Offbeat Bride, Divorced

Comments on Offbeat Bride, Divorced

1. You (and anyone else who’s done the same) are a damned rock star to handle that and I wish you and your family all the best.

   Also, you rocked the shit out of that sequined dress, holy hell…

   • I feel guilty for how badly I want to know where that dress came from in light of the shitty situation.

     • The sequined dress is by Jamie von Stratton:
       http://vendors.offbeatwed.com/listing/j-von-stratton-designs

2. Thank you for sharing, I think that’s really brave of you to be public about this kind of thing. I’m a longtime fan of both book and the empire and I just want you to know that although we don’t know each other, I’m still rooting for you. 🙂

3. Thank you for sharing, Ariel. Sending light and love as you continue to navigate these new changes.

4. I respect the hell out of you.

5. *hugs!*

6. I am in the midst of my own offbeat divorce and I thank you for writing this.

   • I’m not engaged, have no boyfriend, and rarely even date. I just read this blog from time to time because I’ve never seen anything like it. In any case, I think you would get more fans if you wrote an Offbeat Divorce spin off lol.

7. Ariel, you are a badass bitch. I’ve always admired you. Your desire for transparency shows so much strength, though I’m sure that’s not what it feels like right now.

   <3

8. Oh man – that’s a book I wish I had two years ago when I left my abusive ex. No one tells you about giving yourself time to heal and that the transition will feel a million times worse than your worst breakup before this. Please oh please write this book!!
   I’m glad you’re in a place where you’re ready to talk about it. Here’s to getting through and finding joy on the other side.

9. Even if both parties decide to amicably split, divorce sucks big time. I’m sorry, and I hope that now that the divorce is final the healing process continues. Hugs and blessings.

10. Oh man, I’m sorry you’re going through such a shit time Ariel. I can’t imagine managing a wedding blog while going through that. Kudos to you for doing so though! All the virtual hugs in the world, and I hope things get better soon.

11. I get it.

    And my heart goes out to you. Because I get it.

    My first wedding was published on Offbeat Bride in November 2011. Seven months later, I left my husband. The divorce was just finalized in November 2015 (longest process ever). During that time, I still saw images from our wedding pop up as the featured image for Offbeat Bride posts.

    I also work in the wedding industry, for a blog whose founder got divorced the same year I decided to leave my husband. There is a little pain behind it, something that can almost feel like hypocrisy from time to time. And it’s hard as fuck for a while, but then it’s not anymore.

    Your tribe is still here, and though it may look a little different, it’s still your tribe. And fuck yes, Offbeat Bride, Divorced. I’d get behind that 1000%.

12. As someone who has also gone through a divorce, I feel you and I admire your candor. Its a shit show, and I admire your ability to be honest about it (and yet still respectful and private) on a public platform. Offbeat bride was a very welcome and supportive haven when I was planning my (second) wedding. So thank you for all that you have worked so hard to create.

13. I was wondering if this was happening! I was loving what you were doing on Snapchat but wondered about how there was less family in it. I want you to know that I love everything that you have done for us weirdos and I can’t wait to see what you do next! Pour yourself a glass of Lemonade and drink it in. You got this.

    Xoxo

    • Yeah, folks following @offbeatbride on Snapchat have probably had more of a real window in than anyone else. My policy is to keep my kid mostly out of my business social media stuff (although he shows up in snaps some days!), but the telling lack of a spouse these past 8 months has probably been pretty obvious…

14. I know you’ve probably heard this all before, but I feel the need to reiterate it:

    1) Your relationship was/is legitimate, just because it’s “over” doesn’t mean your advice isn’t any less inspirational or needed. It might be even more valuable.

    2) As much as we as wedding vendors (and especially OBB vendors) don’t want to admit it, a wedding and a marriage are two completely different things. You can (and have) helped plan thousands of weddings, and I doubt you want to put your fingers (ew?) in that many marriages (who the fuck would).

    3) You rock, and while this may be hard, staying in a place where you were unhappy, is harder. It’s not fair to any of you, and it’s so hard and strengthening to admit and make that decision.

