…you ask your engaged friend, “What are your centerpieces going to be, and how are you making them?” and she looks at you funny and says the florist is bringing them. Then you remember, oh yeah, centerpieces are usually beautiful flower arrangements brought in by florists, not the homemade weird concoctions made from a combination of dried gourds, vintage buttons, wind-up toys, and mini cast-iron bicycles that you were planning on.
…your relatives think your engagement must be off just because they can't find a big box registry for you.
…you ask a bride-to-be what color her dress is and she says, “Do you mean ivory vs. white?” and you remember not everyone considers red/purple/rainbow/polka-dotted dresses for their wedding day.
…when you mention you're getting married, strangers, store clerks, and vendors give your bare ring finger a long look mixed with pity and suspicion.
…your engaged best friend plans a 5-hour-long mimosa/hair appointment the day of the wedding and you remember not all brides plan to spend their pre-wedding time carting in the alcohol, dishes, glasses, decorations, etc. to the DIY reception site.
My relationship is not a statement: Stop viewing our wedding decisions as some sort of socio-political performance
It started with the oh-so-popular taking of my husband's last name question. The reason I really wanted to keep my own name had nothing to... Read more
…your friend asks, “What are your colors?” and you stare at her blankly for 10 minutes because you have no idea what the heck she's talking about.
…friends and family announce “Yourname Hislastname!” and then say how good it sounds before you can stop them and explain you're keeping your own name.
…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, “Um…getting married?”
…a coworker asks, “Have you found a church yet?” and you respond, “For what?”
…your toilet tank conspicuously lacks a stack of thick bridal magazines, and instead features a funny little blue book by some chick who has “Meadow” in her name.
And finally, you know you're an Offbeat Bride when you celebrate your best friend's traditional wedding, because that is exactly what she wants and that is exactly awesome for her!
…And then you go out searching for the perfect set of hot pink and purple polka-dotted frogs for your cake topper and all is well in the world.
Now I'd love everyone reading to make their OWN lists of “You know you're an Offbeat Bride when…” and post it in the comments! We all have different experiences and weddings and obviously my list doesn't apply to everyone. Tell me about how you knew when YOU were an Offbeat Bride!
Bwah! Totally just shot pop out my nose at the “Knot” comment! HAhAHAHAHA!
Hello Cassie,
I just read your aricle about your offbeat wedding and I´m loving it. Although I´m a more traditional bride I love your comments about the centerpieces and colours of wedding dresses. Especially your answer to the theme question make me roar with laughter! Best wishes for you and your husband and may your marriage be filled with a lot of nice, offbeat moments!
Greetings from Germany
Maren
Wow…this completely describes everything that happened with my wedding. People were really confused and probably thinking “WTF?”, but I wouldn’t have done it any other way… 😀
You know you’re an offbeat bride when you are so fricking excited that you found 2 matching skull cameos for your diamonte covered hot pink bow enhanced ballet and your world is now complete.
You know you’re an Offbeat Bride when how to paint your hubby to bes buzz cut hair onto to his Zombie kokeshi doll cake topper is your buggest wedding drama hahahahahahahahah
I loved this post so much! It made me laugh and some of the things were totally me. Like lugging junk into the venue on the day of the wedding instead of sitting at a 5 hour hair appointment. Ha! Not only was I lugging in things but it was literally “1” degree that day!!!
I had to post this post and an offbeat bride type discussion on my blog today because I loved it so much. I thought you’d like to see:
http://runningstitch.typepad.com/runningstitch/2009/02/was-i-an-offbeat-bride.html
Cute stuff! I definitely hear you on the ring-finger-peeping, ugh that drove me crazy. I could add a few from my own experience:
…when you explain to a dress store vendor what you’re looking for in a gown, and she gives you a pitying look and asks if this is your second wedding.
…you get one of those giant wedding planner books and then use only a few pages of it, allowing you to pass it on to a newly engaged friend afterward.
…you either have to correct new acquaintances who ask about the “lucky groom,” OR (if you’re me) you enthusiastically reply “her name is…!”
…you go to a wedding expo purely for the “OMG LOL, I can’t wait to blog this later!” value.
…there are some aspects of what is “usually” part of a wedding that you just plain phone in, keep REALLY simple or skip altogether. And never regret having done so.
lol i feel you! im so tired of the finger peeping too! i have a little gols band on my ring finger that i’ve been wearing for years and one lady actually asked me “ooooohhh let me see you ring! wait where’s your diamond?” lmfao
I get the comment “that is more appropriate for a second wedding” everytime I show my ma or my friends the dresses I like. What don’t they get?? I am not a priss and I don’t want to be a princess I want to be able to move and dance and spill without worrying that I just wasted 5k on something I am NEVER going to wear again. ughh. so funny but also frustrating. This blog has been a real safe haven. =0) thanks ladies.
