“Oh, I’d never do that” or how getting married has turned me into a liar
Apparently when you tell friends and family that you’re happy the way you are and that you can take it or leave it (“it” being matrimonial bliss), that you’re out of yo’ damn mind. But that’s not what makes me a liar, since I’m still stickin’ to my guns that I’d not made any sweeping declarations regarding marriage. But still… in the past month or so, I’ve been scratching my head about and thinking “Huh. I am such a liar.”
The joy of NO: What offbeat-types can teach you about saying “no,” even to yourself
Being on the wild end of the offbeat spectrum does confer certain disadvantages and benefits. You’ve gotten really good at deflecting or ignoring criticism, maintaining internalized self worth, and just generally saying NO. NO to feeling bad about yourself, NO to apologizing for your choices, NO to altering your life to suit the preferences of others. NO is a goddamn survival skill. This is fucking invaluable as shit when wedding planning.
Our elopement that people were invited to attend: re-thinking what “eloping” means
Our elopement was attended by 60 people… 60 people who were all invited. That’s not an elopement you say? I say, well then maybe it’s time to change your definition of elopement! It might actually make your wedding planning way less stressful.
My Nigerian engagement ceremony bridentity crisis
I’m generally of the belief that your wedding is not always about you, but it should reflect you: your beliefs, your values, and your community. But how could I feel good about a ceremony where I didn’t feel like myself and nothing else felt like me either? In the end, it was really been a two-step process…
Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away
Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…
On feminism, marriage equality, and my impending marriage
My impending marriage has certainly forced me to confront expectations, and to articulate and affirm the values and ideas which I hold most dear. For me, these would be feminism and marriage equality. However, the prospect of my impending marriage (to a lovely, understanding, open-minded and progressive straight cis-man) has forced me to clarify my perspectives on these two ideas to a much greater extent than ever before. In the process, I have become even firmer in my support of these two positions. Why has my position on feminism and marriage equality been strengthened? I’ll explain.