Did I want to keep having the same tiresome, negative conversation with every new person that I meet? Not really. Is changing my entire name going to be incredibly inconvenient? Most certainly, in terms of process, costs, and social confusion. Is my happiness worth the inconvenience? When I asked myself that question, the answer was a resounding YES. Additionally, I now have no problem taking my partner’s (delightful) last name when I will also be taking my own first name, on my own terms.
If you’re planning a name change after your wedding, the process can be a smidge daunting. But it’s only a few steps in total and a requires a little organization. You can handle this! Here’s how to change your name after the wedding.
Since changing my mind and deciding to change my name, I have received some eye rolls and unsolicited comments from my like-minded liberal community. So what made me change my mind? For me, it boils down to one word…
My relationship is not a statement: Stop viewing our wedding decisions as some sort of socio-political performance
It started with the oh-so-popular taking of my husband’s last name question. The reason I really wanted to keep my own name had nothing to do with feminist ideals — I simply like the sound of my own name. Needless to say, this was just the first of MANY questions I’ve answered with similar responses.I’ve learned that no matter how I respond, someone will view it as a statement. All we’re really trying to do is throw a beautiful and fun wedding with all of our friends and family. Our relationship is a relationship… not a statement open for critique.
Largely because I grew up in the south, I feel almost as much like it’s as expected of me to have monogrammed, or personalized napkins as it is for me to change my names. I’m doing neither. Besides, what’s the deal with monogrammed stuff and newlywed folks, anyway? Then I realized… it’s all re-branding!
My surname now is ridiculously common. Googling me is a waste of time. There are zillions of us. After I get married, though, my last name is going to much more unusual. My school will be taking away my email address, and I’m going to sign up for a gmail account — can I put my new surname on it and start using it, or do I update everyone’s info again in six months after my wedding? What something I’ve submitted for publication gets accepted? Can I put my new name on that? How about my website?