Thanks for making me smile this morning! I am feeling the stress of wanting to make my own centerpieces/bouquets and not having my family understand it. I needed to smile and be reminded of all the other amazing ways it’s been pulled off! 🙂
[…] You know you’re an offbeat bride when… […]
… you order your dress from Wai-Ching and your family face is mock horror, but they perk up and go “That is so you!” (That’s also when you know that the last hold out of the family’s hope that somewhere deep inside you are truly “normal” and planned to be a princess for just one day will not come true. )
…your groom actually has a say.
… your colors are blush and bashful unless you really loved Steele Magnolias.
I love this.
heart that the groom has a say!! here here!
“…friends are not amused when they ask what your theme is and you say, ‘Um…getting married?'”
This is definitely my partner and me. Our “theme” changes almost weekly (20s, sunflowers, x-files, pirates, sea-foam green, etc…) but at the end of the day we remember that “OMFG WE’RE GETTING MARRIED” and we receive the reality check we need.
Thanks for this post, and especially the bit on the end about supporting commitments, off-beat or not. Because really, isn’t that what it’s all about?
Love,
Anne Marie
I’m completely intrigued by the idea of an X-Files themed wedding! What direction did you choose?
Amy: Oh, but I DO love Steel Magnolias. I don’t think Louisiana in the 80s is my theme though.
…when your headpiece has buttons and feathers instead of rhinestones.
…when your reception buffett is full of candy, ONLY candy.
…when your friends ask about your wedding plans and you start talking for hours about everything you’re making
Thanks girls, you create this shining ray of light that brightens even the darkest of days.
When ur friends ask about ur centrepiece amd u say that its from charity shops, eBay, diy books, glitter and ur mums old left over floor slates and even though its alot its beautiful, and some wild flowers. When the bouquet toss is the wild flowers from the centrepieces and every little girl gets one and the woman only gwt one chance to get one. When ur evening reception involves balloon animals, balloon swirds beating the bride and balloon arrows, and when children went home balloon willys lol. When u have no veil and its omg, and a gold dress, when theres elements of sailor moon in ur wedding cause its meaningful to u. When ur wedding theme is steampunk to stop ur creative energy and mind exploding, and everyone is like whats steampunk. When its like a sin because on the morning of the wedding I still didnt know what to do with my hair and told my hairdresser to wing it but make it more messy than the trail and alittle more volume. When my mum hit me across the head for saying doing a charity event weeks before the day and shave my head then the hairdresser just style the wig and I will slip it on. For wearing brown brogue boots instead of white, dimonde shoes. For my groom having brown Edward suits n top hats instead of grey or black. For doing things my way and the hubbys and spending what we want to spend instead of what wedding magazines tell us too.
…when the best men have a bitch fight about who is THE best man (because there couldn’t possibly be 2 of them!)
I LOVE THIS WOMAN! If we weren’t both otherwise involved…
so funny I wish you were around in 80’s I’d probably still be married!
…When they ask you where you’re getting your bouquet/dress/shoes/jewelry/centerpieces and your response is always Etsy.
HAHAHAHA! I had the seamstress ask if my dress was an heimloom. “No, eBay…”
haha! I have found almost everything for our wedding so far on etsy! I love being able to support local artisans and have something unique. =0)
…when friends and family say “your going to dye your hair, right?”, and you say “whats wrong with the pink i have now?”
…when you watch Jurassic Park and think to yourself….”thats so bad ass…i want to get married there!”
i love all of the little things you said, it made me feel better about my ultra conservative family, especially the one about the dress, because maybe they will be accepting after all! :]
When they ask “You’re going to dye your hair, right?” and you reply “Yes of course! The back will be jet black, and my bangs will be neon red…”
Yes to the hair dye bit! I’m so sick of this now, I think I’ll just stare at those people as blankly as people stare at me when I talk about my plans and stop wasting my time defending my fuchsia hair.
I SO want to get married in Jurassic Park! <3
So, there’s a few parks in Texas with dinosaurs and one is an hour from where I live and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a dinosaur tea party
Hmmm… funny and somewhat accurate article, but to me it kinda falls into the “my wedding is SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS because it is AUTHENTIC and OFFBEAT and you are just a traditionalist slave to the machine”.
Your wedding is not a contest. You are not a bad person if you have a very traditional wedding, just like you’re not a bad person if you have a very untraditional wedding. And you’re not a bad person if you don’t have a wedding, either! I think it’s kind of rough to mock friends, family and vendors for presuming at first that you’d do typical/traditional wedding stuff (given that’s what most people do) – until you politely correct them, how are they to know otherwise?
Is this post any different from snooty ones on “traditional” wedding forums bagging offbeat types for being “trashy” or “freaks” with their plans? Just a thought…
I disagree. I was told a tea length gown would only be suitable for my 2nd/3rd wedding. I wasn’t even allowed to consider it, according to the lady in one bridal Shop. Whilst I know (because that has been my only bad vendor experience) that not all wic vendors are dictorial like that. I strongly disliked being treated like that in a place where I could spend £1000+. The wic and the people involved really need to quit making assumptions and making people feel bad for not following the ‘rules’.
