, Kitten, and Doll. We are here today to offer them our love and our blessings as they embark on the next phase of their lives together. To some, they represent the “slippery slope” we were warned about. In truth, what they are about to do today is as old as mankind. While modern humans may have invented the word “polyamory,” or “many loves,” we certainly didn't invent the idea. Multiple adult relationships are as old as we are as a species. Every major culture on the planet has had some form of multiple marriage. Every major religion has allowed it at some point, and some still do. Numerous holy men from the Old Testament had multiple wives. Arjuna, a Hindu hero in the Mahabharata, shares his wife with his brothers, one of whom later marries as well. To modern Pagans, all acts of love are holy to the Goddess. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that though one person may be overpowered, two can support each other, and a chord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Three strands.
Today, Brynn, Kitten and Doll will forge their own three-strand chord. This ceremony is very much their creation, a modern blend of the old and the new, to mark the new beginning of their lives together as a family.
This was followed by individual vows, a ring exchange, and a sand ceremony. We walked off to a commissioned instrumental version of The Pretenders' “I'll Stand By You,” Brynn's romance song of choice. It was a little surprise for her!
Our biggest challenge:
We come from very mixed backgrounds. Kitten was raised Christian but is now Pagan. Doll is also a Pagan, and Brynn is Agnostic. One huge challenge was creating a ceremony that included all the beliefs of each bride. Kitten is very traditional because of how she was raised. She wanted her father there and a white wedding dress. Doll, not a huge believer in legal marriages, leaned more towards handfasting and bonding. Brynn, married before, had little interest in weddings at all. All these things combined lead to the decisions of a Pagan priest with a one-day justice of the peace license.
We also had to work with in the legalities of the state. As being married to more than one person is not yet legal, we had to combine handfasting, legally binding documents, and legal marriage to come to a configuration we all felt equal in.
My favorite moment:
Doll's Moment: As Kitten and I finished getting into our dresses, it started to rain. It was devastating, and everyone was demanding to postpone or move the ceremony inside. As the pillar we know and love, Kitten flatly told them all “NO, this is happening.” The second they walked out from under the tent, the sky cleared up. A smile from the powers that be! Kitten and I held hands as we walked towards the aisle. I don't really recall much now, but the warmth of the sun was nothing next to heat of Kitten's hand holding mine.
Kitten's Moment: My father had stopped talking to me for a period of time after I came out as not only gay, but as also dating TWO women. Shortly before the wedding, the bonds were mending, just in time for my father to be hospitalized. There were serious concerns about whether or not he would be able to walk his last daughter down the aisle. So for me to be walked down the aisle and dance with my father, was one of my most meaningful moments.
Brynn's Moment: Reading the vows was an emotional intense moment. Few times in my life have I been moved so quickly and easily to tears and felt so much joy and love. That moment will forever be burned in my mind. I loved that I had a beautiful and perfect moment with those whom I have chosen to spend my life.
My funniest moment:
When we designed our cake, we wanted a burst of rainbow color inside our otherwise traditional cake. As we fed each other a bite, Kitten noticed that Brynn's tongue was BLUE! She started laughing and pointing. We all stuck our tongues out to reveal matching blue tongues! Apparently the mocha frosting inside was dyed blue with food coloring, staining everything it touched!
Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?
- Dresses: David's Bridal
- Photographer: KevCool Photography
- Party makeup: Pick Your Poison
- Wedding makeup: Skull and Glossbones
- Rings: Na Hoku
- Cake: Cakes 4 Occasions
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Yay! I’ve been waiting for the day that my buddy Brynn’s wedding gets featured! I’ve told her this from the first moment I saw the pro photos: you ladies are GORGEOUS and your wedding is to die for! The positiveness of the whole thing, from planning to execution, is such an inspiration!
Beautiful Post! Congrats Ladies!
But, really OBB, you couldn’t change the form to say “Offbeat Partners” for this poly post? I am sort of disappointed.
