Posted byMy love has his mind set on getting married on a weekday – that is, on the day of our fifth anniversary, the 1st of April, 2014. A FREAKING TUESDAY!
I would love to get married on our anniversary, it's so meaningful. I know that many of our friends don't have plain regular Mo-to-Fr-9-to-5-jobs and would nevertheless have to schedule a leave day from their jobs (doctors, musicians, and so on). I know that many people will have to travel to attend our wedding and that I would be heartbroken if some can't make it. We're just not the kind of people who would enjoy a wedding ceremony and supper and then go to bed – we love to party, but we don't (he doesn't) want to party on the 36th of Whatnot, as if it were any kind of birthday party or something.
Would you have your wedding on a weekday? Would you, as a guest, attend a wedding on a weekday? -restlesshedonist
Ooh, we love this idea — and in fact Offbeat Bride has a whole archive of midweek weddings! That said, there certainly are some special considerations, including travel and partying.
We'd love to hear from those of you who had or are planning midweek weddings — did you get many guests saying they couldn't come? Did you party late into the night even though it was a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday?
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I had mine on a Thursday. It was way less $$$ for the venue than the same place on a weekend. We did have quite a number of people who couldn’t make it due to it being on a weekday, yes. I think we had about 50% attendance from the number we invited.
Another Thursday wedding here (10-11-12). The weekday was awesome for money savings, and worked for us because we wanted to keep the party small. We told everyone we knew as soon as we had set the date (WAY ahead of any kind of STDs) so that it wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, and we made peace with the fact that some who we would have liked to see there weren’t going to be able to make it. We also had a bunch of last minute cancellations – though it mostly worked out, because friends who brought unexpected dates weren’t just out of luck. We started at 6 and ended by 11, told people not to dress up or just to come in their work clothes, and generally tried to be as accommodating to people’s schedules as possible. It was a fantastic time, and the people who were most important to us would have come no matter when/where we did it.
So yes – be prepared for some not to come, but definitely don’t be scared away by a weekday if that’s the date you want. It’s totally doable!
I would just like to Thank you! I’m kind of struggling with the fact of having a Tuesday wedding!!! I’m huge on family and would like for all to make it… but reading your story made me feel so much better! Thank you!
I believe you are right. The ones that matter most will come no matter the date!
Ours is on a Thursday as well (two weeks today!) simply because it was cheaper and there’s less competition for venues and other things on weekdays. Some of my less-close friends aren’t coming, citing that they can’t get the day off work. All my closest friends and family are coming though and my boss might even close the place I work for the day so that all my colleagues can come 🙂
My view is that the people that matter the most will be there regardless. Just give plenty of notice.
I’ve been a guest a weekday wedding. It was my cousin’s wedding and took place on a Friday. Plus side was we got to spend the whole weekend with family but it did mean having to take time off work to attend. Travel wasn’t an issue as we’re local to them but for my own wedding, with family and friends being invited from all over, I don’t consider it an option. That said, if a venue had a major discount for a weekday wedding then I might consider it.
Personally, I wouldn’t have my wedding on a weekday. But that’s only because a lot of my guests are traveling and a Tuesday wedding would mean multiple days to take off of work. But really it’s about your guest list. Do you think a lot of people won’t be able to make it? What’s more important to you – having that meaningful wedding date, or the people who won’t make it? If it’s only a few fringe relatives that won’t make it then totally go for it!
And for what’s it’s worth – I would 100% attend a weekday wedding, even if it was across the country and I had to take a whole week off work for it. If it was someone I really cared about nothing would stop me from attending! I’m sure your nearest and dearest would say the same 🙂
I’m doing this – partially for money reasons, as vendors are a lot easier to book and often much cheaper on weekdays, and also because it is the smallest wedding we could have without eloping. (There are 8 people, including the photographer and us. TINY.)
We’re getting married on a Wednesday, and for very small weddings with budget-conscious priorities it can be a very good option to consider. However, doing weekdays with a much bigger party can be tricky for guests.
Here’s an idea: why don’t you get legally married on your anniversary, and have a celebration on a day that’s convenient for all your guests? It’s worth considering splitting up your day.
We ended up eloping on a weekday and no one could attend. So we’re having a Saturday night celebration in a month or so. Not too big, but definitely a way to get some wedding pics and show some love to those who couldn’t be there.
This is what we’re doing. The ceremony will be on a Thursday (our anniversary-of-meeting), and will be very small (immediate family only, all of whom are local). Then the big party will be the following Saturday, to make travel/time off a wee bit easier for folks coming in from further away.
Also, two friends of mine married each other on a Wednesday many years ago, because they wanted the date. Their wedding was quite well-attended, and many of us came from out of state.
That’s what we did. We had a courthouse wedding on a Tuesday (the day before Halloween). My parents, brother, and grandmother were able to come and we had dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards.
Our reception was two weeks ago on a Saturday (very close to the anniversary of the day we met). We made it clear that it was going to be a casual picnic-in-the park party in order to avoid any hurt feelings or confusion from guests expecting a more traditional wedding ceremony. The turnout was great and we even had several family members come in from out of state, so we had a family reunion type vibe, too.
An added bonus was that since we were already married, the stress level was way down. I just had to deal with the anxiety of throwing a party and baking the cakes.
We had our wedding on a Thursday, because the reception hall waved the $4,000 rental fee for weekdays! We invited 150-ish guests and almost all came, even from far away. We did a lot of extra things for the ones who had to take time off for travel… we had other events all weekend for them, and included them in parts of the ceremony and “production” of the wedding…. and generally made sure the visit was worth their while. I would do it again 🙂
We had our wedding on a Monday, but that was mostly due to saving money. It was cheaper to have it on a Monday in June than to have it on a weekend in April. Go figure. We did have some saying they couldn’t make it, but I think the main reason for people not attending was cost. We booked a block of rooms at a great rate (for the area) but even then people found it too expensive. We could only party until 9:30, but that was also a time limit the venue set. I would have been happy to stay another hour or so, but we had to be out on time or incur more costs.