This is making light of that and allows us to let some frustrations out by sharing our assumed experiences. There’s no nastiness, we’re not saying people are #€~^|€£§ For assuming these things, we’re not even saying that they’re stupid.
We’re saying we know we’re offbeat because the traditional assumptions amuse us or our versions shock people, which amuses us.
We’re being inclusive not exclusive, unlike our traditional bridal sisters (we’re not even all female). ????
Kim, I totally get where you’re coming from in your concern … but what about the last item on Cassie’s list?
…you know you’re an offbeat bride when you accept and celebrate your best friend’s uber-traditional wedding, because that is what she wants and that is just awesome for her.
To me, this doesn’t read as at all “snooty” towards traditional wedding plans. It acknowledges that even best friends will have very different tastes in wedding styles — and that’s fine!
Even cloaked in humor, I don’t think the author is insulting anyone else’s wedding in her celebration of doing things a little bit differently.
Well, to be honest, that felt a little tacked-on to me. Isn’t it a bit like saying, “No offense!” after insulting someone?
Hahah, I think I qualify. My centre piece was a modified Barbie and Ken -doll couple representing me and the hubby. I still don’t know what I should have answered to the theme-question. We had no gift registry. My dress cost me about 70 dollars, including shoes and jewellery, while my husbands kilt-set topped that ten fold. Our church had no roof, floor, windows, doors or a priest and the grooms men wore no underpants. Off the top of my head.
You know youre and OBB when people ask who your best man is, and you say something like, “Katie”
Ariel – totally, I get that the writer is wanting to say that everyone can dig everyone else’s style of wedding, and is simply providing some funny examples that many OBB readers can relate to! My concern is that the article nevertheless creates, through humour, a stereotype or standard of what you’re supposed to be doing if you’re an offbeat bride.
Some of the comments reinforce this – for example, one person said that she was an offbeat bride because her groom “actually has a say”. I’m sure that person didn’t mean to offend, and was presumably responding in the humourous tone of the article, but isn’t it both unfair and inaccurate to suggest that a groom to anyone other than an “offbeat bride” gets to participate in the planning process?
Or, directly addressing the article – does the fact that someone wears a white dress, gets married in a church and takes their husband’s last name with happiness and pride disqualify them from being an offbeat bride in any other respect? Isn’t that like saying that “you’re not doing it properly” if you don’t have your father walk you down the aisle or if you want to marry your same-sex partner?
I guess to me, the idea of being an offbeat bride is not to have any stereotypes about what a wedding is or has to be. By creating defintions, humorous or otherwise, about what “offbeat” means, you might be inadvertently creating standards that people new to OBB (or just feeling freaked out and unsure about how to plan their wedding) think they have to live up to.
Obviously, the article is meant to be lighthearted (and had me giggling!), and I’m probably over-analysing this – but I just thought the article doesn’t do justice to the positive, fun and inclusive resources this website and OBBT provide. A overwhelmed bride-to-be might feel lesser of herself after reading this (ie, “Hmmm… guess I’m not quite offbeat compared to these people”). Hence my two cents. 🙂 Lovin’ the ability to discuss this though! 🙂 Props to you and Cassie.
I must admit that I do feel ‘maybe I’m not offbeat compared to these people’ – but I get that from every page of this website, and it doesn’t stop me from loving it.
I don’t have tattoos, or piercings, I don’t want plastic dinosaurs or nerf guns at my wedding, I might end up in a white dress and I will have a ring and be taking my groom’s last name. BUT we are complete book fiends and want to get married dressed like a Jane Austen couple, with centrepieces made from books, etc.. I’m really sick of the usual wedding websites which make it seem compulsory to spend thousands on a designer dress and high-end vendors. And I have a friend whose plans are the most stereotypical a person can imagine (she’s going to end up with a standard ‘Pinterest wedding’ 😛 ) and who doesn’t understand that I might want a floral dress or homemade food. Even though I make an effort to appreciate her choices because they’re very ‘her’.
So having rambled on – I do sometimes see ideas on this website that are way too wacky for me, but the wacky brides need somewhere to go! And I’d rather hang around with them and be slightly offbeat in my own way, than hang around with traditional types and feel like there’s nothing original for me at all. I just took this list as a personal account of the struggles of being offbeat. The specifics don’t matter, the point is that we here can all relate to a friend wrinkling their nose at our ideas.
Steph, you need to read this right away: http://offbeatwed.com/offbeat-lite
Yep, I completely agree ^_^ Love all you Offbeat AND Offbeat Lite peeps.
I love your Jane Austen idea. My FH and I are experimenting with different types of book centerpieces. If we are ever homeless, we could build a house with how many books we have!
And from this perspective, it kind of makes the “am I offbeat enough” question resurface
[…] You know you’re an Offbeat Bride when … Share and Enjoy: […]
I know Im an offbeat bride when people say “oh ok” when i tell them something about the wedding and the colour black is thrown in somewhere!!
haha, I can definitely relate to the “oh, okay…” response, especially when it’s accompanied by a confused stare 😛
“…a coworker asks, “Have you found a church yet?” and you respond, “For what?””
Awesome!
