A queer throuple wedding in Brooklyn

three people in a lush garden ceremony setting, one wearing a black lace gown with dramatic dark makeup and a floral bouquet, one in cream wide-leg trousers with a black veil and layered beaded necklaces including a rainbow pride sash, and one in a silver kaftan with a floral crown using a wooden cane, all smiling and sharing a joyful moment among green ivy-covered walls — From left to right: Valentina, Voltaire, and Robin. Photos by Baileyqphoto.com

Robin (they/them) met Voltaire (they/them) and Valentina (she/her) around the same time, all on OkCupid. What started as two separate courtships folded into one relationship, and when a Brooklyn nonprofit called Pride Grows in Brooklyn offered their annual free wedding giveaway, they applied and won! The result? A day full of queer love, and three people who now call each other spouse, esposita, esposité, and (when Robin’s feeling a little witty) “love triangle.”

Let’s see how this throuple wedding in Brooklyn all came together…

three people celebrating outdoors at night against a graffiti-covered brick wall, one wearing a floral crown and silver satin top holding a wooden cane and bouquet of pink and white flowers, one in a white lace crop top and ivory wide-leg pants wearing a lei, one in a black lace dress with curly hair and large earrings, all laughing and leaning in together in a joyful candid moment, shot on film

Two months, three people, one very small dress rehearsal for chaos

Pride Grows in Brooklyn gives away a wedding to a queer couple (or in this case, couples) each summer, and Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina found out they’d won only two months before the event.

“Val, Volt, and I got swamped to the smallest degree in vendor chats and meetings,” Robin told us, “and that small taste was PLENTY.” The nonprofit had already lined up the venue, Carroll Hall’s garden space, and paired them with the second couple sharing the day (Emilyn and Shellz). PGIB split the event into two separate ceremonies for the couple and the throuple, with a joint reception for all five of them after.

person wearing cream textured wide-leg pants, sheer black lace veil, layered cowrie shell necklaces and colorful beaded necklaces, standing on stone patio surrounded by lush greenery, holding small floral bouquet, wearing platform shoes, eclectic maximalist wedding guest or celebrant ensemble with spiritual and Afro-diasporic aesthetic elements

close-up of a hand with long dark pointed nails holding small dried floral rings, wrist adorned with a gold bracelet and tattoos, wearing a sheer navy floral embroidered sleeve, beside a cowrie shell and colorful braided ribbon garment with cream textured fabric, surrounded by lush green ferns

Voltaire sewed their own trousers for the day, and wore the most phenomenal floral ring by Miriam Bloom Designs, and the rainbow ribbon around their neck is a lei!

Robin and their sister hand sewed Robin’s suit, which took a battering, “I’ve sewn for almost 20 years but never an original garment, much less two, for a formal event,” Robin said. “My shirt still lives, now with a pen stain. My pants, alas, made it through the ceremony and most of our rest period then bit the dust.” A backup outfit saved the reception.

Like Voltaire, Robin also wore a lei, made from fragrant leaves and fresh orchids. “My best mate grew up in Hawai’i,” Robin told us. “She adores spreading the tradition.”

person wearing a floral crown, iridescent silver satin top and wide-leg pants, long beaded necklace, and glasses, holding a wooden staff while standing in a lush green garden courtyard with dappled sunlight

three people walking through a lush garden courtyard, one wearing a light blue satin top and wide-leg pants with a floral crown and using a wooden cane, one in a cream draped skirt with layered beaded necklaces and a black lace veil, and one in a dramatic black lace cape holding a floral bouquet, surrounded by ferns and greenery in dappled sunlight

And Valentina? She was in a floor-length black lace gown with sheer draping sleeves and matching lace gloves, dramatic eye makeup, a bouquet with red stems standing up out of the pale pink and white florals like an exclamation point nobody asked for and everybody appreciated.

gothic wedding portrait of a person in a long black lace gown with dramatic sleeves, black choker necklace, dark lip, smoky eye makeup, and black lace tights, holding a bridal bouquet with pink florals and deep red amaranthus, standing beneath a leafy tree in a garden courtyard with stone walls

close-up of wedding guest or partner wearing black lace fingerless gloves, black lace thigh-high stockings, and black patent leather heart-detail platform boots beneath a flowing black lace and chiffon gown, seated on a patterned sofa with colorful geometric pillows, dark crimson nail polish and silver ring visible, gothic romance wedding style

A ceremony with circle seating, jumping a broom, and a reading from a book called The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions

The guest list stayed small enough that only a handful of people needed to arrange travel. Everyone (guests and vendors included) tested negative for Covid the morning of the wedding.

