This comedian’s reason for skipping the bouquet and garter toss had us cackling

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Autumn Wedding in Florida Blink Photography11 alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)
Photos by Blink

Nancy is a comedian in South Florida who tied the knot in a hilarious and heartfelt autumn ceremony. We'll be featuring her wedding on the blog next week (y'all, the wedding decor is SO. FRIKKEN. FUNNY.), but first we wanted to focus on her laugh-out-loud response to skipping the bouquet and garter toss! We almost lost it at the part about “insinuating oral sex.”

If you're trying to figure out how to explain to your guests that you're skipping this wedding tradition (and make some folks laugh in the process), you might want to take a page out of Nancy's book.

Here's why Nancy decided to skip the bouquet toss and garter toss:

We didn’t do the traditional “garter toss” or “flower bouquet toss.” Instead, I made a speech about how antiquated those traditions are. For the garter toss, I explained that I had been sweating in 100-degree FL heat all day… and that if Wes wanted to get close to my crotch, he’d have to go through six layers of Spanx!

Autumn Wedding in Florida Blink Photography12 alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

Also, I didn’t need my relatives seeing my new husband insinuate oral sex in front of them while they’re trying to eat cake.

Autumn Wedding in Florida Blink Photography8 alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

For the bouquet toss, I explained that all of my single girlfriends are people who make six figures, own their own homes, travel to Europe twice a year and live their best lives. The fact that society thinks they need to ambush each other for some flowers while Beyoncé’s “single ladies” blasts in the back is degrading.

Autumn Wedding in Florida Blink Photography16 alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

I also explained that my bouquet was $500, so I was keeping it, and they’re fucking crazy if they think they’re gonna get their grubby hands on it. It got a few laughs and some side stares but once again, oh well! 

Now that's how you explain you're skipping the bouquet and garter toss with a sense of humor!

How did you tell your guests you weren't participating in this wedding tradition? Tell us in the comments below!

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