Lol, i love my engagement ring but I never wore it so i can relate to the blank stares at a blank hand. I finally bought my “wedding band” which was a $6.95 sterling silver ring from amazon. Don’t know why anyone would care, but that just did not seem to go over well with some family and friends, lol.
Hahaha… I love this. Especially the last line, that fits me!
“…your engaged friend plans a 5-hour-long mimosa/hair appointment the day of the wedding and you remember not all brides plan to spend their pre-wedding time carting in the alcohol, dishes, glasses, decorations, etc. to the DIY reception site.”
I tried to explain this one to my mom, she’s under the impression that I get to relax! 😀
Kim W – It’s funny, I would consider myself an ‘offbeat’ bride, but none of those things on the list really applied… except for the last one, about accepting my best friend’s princess fairy tale wedding as her own style. I guess I just figured that most of those ‘You know you’re a XXXX when’ lists are never 100% accurate, and, as we’ve seen in the comments here, people are not feeling left out but rather adding their own entries to the list!
I totally, totally understand where you’re coming from, but I think the intention behind the list is nothing but awesome. And for that I have a smile on my face.
First, ladies, thank you so much for all your lovely comments. I appreciate it! I have just as much fun reading your comments as I did writing this.
Now, for Kim. Nope, I didn’t mean this as either a “formula” for how to have the most offbeat/original/awesome wedding. I’ll out myself and say that it was entirely biographical (well, except my centerpieces and cake toppers will be different from what I described). Everything else — the lack of a name change, the ringless finger, and so on came right from my experiences, which is why I wrote this piece.
The bottom line is, at the end of the day, if you make a range of non-traditional choices like I have, then yes, you are going to get some weird/funny/bewildered comments from those who aren’t expecting your choices. I don’t think I was being harsh toward these people — if anything, I was painting myself as the freak and laughing at myself as much as their reactions to me.
The only thing that I have considered slightly inappropriate was that I gave the bride w/ the white dress a line of dialogue that included “Like,” which could make her sound like a ditz and therefore seem like I am putting down brides who choose white dresses. I realized that after the fact but figured everyone would know I was just joking around and not take it personally!
I invite Kim and others to make their OWN lists of “You know you’re an offbeat/feminist/lesbian/semi- traditional/cake-hating/etc. bride when…” and post it on OBT. We all have different experiences and weddings and obviously my list doesn’t apply to everyone. I made it all about me, me, me.
Anyway, thanks again everyone, especially to Ariel!
Of course our weddings are not about competing over who can have the most outlandish and offbeat affair, but many of us do have details that deviate from the norm in wedding planning and many of us get a lot of negative comments from others in our lives because of it. That’s why I love OBB, and the OBBT. We have a place to celebrate ourselves in our all quirky glory and if sometimes we make posts celebrating our different-ness, I find nothing wrong with that.
This made me feel so at ease! I am making my dress, centerpieces, hair accessories, etc. My mom scoffed at my choice to include black in my dress so that I could wear black Converse All-Stars. We are having the reception in a retirement communities’ clubhouse! The list goes on, but I’ll have to wait until August to post up my own Offbeat Wedding story. 😉
BAW-AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! It’s funny cuz it is SOOO true. I can’t wiat until I get to LIVE those moments. hehehehe *evil plots brewing like a fine, fine, espresso*
Hey Cassie,
I’m so glad you wrote this piece!! You have described everything that is occuring with my wedding plans. My fiance (I don’t have a ring on my finger and he still hasn’t gotten on one knee to propose) and I are looking forward to having a great time at our wedding. Him and I went to pick out my wedding dress (an all red one with a bustier and chapel length train) and while we are getting married in a chapel, we have decided that a casual reception with everything being DIY is just in order! My family, who are very traditional and Latin, are not dealing with our wedding ideas very well, which is a bit of a bummer, but here at off beat bride I finally feel right at home! There are so few websites or places for unconventional brides and everytime I’m feeling down or need help getting ideas I come here. Just last night I was seriously considering turning my wedding into something traditional because my family is giving us such a hard time, but this morning I saw your post, started laughing, and thought, what the heck it’s our special day, so why not make it what we want it to be?
Sorry for the essay, just had to say THANK YOU for saving me from making a huge mistake!! <3
I loved this, because I had so many moments where I went ‘Oh, yeah. this isn’t quite how this is usually done’. when preparing for our wedding.
I think my favorites were when my best friend and I were looking @ dresses, and when the saleslady asked me “what’s the ocassion?” and I said “I’m getting married” and her eyes bounced back and forth between me and the black dress I was holding about 15 times, before suggesting I try a bridal store, and my husband on his cellphone freaking out the day of the wedding because he realized he was in vans and was desperately trying to find someone to swing by the house because “I can’t get married without my combat boots!”
You know you are an offbeat bride when your table clothes are made from strawberry shortcake and smurf sheets, you have bright purple hair, call yourself the hair goddess and your partner in crime channels for a living! LMAO
you know you are an offbeat bride when
… you let your fiance pick colors, registry gifts, and give 110% of the ideas to you, because you didnt have a dream wedding… because all you can think about is you are marrying the person you love and nothing else matters….no matter how big or small the wedding!
just found this site trough a friend’s recommendation I’m not married yet but I wanted to add a few I’ve seen…
…you make your maid of honor and mother got to 4 different local craft stores of the same chain collecting all your garden paintable lanterns you need for center pieces
… you walk back down the aisle after the ceremony to “born to run”
… all your favors are hand made by your maid of honor and her co-workers on a slow monday night in the dressing room of a strip club
You know you are an offbeat bride when…
-Your officiant quotes Tom Waits lyrics during the ceremony and is wearing an orange bandanna.
I loved this post; every couple should have the wedding that makes them happy, no matter what that entails! 🙂
The best part of this is the “And finally…”! I always wonder how many more brides would be much happier and less stressed if they just did what was in their heart instead of trying to “fit in” or “be different”.
Reminds me of when I was showing my ring to one co-worker when another walked in. I showed the second co-worker and she asked: “Oh, did you get a new ring?”
Amusing because I never wear rings to work but apparently pink sapphires don’t scream “wedding to follow.”
I love the dress! mine is similar but floor length!! I love it soo cute!
…your wedding dinner is turkey with all the trimmings, and being catered by your future sister in laws!
–Your music for walking down the aisle is played by the entire congragation.. ON KAZOOS!
— Drivers slow down when driving past the cemetery to watch you take your wedding photos there.
— A cemetery seems like a beautiful, romantic and serene place to have your wedding, really driving home the whole “Til Death Do us Part” concept. Besides, you can have honored (but passed) guests there, that could not otherwise attend bodily. 🙂
— You bought Manolo Blahniks but they were too damn uncomfortable so you busted out the combat boots.
Love in every form is beautiful, even conventional weddings. But when you can see the essence of the Bride and Groom in every detail, no matter how quirky, you know you’ve stumbled upon a couple who has gelled in an amazing and unique way.
Holly I actually LOL’d at the kazoos! I just got some very strange looks in the middle of the library.
You’ve made my day! :o)
—When you need to co-ordinate the hooping show in with the band.
— When your fave hot pink shoes cost more than your dress and the colour becomes the focal point for everything else.
Thank you for the book Ariel!! It was just what I needed to ease my conscience about having a somewhat off-beat wedding. The tips on how to share the vision with more traditional friends and relatives and get them on-board have been invaluable.
Plus it was just such a relief to have validation that anything was OK as long as it was significant to the people getting married. There is just too much pressure to fit in with what is expected and reading your book gave me courage and confidence to do what felt right for us.
We have incorporated traditions that we like and ditched the ones that are not important to us and added some of our own.
At the end of the day, it will be the wedding that reflects us and will make us happy. Being able to communicate that to our friends and family and have them be involved will make it even more special.
A month to go.. getting excited now!!
… when your future husbands best man will be wearing a chicken suit.
… when your wedding march song is by QUEEN.
… when your MOTHER will walk you down the isle.
We didn’t know that we could have a friend officiate, so on the wedding day my husband’s witness/bestman (it was an elopement, just us and the witnesses) said: “Had I known, I would have married you guys in a gorilla suit”. LOL
Yay! I’m an offbeat bride! It didn’t even occur to me that not everyone does DIY weddings until I read this!
Also along the rings thing…you also know you’re an offbeat bride when you bought your ring for $5.99 from avon just so your mom will stop pestering you about “the ring”!
…When you buy all the items for you diy center pieces and a farm store!
…Cowboy boots will be worn by the tattoo covered bride in a tea length dress.Because its either that or biker boots, Thats all I own!
(witch my family is horrafied by…)
…When you forget about having to buy flowers, cause there just not your thing.. and you run to the drug store to see whats on hand……
Boots are all I have too. The day before the wedding, I ended up buying a very cheap pair of ballet flat at Ardene (the canadian version of Claire’s). But then there’s the guilt of buying cheap Made In China stuff. We can’t win lol
I would also add ‘when you’re reading this website and throwing the horns for every idea you love, even if no one else is in the house to see’. (Yeah, that’s me.)
Definately identify with the comment about the engagement ring. Even my best friend sounded hurt for me when I said there wasn’t one. It doesn’t seem to have occured to anyone one that I NEVER wear rings and think one that’s only going to be relevant for a year is a huge waste of money. I’ve yet to announce the revelation that the wedding ring will be silver and cost about £30.