I totally got married on a tuesday, not only that, but it was the week of Christmas! There was definitely a few people that were not able to make it. In the end I was able to marry my best friend in a gorgeous location on a day important to both of us. My best suggestion is to put out Save the Dates as soon as you can so people that are important to you can make plans to get off of work and travel!
I got married on April 1st this year – which was a monday. We were lucky though, as it was a bank holiday. Though we did move it so more people could come. Our original date (a tuesday) was a day that meant more to us (though we grew to love the idea of a wedding on april fools day) but we realised that it was more important to us that we made it easier for the people we wanted there to attend.
Heck yea! We’re getting married on a Tuesday. If guests want to come, they’ll be there END-OF-STORY.
Well… if they can. I would probably not be able to attend a Tuesday wedding unless it was in the same town where I live and work. It would have nothing to do with how much I love the people getting married, and everything to do with my lack of vacation time. I do work weekends, but only once a month, and I could trade people to get the correct weekend off, but I work nearly every Tuesday and Wednesday.
We got married on a Thursday because our venue was half off (a savings of over $2000!). It worked out well for us, and we only had maybe 5 or 6 guests out of ~70 who couldn’t come because of the weekday. We gave guests plenty of notice by sending out STDs 6 months out and invites 3 months out. We suspect we also get a better deal on vendors and more availability because of our weekday date. Our reception went until 11:30 or so but because of the weekday a lot of folks didn’t want to stay late into the night to party, which was kind of a bummer. I don’t know how it would work to do something mid-week (Mon-Wed), since there’s more flexibility around taking off work Thursday afternoon or Friday rather than earlier in the week.
We didn’t have much of a “party” wedding (it was in the afternoon) so I can’t weigh in on that, but I would say actually that having friends that will have to take off days no matter what, especially to travel, frees you up from the traditional weekend. It will also make things cheaper to do that for both hotels and your own planning.
That said, I would look at your guest list and see if it will be prohibitive for the people you MOST want to come to have to take days off in the middle of the week versus the weekend. I think you guys will probably end up enjoying the day more if you can party the way you want to and have the people you most want to be there be there on your special day than if you have your anniversaries line up. (As someone who has a wedding anniversary at the beginning of the month and our dating anniversary at the end of the same month, it’s actually a little fun, and practical, to have anniversary stuff be able to be spread out!)
My husband and I were married on a Thursday and it worked out wonderfully. However, our wedding was very small, with only close friends and family attending. Our reason for having it on a weekday was mostly because our honeymoon was an anime convention that took place that weekend. I think a bigger weekday wedding is doable. The most important thing is giving everyone plenty of notice, even more than you regularly would for a weekend wedding. There still might be some people who won’t be able to attend, you will have to weigh that against having it on the day you want. Good luck!
Obviously, you need to do what’s right for you, but as a guest, I think weekdays weddings are quite inconvenient. My fiancé only gets 10 days off work a year and between visiting our far-flung families and taking vacations, he usually runs out quickly. Of course, for a close friend or relative, we’d make it work, but we’d probably have to decline otherwise. If you do opt for a weekday wedding, just understand that some of guests won’t be able to make it.
I kind of wanted to get married on December 12, 2012 (a Wednesday), but I’m glad we didn’t! About 6 months before the wedding I got a job in retail (weekdays only!), and I didn’t want to ask for time off in December. Most of our family and friends were either still students at the time or working Mon-Fri jobs.
We were also planning on about 150 guests, and a lot of them were from out of town.
We ended up getting married on Saturday, January 5th, 2013, which is the 12th day of Christmas, so it all worked out 🙂
Though I should mention that we were very lucky to have our parents paying and so had lots of budget to work with, so having it on a date where lots of people could make it and the extra cost wasn’t a factor we had to consider.
We finally opted to do our wedding on a Saturday night, but were planning on doing it on Monday, our two-year anniversary. It’s also a day of the month (the night we met) that we celebrate every month. But it was important to us to have family there, and almost all of my fiance’s family lives out of town. Also, all of his siblings have school-age children and would have had to take them out of school. So we chose the Saturday before the Monday that our anniversary falls on.
We are having our wedding on a Friday… I was a bit worried about that myself. But, I was able to get over it when my bff reminded me that, no matter what day it is, the people who mean the most to you will be there no matter what!
We’re getting married on a Monday, so we don’t qualify as mid-week but we’ve had plenty of comments from our parentals about “people have jobs you know, how can you get married on monday?” Our response has been, and remains to be: We know it will be a little difficult for people since yeah jobs, but this is our wedding. The people we invite will know it’s only happening once and what it means to be invited, so if they choose to not come that is going to be more of their loss than ours.
Of course we’re both sympathetic to the fact that not everybody has super flexible jobs, but if they really love and care, and want to be a part of our day we know they’ll show up. Plus, we’re also sending our STDs out 7 months before the wedding, and then invites nearly 4 months before so that there is PLENTY of time for people to plan to show up which is probably, as far as I can tell, the most important part of planning a non-weekend wedding…..
I am getting married on a Monday. We both have big families and in order for us to afford a venue of that size a weekday wedding was a better option to save money than slashing the guest list. It was important to us to be able to include everyone. It will be a national holiday (Veterans Day) so some people will already be off work/school and we plan to have an acknowledgement for Veterans during the reception. I know it is not exactly convenient for everyone and I feel bad about that (especially those with kids) but I’m hoping it is an important enough event to take a day or two off work. I must say, it is getting old responding to questions or well intended jokes about the wedding date. I don’t want to make people feel bad by telling them we can’t afford a Saturday wedding, but what else can I say?