    <3 <3 <3

15. Solidarity sister. Married 2010, Featured on OOB in 2011 http://offbeatwed.com/new-york-gwen-stefani-wedding/ and divorced in 2013. I still use OOB to show people my wedding. I love OOB and the community and that will always last longer than my relationship. You are not alone and we love you. Be you, be happy, and we’ll all get through this crazy thing called life together. <3 xoxo

16. It’s okay to not be okay <3 Wishing you all the best in whatever comes next for your career and your life.

17. Sending love and positive vibes your way. I get it. My divorce was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. But you will get through it. You’ve been through worse and the only way to go is up. You are now a member of a club you never intended to be a part of. But I will say the most beautiful thing about it is the look other divorced people give you. I hated it at first, but to see recognition of pain and pure empathy from those that have been through it too is comforting after a while. It’s like, “you’ve been through this shitty thing too?! I hurt for you. I remember your pain. But look! It can be better!” I know that doesn’t help now. Stupid time is the only thing that helps. The first full year is the hardest. But once you rebuild your life, you might find yourself loving your new life more than you ever thought possible. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you find what will heal you quickly. Love, light, and positive vibes.

18. Awww Ariel. big hug virtual hugs. Thank you for being so vulnerable. <3

19. Wow. As I’m contemplating ending a 11-year through divorce, this resonates big time with me. Thank you for sharing this. I’m really in for all the possible contents related to healing to crushing-hard life transitions.

20. love you so much. bless your honesty. fuck everyone else, you are a goddamn snowflake. xoxo.

21. Thank you for sharing *hugs*

22. *hugs* <3

    I, a stranger on the internet, don't have much else to offer, but – virtual hugs & empathy. <3 *hugs*

23. Brilliant post. Thank you.

24. Sending you lots of love! My marriage also ended a couple years ago after being super involved in the Tribe. You are an amazing woman and I know you will just keep kicking ass.

25. Much love! Thank you for sharing with us your struggles as a gasp *normal* person fighting the daily battle of life with normal problems. As ever you are being classy about it and we applaud you and look forward to your writing on Offbeat Home and to the bigger and better things you will be doing!

26. I’m sorry that you are going through all of this. I used this blog obsessively when I was planning my September 2014 wedding. I am now in a similar situation as my husband sprung on me after 1.5 years of marriage he wants a divorce. I am blindsided and this is unbelievably difficult to get through. I am looking forward to reading more about your healing journey as I am trying to figure out how to heal myself. I wish you luck and happiness through all of this.

    • I’ve been there and it sucks. The most surprising thing for me was the strength of the overwhelming rage I felt at times. Don’t fight your emotions but do take care of yourself. Sending you best wishes.

      • Oh, the rage. Been there, done that.

      • Thanks for the kind words. Overwhelming rage is what I feel most of the time. Just knowing that someone who loved you so much could go out of their way to be so cruel to you is sometimes just too much. He is serving me the papers on our anniversary in a few days.

27. I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning and not because I was planning a wedding. In fact, I’ve never been married at all. Heck, I’ve never even had anyone tell me they love me or experienced a relationship of any kind other than the occasional “Oops, FWB” that brought my now 27-year-old son into the world. I’m telling you this because I read you for your writing and your wonderful curation of photos, not your marital status. And, I will continue to do so because you so Rock it!

28. Hugs to you during this rough time.
    You’ve got a whole Tribe behind you (and in front of you and beside you) ready to give you love and support.
    Keep healing and keep being fabulous!

29. Fellow divorcee’ here! Married a beautiful woman in 2010, divorced in 2013. I met you at Lovesick Philly. And that handsome fella that was with me, well…we broke up. Haha. Currently with an amazing, wonderful man who treats me like a queen.

    Life happens, and absolutely no one is judging you because you’re divorced. It is what it is. You pick yourself up by those boot straps and move on. I absolutely love your energy and spunk. You’re a fantastic blogger, writer, and mother… and as long as you keep rockin’ those sequins, girl… you’ve got this. (I still chuckle at that pic of you still wearing your dress getting through Philly’s TSA… XD)

30. Well, I’m sorry you had the barfy parts of the experience, but I get it, too. I came to OBB to plan my second wedding! Life happens.

    Don’t let the bad parts drag you down. Over time, I came to see that my first marriage wasn’t really a failure merely because it ended. And my negative feelings about marriage faded away (obvs, since I married again). I hope the same happens for you.

31. I had ZERO idea, Ariel, but I love you so hard. <3.

32. *HUGS* You rock and I love you and your amazing Offbeat Empire just about as much as I love unicorns and zombies … and that’s a fuck ton! 🙂

33. As an old school Tribesmaid I am sending you so much love and support!!! Divorce is hard and shitty and I hope nothing but the best for your family during this time of transition. I’ve never been through a divorce myself so I won’t lie and try to give false advice or platitudes, but I hope you know that you have a whole tribe at your back here for anything you need. <3

34. Add another voice to the chorus offering you love and hugs from afar. Even though I’m not married yet, reading your thoughts and all the posts and being part of the Offbeat Empire community really has changed my life for the better. I’m rooting for you and looking forward to seeing what’s next!