Outdoor garden wedding ceremony with guests seated in white folding chairs surrounded by lush greenery and floral arrangements; one partner wearing a black leather sleeveless top with a shaved head faces two people at the front including a person in a dark blue lace veil with pearl necklaces and a person in a dark green lace gown holding a floral basket; guests wear eclectic celebratory attire including flower crowns, polka dot dress, and a decorative parasol

For the ceremony, guests sat in a loose circle rather than rows, everyone visible to everyone else, which suited a dress code Robin described as “as ostentatious as comfortable,” explaining “We phrased it just like that in the invitations so that Voltaire could realize their Haute Halloween dreams, and so our guests could be best set up for a good time.”

Their officiant, Angel, wore a gender-bent formal look, and the rest of the vendor team leaned into color for the day too. “It was really sweet,” Robin said.

outdoor wedding ceremony with two partners seated in white folding chairs facing an officiant holding a black book, set in a lush ivy-covered courtyard with a hexagonal black arch, floral arrangements in pink and burgundy tones, one partner wearing a black lace veil and floral embroidered gown, other partner in a floral crown and silvery wide-leg pants with a garland, decorative broom with purple ribbon laying on stone patio floor in the foreground, jumping the broom tradition

The triad entered from the back of the garden separately: Robin’s sister walked them down, Voltaire’s mom walked Voltaire, and Valentina came in with her sister and her best friend. In the photos from that walk, Robin is in a pale lilac-silver satin top and matching wide-leg trousers, a flower crown threaded through short hair, one hand resting on a wooden cane. Voltaire wears a sheer black lace veil pinned over their face, a heavy drape of cowrie shells layered over rainbow beaded strands against a cream brocade suit.

outdoor garden wedding ceremony with couple seated in white chairs, one partner wearing a black lace long-sleeve gown and one wearing a black veil with layered bead necklaces and holding a wildflower bouquet, officiant reading from a tablet with microphone, guests seated in rows beneath lush green vine-covered pergola with string lights, gothic-inspired aesthetic, summer garden ceremony

Angel read a section aloud from The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions, a 1977 queer utopian fable written by Larry Mitchell and illustrated by Ned Asta, and then the triad exchanged vows.

Robin’s, in part:

“You take me as I am and you challenge me to be a better person.”

To Voltaire, they said: “I met you when neither of us could or wanted to act as though our brains are calm. I’ve had the honor of caring for you and caring for cats with you. We watch water flow. We repair and transform with our hands.”

To Valentina: “You changed my life by pointing your care at me, ensuring that I eat and that the house is clean. I want to build that solace with and for you.”

Then the three of them jumped a broom that Voltaire’s mother brought, and nuzzled in place of a kiss. They exited to upbeat orchestral rock.

Two partners holding hands at an outdoor garden wedding ceremony, one wearing a lavender satin suit with a wooden cane and floral crown, the other in a cream lace wide-leg pantsuit with layered beaded necklaces and a floral crown, officiant in a dramatic black cape with theatrical face makeup raising a floral bouquet overhead, guests applauding beside lush green foliage, a purple broom on the ground suggesting a broom-jumping tradition

two partners sharing a kiss at an outdoor wedding ceremony aisle, one wearing a black feathered gown with floral headpiece and one wearing a shimmering lavender jumpsuit adorned with a floral lei and using a wooden cane, surrounded by seated guests on white folding chairs with lush green ivy backdrop in a courtyard venue

Four cakes, a DJ who read the room, and dinner that started at 3pm

At the shared reception, DJ Mona built a set that braided together the music tastes of both couples getting married that day, deep cuts alongside crowd pleasers. “Mona combined our three music tastes with that of the other marriers for an eclectic yet masterful mix,” Robin said. “I applaud the DJ.”

wedding reception dance floor moment with three guests dancing joyfully, one wearing a cream brocade maxi skirt and platform boots, another in a black Victorian-style lace gown with bell sleeves and dark gothic makeup, third person in white cropped top and black skirt with floral crown, confetti falling, seated wedding guests visible in background at round tables with white folding chairs, wood-paneled venue hall

DJ in red and black plaid dress operating Pioneer DJ controller at wedding reception, turntable setup in flight case with headphones and floral arrangement in background, dark moody venue lighting

The two couples danced first. Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina shook it out to “Freaks” by Haute and Freddy. Emilyn and Shellz went with a classic R&B ballad. Voltaire and Emilyn spoke briefly to thank PGIB, the venue, and the guests before the reception properly opened.

aerial view of wedding reception dance floor with guests dancing beneath suspended floral installation of white flowers and greenery, round tables with white folding chairs, DJ setup visible in foreground, colorful eclectic guest attire including pink jumpsuit, red plaid dress, and black lace, in a modern industrial venue with wood paneling and concrete block walls