Based on the OBE’s history of supporting all relationships, I don’t think a missing plural noun should invoke disappointment straightaway. Ask for it to change, by all means — but give them some credit. They’re acting in good faith.
(And I’ll second the beautiful post comment! This is gorgeous.)
Just a typo, obviously, since we listed both names there. Fixed now.
Yay, thank you! It wasn’t that I thought it was a slight, more like, this is just the form, or just not thinking about it. Tone in text is hard.
Beautiful brides! 🙂 I love the blue tongues, haha!
Blue tongues to match the amazing blue hair!
Am I alone in thinking these three desperately need their own reality show?? I’d watch the hell out of it! Congratulations on your beautiful, special wedding!
Let me just say… I would love to be the meat in that triple decker sandwich. Gorgeous brides!!!
Hey, that’s not fair! They had six hands for DIY this entire wedding, no wonder why everything is so gorgeous! Man, those poly couples, pffff. (Sillyness aside, kuddos to the beautiful brides. I love the three different hair colors and similar styling, very fresh!)
…these poly… couples?
Couple. I don’t think that word means what you think it means. 😉
“I don’t think that word means what you think it means. ;-)”
*gigglesnort*
I read the post as talking about poly couples in general. Like saying “People who are in poly relationships always get a leg up with having an extra set of hands to make things perfect.”
The comment the poster was making was clearly a supportive one to the brides – snickering at what might be improper word choice seems a little mean.
I love that OBB is a place where we can all open out minds up and learn about new things – but people will make mistakes along the way.
When that happens, let’s try to avoid making someone feel bad about not knowing better.
I’m pretty sure he was just making a joke. Chill..
I don’t usually check out the wedding porn slideshow at the bottom, but I went through the whole damn thing this time. I am now a puddle of cute on the floor. It’ll ruin my keyboard. (And I want ALL those perfect bouquets.)
Yep. What she said. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Gorgeous trio! Congratulations to you all! 😀
Man oh man, I can’t stop looking at this! I just love how flawlessly and beautifully the traditional aspects of the ceremony blend with and compliment the non-traditional ones. And isn’t that exactly what OBB is about anyway? It just seems so carefully and lovingly thought out to create a really meaningful sacred experience for everyone involved. Wonderful.
The only thing better than a two-bride wedding is a three-bride wedding, natch!
beautiful brides and wedding!
I have to admit, I am SO curious about the conversations with friends and family leading up to this wedding. If any of them ever want to do a post about coming out to your loved ones about being poly, and then having a poly wedding, I’d be all ears!!
I’m also curious to hear the details of the combined legal/hand-fasting they talked about. Are two of them legally married to each other while the others were hand-fasted to each other? If so, how did they decide which two would have the legal marriage while still making all three feel equal, as they said? It’s a shame that it just can’t all be legal, but since it isn’t, I’m just curious how they resolved this situation without making it feel unequal.
While I am not any of these lovely brides, I have to say that we ended up doing something similar in our triad; we had a “ceremony of three” but only two names went on the marriage certificate, and whose names those were came down to the rather prosaic issue of who most needed better health insurance.
We also do not tell anyone who the legal partnership is, although some people have figured it out (luckily mostly people close enough to us to not fall into the “treating the third as the lesser partner” social trap.)
Interesting! Did you have your families at your wedding? Are they all supportive?
The wedding itself was completely private – us, the baby, the priest and a witness. We are planning a hella big vow renewal/anniversary party hopefully for our “lucky 13” next year. Our immediate families are mostly supportive, some right from the beginning, some when we produced grandchildren, and some after it became clear we weren’t going to explode. And the few immediate family members who think it is “icky and unChristian” have learned to keep it to themselves.
Hello! I am one of the Brides from this wedding. First of all, thank you SO much to all your kind comments! To answer your question, we had a legal marriage between Brynn and myself (as I would need the insurance to carry the babies…fingers crossed for me on that btw. Pregnancy test this Tues!) Doll, who doesn’t believe so much in legal marriage anyway, was hand fasted to us both. We also have quite a number of legal documents that make us as equal as possible in all aspects. We don’t mind sharing the details. Anyone who knows us knows we’re all in this together!