You know you’re offbeat when you decide to have your guests throw superflymonkeys instead of rice!
when the groomsmen will be in boots & braces and the bridesmaids are rollergirls. : )
you kno your an OBB when……..
your theme is based on a cartoon you loved when you were 7
you have an uneven wedding party (gasp!)
you walk down the aisle to Bella’s lullaby coming from a borrowed ipod 🙂
Fabulous! So true!
you know you’re an offbeat bride when…
your Mom has to follow up your wedding plans (when she’s been explaining them to her friends) with a “but you know what she’s like, she was never “normal” like the other girls” 🙂
LOL, she never was “normal” like the other girls….that describes my WHOLE LIFE!! I’m a little odd, so the F what?! I just decided that instead of cake I am having custom made cookies and cupcakes at my wedding. I am thinking of having the cookies be flowers, mounted on sticks displayed as centerpieces. So the F what?!?!
madly LOL
I really don’t get the “what are your colors” one… O.o
A lot of people would ask that question expecting to hear “Blush and Bashful” or “Cobalt and Lilac”. And then there’s the fact that even in a highly coordinated wedding, you’re working with a 4-5 color/shade/tone palette, so that even if the dominant colors are Cobalt and Charcoal, you’re also going to see other shades of blue, gray, black, white or ivory (and in those colors, I’d go with eggshell and diamond white) and usually at least one metallic like silver or platinum in all the “stuff” (print matter, favors, flowers, etc.). So the question is usually used to start conversation about the traditionally expected elements of the wedding (bouquet, cake, linens) where color is used more heavily, and sometimes just ends up missing the mark.
“..you ask a bride-to-be what color her dress is and she says, “Like, do you mean ivory vs. white?” and you remember not everyone considers red/purple/rainbow/polka-dotted dresses for their wedding day.”
My maid of honor did this to me when I said I didn’t want to wear white. Her reply was basically, ‘It’s OK, you can wear an ivory dress =)’. It’s like…well not a huge difference there, it’s like the difference between crimson and scarlet.
When you mention your dress, and people gasp “But what about your tattoos?” and you reply “I know, right? I better hurry up and get them finished!”
Haha! So true! My main wedding goal is to get my back piece done so I can have it in my wedding pictures 😀
…you decide on delicious pizza and wings for reception food instead of chicken marsiella and steak.
…you do the legal stuff, then get wedding-ed. 🙂
…the Caribbean is the last place you would honeymoon. You’d rather discover Macchu Pichhu, the Galapagos, Eastern Europe….
PS–LOVED the point about the wedding colors. That’s the first question everyone asks me, and I just reply “blue?” after a minute. I am sure something will be blue. 🙂
Haha, I had a friend get married recently and she tanned so that she didn’t look ghastly white in her dress. I’m a redhead and she was so concerned about my future wedding dress color, but her solution was “to wear off-white so you don’t look as pale”. How about a color that actually flatters me instead??
Thanks for the chuckle =)
hell yes. Wedding magazines – twitch.
The church thing happened to me when I was visiting my parents.
Neighbor: So have you picked out your church yet?
Me: What? I don’t go to church.
Neighbor: No for your wedding.
Me: Um I’m getting married outside actually.
Your grandmother says she can’t wait to see you walking to the bride march (Or whatever that song is) and you reply “I’m walking down the aisle to Flyleaf or maybe Nightwish or maybe Evanescence.”
Your groom calls your dress “The poofy rainbow monster.”
Someone says “How are you covering your tattoos?” you reply “Why would I do that?”
Someone makes the comment you need more accessories to look “bridal.” (bonus points if you looked up what bridal meant afterwords.)
Someone says your dress looks like a prom dress and you reply that because it is.
Your groom is quoting Han Solo during the vows.
I agree with the people who felt uncomfortable about this.
I think there is already too much focus on getting to qualify as “offbeat” and this reinforces a culture of exclusion. Oh sure we can be condescendingly approving of our “uber traditional” freinds’ weddings, who didn’t check enough boxes to be considered sufficiently “offbeat”, but that in itself involves categorisation of a kind that doesn’t need to exist.
I mean, taking this article at face value, my wedding would be considered traditional and I’m left feeling a little alienated.
This list made me feel not-so-offbeat…
Though were very much not your average wedding. I’m tattooed, but it’s hidden beneath my big, ivory, designer dress…he and his three groomsmen and one groomslady will be kilted. One of my bridesmaids is dying her hair dark blue. Were all going vintage with beehives. 100% vintage brooch bouquet. 100% halloween-themed photobooth (Nov. 1st wedding). Local craft beer favors. A “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” reception performance by myself and the fella. An antique fire engine (firefighter groom). And so much more. I can’t wait to have the funnest (yes, funnest) wedding my friends have seen this year (and for years to come!)!
How is this not offbeat? Sounds very unique and you made it your own, which is what offbeat is really all about!
…every time some classmate or friend posts pictures of his/her blissful BWW you think, “Oh, they look so happy!” as you sit in your pajamas (or less!) DIYing something.
(Seriously, *every time* somebody spams social media w/ wedding pics, I’m sitting around in my underwear covered in card making supplies. Although this could just be a sign that I need to stop sitting around in my underwear…)
… When you try and google ideas for your wedding and can’t find anything.
… when you share that your bat veil from Etsy arrived and you’re instantly asked “So you’re having a Halloween wedding?” and you reply “Nope, Winter Solstice”. Then you’re asked, “so why the bats” and you’re puzzled *why wouldn’t I have bats* ^o^
Love this! We got married in 2011, and I’m the more “offbeat” o my friends….and people were actually shocked when I said my gown was white….everyone seemed kind of weirded out by my “traditional ” choice, but I felt a collective sigh of relief when the black heels and hot pink petticoat underneath was revealed.
