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OPEN THREAD: Is keeping my ex-husband’s last name disrespectful to my fiance?

At a Glance

I feel greatly conflicted. At this stage in my life, I resent the burden of having to change my name (again) when men have the privilege of bypassing this antiquated and gendered tradition. As a woman, why must this “choice” be thrust upon me and why must I face judgment from others? How do I respond to others who feel that retaining my current last name is disrespectful to my fiance?

0040I married young and divorced my first husband over five years ago. After the divorce I retained his name out of convenience and also because after five years, it felt strange reverting back to my birth name.

Now, I am getting ready to re-marry.

The problem I am encountering is that most of our relatives assume that I will change my last name to my current fiance’s last name. I feel greatly conflicted. I would prefer to retain the name that I have had for the last decade, even though it is my ex-husband’s. I feel like I would be changing my name to make others happy. My fiance supports my decision.

How do I respond to others who feel that retaining my current last name is disrespectful to my fiance?

-Conflicted Bride

Have any of you faced this conundrum? If so, how did you handle it?

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