This Hallowedding had zombie wedding ceremony script!

Offbeat partners: Samantha and Kevin

Date and location of wedding: Lamoine State Park in Maine – 10/02/2021

Our hallowedding at a glance:

Our first date was the premiere episode of ‘The Walking Dead', so obviously we had to tie Halloween/spooky/macabre into the wedding! We also both love horror movies: Kevin likes B-list movies, I like classic slashers. As the planning went on, I wanted to add a carnivalesque flair to it and we just ran with it.

Can you share your zombie wedding ceremony script?

Excerpt from Jess, our Officiant:
Beloved, family, scoundrels, hooligans, pirates and even urchins, we have come together tonight to witness the partnering of Kevin and Samantha and let's be honest, for free food, drinks and games. In case it wasn’t obvious, it’s going to be a quirky day! I thought for some time about what I would say before settling on a topic near to their hearts. Zombies.

The shambling ghouls of black and white movies, and the quick, ravenous monsters of modern horror are all suffering from the same disease – disconnection – from the world around them and from each other. Aren't we all there sometimes?

Don't we shuffle to work, monosyllabic, until we get our caffeine and then go through the motions of work and house as if completely unaware of other people? Haven't you found yourself staring into space, wishing for just a little more brains?

Kevin and Sam have decided to take the only vaccine that works – they've decided to get married. In this they refuse to become numb themselves, they promise to give each other attention, consideration and kindness – emotions zombies most certainly do not share.

They vow not to allow the other to become a zombie when they aren't looking – slipping into apathy, numbness and a maddening hunger. They do these things with the shotguns of their love strapped strongly to their backs and the truncheons of their humor held firmly in their hands.

Kevin's Vows:
I promise to keep you as my favorite person, to laugh with you, go on adventures with you even if they involve flying, watch ‘The Simpsons' with you endlessly, support you through life's tough moments, sing silly cat songs to the fat boys with you, beat up people who make you sad and then buy you ice cream or pizza, accept your flighty crafty ways, grow old with you and find new reasons to love you every day.

Samantha's Vows:
I promise to keep you as my favorite person, to laugh with you, let you play video games as much you like, go on adventures with you even if it involves the outdoors, watch something that isn't ‘The Simpsons', support you through life's tough moments, avoid glittery crafts as much as possible, be proud of you, love you in the stinky and silly times, not judge you for your sometimes terrible movie choices, grow old with you and find new reasons to love you every day.

Officiant: Before this wild crew here, you are joining and creating a union that involves both joy and responsibility. You must enter this partnership with no lien on either of your ships or crew, free of other commitments… do you both swear on this sword that there is no reason why your union cannot proceed?

Samantha: I swear it.

Kevin: As do I.

Officiant: Kevin Guyan, first of his name, Captain of the ship Revenge of the Willow, the Keeper of Marleys, is your main desire to love and protect this lady for the rest of your days as her partner?

Kevin: It is.

Officiant: Will you love her, comfort her, and honor her? Will you protect her, no matter who might board your ship?

Kevin: I do.

Officiant: Samantha White, first of her name, Captain of the ship The Golden Snitch, Keeper of Donuts, is your main desire to never tame Captain Guyan but to hold him dear as your partner?

Samantha: It is.

Officiant: Will you love him, comfort him and honor him? Will you protect him, no matter who might board your ship, as long as you both do love?

Samantha: I will.

Tell us about the reception:

We had custom cornhole boards built by my dad, a fire hooper/dancer come and do a couple of sets, a bonfire with smores, a piñata, a cotton candy machine, a popcorn machine and snow cone machine (thanks Amazon)! We also bought a small wood-fired pizza oven so everyone had custom-made pizzas.

What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding?

This comes from my bridesman's wife Laura – every wedding has a wild card. As soon as she said that, I calmed down. I was able to deal with the stress, the family chaos, the decorations being overwhelming, everything. As a former wedding photographer, I've been on the other side of weddings A LOT so I had personally seen lots of wild cards, but I apparently assumed ours would be different. HAH.

Vendors

• Photographer: La Brisa Photography
• Dress: Bbonlinedress via Amazon (I added black fabric and lace from my mom's wedding dress)
• All flowers including Bridesmaid Bouquet: Sola Wood Flowers (I added lace from my gram's dress)
• Bouquet Charms: HuemorMeGifts on Etsy
• Favors: Marden's, a local salvage store
• Kevin's Tie – Binary Winter on Etsy
• Venue – Lamoine State Park in Maine
• Officiant – the fabulous Jessica Gove-Healy
• Hair – my aunt, with an assistant from Laura P.
• Makeup – Best Bitch (aka Maid of Honor's) bonus daughter Alleia

Gallery