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Remember how in January, I was all “Meh, offbeat weddings are pretty well accepted as mainstream at this point”? Remember that?
Well, this year has had some tricks up its sleeve for sure, and one of those tricks is that for a whole bunch of reasons, American culture is taking a hard swing right now. The blasé tolerant attitude of “eh, who even cares — you do you” that's been around the past eight years or so is shifting, and with that shift is coming an interesting wave of hatefulness toward the offbeat.
Recently, an Offbeat Bride commenter spent hours on the site, clicking through dozens of posts going back years, leaving carefully crafted bits of customized negativity on post after post after post:
Just admit… you are children…. “man-babies” , “woman-babies” who can't get enough of this childish shit…. millennials love to infantilize themselves…thinking about their fandoms keeps their minds off the real world.
“Anti-body shamers” are having a hard time figuring out how they should feel about your personal choices and how you should feel about your personal choices. They're obsessed with being “politically correct,” like many millennials and social media addicts….they think they're the ones who know best, when usually they know the least but are quick to jump to conclusions based on a blog post or a Tweet they read…they think they're experts because they know how to Google something… millennials really fit the stereotypes….
So now even the concept of “soulmates” is too offensive for SJW millennial snowflakes?? Jeez… you guys are really struggling to find ways to make yourselves extra special unique…
Zombie-themed wedding: because you'd have to be brain-dead to think this is a good idea…..
Self-absorbed millennials sure love looking at photos of themselves….like apes discovering a mirror for the first time….
And on and on it went. Common themes: frustrations with millennials, SJWs, political correctness, special snowflakes. (The real irony here? As a publisher who's firmly in the Gen X category, I share and have written about many of these frustrations! HA!) The commenter read dozens of posts, and carefully crafted negative responses to each one. The attention slathered on our little website was downright loving in its devotion… what is this, 2012?! Half the time, we can't get our followers to click away from Facebook, let alone get readers to actually post a comment on the site. Blog comments?! So old fashioned!
…Plus, doesn't everyone know by now how hate-reads and for-profit websites work? Spoiler alert: if you hate a website, IGNORE IT! If you really hate a site that makes money off pageviews, don't give that site your precious pageviews… so thanks, sweet commenter.
More than anything else, however, what this spate of negative comments makes clear is that… I guess we haven't won the battle. Or there are brand new battles, apparently. Like many things in the world right now, it's both depressing and invigorating. Are we all “woman-babies” who can't get enough of childish shit? Perhaps. But perhaps we're also trying to show that there are options, there are supportive communities, there are endless ways to love.
So, beloved commenter who took so much time to give us so many pageviews and help us see that there's still so much work to do: THANK YOU! We love you.
Wow. I’m thinking of all the things I could do with that kind of free time… hate-commenting on anyone’s stuff isn’t anywhere on the list.
Dear Cranky Commenter,
I am sorry that someone destroyed your childhood so thoroughly that you felt the need to leave it behind entirely, and criticize those who are still enjoying theirs. You are welcome to come back to it whenever you’re ready. Growing old is inevitable, but growing up, in some ways at least, is optional.
Sincerely, An adult who still thinks trampolines and dressing up in costumes are fun, and had to behave in an impeccably grown-up way to make her offbeat wedding choices work for everyone involved
I would also add, as someone who makes costumes, that it take some very “adult” organizational skills to get that shit done! But again, you enjoy being bitter and having no fun.
Signed a mum with blue hair, a huge video game collection, and a passion for cosplay.
Positivity will continue to rule. I think the cranky commenter clearly didn’t have enough tutu in their lives growing up so cannot appreciate a good one now.
HA!!! “Awwww. Did you not have enough tutu in your life?” is going to be my go-to response for any bullying I get for being liberal from now on.
I really appreciate that OBB has been here as a little haven from mainstream wedding culture and I do think there is definitely still something to be gained from defending and celebrating weddings and couples that you wouldn’t find in a wedding magazine.
The moment somebody starts waving the “not politically correct” flag, I stiffen.
Yeah I know there are cases where people take it too far and liberal bullying is real. Ariel, I’m sure you see more than your fair share, as the publisher of this website.
But mostly? Mostly?? That hasn’t been my actual experience. What I usually see is a person who is really complaining about the fact they used to be allowed to be biased out-loud without repercussions and now they can’t. And I’m getting a little tired of hearing people say “I know it’s not PC but…” and then following that up with something that’s a lot less anti-SJW and lot more outright bigoted.
So you know what Dedicated Hate Reader? If somebody wants to talk about how they feel about body shaming, I’m going to listen. I’m a cisgendered straight women but I’m going to try to call a person by the pronoun he or she or ze prefers. I have zero fucks to give about zombies but I’m not going to go out of my way to shit on somebody else’s zombie wedding.
Because I AM “politically correct”.
Some people are just so unhappy and bitter in their own lives they feel the need to spread it around, Best thing to do is ignore them, It is attention they want even if it is negative attention and feeding them just makes them return time after time to crap on someone else’s happiness,
DFTT (Don’t Feed The Trolls) has been my internet motto since the ’90s… but everyone once and a while someone gets SO enthusiastic about their trolling that it must be acknowledged. In this case, the person even self-identified as a troll (in one comment, they were like “oh man, you guys are too easy to troll…”) so the whole thing just got ridiculous. 😛
Group hug? Group hug. Come on y’all, bring it in. Let’s hug it out.
