What we wish we’d known: advice for wannabe wedding vendors from pros in the trenches

Thinking about diving into the wedding industry? Maybe you've already stuck a toe in and are wondering whether there's room for someone like you… someone a little too weird, too chaotic, too earnest, too real. Spoiler: you're not TOO anything. And you're definitely not alone.

We asked seasoned Offbeat Wed vendors to write a love letter to their past selves… and by extension, to you, the aspiring or emerging vendor trying to find your place in a world full of burlap, binaries, and bullshit. Their reflections are funny, raw, contradictory, and deeply generous…

If you see yourself in any of these voices, we want you in the Offbeat Wed vendor community. This is the kind of wisdom that drops daily when you're surrounded by weirdos who get it.

Your weirdness is your brand. Embrace it.

The first and loudest truth that emerged? Your weirdness is not a liability, IT'S YOUR BRAND! Pennsylvania wedding coordinator Merida Alexander summed it up with a welcome that felt like a hug and a battle cry all at once: “You’re not. The wedding industry desperately needs more weird of all kinds… because EVERYONE gets married! I never thought I’d do a circus wedding, but it was one of my first!”

Many vendors echoed the sentiment. Sarah Craig, a UK wedding photographer with Joy Story, said: “You can never be too weird! Being weird is what gets you hired — be as YOU as you can be! Show others that it's cool to be weird. I literally have ‘stay weird‘ tattooed on me and it's kinda my business motto.” And Oregon photographer Sam Starns encouraged vendors to let their uniqueness shine: “The more you show who you are to potential couples, the more people resonate with you. If you try to serve everyone, you're really serving no one. It's a good thing to repel certain people.”

Trying to hide your quirks just leads to misalignment. As Heather Bennett of Bee Brook Photography in Missouri put it, “You're not doing yourself any favors by hiding behind an overly professional-looking facade when that's not how you'll truly show up on their wedding day. You want your brand to be polarizing — for every person that hates what you're saying, you have another who LOVES your message and will book you in a heartbeat because of that.”

Industry myths we believed. And ditched.

Even vendors who now seem wildly confident admit they had to unlearn some wedding industry myths. Sarah from Joy Story once believed the old line that you can just “put the word wedding in front of it and charge double… NOPE!” Massachusetts photographer Alyssa Blumstein was sure she wouldn't find her people in her market, but then she realized that offbeat clients are everywhere… they just need you to speak their language. “I had this narrow idea that offbeat couples only exist in certain parts of the country,” she said. “That couldn't be more false. Wild, weird, and offbeat couples are everywhere, in every corner of the country!”

Several vendors believed they needed to act more polished and professional to succeed. Jen Sulak, a photographer with Pink Light Images, used to worry that the wedding industry was difficult and unkind. “I believed there were more not-nice people than there really are. On the outside looking in, it was always so easy to believe no one really cared, everyone was out to backstab… but in all reality, there are MANY that are welcoming, including, but also very human components to these industries.”

The “unprofessional” stuff that clients LOVE

And then there's the delightful chaos of being just a little bit “unprofessional” in all the right ways. For many Offbeat vendors, the magic lives in the very things the mainstream industry would side-eye. Amanda of Amanda Matilda Photography in Colorado, keeps it real when she said that the key to relating to her clients is simple: “Swearing. And being open about your politics/morals. My couples don't give a shit if I swear a little and they sure as hell don't want to support a business who doesn't align with their beliefs/morality. They don't want to feel judged by their vendors or worried about saying something wrong around them. In today's world, it's extra important to be who you are and stand for your beliefs, even if that turns away other people.”

Libby, a planner with Dragonfly Events in Orange County, CA breaks all the “rules” on purpose: “I don't send questionnaires ahead of time and I don't use wedding industry programs to organize my clients. I use paper and colored pens to take notes and then I organize everything in Google Docs. I want to be authentic with my clients and I want to ask the questions that relate to their wedding ideas… not put them in a system.” Meanwhile, Jen from Weirdo Weddings says her hair is her secret superpower. “As silly as it sounds, because my pink hair is a representation of my inner ‘glow,' having it has really opened me up for conversation, connection and seeing myself and others differently as I work.”

Even small details can become a brand signature. Kathryn Cooper, a NYC photographer, added that her “unprofessional” secret sauce is simple: “I'll advocate for the right people. It's my job to understand subtleties and wants, so if certain important people wants something (even if it is not in the schedule or there's no time for it) I will take the blame and make it happen. It can get me in trouble with those trying to stick to schedules, but if it means grabbing a photo with a grandparent who is about to pass, it's worth it.”

What we'd do differently if we could go back

The emotional journey behind the business also shows up in the Offbeat Wed vendor community's reflections and regrets. When we asked about what offbeat vendors wished they'd done differently, Amanda Helmick admitted, with painful honesty, “I wish I hadn't put the horse before the cart, so to speak. Having a little more insight and training before going it alone would have benefited me more quickly than stumbling through a year trying to fake it til you make it.” And planner Merida Alexander said simply that her biggest regret was this: “I charged too little.”

Some vendors reflected on the personal cost of overworking in their early days. Libby noted, “I missed school events for my daughter and other family events thinking I needed to attend a networking meeting or participate in a small wedding show because I thought it would lead somewhere fabulous. It never did, and now my family events come first.”

Staying grounded when the industry gets loud

Staying grounded in your values gets easier when you find your people, and your process. Sam Starns, like many, had to clean up her social feeds to clean up her mind: “Real talk: I had to unfollow other photographers and colleagues. If I don't have a closer relationship with them or I refer them, I'm really selective about who I follow. I don't want to feel that comparison game, or feel like I'm not capturing images the right way.”

Amber of Sightglass Photography reminds herself regularly that the wedding industry doesn't know her clients like she does. “There is no wrong way to have a wedding. Do whatever brings you joy on your wedding day. Their are NO wedding rules, no social norms and no wrong way to get married,” she said. And Ivy McKenna, an officiant with The Satanic Temple, finds clarity through mission: “Our weddings and ceremonies program is built around the spirit of individuality and rebellion. Being able to lean into this core pillar of how we do things makes it easy to stay true to ourselves.”

TLDR: Keep going, and keep your friends close

If there's a single thread running through all this advice, it's that who you are (in all your glorious weirdness, softness, ferocity, and niched-down specificity) is your greatest asset. And that showing up authentically doesn't mean going it alone.

Seattle wedding planner Jake from Functions & Gatherings said that it was mission critical to maintain a sense of community: “I found my people! When the industry as a whole is gross and disappointing, I have my group of friendors that always get it and are ready to commiserate!”

If you're reading this and thought, “holy shit, these people are speaking my language,” it's because you're basically already one of us. So let's make it official and get you into the Offbeat Wed vendor community. We saved you a seat.