…you may be an offbeat bride when your setting up a DJ appointment and tell him your wedding date is 10/31/15 and he comments back. “Is this a Halloween party? I could have sworn you said wedding”
When all of your fiances friends are standing around mouths gaping open when you announce that there is not need to fight over who the best man is because we are actually having a best maid. Yeah that was BEAUTIFUL!!
…when your grandmother says “she’s an artist” to explain every decision you make.
…when people ask when your wedding is and you reply “December 2013/March 2014”
…when you must find a venue that allows painting and food trucks.
…when you get an email from The Knot saying “go big or your guests will go home” and you immediately unsubscribe.
…when bridal fairs make you incredibly uncomfortable.
…when your biggest concern is how to set up a photo booth around the 7′ mountable dinosaur.
Loved this post just like usual. Thanks!
I love this list. My fiancé groans and shakes his head every time I start spouting ‘eccentric’ ideas about our impending nuptials. It amuses me to no end! We will end up somewhere in not-quite-Offbeat-lite territory. As in, held in a theatre, first lightsabre battle, DIY dress, (probably) blue hair, origami bouquet, no dancing but live music anyway, tailcoat borrowed from costumes, and roving magicians! Or it could end up being a pig roast at a winery, with a chapel ceremony. We don’t know yet. But whatever it ends up entailing, it will be beautiful and meaningful and US.
You might be an offbeat bride if… you plan your entire wedding color/ scheme around your personalized pair of converse chucks and your Honey’s love of eagles
You know you’re an Offbeat Bride when even your Maid of Honour tells you that you won’t look like a bride in wedding dress that is anything but white/ivory, and they tell you it is a stupid idea…
I loved this article! While most of the list didn’t apply to me or my groom. Some did with a variation or 2.
I’m an offbeat bride for sure. I made my dress (white & purple), veil (with blue sequins) and detachable train. I made all of the flowers for the entire wedding party peoples. I’m having a rainbow of colours at the wedding, the dominate are purple, blue & white. We have a sci-fi & World of Warcraft, travel, love, camping, and nature themed wedding. Going to be set at our house, mostly outside but some aspects inside. We have games and slide shows and a live video set for the whole evening. I’m making the cake and its a potluck reception with b.y.o.b for the drinkers. The groom is wearing a costume for the ceremony and we are writing the entire ceremony ourselves. The wedding party people are walking in/out to music from star wars, world of Warcraft, and twilight. My groom has just as many non-traditional ideas as I do.
Sorry this is long but I’m excited about our plans (33 days to go until the big day) and they are totally us. We’ve got many more plans and hopefully our unique to us wedding can make it onto OBB someday.
The biggest thing for me has definitely been the ‘oh ok then’ whenever I talk about some of the things we are doing, or not doing.
Also near the top of the list is having to explain to EVERYONE that my male friend who has taken on the role of chief bridesmaid (although we are calling him my best man) is not gay!
My personal favourite is telling people that yes I will be wearing turquoise cowboy boots with that embellished 30s style gown, yes my fiancé will not be wearing a suit, yes we may look like we have turned up to 2 different weddings but that’s ok because we are 2 different people and once we have those green titanium wedding bands on it will be pretty freaking obvious were a couple 😀
…when you update Facebook with the status, ” my wedding wings arrived” and a friend comments, “At first I thought this was a typo and you meant wedding rings. Then I realised it was you.”
…when your cake toppers are action figures of Garrus from Mass Effect and Lara Croft. And probably one of the things you’re most looking forward to (despite the obvious of getting married to my love) is the cupcake tier wedding cake with little accents of Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, and Supernatural planned to be woven in.
…when the bridal dress assistant asks what shoes you will be wearing with your dress and then stares at you blankly when you say “none.”
…when you tell people excitedly that you’re not taking either person’s last name but, instead, combining them to make your own wonderfully new united family name. (And yes, our children will have that last name also, thank you very much!)
…when the biggest argument you’ve had so far with your mom is that you REALLY want sprinkles thrown at you when you walk down the aisle despite her protests that they’ll melt on your dress. (Neither of us have given up on this one yet. COLORS DANG IT!!!)
… getting exclamations of shock when you tell people that you really don’t feel the need to have bouquets and them trying to convince you otherwise (Yes, there are so many beautiful and creative ideas for bouquets, but I’d rather spend money in places that I feel are the most important to us as a couple. Bouquets just don’t happen to be one of them…)
…Trying to explain that my youngest sister is my primary maid of honor, my older sister is my secondary maid of honor, and my little brother is my best man. And that I will have my two other guy friends standing on my side with me while my fiance has his own best man and will have his sister standing on his side.
