My mom's the type who occasionally made what she thought were “helpful” comments about my body size in a pleasant yet intrusive way:
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“That skirt looks a little tight on you!”
“That dress makes you look hippy.”
…You know. The well-meaning nagger.
She recently asked me why I didn't try doing more exercises to reduce the size of my hips and thighs for my wedding. (Of note: my hips and thighs are a quite curvy part of my body that I inherited, interestingly, directly from her).
I looked at her and calmly but firmly said something along the lines of: “I am well aware of what my body looks like. I need you to not talk to me about this anymore. I don't talk to you about your body. My body is not any of your business, only mine, so please don't bring it up again.”
She looked a little surprised, but she hasn't actually said anything about my body again since then. I think realizing that my body is only my business, not hers, sank in.
Those are the magic words: My body is none of your business, so please don't bring it up again.
That's bridal body autonomy.
Finding bridal body autonomy with other folks
Often it's mothers or sisters who apply the pressure for wedding weight loss — but not always. I really do believe that reminding people that your body is private property that is not up for public speculation can really help. It can seem SO obvious, but apparently, people need a reminder that other people's bodies are not public property!
Again: My body is none of your business, so please don't bring it up again.
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If the pressure is coming from a loved one, you may need to have several conversations along these lines so that things can really sink in. But if it's a vendor, chances are you'll never have to see him/her again after the wedding, so remember that you won't have to deal with them for very long.
Say it louder for the people in the back: My body is none of your business, so please don't bring it up again.
And if a vendor is REALLY being a jerk who won't understand where you're coming from, you can always choose to take your business elsewhere and let them know exactly why you are doing so: “Your judgmental comments and attitudes about a person's body size are unacceptable to me, so I'm leaving.”
Because remember: My body is none of your business.
Come back to yourself and your partner
It always helps to remember that you're marrying or partnered with someone who KNOWS you're hot as hell — regardless of your size!
There is a dress/garment for EVERY body shape and size and you will look and feel gorgeous when you find that special garment. Conventional wisdom said I shouldn't wear a fitted trumpet dress because of my body shape and my weight. Guess what? I wore a fitted trumpet dress (in purple!) and looked absolutely bangin'. Breaking the rules rocks.
Say it with me one last time: My body is none of your business!
“My body is none of your business”. YES!!! I love this so much! Shouting it from the rooftops.
Also, if you’re built like your mom, it’s very possible that her comments about your body are really about her insecurities with her body. Which in no way excuses those unhelpful, hurtful comments, but her insecurities might be the real root cause. Often people’s comments/judgements have nothing to do with the person they’re saying them to and everything about their own issues. Hopefully you can both see yourselves as the gorgeous goddesses you are.