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I appreciated this perspective I found on a forum called Etiquette Hell:
People planning alternative weddings sometimes think that by having an alternative wedding they're automatically avoiding the scariness that comes with the Great White.But the same sort of problems apply: you can be fixated on the party and not the marriage; you can turn into a frightening Bridezilla still; you can over-spend; you can over-tax everyone else; you can still show unrestrained greed.
I think it's all too easy for Offbeat Brides to feel like planning a more nontraditional wedding gets them off the hook when it comes to accountability and righteousness. Don't be that guy.
I read the rest of the thread and kind of wished I hadn’t. While some of what they said made sense (make costumes optional for guests)I also thought they were being “judgey” and closeminded about weddings. Who says that a reception has to be any different from a normal get together with friends and family where it’s potluck? BTW, I’m not having a potluck (don’t trust a lot of our guests to bring edible food – cooking is not a strength of many), but I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Oh, I totally agree that the rest of the thread is a complete waste of time. But this one particular quote is a good one, and worth taking to heart.
Who says being a bride does not mean your are not a bitch? Whether you are a bitch with a mohawk or a bitch with a Jennifer Aniston haircut, you are still what you are, and planning a wedding will bring it out in full force. Like Ariel said in her book, remember that you are outnumbered and you have to deal with these people after the wedding.
Amen Zan!
I can feel when I start drifting in the direction of full out bitch bride. I’ve found the easiest way to regin myself in is to remember “fun not perfect.” Fun for me, fun for him, and fun for everyone involved, not only on the day, but also leading up to it!
~sighs~ they need to read your book, ariel. 🙂
I actually started that thread to get a read on how more ‘conservative’ relatives may see things. Some things I didn’t think would be a problem were a HUGE issue with these folks.
Sorry for commenting on an old post but I just had to say that website is the one that drove me here and reading that thread has reminded me why! So many pronouncements on what everyone ‘must’ do to have…not even a good wedding but just an acceptable one that won’t leave all their guests totally disgusted at what horrible people they are. And so much of it is stuff I either would hate doing (and thinking clearly know my family and friends would hate as well) or could never in a million years afford.
Attempting to follow their rules was seriously making me paranoid before I found places like here and Indiebride offering a much saner perspective!
(I also love the assumption that no one could ever be inconvinienced or forced to pay out to attend a formal wedding, no matter how formal, but as soon as you’re doing something non-traditional it’s a problem for your guests, even if you’re asking them to wear whatever they like.)
Can someone link me to the full post?
This post was originally published in 2007, and the message board thread it originally linked to is no longer online.