I am getting married on veterans day too 🙂 I have received so much back lash from my family but this is what we can afford and what we want. Our families have more that a years worth of notice
my late husband and i got married on a tuesday. we “eloped” and the family coming to witness were taking the week off anyway, so it really didn’t matter what day of the week it was. since there were only going to be 6 people besides the bride and groom, we figured it would be a waste of a saturday for the venue (which was an old farmstead in pigeon forge, TN, owned and operated by a photographer couple).
I think with weekday weddings it’s worth thinking: how many days off work would my guests have to take? A Friday afternoon wedding would just be one day if guests could travel on the day and leave on Saturday. A Tuesday morning, for example, might mean taking part of Monday off, Tuesday, and possibly Wednesday if the party continued late… So it’s not just the day but the distance of travel and the timing of the wedding. Getting married on an anniversary is nice though I personally would rather pick a day my guests were very likely to be able to attend, since their presence would mean more to me than a specific date. If that’s not true for you, though, go with the date that you want! It’s your day 🙂
As someone who missed a good friend’s wedding last year because I could not ask for the time off of work, I would say don’t do it unless your guest list is very small, or you run with a crew of people who have flexible jobs. In my case, the wedding was on the other side of the country, and I would have had to take off two days to make it work. I work seasonal jobs, and although I can ask for time off later in the season, it is considered bad form to request days off early in the season.
Sometimes it does not matter if they love you and want to be there, they simply cannot take time off work.
I would go to a weekday wedding for a VERY close friend and I wouldn’t be happy about it. I wouldn’t go for a relative or some friend I’m not that close to.
It means asking for a day off for the wedding, and usually a second one if you stay late to party, or if you live far away, or if you simply don’t want to get back to work tired. And asking for days off may be awkward for some people, or make their bosses distrust them.
I think it’s probably very similar to planning a destination wedding; you just accept at the beginning that fewer people are going to make it. Not because they don’t love or support you, or that they don’t care enough, but that they just can’t do it. I mean, that’s always the case, even with a Saturday evening wedding. Some people, whether because of travel or cost or other things, just won’t be able to make it, no matter how much they want to be there. So it’s sort of up to the couple to discern how much they can accommodate their guests’ lifestyles, and when to just say “fuck it, we’re having it when we want.”
We got married on a Wednesday. And yeah, not everyone could come. But we made sure immediate family had plenty of time to schedule time off work, so they were able to be there. And, um, I wasn’t bothered at all by the people who couldn’t make it…there seemed to be plenty enough people there as it was!
Also, we had a late morning wedding followed by an evening reception. That may not suit everyone, but it made it more possible for people who couldn’t come to the wedding for whatever reason to make it to the reception. Plus, we got naptime in between!
I didn’t have mine on a weekday, but I can say that I was once invited to one held on a Tuesday, and it really sucked that my husband and I couldn’t go. I had classes AND work, and he had classes. Maybe if he’d done it in the evening… no, I’m not sure even that would have worked.
I had a couple of other friends have the wedding and reception on different days – that was kinda neat. It was a very intimate ceremony – only maybe 15 of us or so, and it was a sunset beach wedding. Then, later in the week, they had a big party with dancing, etc. We were invited to the ceremony, but I’m sure the people who weren’t didn’t mind with the big party they WERE invited to. That might be an option!
In the end, though, you still gotta do whatever makes YOU happy, and forget the rest. I will say that we wanted to elope on Halloween and ended up having to pick October 30th because the courthouse ceremony would have cost double on the 31st, being a Saturday. To this day, we still refer to our anniversary as Halloween – the one day off doesn’t make any difference in our heads. So sometimes the ACTUAL date doesn’t matter so much. 🙂
When my cousin got married he and his fiance had a date that was significant to them that fell on a Friday and a Friday wedding wasn’t going to work for them. They went to the courthouse on the day they wanted and got married then on Saturday had a beautiful personalized ceremony and reception.
My sister in-law got married on a weekday and since she lived in a different state we weren’t able to get enough time off of school/work to go. It was a few years ago and I still feel bad about missing it!
I think it comes down to what your priorities are.
For myself, if I miss a day’s work, I just lose the income. I’m at a point in my life where that’s not the end of the world–if I really wanted to go to a wedding, I’d “make it work” as the other posters said. But at other points, I’ve missed weddings because I couldn’t cover travel, hotel, gift, and lost work hours. That’s not lack of love for my friends–that’s a bank account balance, pure and simple. Honestly, my friendships didn’t suffer because I wasn’t there–but it was still sad that I couldn’t be.
I have some good friends who got married on a weekday, and I must say that for your guests, especially those who have to travel, this will be incredibly difficult. Remember that if you have out-of-town guests, you are asking them to take a day off work before and after the wedding for travel. The best way to minimize this inconvenience is to choose a weekend. My friend had more no’s than expected, and she was very disappointed by that.
That said, I did go to that friend’s wedding, and some of your loved ones will too, even if you choose a Tuesday! However, based on my utter exhaustion and frustration with the experience, I have some tips if you decide you must go with a Tuesday. (But if you can avoid it, don’t. Your guests will thank you!)
-Spend a TON of time with your guests! If they’re coming in from out of town in the middle of the week, plan at least one activity besides the wedding during which you can hang out and shower them with love and appreciation, because they have seriously earned it!
-Make it as seamlessly welcoming as possible! Make sure there’s plenty to eat and drink, lots of seating, and music or entertainment. Be sure to think about your guests’ comfort when planning the day – is it indoors or outdoors? Will it be cold or hot? Consider offering sunscreen and water for outdoor ceremonies, and keep them under half an hour unless there’s shade for your guests. For indoor festivities, make sure there are enough quiet spaces for your less party-oriented folks to have a good time.
-Work extra, extra hard to get good deals on hotels, camp grounds, group rental houses, or whatever else you can find. If you can set up a shuttle bus, or get an uncle to drive a van, so much the better.