This is absolutely beautiful! I’m so happy that you are surrounded by so many who accept you as you are and will celebrate with you! The decorations are gorgeous, and I LOVE the bouquets!
Congrats to you all, and good luck with the babies!
I’d love to hear more about your legal documents, if you’re willing to share more details. I’m trying to work out something sort of similar (I’m joining a couple that is already legally married) and we’ve been wracking our brains trying to figure out how to make it work for all of us mentally, and for things like hospital visitation rights and insurance, etc.
I’d *love* any tips or pointers you have to share!
Find a local estate lawyer who has experience working with queer couples, particularly who has been doing it since before there were legal domestic partnerships; they will probably already have templates that only need a little tweaking. On the more DIY front, Unmarried Equality, which was formerly the Alternatives to Marraige Project, has a lot of useful resources – unmarried.org
Hahaha, in Atlanta, this would be my dad. The only person in our immediate families that we haven’t “officially” come out as poly to. We will probably still use him, though because he is the best at what he does.
If any other groups or couples in Atlanta metro want a recommendation for someone who does this sort of thing, I will gladly pass his info along. Maybe if he has a few poly couples before us he will won’t be too phased when we make it all legal. By and large, I think it’s a lot easier to come to accept a lifestyle if you’re exposed to it through clients first rather than your daughter. Because my father would NEVER judge a client.
We touch on this issue a bit here:
5 offbeat marriages that may benefit from the assistance of a lawyer
We had the assistance of Aimee Bouchard who is a family estate type lawyer and friend. Her fee was VERY reasonable!
You can contact her via email- [email protected]
Ohmygoodness, SO MUCH CONGRATS TO YOU ALL. When I read the word “babies” I literally started crying. You all are going to make beautiful mamas, no doubt. <3
There was no mention of your florist, your bridal bouquets were very pretty. Would you care to share?
The Flower Pot in Maynard, ma did our flowers. She was really awesome about working with our ideas and making something unique
Leaving this comment here as an attempt to contact you ladies! I’m writing a book on triads (I’m also in a FFM triad and we are currently engaged) and would love to talk to you as sources! It’s about the daily practicalities of triad life – home life & finances; navigating emotional hurdles and making the relationship last; having and raising children; and some of the fun things as well. I have a variety of triads as sources already but I don’t have a FFF triad to speak to and I’d also love to talk to more triads who have been together at least a few years! I don’t want to break the commenting rules here so I’m not sure whether I can post my email address, however there’s a Contact form on my blog (should be linked to my name above). If you three or any other triads reading this want to get in touch, please do! Thanks for considering!
Do any of you have a blog/tumblr/whatever I could follow? Because you are too awesome for just one post– seriously, I am filled to the brim with squee right now.
Love, love, love your dress but hey I am biased wearing the same dress in 14 days to marry my love. Your are smoking hot (well hell ALL of you ladies are) best of luck in your loves, families and pregnancies and your future happiness. I am glad off beat exists to celebrate all of us brides 🙂
Annie
Kitten, Brynn, and Doll… congratulations on your marriage! I hope you have a long, happy life together. Kitten, good luck with the pregnancy test! You’ll make amazing mothers. =]
Also Kitten, I wanted to tell you… for a good chunk of my life, my father and I were not on good terms, even very close to my wedding. I fought internally with myself on whether to walk down the aisle with him or not. His health also isn’t the best. I’m very glad he was there to walk me down the aisle, and am so happy your father was there, as well.
Kitten,
Thank you girls so much for sharing your absolutely gorgeous wedding with all of us. My girlfriends and I are planning our own wedding and would love some tips and tricks. I would love to hear from you if you are still checking up all these months later.
YES! I love this. All of it!
