The Onion skewers us: Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities

This is the most awesome satire of offbeat wedding trends since Portlandia’s “Cool Wedding”:

Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities.

Yes, it’s mean-spirited as hell, but I think we can all recognize ourselves in there and laugh at our own ridiculousness.

Apples skewered on bare branches + purple calla lilies = tablescape that will haunt your dreams

Remember how I went to Puerto Rico last month, and toured a bunch of amazing wedding and honeymoon venues? Well, one of the spots we toured was the Ritz-Carlton San Juan, where they did it UP for a dinner for all of us journalists. This amazing tablescape greeted me when I walked in the dining room… yes, those are green apples skewered on bare branches, surrounded by purple calla lilies and moss balls.

I was all HOLY FUCK, OFFBEAT BRIDES ARE GOING TO DIE. You have to see more.

4 offbeat destination wedding & honeymoon venues in Puerto Rico

Last month I went on a 5-day press tour of Puerto Rico, busing around the island with a pack of other journalists to check out wedding and honeymoon destinations. It was fucking awesome, and I saw some venues that OMG, you guys… if you’re planning a destination wedding (or looking for a honeymoon spot), you would LOVE these places.

No, seriously: goth vegan former convents? Zebra-print villas? Rainforest terraces? You’re going to freak out.

Deliver a quick love note at the altar

It’s a cute idea, right? Totally cute. That said, I don’t think my note would have looked like that at all. I think it would have looked like this…