35. I’m so glad you shared this… not that you went through all that bullshit, just that it makes me feel better about our encounter. I thought for sure that the awkward feeling was me because anxiety told me so. Sending much love during the rocky af period! ?

36. PLEASE please continue to write and give advice about anything you want. I need it. Your book and the offbeat bride site was holy to this little atheist in the 4 months I had to plan my wedding while a wack ton of life happened. I’m really bad with names so in my head you were the “offbeat bride lady” and I’d ask myself what you would do in certain situations, including non-Wedding. Your voice really reasonated with me.
    So thank you. Also, please be good to yourself. You deserve it.

37. Oh my.. so hard… loads of love and strength and good breezes from the other side of the ocean. You have been, and are, a great source of inspiration for me, both in owning my shit, and in starting a business. If you ever need a break, I’m sure there are a few Austrian homies and tribesmaids to welcome you in Vienna and all around the country.

38. Things happen we all know that marriages and relationships don’t always work out. My wife broke up with me only two and a half years after our ceremony some time it just doesn’t work. love your book and this site It’s been really helpful. As a lesbian bride (found the person I was meant to be with) planning the first of two weddings (civil partnership ceremony and wedding after marriage equality comes to Australia) we are planning our wedding how we like it not how the wedding industry thinks we should. Anyway love and healing to your family. Keep up the great work xx

39. I had the 18 years down, but no advice on how to last 19 because I’m going through separation now.
    Shit doth happen. Good luck to you on your healing and hopefully you can maintain amicability for your young one.

40. Ariel,
    I can’t help but feel incredibly close to you, as I was just told two days ago that my marriage is also over. I’ve been a big fan of the offbeat sites, and at times I was a participant in the different communities. Offbeat Mama was launched right when I was becoming a Mama, and the community was there when I suffered a death in the family. As hard as it might be, I do hope you write about divorce, because where I stand, I could definitely use the help and support of this wonderful community that you created.

    I’m wishing you all the best, and just so you know, I think you’re amazing. ???

41. You and I planned weddings at the same time in 2004, on the same message board, and a story about my wedding was in your book. I’m now divorced, too, and I’m here because I’m getting remarried.

    I commend you on getting through the divorce while maintaining appropriate boundaries between public and private and without putting down your former husband. It’s incredibly difficult to keep a positive face when you’re torn apart inside. You’re awesome for maintaining that boundary and respect for him and your son.

    And as you know from the many, many second+ brides reading and writing on this site, divorce isn’t a death sentence for love. You’ll get through and at some point the idea of loving someone else won’t induce a sharp stabbing pain and nausea. At some point, you may be here planning another grand celebration and looking forward to the adventure of life with a new partner. And you’ll be so much smarter about it than you were the first time around.

42. So many hugs, Ariel!

43. Love you just the same. And, in my thirties, I got divorced THREE times! No shame here, lady!

44. Thank you for sharing this. While you may not feel qualified to give advice, you are perfect for it! Each phase of a relationship is a learning experience and now you can take your experience and offer support to anyone else to needs to hear “I get it.” Advice doesn’t have to be “how to make it work,” sometimes the best advice is “how to deal and cope.” Keep writing because it will help us and could be quite therapeutic at the same time.
    I’ve been there and I get it.

45. Sending you some love from a fellow divorced wedding pro <3 I really admire your bravery in being public about it. You've inspired me to be as well!

46. Oh hey. Me too. <3 <3

47. Divorce is so painful and shitty and I haven’t even begun to process anything. You write it, I’ll buy it.

48. Thanks for being brave and telling your readers. As you are probably finding, a lot of us have or are going through divorces also. Myself being one of them as of December last year when it became official. I remember feeling embarrassed about being featured on OBB in 2012. I shunned myself away from this site for a little while. I have recently been back, reading more about offbeat life, home etc. And realising more and more that this was never about just weddings, as Ariel said. Its about people, and community, support and encouragement while we stumble through our offbeat lives.