We just got married a few weeks ago the Tuesday after Memorial Day. It was half the cost. We wanted to do it Memorial Day, but the venue was unavailable so we checked with a few of our nearest and dearest and decided on the Tuesday. Most of our out-of-town friends have flexible jobs, and the local friends and family could come because it was 4-11pm. Some people left early but the out-of-towners parties hard through the night with us. It also was helpful to have a long weekend before the ceremony for the bridal shower and rehearsal. We didn’t get too much flak for choosing the Tuesday. We just knew that some people wouldn’t be able to come. Surprisingly, most people who were invited came.
We’re getting married on a Tuesday. My FH works for horrible people who would not give him a weekend off to get married. I realize that lots of people work Monday through Friday jobs, but not everyone gets weekends off either. I worked retail for many years, and I almost never had even a single weekend day off unless I asked for it well in advance. So yeah, a weekday wedding might be inconvenient for some of your guests, but for others it might be the thing that allows them to come. We’re getting married on a Tuesday in November, with only a handful of guests anyway, so that’s easier than working with a full guest list, and we notified all our guests well in advance so that they could plan to take the time off; so far, nobody has had a problem. Getting married on Tuesday is the only way that we can realistically have a wedding and a couple of days off for a tiny “honeymoon” trip to the beach. You have to do what you have to do, sometimes, and trust that the people who really matter will find a way to be there for you. There might be some that you’ll be super disappointed won’t make it, but then that can happen with a weekend wedding, too.
My best friend got married on a Thursday, and had it as a “destination” wedding almost 2 hours outside of Portland, OR. It was actually just fine for her out-of-town guests, as they figured they would fly in on Wednesday night and travel up on Thursday. It was harder for their in-town (i.e. Portland) friends who were more in the wedding, as they hadn’t really expected needing to take part of Wednesday, all of Thursday (and some took Friday, to recover) off for the wedding.
We had ours just a couple weeks ago on a Tuesday. It was fine. Everyone who wanted to be there was there, but we also had a bigger reception on Saturday at our house.
We took off to Nashville for a vacation (and to see the Bad Books/Harrison Hudson show June 30th) and decided in planning the vacation to get married while we were up there. Got married last Monday and are having a party for a family and friends in a couple weeks. I have anxiety about having a bunch of people staring at me, so this worked great. Was able to have the fun/cheap trip and wedding I wanted but still party with people after.
If you want that to be your anniversary, a date you will think of, rather significantly, at least a few times a year for the rest of your lives together, do what many people have suggested and have a small ceremony that day—small, not “supposed to be small and it ballooned out of control”— and then have your celebration on a weekend.
You could also informally poll the people for whom you think a weekday wedding would pose real problems. Get an idea of what kind of loss, guestwise, you’d be looking at. A lot of them will probably be close family/friends so I’m guessing you would be less concerned with formalities than you are about making sure they could be there.
That being said, weekday or not, concurrent big events or not (a friend of mine’s fiance chose the weekend of the Chicago marathon, oops,) whatever, people may not be able to come. We’ve had declines from a few people I was 100% sure would be at our wedding. We’ve had a few people I could have sworn would be psyched to be there act like they are just not that into us. I’ve also had some people I almost didn’t invite say they will not only be there, they are treating it like the event of the century.
You never can tell with people. And there are going to be so many times, in life, not just your wedding but DAMN is it obvious in wedding planning, when you have to do what is best for you and just make it as pleasant as possible for the people around you. You should have the anniversary you want, the wedding you want, on the day you want, with the people you love around you. If you hit 75% or better on 75% of those things, you’re doing great.
We got married on a Tuesday, a week before Christmas. Our ceremony was in the morning, followed by a wedding breakfast, for the most immediate of our friends and family. We had an open house style reception that night for the larger group. Those who could make it did, which was the vast of majority the people we really wanted to be there, because it was as important to them as it was to us. We had a few surprising no-shows, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. We had to work our schedule around traveling back to our home states (yes, plural), semester breaks, work, and Christmas, and that was just between myself and my now husband. Everyone else just worked with us once we announced our date. It worked out really well. We aren’t the party late into the night type anyway, so we were out of there around 8:30-9, and our guests, mostly the same close family that had been with us all day, pitched in to clean up after. It worked out incredibly well.
We got married on a Friday morning, our rehearsal was Thursday at noon, and about 7 people just showed up Wednesday morning because they wanted to help us get the house ready. It was a much bigger turn out than I expected, and no one groused to me about the dates (which isn’t to say it wasn’t happening). Before settling on Friday morning, we had a serious talk with our parents and grandparents to see if they thought it would cause any issues; No one could think of any, so we did what worked for us. Midweek may be more challenging than an ‘extended weekend,’ but ultimately only you can decide if the date/day is worth the challenge.
Choosing a weekend over a weekday is no guaranty that people will be able to come. In the last three years, I have missed out on three weddings that I wish I could have attended – and all of them were on weekends.
I agree with everything everyone has said, and the only thing I might add is maybe on your wedsite or through word of mouth say something like “We know for some it may be difficult to attend our weekday wedding, but it really worked best for our budget/sick mother/anniversary date. Please know it means so much to us to have you there! If you can’t make it, you will surely be there in spirit and we’ll celebrate with you soon”.
I went to a Friday wedding that said something along those lines on the website and I thought it was hard to be too upset with the hosts when they say something sweet like that.
I have the same problem. Our special day is the 22nd of October, which this year, just so happens to land on a Tuesday. So our solution (since it will be school time, and out of state family have with school aged children) is to have the wedding the Saturday before. However, we’ll still use the 22nd for aniversaries and the like.
