I'm getting married to a man whom I am very lucky to have found. He and I tend to share very similar viewpoints on many things, including situations that have cropped up during our 1-year-long engagement. However, despite these similarities, I have been the only one to be called a “Bridezilla” (or anything equivalent to this term) when I have expressed wedding concerns.
Not only that, it has become almost commonplace to flippantly be told, “Make sure you don't become a Bridezilla!” As if, despite planning a once-in-a-lifetime event for 130 guests, I should never allow myself to become even a little bit stressed. Last time I checked, I was human and emotions tend to be a minor side effect.
I was curious if anyone else has been experiencing this, so I tried to do research online. What I was met with was a multitude of articles with instructions on how to avoid becoming a Bridezilla, but none with helpful tips on how to avoid frustration at continually being called one.
The bottom line for me is this: Being called a Bridezilla, warranted or not, seems very sexist and insensitive. So, how do we fight this deeply rooted concept? -jesigigs
First of all… amen, sister.
Second of all… We've talked a lot about this topic, but it doesn't seem to be going away and perhaps not even getting any better.
Bridezilla as sexist
We first discussed the word's deeply-rooted sexism in “Of Brides and Zillas”…
Basically, you're a Bridezilla no matter what the hell you do. And this is only true for brides – few would rag on a groom no matter how much of the decision-making is his doing.
In the end, however, it's all false. The Bridezilla was invented by our collective subconscious – sit down, shut up, behave, or this is what you are. I've seen a similar attitude pop up around the idea of a “nag” and again of a “bitch” – and more recently, even more sadly, “feminist”: a word that should never, ever be derogatory. The very special (Mircea Eliade would call it “sacred”, I think) period of betrothal adds “Bridezilla” to that arsenal of threatening words and serves mostly as a backlash against assertive women. You have to care about your day – the day you tie yourself to a man – but not too much.
At its worst, it's sexism in an insidious form, the catty women-against-women incarnation.
How to respond to being called a Bridezilla
We've got some copy ‘n' paste responses for how you can respond to people who call you or someone else a Bridezilla. Ready?
To someone who has called you a Bridezilla:
“Please don't call me names. Knowing what I want, being clear about it, and sticking to a reasonable decision does not make me a Bridezilla. It makes me mature and capable.”
To someone calling another person a Bridezilla:
“Honestly, most people planning a wedding are just under tremendous and unfair pressure. They're usually reasonable women who are clear about what they want.”
…Or my favorite response of all time:
“I prefer the term Bridethulhu — part octopus, part bride, and part dragon.”
Let's Offbeat Bride hivemind this problem! How are you battling the term Bridezilla? Calling people out on the sexism? Got a good copy ‘n' paste response? Leave 'em all in the comments.