49. I know a lot of divorced folx who said it sucked (a lot) in the beginning but eventually, they stopped wanting to hear the “Oh, I’m sorry’s” and moved on into “Don’t be sorry – it was the best thing for our family.” Here’s to hoping that offers comfort and is true for you soon enough. <3

50. I got engaged in late 2011 and have been a member of the OBB Tribe since 2012. My now hubby and I broke up for a few months in 2013, got back together, finally married in 2015, were separated for a few months early this year, and are now back together with a stronger bond and healthier relationship than we’ve ever had in our 6+ years together. This community has been a huge help through all of the turmoil. Even though I am more of a Tribe stalker (I prefer to oogle and read rather than post or share), I still feel so accepted and supported, and it has made the hard times just a little bit easier. Your post here is a perfect example of why. Your Empire acknowledges that everyone’s journey is different, and although there is a lot of advice out there, we each choose what is best for our situation and need not fear being attacked for that choice if we share it here. In the Tribe we are not defined by our marital status, or boxed into conventional traditions as we may be in other circles, both physical and virtual. Many people would read my background above and say, “wow…. Drama! How can you possibly have a stable, healthy relationship after all of that?! You’re crazy!” Yet I feel comfortable sharing it here because I know so many people will totally or at least partially get it, and even if they don’t, no one will judge or shame me for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing this safe, loving forum. You may not hear from us quiet readers very often, but I know I’m not the only one here, and I know we all appreciate you sooooooo much. Much love to you in this difficult time. I look forward to many more years of everything the Empire has to offer, about ALL aspects of life.

51. I was once upon a time an Offbeat Bride featured on your site and went through a very rocky one-sided divorce sooner than I imagined. I thank you for your words, dedication and honesty. There are so many points throughout a divorce you feel alone, ashamed, ignored – we need to continue to lift each other up whether we are walking down or running away from the aisle. xoxo

52. <3 <3 <3

53. Divorce sucks but it has been the most educational experience of my life. It taught me how strong I really am, it taught me who my friends are, it taught me who I want to be and it taught me that sometimes all you can do is get through the day and hope tomorrow is better. Thank you so much for your candor and for creating this safe place. You are surrounded by love and support!

54. I always tell people that you and your Empire are my inspiration for how to run a transparent and ethical business, how to create, curate, and manage a community, how to deal with the intertwined public identities of work and life, etc… This is just another example of how much YOU ROCK. Sending love your way.

55. “Offbeat Wife to Offbeat Life”, perhaps followed up at some point by “Offbeat Life to Second Time Bride?” 😉 lol … I’ve been through it too (was married for 13 years), and am enjoying your wonderful blog as I plan my wedding as a second time bride.

    I was an offbeat bride the first time around in 1996 (god I’m old), so was really pleased to find your blog as I’ll always be an offbeat bride – the first time, second time … who knows perhaps I’ll be a crushing failure and end up with 7 husbands like good old Liz Taylor. Never a quitter me and I do love a nice wedding 😉 ha ha

    As much as it’s also incredibly painful, may you enjoy the many fun, life changing and indeed exhilarating transitions that lie ahead for you. Exciting times ahead.

    x

56. “[…] who the fuck am I to give advice about anything? […]” – don’t beat yourself up. There are and will be learnings from this experience, for how painful it must have been.

57. Ariel, I hope *hugs* from a mostly lurker will be okay. Friends had been talking about Offbeat Bride (the website) for ages, so… well, I broke up with my ex of 10yrs awhile ago. I had some “advance warning” because when we were talking about engagement, I had one of those Knowings (that are right about 95% of the time) that this was going to be a long-term but not forever relationship. I had some logical reasons to back that up. My ex agreed with my analysis, and so neither of us were particularly surprised that it was those exact reasons that caused us to drift in different directions. Short version, they hate change and in 10yrs were basically the same person as when we got together. I, however, embrace change, and I am not who I was when I was 20.

    Anyway, my partner (who I was already involved with, because poly), and I were talking about getting married, and this time, I wanted to do it right. See, I wanted a small handfasting ceremony with our friends, with my ex, but they decided in Nov 2006 they wanted to get married ASAP for tax reasons. Enter a very hurriedly scheduled justice of the peace ceremony. We were supposed to have a renewal ceremony later, but it never happened.

    So, with my current partner, I wanted to do it right, but I had NO CLUE where to start, and I remembered friends linking to Offbeat Bride. Your site was the first one I visited, and the one that has had the most helpful information to me (and helped keep me sane because oh holy shit what am I getting myself into?). I just wanted you to know that, you have done something amazing here, even if what started it is no longer a thing in your life. You have helped so many people, I can say because I think this is the first time I’ve commented here, more than ever comment, and I hope that is at least something of a comfort.