My wedding is on a Friday. We actually have a pretty good excuse. Our venue is a castle, and the only date they had available for 2013 was a Friday (okay, there was a second available Friday, but that seemed like too much info to pass around word of mouth). We are also in a vacation hotspot. It is because it is a Friday that we decided to pay for Save the Dates even though so many people advised against it knowing how small our budget is. We figured that the sooner we can let people know, the better. So far, the only responses we have gotten back (after the initial “Oh!”) are people saying they’re going to arrange things for work so they can come out, and some have even booked their hotel rooms already even though we haven’t started looking at hotel blocks yet.
Financially there hasn’t been any difference for us since Friday is that weird weekday and weekend day. However, planning this inside of 4 months, we’re finding that almost all the vendors we want are available.
I’ve only been invited to 1 weekday wedding and it was also a Friday. It was at a beach in another state, so it also would have required half a day’s travel for us. It was for my fiance’s cousin. They weren’t close, so my fiance decided not to go (his work is extremely stingy with vacation time). His mother’s work is like mine with liberal leave, and his stepdad works from home, so they went and had a good time.
It really boils down to whether people can take leave from work, and whether they think it’s worth it. Being a vacation area probably helps…
We got married on a Friday (it was our three year anniversary) and it was awesome. People didn’t stay as late as we would have liked them to, seeing as some of them had to work in the morning or the next day (yay retail!), but it was still the perfect day. If people really want to be there, they will be, no matter what. I say rock the Tuesday!
We got married on a Monday. It was a Stat holiday and we had only 18 guests, all of whom we knew were not working on the Stat holiday. We didn’t chose the day based on the financial benefit of a weekday, but it was a nice bonus!
We are getting married on a Tuesday next month. We have a guest list of 68 people so far, so it’s actually worked out well. I did have to deal with a lot of people (mostly my own family) complaining about it being in the middle of the week and them having to miss work, but considering I gave them 8 months notice (I sent my invites WAY early), I’m not that broken up about it. I agree with some of the sentiments above; if they want to be there, they will be there.
I’d like to respectfully disagree with the people saying, “If people really want to be there, they will make it work.”
For me, a Tuesday wedding that I would have to travel to would mean taking Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off of work. That would mean 3 days of lost income, plus the travel costs, plus the wedding-guest costs, plus finding someone to watch my dog/house/et cetera. That is not even including the fact that depending on how things are at my job, there are times where my request for time off would be denied, so it would mean losing my job to go to the wedding. I have had to miss weddings of people who are incredibly important to me because they were on Fridays or Mondays. It wasn’t “I don’t care enough so I’m not going to try to make it,” it was, “If I go to your wedding I am jeopardizing my livelihood. I love you so much, but I have to take care of myself.”
That being said, I think the best way to do things are to check with your nearest and dearest, the people you don’t just want to be there, but need to be there, about the date before you book things. After that, if you do go for that Tuesday, do your best to understand that people who can’t come aren’t doing it because they don’t care or don’t want to be a part of your big day, it isn’t personal, they can’t come because they just can’t.
Good luck!
my thought is why not make it legal on your anniversary and then have the reception on the weekend so you can party all you want. But that’s just my opinion… I feel like it would be really hard to party all you want on a week day.
While it’s not midweek, we did opt to go for a Friday wedding, as opposed to a weekend wedding. As many others have been saying – it’s a lot cheaper! Our venue’s ‘minimum guest’ count was half what it was for Saturdays, which meant about $2000 of savings for us in room rental fees, etc. I also wanted to keep the guest list to a minimum, and because people will have to take time off in order to come, we will get fewer people who will come unless they really want to be there. Win win!
We got married on our 10th Anniversary, which happened to fall on a Thursday. It was really handy, because we only had a very small wedding (18 people including ourselves), so we were able to negotiate with vendors who would probably have otherwise not wanted to deal with us.
In the end, everyone we invited attended, except our grandparents, who were unable to travel. We gave everyone heaps of notice and specified on all our save the dates and invitations that it was a Thursday.
It probably helped that no one had to travel to be there, and everyone was either on uni holidays or able to get a few days off work. In fact, most people took the Thursday and Friday off and had a long weekend! It also gave us a reason for keeping the guest list small.
I’d happily attend a weekday wedding, using a day or two of annual leave isn’t going to bother me too much, especially if I know well in advance
Rock the Tuesday, and enjoy it! I am going to be a Tuesday bride myself (11/12/13). Our wedding will be mid-sized (75 guest invited, large seeming for us) and it will be with wedding/reception in a local San Diego boutique hotel. Because we are doing the weekday? Not only did we get a winter rate on the space, but also a discount because we avoided the weekend! I was worried about this until someone said, “Have your wedding! If people want to come, they will come, especially if they won’t miss it.” So do what you do what you do! Every one of our friends and family just think it is the funnest date they’ve heard, and it fits with our oh-so-nerdy and academic personas (ascending number order to go with our Retro Whovian themed wedding, for their is order in the galaxy..perhaps!)
I wouldn’t consider it unless nearly everyone was local. I think if no one at all has to travel more than a day to get to the wedding, and there are no other weekday events planned that would require time off work (ie, you are only asking people to take one day), it’s okay. For us, 2/3 of the guest list will be traveling and staying at least one night and some more because it’s so far away, so it has to be a weekend so they don’t have to miss work.
One of my partner’s close friends is getting married on a Wednesday. He’s a groomsman, and he’ll be there, but he’s missing the rehearsal dinner and bachelor party. He will be missing two days of classes to get there, and I’m not going at all, because it’s a weekday.
I think if you get married on a weekday, you have to expect most of the out-of-towners may not come. If that’s fine, then you can save a lot of money that way.
I’d have no problem with a weekday local wedding and taking 1 day off for it. That’s not an issue at all, to my mind.
Agreed completely. As I mentioned in my comment, my fiance and I have zero family members within a few hundred miles of us, and only 3 or 4 friends who are local (we just moved where we are about a year ago). Having a weekday wedding would not happen for us unless we had most of our family and friends within an easy car ride from us… but we don’t!