Food was light: hors d’oeuvres, crudités, mostly vegetarian, plus a bar stocked with wine and canned beer. Robin remembers a salmon bagel bite and a particularly good cheese. But the day’s real punchline was dessert. Somehow, there were four cakes. Emilyn and Shellz had lemon with blackberry. The throuple’s was chocolate with raspberry. Then the cake vendor threw in two more, unprompted: seven-layer cookie cakes, one iced in rainbow, one in the colors of the trans flag.

elegant multi-tiered white wedding cake decorated with intricate sugar flowers and botanical details, surrounded by delicate white wildflowers and green stems, romantic minimalist wedding cake design

Robin’s parents had warned them that a wedding day is the most fun and the least food you’ll eat in one sitting, and it held up. Vendors wanted the group on location by 9am, and between the ceremony and the group photos, nobody sat down to eat until catering finally checked in around 3pm with alcohol and a small plate of vegetables. Robin had eaten a heavy breakfast and considers it a win compared to their parents’ own wedding day, where the first food available was a plate of pimento cheese sandwiches waiting in a car trunk after the reception ended.

three people seated at a flower-adorned reception table, one wearing a black lace gothic dress with dark lipstick and floral hair accessory, one wearing a light blue satin wrap with a colorful floral crown and boutonniere, and one in a floral-patterned top with dark lipstick, surrounded by colorful floral centerpieces including orange zinnias and pink blooms, with a white tiered wedding cake visible in the background

Photographer Bailey Q kept the whole day moving. She collected small objects for a flat lay while the wedding party rested, ran the group photos on a deadline tight enough to actually work, and pulled the three of them out to a nearby alley for a set of portraits against a wall of layered graffiti and a rolled steel security gate. She also led an hour of intermediate yoga for the two couples during their venue walkthrough. “That was a lovely introduction to both her and the space,” Robin said.

three people in formal attire walking on an urban sidewalk in front of a colorful graffiti mural featuring bold lettering and a blue demon figure; one person wears a white gown with floral embroidery, one wears a black lace gown and carries a pink floral bouquet, and one wears a light blue top and black skirt while using a wooden cane; film photography style with muted tones; urban alternative wedding editorial

On the guest tables: a custom crossword and a fanned-out tarot deck

Pride Grows in Brooklyn crossword puzzle wedding activity display board with completed answers including OKCUPID COMMUNITY BROOKLYN TWENTYTWENTY and PRIDEGROWS, surrounded by colorful pronoun buttons and pin badges scattered on table, with pink marker, flowers in mason jar, and colorful handwritten notes at inclusive queer wedding reception in Brooklyn

Collection of colorful pronoun pin buttons spread across a surface, featuring various pronoun options including she/her, he/him, they/them, ze/hir, ze/zir, xe/xem, fae/faer, she/they, any pronouns, and ask my pronouns, in rainbow pride colors and black, white, pink, purple, orange, green, and blue designs, ideal for inclusive wedding pronoun stations and LGBTQ+ affirming events

PGIB built a crossword puzzle just for the two couples getting married that day, printed on a rainbow gradient board and left out for guests to fill in with a hot pink marker. Answers spanned the origin story: OKCUPID, TWENTYTWENTY, TRIAD, BROOKLYN, COMMUNITY, PRIDEGROWS. Next to it sat a sprawl of loose pronoun and pride pinback buttons free for guests to take, a bud vase with a single calla lily, and a stack of colored note cards clipped to a line for well-wishes.

Another table held an amber glass vessel stuffed with a shaggy yellow zinnia, a chartreuse pompom mum, and sprigs of mint, next to a mercury glass votive and a full tarot deck fanned open with the Ten of Cups turned face up on top. A framed note from the PGIB team sat beside it, thanking guests for showing up for “these extraordinary marriers.”

Group of wedding guests and couple posing outdoors against a wooden fence with ivy, featuring gothic and alternative fashion including black robes, a floral crown, pearl chain accessories, argyle patterns, and rainbow sash, one person holding a bouquet aloft while others make peace signs, captured on film photography

What Robin took from the whole thing

Winning a wedding on a two-month runway isn’t exactly a normal engagement timeline, but Robin figures it’s not far off from planning any small wedding under pressure. The bigger lesson was smaller and stranger: you can love more than one person at once and still end up eating standing up in a break room at 3pm because that’s just what wedding days do to everyone, regardless of how many people are at the altar.

Asked how they describe the three of them as a unit, Robin didn’t reach for one word. “We three go by triad, trio, throuple… spouse, wife, partner, lover, beloved, and then we get multilingual with esposita y esposité. Love triangle if I’m feeling witty.” Polycule works too, technically, though Robin reserves that term for something bigger: “the total constellation of platonic BFFs, mentors, lovers, comets, hook ups, and 20yo activists we temporarily adopt.”