    I am still so sorry, and I wish I could give you a big hug, a nice glass of mead or ice wine (or something harder if preferred, but sweet alcoholic treats always brighten me up a bit), and more support than I can in this comment.

    Is there a way to contact you more privately? I’m not trying to creep, promise. I have 0 experience w/ Snapchat, which is noted as one way to get in touch. Again, more hugs and love. <3

    • Messages sent via https://offbeatempire.com/contact come straight to me.

      • Thank you! Again, more hugs. <3

58. Ariel, so much love to you. I have thought you were a boss bitch since I found your site in 2009. OBB and OBH (and OBF, may it rest in peace) have been daily reading for me ever since. I have learned so much from your work and appreciate your perspective. I’m sorry you’re going through such a shit time, but I look forward to everything you do next. <3

59. Don’t sweat it. I was an Offbeat Bride and I got a divorce. Life is complicated. I did try to submit a story to Offbeat Bride once about my divorce and it was rejected, so it would be nice if there was more realistic coverage of some of that stuff on here now. But hang in there! Time heals all wounds.

60. I love you, Ariel.

61. Sorry to hear that, it sounds like things were really tough for you.

    Working the Expos despite everything is a brave decision. I’ve followed this blog since before I was engaged and it always provided solid advice and support for my choices to be different from the mainstream. I wish you all the best and offer virtual hugs, if they’re desired. Xx

62. Ohhhh maaaaan… between the two of us, we may start a divorced-wedding-vendor-come-out-of-the-closet-revolution! If I lived near you, we’d go have a drink, or four. Solidarity right back atchya. 🙂 WE GOT THIS! http://www.bobbiphoto.com/i-got-this/

    • For real, Bobbi… I coulda written almost every word of your post, except the parts where you’re farther along on the compassion train. I’ll get there some day…

63. What really strikes me here is your statement about being a wedding expert. I don’t listen to experts (outside of a few fields, like medicine) because it seems to be 99% opinion-presented-as-fact. But your book, your site, and your empire (wait, does that make you our Empress?) didn’t take the tack of being the expert. You took the tack of being honest and creative, as an alternative voice in a sea of white taffeta. By publishing and speaking and hosting, you told me that weddings and unions and people can be authentically themselves- zany or traditional, as long as it’s honest and fun. Which, frankly, is a better message than the previous 30 years of programming I had before. So don’t be hard on yourself, because your being amazing and inspiring has LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your marital state.

    (But if you wanna write a book about dating post-divorce, I’m down- got a lot of folks who need a bit of sunshine around that these days.)

    • wait, does that make you our Empress?

      It does, but I self-identify as Kween. 😉

64. You’re incredible 🙂 Can’t wait to see where you’ll go/what you’ll do next.

65. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this
    I guess the main thing I want to say is I know how inclusive you try to make this site but hell if anyone is going to judge you for that, or want to look at the shoes or stories on your site less … fuck them. They do not belong here. Honestly. I’ve been part of this online family (if mostly the kind of estranged awkward cousin) since about 2011 and I value your advice and stories just as much as I ever did. No one gets out of life alive and some people don’t stay in love forever, or they love but just can’t practically do it anymore. Obviously I don’t know what happened but I can say with almost complete certainty that you didn’t fail. I’m guessing/hoping you know that.
    I really hope to see more of your writing about life and everything for sure
    lots of love, take care of yourself

66. Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your original personal blog was one of the first ones I ever went back and read all the archives of like a stalker. Obviously you haven’t shared much of your personal life with readers for years, but I think there of those of us that still wonder about your life. Even if this divorce is “for the best”, it still sucks a lot. Sending you healing thoughts!

67. just a quick hug from an ocean away. you´re still a special snowflake to me!

68. I know I am stupid late to this, and there’s been 6+ additional months of healing and emotion and all that. Hopefully, you’re in a stronger position now than you were when you were writing this.

    All I came here to say is that married or single, you’re still someone to admire for your honesty, candor and sun-bleached, naked vulnerability.

    Whether or not you feel like you can give advice, or tell anyone anything, I just hope at some point you’re able to really get your wobbly legs strong again, stand up and say “yes, I am here. I am still standing and fuck you for second guessing my grit.”

    • Thank you so much for this. Six months later, I AM less wobbly… but still a bit vulnerable in a sun-bleached way. <3

      • Nothing wrong with being wobbly 🙂

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