It’s totally up to the couple, but I wouldn’t have a wedding on a weekday because I want as many of my loved ones to come to the wedding as possible. I have zero family within 200 miles of us, and my fiance has no family within 800 miles of us… so travel, days off of work, etc. would be such a pain for our family and friends.
My cousin is getting married on November 7th this year, a Thursday, and since I live 2500 miles from where the wedding is AND I just started a new job (minimal vacation days accrued at the moment), I’m not going and they completely understand.
We got married on a Tuesday because we wanted to marry on the Summer Solstice. It was a late morning ceremony, and the reception ran to about 4 in the afternoon. We did get a lot of declines from those who would have had to travel from out of state, but most of those people probably wouldn’t have come anyway. It just wasn’t a priority for them. We still missed them, but we understood. The only thing that bothered me about choosing a Tuesday is that many people started leaving really early on during the reception because they had to make very long drives home. Nevertheless, I would still do it all over again. If you explain why you want a particular date, most people will be understanding.
We’re getting married in a court ceremony in N. Ireland on a Monday with just our families & close friends, and we’re having the big celebration two weeks later on a Saturday back in the US, with as many people as want to come party! It was the best compromise we could manage between vacation times & finances, everybody’s feelings, and our desire to celebrate our partnership with them all. Also, in our county, the civil ceremony fees for getting married on a weekday are about half of those for the same thing on a weekend.
One of my best friends got married on a Wednesday evening. It was one of the best weddings I have ever attended. EVERYONE had a wonderful time. I would recommend keeping the festivities to the evening so that the 9-5ers can get there after work.
As far as people taking time off work: I (like many of your guests) am not a 9-5er. I work in the entertainment industry as a result I have to take time off work for ever Saturday wedding I have ever attended…. so you are only asking a different segment of your guests to take time off.
With enough notice most people can make it work. You just have to be okay with the fact that some of them may not be able to. Having your wedding on a Tuesday, Saturday, or any other day does not change that fact.
Our legal wedding was on a Thursday and our ceremony was on a Tuesday. Our ceremony involved travel to the Caribbean, so we turned it into a week long vacation for everyone rather than just a one or two day event. It worked really well, and we had no complaints or guests who couldn’t make it because of the weekday.
Honestly, I’d love to attend a wedding on a weekday. I work 9-5 Mon-Fri and would love to have an excuse to take a day or two off in the middle of week and celebrate 🙂
I don’t think I’ve ever worked a 9-5 M-F job in my life, so I can’t speak from experience. However, I just love your last two sentences! I am surprised that more commenters on here don’t feel the same. I would really enjoy to take a random day off during the week, especially to celebrate some love! Although I can see how it would be hard, losing that money, and eating into your sick days.
We had ours in the middle of the week because we wanted to get married on Halloween, our favorite day of the year. My mom tried sooo very hard to get us to change our minds (she is not a nice person anyways so it was easy to ignore her)
In the end the people that surrounded us enjoyed the wedding and the people who were the most important were there because they chose to be.
The day was important to us and to this day I am glad I didnt change it to the weekend, it just wouldnt have had the same meaning to us EVERY SINGLE YEAR <3
My wedding will be on Oct 21st of this year. It is a monday. But since we are having a very “interesting” wedding, back to the future day suits us well. We like the idea of getting married on a monday because we can make things go quickly. I dont want to spend hours and hours shaking people’s hands and saying thank you 73642894687 times. Our ceremony starts at 6 and the reception will be over by 9. For the night owls, we are having a cocktail hour after, (no boose during church wedding) until about 11. Most people stay up that late anyway, and it will be their choice. 🙂
We are having our wedding on a Tuesday, October 15th, two years to the day from when he proposed. We started dating on January 15th of 2010…so it was important to us to keep the 15th theme going. I know there are folks that won’t be able to attend, but at the same time a good deal of our friend work at the Kansas City Ren Fest and since our wedding is during the Fest season, a weekend wedding simply wouldn’t work because the majority of our friends would be working at KCRF!
I highly recommend weekday weddings! We were married on a Wednesday, 11/10/10, exactly 6 years to the day my husband and I first met. A weekday wedding gives you leverage to bargain for cheaper services all around: for most businesses, it’s an extra opportunity to make money they normally wouldn’t have. So did it save us a bunch of money on the venue plus was also helpful to limit our guest list to 100. Sure, a few people weren’t able to make it, but there were no hard feelings. Our wedding was in the evening, so most local guests didn’t have to take any time off. The best part? The next day was Veteran’s Day and almost half our guests already had the day off. Not to mention any future anniversary trips would be almost guaranteed a 3day weekend!
It’s interesting to me to hear that weekend weddings are ‘the done thing’. I live in Ireland, and every wedding I have ever attended (bar 1 shotgun wedding which was a Sunday) has been on a Friday.
Ours is going to be on a Thursday, and I have only had 1 person so far decline- because they had already bought concert tickets to see Black sabbath, not the weekday!
In fact, the only comment I have had from a friend was ‘great, we’ll make it a long weekend!
We got married on a Tuesday at 9:00 pm. We had dinner first with a small group of family and friends– 11 people total. Our dinner lasted 2.5 hours, and we were almost late for the ceremony. 20 people were in attendance there. Our after party reception at the hotel is where we cut the cake. Then, we went out dancing at a night club till 3:00 am. It was a great time 🙂 If we could do it over again, we would rent the reception hall for the extra $100 so people had something to do while we were waiting for our pictures. We could have danced and cut the cake there.
We were planning for April 1st because it’s our anniversary, but due to Spring Break “Green Days” (mandatory days off in exchange for a pay cut), we opted for March 27th.
Our renewal ceremony might be this year, also on a weekday. I’m waiting to see if it is to before writing up our wedding for Offbeat Bride.