I make no apologies for loving the way people customise their weddings to reflect their personalities. There is so much bitterness and snark on the internet, OBB has become my little haven of joy, creativity, and love.
I feel like the nasty commenter wasn’t even attacking any real people, just inventing “strawman millennials” because it’s easy to win a fight against a strawman. I mean, accusing us of rejecting the word soulmate because “it’s not unique enough for us”? What does that even mean?
Anyway, hugs for everyone. I believe in OBB and the message it delivers.
The soulmate comment was in response to this post: http://offbeatwed.com/soulmate/
AND YES TO A GROUP HUUUUGGGG
via GIPHY
Thank you for writing this!! We were one of the weddings that got hit by the giant troll attack. Apparently it was super not classy that my husband dressed as Freddy Krueger … you know, at our horror movie themed costumed Halloween wedding.
I had read an awesome OBB article about what to do in the face of internet attacks on your wedding and I fully admit that I disregarded some of it. I did comment back, but in a super positive and supremely sarcastic way. What can I say? I was feeling saucy and she got my dander up.
The thing is, if this had happened during my wedding planning I would have been very distraught. But I think after nearly two years of reading OBB I have developed a thicker internet skin and a more positive attitude. OBB really gave me the confidence to stick to our vision for our wedding because it made me feel like we weren’t alone and that it wasn’t weird to just do our own thing. So once again Ariel, thanks for this awesome place where all brides can be themselves, and thanks for challenging the trolls. 😉
Dear Thorn in Our Side,
I would have responded to your comments yesterday, but I was working. I would kill for your free time.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the wedding you wanted. I’m sorry it was taken over by an in-law, relative, or spouse. I’m sorry you were stuck with a big to-do when you really wanted a courthouse wedding or vice versa. I’m sorry you had to stick your personality inside a box of tradition because “that’s just not the way things are done.” I’m sorry that you no longer take pleasure in your job or hobbies, so you resort to this. May you find the peace you need.
Sincerely,
GraceFace
Her wedding was probably eaten alive on that ‘other’ site.
…you know the one
So she had to come here to make herself feel better
I’m a Catholic getting married at 22 in a TLM ceremony right out of college…probably the least “SJW millennial snowflake” demographic out there, and I’m all aboard the getting rid of “soulmates” language. That seems like a very odd compilation of criticisms, dear grumpy commenter.
As someone who works in animation, I literally live in a world full of “childish” things and I LOVE IT.
Haters gonna hate. Thanks for this amazing website! I have peeked at it for years, and now that I’m actually engaged, I’m thrilled to use it for real!
But there’s definitely still a lack of acceptance for “offbeat weddings” out there (I mean in general, not the website). I was in my cousin’s wedding this summer (a very normal semi-fancy wedding, which fit them) – the wedding coordinator rolled her eyes because they “let” the groom walk half way down the aisle to the James Bond theme and they felt like that was a “big deal”.
While I’m over here planning on getting as many Muppet songs as possible into my wedding.
To each his/her own, but hopefully people learn to be a bit more accepting.
Ahhh, MUPPET SONGS!! Before our processional started we had Somebody’s Getting Married and then during dinner we had both Rainbow Connection and I’m Gonna Always Love You. That one was great because at one point a table of our friends realized what was playing and all of a sudden there were like 20 adults singing “… and practice neurosurgery ON YOUR BRAIN!” I feel bad that the troll can’t see that a person can appreciate and derive joy from “childish” things even as an adult. It doesn’t mean that a person is immature or bad at being an adult.
Ah, I was at a friend’s wedding many years ago and the new couple’s introduction at the reception was to the Muppet Show theme song. It was glorious.
As someone who enjoys a healthy dose of escapism once in a while, I guess I’m woman-baby, too… and I don’t see anything wrong with it. So, offbeat bride, thank you for bringing awesomeness to the readers!
I just saw a TV show not unlike “Say yes to the dress” where the bride was looking for a red dress and mother of the bride and the store owner teamed up to convince her of a conventional white dress. They were very relieved (as was the commentator of the show) when she finally “came to her senses”. Sigh, I guess offbeat weddings are still not really accepted.
BTW, the link on SJW doesn’t seem to work for me.
The insults slung at Millenials remind me, a fellow Gen-Xer, of the way the Baby Boomers (aka ‘The Me Generation’) would call Gen-X “slackers”. This would be the same people who “Turned on, tuned in, dropped out” at the same age. BS truly does roll down hill…and generations.
“Whither are the manly vigor and athletic appearance of our forefathers flown? Can these be their legitimate heirs? Surely, no; a race of effeminate, self-admiring, emaciated fribbles can never have descended in a direct line from the heroes of Potiers and Agincourt…” ~ Valerie Steele 1771
“… I find by sad Experience how the Towns and Streets are filled with lewd wicked Children, and many Children as they have played about the Streets have been heard to curse and swear and call one another Nick-names, and it would grieve ones Heart to hear what bawdy and filthy Communications proceeds from the Mouths of such…” ~ Robert Russell 1695
“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” ~ Socrates 399BC