Jen & Doug’s Wabi-sabi Barn Dance Wedding

The Offbeat Bride: Jen, Artist/Library Aide

My Offbeat Partner: Doug, Artist/Museum Officer

Location & date of wedding: Lingrow Farm, Leechburg, PA — 3/22/2008

What made our wedding offbeat: I think one of the things that made us so “offbeat” was how laid-back we all managed to stay about everything! We'd been friends for twelve years and partners for seven when we got engaged, and up until that point I had never really envisioned what I wanted in a wedding.

When we sat down and talked about what we absolutely had to have, the list was actually pretty short: a red wedding dress, good vegetarian food, a venue with some character, and we end up married when it's all over. Once we established that, it was pretty easy to compromise on the rest of the stuff and let go of what wasn't really important.

I've read a lot of horror stories on this and other sites about parents who are paying and expect creative control, but my folks were nothing but wonderful and supportive of our ideas. They were really non-pushy and careful not to turn every little detail into a battle of wills, and that made it a lot easier for us to let them have their way when there was something they cared about more than us, like having real silverware or nice place card holders. And his folks were always ready to help, but happy to let us do our thing our way. It was all very civilized.

We didn't do a theme, or official colors or anything. There was no way I could make five very different women wear the same color, let alone the same dress, so I asked my bridal party to wear an outfit that made them think of water. My only stipulation as to style was, “Wear something you feel super foxy in.”

Instead of bouquets, each of them wore a wrist corsage and carried a painted silk fan. The groomsmen were asked to wear dark pants, a dark jacket, and a cool-toned shirt. We gave them their ties as gifts before the ceremony. Everyone was happy and comfortable, and as a result, I think we had one of the best-lookin' wedding parties of all time.

Our biggest challenge: Even though my folks were paying for the majority of it, our budget was still pretty small by WIC standards, and most of our money was going to be eaten up by catering and venue rental costs. As we got further into the planning, we realized that things like fresh flower centerpieces on every table just weren't realistic. On top of that, I was making the skirt of my dress, and it wasn't leaving a lot of time for some of the complicated DIY we had initially envisioned. After the New Year, we were in a serious time crunch, with many projects started, but none finished.

We responded by scaling way back, and deciding to let the naturally classy/kitschy charm of the barn shine through. My sister and her boyfriend gathered interesting sticks from the Boston Arboretum, and we glued little decorative birds on them for simple but rather elegant centerpieces. (Total cost: $3.00 per table, and guests were fighting each other for them at the end of the night.)

For the cellar, where the conversation pit and dancing were, we made some of those ubiquitous Martha Stewart Pom-Poms, and my H2B folded some origami mesh flowers to hang along with them. It was festive and inexpensive, and the origami gave it a personal touch — everyone who knows Doug knows that he generally has a square of origami paper somewhere in his pocket for when he's fidgety.

It was hard to let go of some of our grander ideas — like the DIY photobooth complete with paper moon! — but in the end, no one noticed their absence except for us, and everyone had a good time regardless.

My favorite moment: Our ceremony was short, and sweet, and absolutely perfect for us. It was a collaborative effort that came together absolutely beautifully: My dear friend Lisa, whom I've known since seventh grade, wrote and performed our blessing. My father continued a family tradition by reading us a sonnet he wrote especially for the occasion.

Our vows were brief and heartfelt; we kept them to five sentences so that they would be easy to memorize, though when my husband looked into my eyes to deliver his lines, he choked up and I had to feed them to him surreptitiously… it was so lovely and adorable I just about died. Then our good friend (and ULC minister) Renée gave the eloquent closing remarks and pronounced us husband and wife!

All told, it was about 12 minutes from beginning to end — when we walked downstairs for a drink after the recessional, the bartender was like, “You're done already?!” Nevertheless, several guests came up to tell us how touching and personal our ceremony was. (And some of our more party-hardy friends came up to tell us how happy they were to start drinking sooner, so everyone was happy.)

My advice for other Offbeat Brides: Stay calm, and try not to let yourself get carried away with your own sky-high expectations for the event. Your guests are there to celebrate with YOU, not your chair covers or your centerpieces or your 200 handmade wedding favors! Let go a little, and don't let planning your wedding become a full-time job.

When the day finally arrives, remember to stop periodically to come back to your breath, and take a mental snapshot of that moment in time. Your wedding day will be such a whirlwind, so much of it will end up as a blur — my clearest, crispest memories of the day are those moments when I was consciously stopping to drink everything in, and I'm so grateful that I remembered to do that!

Enough talk — Show me the wedding porn!: