Your wedding budget is a bat-signal: How to vet vendors for values (without feeling weird)

This one is for the couples who our proud of their strong values, and want to see these values reflected at their wedding. Let’s talk about the dirty word of wedding planning: Money.

Specifically, your money. Whether you’re dropping $5k or $50k, your wedding budget is a concentrated burst of economic power. One way to think of this massive spend is as a form of wealth redistribution. For one day, you are a micro-philanthropist, deciding exactly which businesses deserve your money. And this year of all years, putting your money where your values are really freaking matters.

But here’s the reality: In a polarized world, a pretty portfolio may not be enough anymore. You don't want to look back at your photos and remember the photographer who made a homophobic joke under their breath, or the venue owner whose personal social media is a minefield of ACK.

You want vendors who don’t just tolerate your community, your identity, or your guest list… you want vendors who celebrate them.

Here is how to audit your vendor list to make sure your money is talking the same language you are.

1. The portfolio review (go deeper than aesthetics)

When you’re scrolling through a vendor’s gallery of their previous work, look for more than just lighting and composition.

• Representation: Do you see diverse bodies? Queer couples? Different religious or non-religious traditions? Do you see people who look like you?
• The Ally Check: Even if you’re a cisgender, hetero, white couple, looking for diversity in a vendor’s portfolio tells you they know how to navigate the world with respect. Ariel M. Stallings suggests asking yourself: “Is it important that you are working with vendors who know how to work with other communities?” (Spoilers: The answer is yes.)

If you don't see what you're looking for in a vendor's portfolio, you can ask them very directly: “Do you have experience shooting [people with very dark skin tones, queer couples, larger-bodied couples, disabled clients, etc]?”

2. Stalk with purpose

We know you’re already looking at a vendor's Instagram, but go a layer deeper.

• The Personal/Professional Blur: Many vendors are small businesses where the person is the brand. Check their personal social media accounts. Who do they follow? What do they amplify?
• The Blue Dot Hunt: In red areas or conservative regions, look for those blue dots: the vendors who are brave enough to be vocal about their values even when it might cost them a booking.

The cost of not doing this kind of thing played out recently when a well-known wedding photographer couple were recently outed for posting racist and homophobic memes on their personal social media accounts. YIKES.

3. Give yourself permission to ask hard questions!

For a long time, we were told it was rude to talk politics or religion with the help. Forget that. You aren’t hiring “the help,” you’re hiring creative partners to be present for one of the most emotional days of your life, and asking your community of beloveds to hang out with these folks you hired!

Jess Golden, the Texas-based photographer who outed the racist wedding vendors, keeps it real: “Values are becoming part of the conversation in every household right now… the fact that people are scared to even ask vendors they’re paying thousands of dollars to is beyond me!”

Try these low-stress scripts:

• “We’re really intentional about working with inclusive vendors. Can you tell us about your experience working with LGBTQ+, BIPOC, or neurodivergent clients?”
• “Our values are very important to us, and we have immigrant family who may be attending. Given the current political climate for immigrants in the US right now, are you committed to help us create a safe environment for our immigrant family members at our wedding?”
• “How do you handle it if another vendor on-site is being disrespectful to guests?”

4. Trust the vetted folks

One of the best ways to find safe vendors is to find one person you trust and ask for their list. Vendors like Emily Berg (of Events by Emily) actually audit their vendor lists, ensuring she isn’t accidentally recommending someone who doesn't align with the progressive and inclusive values that matter to her clients.

Try these low-stress scripts:

• If your planner or photographer has a preferred vendors list, ask them: “Do you vet these people for inclusivity or political values?”
• If you've found a vendor who's aligned with your values, you can ask them for referrals: “Do you know other vendors who are experienced with neurodiverse clients, and have experience with accommodating disabled guests?

5. Use the Offbeat Wed shortcut (duh!)

We’re going to make this real easy for you: we built the Offbeat Wed Vendor Community 15 years ago so folks don't have to do the FBI-level investigating yourself. Our directory (featured by the NY Times!) allows vendors to self-identify so you can find exactly who you’re looking for. If you know want to spend your wedding budget with a business that is:

• BIPOC-owned
• Queer-owned
• Neurodivergent-owned
• Women-owned
• Disabled-owned

We gotchoo. Each vendor listing page makes it easy to see how the vendor has chosen to identify. We've love making it easy for couples to immediately connect with vendors who have already opted into a community that's been prioritizing radical inclusivity and values for almost 20 years.

The bottom line

At the end of the day, how you spend your wedding budget MATTERS. When you hire a vendor, you're potentially using your dollars to support a fellow human from a community that you want to support, with values that align with yours.

Make sure that human is someone you’d actually want to grab a drink with. Your wedding will feel better, your photos will look more authentic, and you’ll sleep better knowing your wealth went to the right places.

Download our guide The Values-Aligned Wedding: A Quick Guide to Vetting Your Wedding Vendors!