Eee!! Beautiful! Trying hard not to squeel outloud in class
AND EVERYONE’S HEARTS GREW THREE SIZES THAT DAY
ONE SIZE FOR EACH BRIDE
(no seriously you guys I can’t even handle this cuteness)
Love that the cake is unassuming and simply elegant on the outside, and then a burst of color on the inside. Yay!
Thank you everyone!
To answer some questions, yes, 6 hands did make diy projects MUCH quicker ^.^
All our parents were there, we’ve asked them to comment so you can ask/get their takes on everything. In general our families are all fully supportive and looking forward to grandkids lol
Thanks for the <3
~Doll
And, since the other two commented, I supposed I should as well. 🙂 I’m the third bride from this wedding. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments and support!! We all felt it was important to share… to be out there a little. We hope we can be an encouragement to other polyfidelitous people to come forward. Our way of life needs more attention if we are ever going to make plural marriage and more general poly-acceptance a reality. Please share this with others. Let people know that polyfidelity is something worthy of support! 🙂
Thanks so much to the 3 of you (and your families!) for being so open to sharing information! In my experience, it’s not always easy to be a representative of an “offbeat” group or lifestyle (especially if it’s not your choice to be the spokesperson!). I am so impressed by and appreciative of the joy and openness that I can hear in your writing! All the best with your future and the babies!!
As part of a polyfi triad (where two of us are already married to each other), we want one day to be able to have a ceremony like this! It hasn’t quite been a year, so the hope is that with time family and others will be as supportive (or at least not blatantly unsupportive) as you’ve had!
Edited because my phone changed polyfi to polygon! Not quite what I was going for.
I know that it is HELLA late and that you have a baby now, but if you and your partners are still around these parts of the internet, my triad and I would love to talk to you! We live not too far from where you got married, and we’re starting to talk about having babies now too. More than anything though, I want to thank you for sharing your stories, because we don’t know anyone else who has been through this before.
I’m not part of the triad featured here, but my little group is always looking for connections and more polyfi/triad examples! Feel free to email me (or look us up on Instagram: strudelfamily) if you’re ever interested. We are starting down the road to parenthood too (well, once I can convince my other thirds!). 🙂
I love it!!!
SOOOO beautiful wedding and brides!
In my country we don’t really hear or see this kinds of relationship. I would LOVE to see a post where you write about your life as poly, how you met, how your familes reacted etc etc.
Good luck on the babies. Lucky babies with three mamas:)
Love it! Just the type of OBW we would love to photograph.
You know, we can help you with that… 😉
you girls just win the internet. <3 Seriously, all the cute that you give to the world? cat memes don't have a chance. i am so thankful that you're sharing your amazing selves with the world; people need to see love and beauty and full-throttle gorgeousness in all of your resplendent glory. 🙂
loveloveLOVElovelovelove!
Gorgeous, beautiful and wonderful to the power of 3! All the best for your future together
xxxx
I KNOW YOU GUYS AND THAT’S WEIRD LAWL
but seriously, it turned out so lovely for all of you. I know all the planning you went through to get it done, and I’m so thrilled it all came out so beautifully. <3
You three are so beautiful! I wish I had been able to help design your wedding, it looked simply gorgeous.
As a random sidenote, the word polyfidelity sounds amazeballs. I feel fancy saying it.
I LOVE the reading from the officiant at the beginning. It explains everything so beautifully, clearly, without patronizing but easily accessible to more traditional guests. I wish you all the very best!
Yay!! You ladies are absolutely beautiful! Brightest blessings to you all!
What a gorgeous wedding! Thank you for sharing it.
On a totally silly picayune detail: I seem to remember, from long-ago dabblings, that (Western European) dragons were often portrayed in heraldry as “langued azure” i.e. with blue tongues. So the cake helped to cement a family/species identity, as it were.
This makes me all kinds of happy! Congrats!!
What a beautiful wedding with three beautiful brides! I wish you all the utmost happiness!