….. you tell people that your girls are wearing off white sundresses and different color neon shoes and they give you a look that say ‘Oh honey… that will never work…’
Oh! But a more positive one is; …. If you search all over hells half acre to find a Dragon Ball Z cake topper and you find one that’s perfect and post it up online when you get it and the best compliment you get is when your grandma tells you ‘I love it. It’s definitely you two. ‘ ‘ 🙂
Dragonball Z cake topper! Wow!!! 😀 and your grandma sounds cool.
You might be off beat if…
your wedding is at an amusement park, your not having a reception and people have noticed, your “first dance”is a ride on the roller coaster and your engagement ring is purple. We are doing what we feel is right for us and what makes us happy!
You know your an off beat bride when you try on a dress and ask if it comes in black.
You might also be a off beat bride if you expect the love of your life to dress like doctor who 🙂
When you get bemused looks from your function manager because you need a whiteboard at the wedding for your Wits and Wagers tournament 🙂
Hahaha! All of these are me. Also, you might be an offbeat bride if your family asks you things like “are you really going to have a cake shaped like a Mayan pyramid with two T-rexes on top?” (The answer, of course, is HELL YEAH!) you might be an offbeat bride if you and your fiancé (or fiancée) are still struggling over which family member you’re going to have conduct the ceremony, based on who is funniest. You might be an offbeat bride if you have a list of potential songs for a surprise end of ceremony flash mob dance.
When you show your family members pictures your wedding dress and they say “I knew you would regret all your tattoos once you got married!”….. No regrets here.
I knew I was an offbeat bride for the following reasons:
1. When we finally got fed up with the catering and reception b.s.- the hubs and I ditched the indoor wedding, the invitations, the micro-managing crap. We got married outside, in a state forest, in December. We went home to change, and then to the airport and hopped a flight Ireland. It was awesome! We’re having a party in May to celebrate with friends. It was best wedding decision we made.
2. Headpiece and all bouquets were handmade.
3. My mom knitted five gorgeous shawls! Bridesmaids gifts that came in handy for the weather.
4. Blue Doc Martens and wool socks. Enough said.
5. I Rick-rolled the hell out of my husband during our vows. I was laughing so hard that I could barely finish.
People asked my theme and I asked, “Do you want the answer I have or the answer you want?”
The answer I had was, “The theme is US.” The answer they were looking for was still not what they wanted to hear, “I guess mostly orange and teal with superheroes…but honestly it’s a ton of just what we like!”
You might be an OBB if…
1. Your theme(s) were insects and comics (and you pinned/spread all the REAL insect boutonnieres yourself)
2. Your wedding party entered the reception hall with an epic lightsaber/laser gun fight.
3. Your vows pretty much indicated that you would stand beside each other and fight side by side through the zombie apocalypse or the invasion of our new alien overlords (you know which ever one comes first).
You know some parts of my wedding were more traditional that I think I would have normally gone for but now that is all said and done, it was a beautiful day that we shared with friends and family and to me that is all that mattered (well after I hot glued a broken cicada back together – I was a crazy bride with a hot glue fun and I wasn’t afraid to use it)!
A lightsabre / laser gun fight entrance? I love it!!
you know you’re an offbeat bride if you wear a cape…
that you made yourself…
for your January destination wedding…
in Montana!!
….When you get asked what church you are getting married at and you reply with the local state park instead.
When you tell everyone you’re having a halloween wedding….at a concert venue…and your reception is everyone going to Disneyland….and your dress will possibly be black. *que blank stares and gasps*
I’m sewing two capes onto my black-open-back-to-show-off-the-Batman-tattoo dress. I still have to figure out how to bedazzle my combat wedding boots. To say the least….
You know you’re an offbeat bride when.. family asks about the details and upon answering you have to insist you’re being serious. ‘Yes, we really are having kebabs! No, not for dinner tonight, for the wedding!’
You know you are an offbeat bride when…
… you go to a Wedding fair and absolutely hate everything there from the dresses and the cakes till the whole vibe of the wedding industry
… you don’t have an engagement ring to show of with and don’t care
… you abhor most wedding rings in jewelries, but found THE perfect ring in 5 minutes on Etsy
… you rather read offbeat wedding blogs than wedding magazines
… you consider wedding an H&M dress in stead of a four figures dress
… you plan on DIY’ing your entire wedding, from the decorations till the food
… you’d love to get married in the woods on bare feet
… you want as few guests as possible
… you don’t want to receive any gifts
… you plan to handpick the flowers for your wedding
You know you’re an Offbeat Bride if….
…your family accuses you of putting on a play instead of a wedding
….your future husband has to order his outfit special made from an online dealer
… Your family and friends ask time and time again, why are you getting married without religion being involved?
… You have to explain what a bridesman is
…
When you have to explain to your celebrant twice that yea the ring exchange and legal vows are smushed into one. The legal vows are a technicality and the ring is cause you like shiny things. But you have already written out the handfasting for her 🙂
…You have “with bonus Vikings” on the end of your wedding description
…You’re getting married in a church in a red and black strapless dress with visible tattoos
…You’ve written an after dinner speech that starts with a reference to Babylon 5
…You’re learning how to appreciate all the different kinds of weddings that people have