I’m getting married to a man whom I am very lucky to have found. He and I tend to share very similar viewpoints on many things, including situations that have cropped up during our 1-year-long engagement. However, despite these similarities, I have been the only one to be called a “Bridezilla” (or anything equivalent to this term) when I have expressed wedding concerns.Not only that, it has become almost commonplace to flippantly be told, “Make sure you don’t become a Bridezilla!” As if, despite planning a once-in-a-lifetime event for 130 guests, I should never allow myself to become even a little bit stressed. Last time I checked, I was human and emotions tend to be a minor side effect.
I was curious if anyone else has been experiencing this, so I tried to do research online. What I was met with was a multitude of articles with instructions on how to avoid becoming a Bridezilla, but none with helpful tips on how to avoid frustration at continually being called one.
The bottom line for me is this: Being called a Bridezilla, warranted or not, seems very sexist and insensitive. So, how do we fight this deeply rooted concept? -jesigigs
First of all… amen, sister.
Second of all… We’ve talked a lot about this topic, but it doesn’t seem to be going away and perhaps not even getting any better.
Bridezilla as sexist
We first discussed the word’s deeply-rooted sexism in “Of Brides and Zillas”…
Basically, you’re a Bridezilla no matter what the hell you do. And this is only true for brides – few would rag on a groom no matter how much of the decision-making is his doing.
In the end, however, it’s all false. The Bridezilla was invented by our collective subconscious – sit down, shut up, behave, or this is what you are. I’ve seen a similar attitude pop up around the idea of a “nag” and again of a “bitch” – and more recently, even more sadly, “feminist”: a word that should never, ever be derogatory. The very special (Mircea Eliade would call it “sacred”, I think) period of betrothal adds “Bridezilla” to that arsenal of threatening words and serves mostly as a backlash against assertive women. You have to care about your day – the day you tie yourself to a man – but not too much.
At its worst, it’s sexism in an insidious form, the catty women-against-women incarnation.
How to respond to being called a Bridezilla
We’ve got some copy ‘n’ paste responses for how you can respond to people who call you or someone else a Bridezilla. Ready?
To someone who has called you a Bridezilla:
“Please don’t call me names. Knowing what I want, being clear about it, and sticking to a reasonable decision does not make me a Bridezilla. It makes me mature and capable.”
To someone calling another person a Bridezilla:
“Honestly, most people planning a wedding are just under tremendous and unfair pressure. They’re usually reasonable women who are clear about what they want.”
…Or my favorite response of all time:
“I prefer the term Bridethulhu — part octopus, part bride, and part dragon.”
Related Reading
Bridethulhu is the new Bridezilla
We’re totally sick of the term Bridezilla, but there’s no denying that as you grind your way through wedding planning, it can be helpful to have a term for that rage-filled, insane creature that bubbles up in your mind at… Read more
Let’s Offbeat Bride hivemind this problem! How are you battling the term Bridezilla? Calling people out on the sexism? Got a good copy ‘n’ paste response? Leave ’em all in the comments.