Such a beautiful wedding! Do jealous of the photographer getting to shoot three stunning brides at once!
I LOVE this wedding. You three are so beautiful and so clearly in love. And I’m so glad that Kitten’s dad came through and could you down the aisle. All the blubs.
Congratulations, ladies! Your ceremony looked absolutely lovely, and everyone just looks so happy. Hooray for love! ^_^ I wish the three of you many happy returns of this day, and, should you choose to pursue it, the freedom to incorporate all three of you in the legal sense someday soon.
Also, cheers to OBB for featuring poly weddings. I know this isn’t the first, but it’s still nice to see. Hopefully we’ll also reach a day soon when simply the gender identity or number of partners is not a surprising part of the wedding.
I love the way they addressed the ‘slippery slope’ in a loving and well-reasoned manner. Heck, Poly was only made illegal in 1890, and in the grand scheme of human history 120 years is nothing.
Congrats you three!
Absolutely beautiful! EVERYTHING! Best of luck on life’s road to the three of you.
Thank you for sharing.
I do believe this is more awesome in one wedding than my poor little heart can take! Everything is so beautiful, and the brides are so in love, and the rainbow cake is a friggin’ rainbow cake… can I live next door to you three and have tea with you in the afternoons and be your best friend?
Oh.
My.
God.
I am in love with all three of you! You ladies are so gorgeous and I adore how you managed to get all three of your personalities and desires into the wedding.
This is amazing sauce and some of your pictures even inspired me for my own upcoming nuptials! I am so happy to see all three of you so happy!
All three of you are positively glowing and gorgeous, I cannot sing enough praise!
This is so. Damn. CUTE. It’s like, my dream wedding, except polyamorous, and Emilie Autumn and ajgkjahe ae SO CUTE I’M GONNA DIEEEEEE <3<3
awwww! Congrats for wedding and baby! (from another polycule member 😛 )
Well, too late to change the intro now, of course, but Arjuna and all four of his brothers were married to Draupadi. She was officially married to five brothers in one ceremony.
So cute! So lovely!
I wish all happiness in the world for you 3!
And hope to find love like this (honest, huge, cute, pink, blue, purple and from the heart)!
Sorry to see such negative comments on the Daily Mail article, and glad to see much more support here!
Wishing all three of you happily ever after! I was previously in a trouple, currently in a monogamish couple (and pass as heterosexual to those not in the know), but continue to be poly-friendly and try to speak out from my position of privilege about queer and poly issues. You’re awesome for letting the world know about your beautiful commitment!
This is beautiful. My boyfriend and I are polygamists as well. Though lacking a second serious partner for either of us currently.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and poly for life. We initially had difficulty navigating the issues that tend to come along with being polyamorous such as jealousy or insecurities. Over time we got through the issues, but still had some emotional insecurities. After coming to the conclusion of just being open and honest with each other about everything the insecurities went away. We both love reading about polyamory and the people involved. Thanks for the post, it was a great read!
I am loving this wedding! So much elegant.
You guys are amazing, gorgeous and adorable. I want to be your friend :3.
I also plan on walking down the aisle to ‘on a day’, EA has been my favourite artist for years now <3
(also Kitten is my bf's (future fiancé) name for me :3)
Your wedding looks like it was an incredible day.
We’re starting to plan our triad wedding….are there any wedding websites that don’t require only two slots? It’s all the nitty-gritties of mono-normativity that really trip you up! We’d welcome suggestions from everyone.
Aahhhhhhhhh!!!! Soooo GAY! I LOVE IT!!! This brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful 🙂 <3
Not sure if anyone is still interested in an update of these poly people. But it looks like one of them left the triad (and they did have a baby, who is now 4)
I’m pretty sure I happened upon one member of this triad. “Brynn” I believe has a gardening / homesteading YouTube channel called “Punky Rooster” and also wrote a book (search Amazon for “90 Degrees b.e. hart”).