The unexpected benefits of “getting legalled” before our wedding
The impetus behind our legalling came upon us quite unexpectedly: I became aware of a scholarship available to military spouses. The catch: I wouldn’t become a military spouse until my after the deadline to apply for the scholarship had passed. So we got legalled. As expected, having the ability to now apply for this scholarship is a wonderful thing. But something completely unexpected happened through this experience that I did not anticipate.
Dear Bridal Industry, we need to talk about “looking pretty” on our wedding day
Dear Bridal Industry, I will not allow myself to become caught up in your ideals of what a bride “should” look like. I will not become sucked into your standards of beauty, ones that are different from my own. I will not let you dictate to me what pretty is, and isn’t.
Speaking of which, here are more things I refuse to do…
My barn wedding is not a unique and special snowflake… and that’s okay!
I fancy myself an individual. I mean, I reckon we all do. And while no one has been shaped by the same life events I have, the concept of truly being “unique” is one that we rest a lot of importance on. I always figured I wouldn’t have a “typical” wedding. I’m a modest, geeky, tomboy of a girl, and I felt a good guideline for planning a wedding would be incorporating things that make me happy. I didn’t know jack about weddings when I started out planning for all this. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the things that make me happy also make other people happy.
Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away
Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…