We got married on a Friday. When the priest opened his datebook and asked what we were thinking of, we said “Any Friday, Saturday, or Sunday in April or May,” and eventually settled on a Friday. I think it works out great. In our case (low-key wedding in small church, pictures in local free park, and tiny reception at family home) we didn’t have to worry about many logistics, BUT — if we had, I think it would have saved a lot of money! Wedding photographers aren’t as busy on a weekend (I imagine), venues are usually empty, lots of things must be cheaper.
It also has kind of a nice, private feeling — the rest of the World is going about as normal, and here you are getting married!
And as far as traveling guests … remember, they will mostly have to take a day off anyway. I just had to take off two days for a friend’s Saturday wedding out of state. So I wouldn’t worry about it!
Weeknight weddings are actually pretty common in the more right-leaning traditional Orthodox Jewish community (read, not the Modern Orthodox community). Friday and Saturday are off-limits due to the Sabbath, so Sunday becomes the most desirable day of the week, which means the cost of having a Sunday wedding is much higher and/or Sundays are usually the first dates taken.
I’ve been to a lot of Orthodox weeknight weddings. It’s certainly easier to have a weeknight wedding when you already have a cultural context for doing so, but I don’t think that not having that cultural context should keep you from doing it. It just means giving the guests more notice and adjusting expectations, both your own and theirs.
I will say that I have never ever managed to attend a weeknight wedding at the time stated on the invitation. Most weddings were called for 6/6:30 ish and we generally arrived an hour late, in part due to the fact that the weddings were generally a 45-1hr drive away from home and we were traveling in after workday traffic. Arriving 1 hour late is totally acceptable for an Orthodox wedding because the traditional wedding structure is “cocktail hour” first, then ceremony, and Orthodox wedding often start late. For a non-Orthodox ceremony-first wedding, guests arriving that late would miss a considerable part of the wedding, so you may want to take travel time in mind when picking the time.
Husband and I always party to the end of a weeknight wedding. His work hours are very flexible and I just don’t need much sleep, so a late night at a wedding followed by another workday isn’t a huge problem for us, but not all your guests will feel that way. A lot of people do tend to leave these weeknight weddings early, something to think about if that would bother you.
I just want to say that if you’re concerned about getting married on a “whatever” day, it won’t be a “whatever” day anymore – it will be your wedding anniversary! Your anniversary of first meeting was just a whatever day before you met. If it’s important to you and you can make it work for your guests, great, but if you find you won’t be able to have the people there that you want there on the special date, remember that it will become a new special date and another significant part of your calendar.
We had a Sunday night wedding, which meant that some people couldn’t come, but most did. However, we’ve got another family wedding in two weeks which is on a Friday at noon, and we just can’t do it with all the time we’ve taken off already for our own wedding. It depends on each guest’s situation, so make sure you check with the people who are important to you before you put down any deposits.
We got married on a Monday Halloween 2011. I found it to be wonderful and it really cut the costs of a lot of my vendors!
My dude and I got married on a Friday but it was Friday evening and so it was more like a weekend. We had very few guests coming from out of town, mostly older and retired, and because it was later in the day, they were able to choose if they wanted to come in Thursday or come Friday. Most of them left later on Saturday. For the in-town guests, we set our ceremony to start at 6. We live in a relatively small city so a few friends had to leave work a bit early but leaving early on a Friday is often fairly easy if you have a 9-5 job and we did give lots of notice. It meant we were able to have the space we wanted and, for us, also meant reduced cost because the Gallery we were at was open late on Fridays so we had to pay less additional fee for security (you have to pay for the security guards from the time the gallery closes until you leave). We also got an awesome photographer for a discount because he was still able to shoot a wedding on either Saturday or Sunday. We lucked out because he only does 1 or 2 of those double wedding weekends a year and we got in.
But Friday is only nominally a week day and is more easily lumped with a weekend.
I agree with everyone who has said that guests who travel may or may not be able to swing your wedding. So think carefully. They actually may pay more for air fare or hotels if they are having to travel on a Monday. Many business people travel on Mondays and so those prices are often higher than a Thursday or even a Saturday. Crazy, but true. And, for your local guests, it is appreciated if you can either book the whole day or do a later start time.
Then just be prepared for the guests who cannot attend, if having your wedding celebration on that day is really important to you. Or the guests who need to leave early because they have to work the next morning. I’m a total downer and expect to be in bed by about 10pm on a week night. Sad, but true. If I stay up late I’m usually not much use the next day. No biggy if I don’t have much going on but if there’s a meeting I can’t reschedule… well, then I would have to leave early.
To answer those questions;
1.) Yes. FH and I are gong to be married in 12 days, on a Tuesday. It’s our anniversary of being “officially boyfriend/girlfriend”.
2.) Absolutely. I’ve only be invited to about five weddings in my life, and they have all been on Saturdays. Boring! But then again, I would pretty much use any excuse to take off work. But why not for an awesome reason like a wedding.
I totally had this long and drawn out story of our wedding, but I’ll just sum it up with this: If you really want everyone to be there, be more accommodating with the date. If you think you can swing it on the day you want, then go for it! At the end of the day you’ll be married to the one you love the most, and that’s what matters, right?
It’s entirely likely our wedding will be on a weekday – the big mitigating factor for us is what day my sister will have off (we’re using her house, it’ll be a small wedding, anyone coming to it aside from her will already be here because travel).
With enough warning for travel, provided they were good friends/we had that relationship, yes, I’d go to a mid-week wedding. MUCH cheaper for everyone, when you factor in lower hotel rates, etc. (And I think most people will be sympathetic to cheaper reception halls, etc.) Just lead with extra-long save the date notices if you can.
**Hmph. URLs work better in titles when you get both the /’s in there. Oops.
I’d love to get married on my anniversary. But it’s a week before Thanksgiving! Nobody can afford to travel that week (ever), and both of our families are pretty scattered
FI and I are getting married on St. Patrick’s day 2014. Monday. We wanted last year since it fell on a Sunday (weekend) turns out when you live in Austin, TX March 17 falls right in with spring break and SXSW music and movie festival. We could not get a venue to save our lives!! Then tack on that it is a holiday ($$$$). We decided to push it back a year and STILL had to cut our guest list to fit a venue we could afford for that date. I was completely surprised that my huge family in Michigan and his in Minnisota were disappointed that we are keeping it down to immediate family and friends. None of my side made it to my other 2 sisters large weddings that were on weekends (one was a two night event). But a weekday is mentioned and everyone now wants to attend. We’re are keeping it small and local except for 2 party members that are flying in. Even looking a year in advance ALL the hotels were already booked. The closest one was 2 hours away!
We love our date! If we did anything differently we would take a trip and still keep our date. Plus, this I understand is different from your date but we kept our location as close to downtown as possible so that when we were done treating everyone to a funny, lighthearted ceremony and awesome food and booze, everyone could cross a bridge and party downtown til there hearts are content. Not one person was concerned about it being a weekday.
My HTB and i are looking at a friday wedding as it means more time on weekend to relax before work again and it was cheaper. Im hoping that if i give everyone enough notice they will be able to come but if not i know i can probbly catch up with them the next day.
Heres hoping that no matter what day your wedding falls it is attended by those who love and care for you and that you enjoy it!
I’ve been to a weekday wedding. It was my Cousin’s wedding, and it was a Friday.
For our family personally, it was very difficult to attend. Myself and my OH had to get a day off work, (my OH had literally just started a new job that week, so it was even harder for him) my Mum runs her own shop/post office and tea room and had to close for the day, because the girls who would work for us normally haven’t finished school yet, and can only work weekends.
A few of her guests with kids couldn’t make it, because the kids weren’t allowed a day off school and therefore someone had to take them to school/pick them up.
All in all, I think it prevented them from having the wedding they wanted, with the people they wanted. They’ve both said they wished they’d had it on the Saturday.
I think you just have to consider your guest list. If the majority of people are able to do weekdays, then it shouldn’t be an issue. Think about who you would be disappointed couldn’t make it, and who you wouldn’t be disappointed about. If more of them would find it difficult on a weekday, then consider moving it to a Saturday near your anniversary and perhaps do something to honour that on the wedding day itself.
I got married on a Wednesday. I lovvvvved it. We got married in this amazing chapel and had a great reception at a resteraunt in the middle of the day. Lots of dancing, laughing, eating, it was a great party! I think what made it even more fun, is that it felt like we were playing hooky, almost, while the rest of the world was going through their regular Wednesday drudgery, we were having this wonderful thing happen. It made it all the more special, I think. And yes, about 90% of the people we invited came, because when someone you love is getting married, thats what you do. Our friends still talk about how fun it was to sneak off for the day and celebrate. My sister got married on a Monday. Same deal. I love weekday weddings!
I love the idea of weekday weddings and I would have mine during the week if I could. Unfortunately though it’s just a fact of life that for weekday weddings a lot of people won’t be able to make it, especially if they are traveling. So for us, it wouldn’t work. We’re only inviting about 50-60 people, and at least 75% of them are out of state. So no saving money for us. 🙁
Been playing catchup tonight; please forgive the post-necromancy!
FH and I will be tying the knot this Halloween, which, for those who don’t feel like fishing out a calendar, happens to be a Thursday. I originally hemmed and hawed over having a weekday wedding for fear people wouldn’t make it. Our friends would have none of it. The overall sentiment was, “Get married when YOU want to get married. People will make it or they won’t, regardless of the day of the week.” And, so far, they are absolutely right. Of the no-shows we’ve been forewarned of, exactly ONE has been “because it’s a Thursday.” The others are all people who simply couldn’t travel at that time of year, regardless of what day of the week it happened to fall on. Are weekends easier to plan? Yeah. Will most of the people who are your nearest and dearest probably make the effort? Based on my own experience, the answer is a resounding yes!
What would you say about my case?
40-50 guests. Every single one of them (aside from my brother who doesn’t mind flying out) lives in the same city we live in. “Travel time” for all guests is a 20 min. drive to the venue.
I’m kind of in love with the idea of getting married on our anniversary but that would be a Monday in January (which also means, I’m assuming, we’d be saving loads of cash: weekday AND off season). Would people really flip out? We plan on getting everyone drunk so I guess at worst, I’m asking for 1.5 – 2 days off work for most (hangovers calculated).
The next best option is to get the liscense and get for realsies married on a monday and have the reception on a friday. I guess. :/
I am currently in the same pickle! Our fifth year anniversary falls on a thursday and to get married any other day feels so wrong, but doing it on a THURSDAY also feels rude. We are keeping it small and simple, but I know some people will not be happy (due to how unconventional it is). Screw it though, it’s our day and nothing is conventional about it to be begin with.
Update!
We’ve actually booked the venue for the saturday before our 5th anniversary to make it easy for our guests. But since our officiant is a decades old friend to both of us, we’re fudging the papers so, technically, we will have gotten married two days later, on our 5th anniversary. Win/win!
my venue is booked for tue as it is the date we wanted. In Australia people get plenty of annual leave. Family lives interstate and so would be travelling regardless of day of week. during summer it is $4000 cheaper and people coming are not strapped for cash. I have invited all immediate family uncles aunts but not cousins that we don’t have much to do with. As well as people we see weekly. We are counting on some not coming and will then invite more local friends. Everyone has been fine about the day of week (people hard up are usually those working weekends waiters, retail) apart from my fiancé’s dad whom is recently divorced and we were unsure about inviting anyway (same guy is a manager and has a million $ payout from gfs recent divorcé settlement). In my opinion wedding day is about u and your partner and if people can’t come they can politely say no. If I cared about someone I would travel during the week.