It’s your fingernails’ special daaaaaaaaay, too!

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#WTF!?#nails
Mimosa in a sippy cup & Mario Mushroom Nails!

I just received this message from a clueless publicist who clearly didn't actually read this website before emailing me, and it's so funny that I have to share:

[Cheezy Bridal Magazine] and [Cosmetics company] have teamed up to create a collection of must-have shades for every bride-to-be . Guided by [Cheezy Bridal Magazine], the industry's authority on wedding day beauty and nail color [Cosmetics company] has custom designed Diamond Strength Nail Color shades to suit every blushing bride . . . this is the perfect “marriage” between America's bridal expert and America's #1 nail expert.

The “Just Engaged!” Collection is available in the following 8 shades: Sheer Magic, I Do, True Love, First Dance, Wedding Bells, Sealed With A Kiss, Passion Flower, Wedding Bliss

WHAT THEY COST: $4.75
WHERE TO FIND THEM: Drugstores nationwide

If interested, we can send samples!!

Bwahahahaha. Ridiculous.

About the Author: Ariel

@arielmstallings

Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and its sequel (From Shitshow To Afterglow, the ultimate offbeat breakup book) Ariel Meadow Stallings is the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire web properties. She lives in Seattle with her son. To read her latest writing, follow @arielist on Medium.

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Comments on It’s your fingernails’ special daaaaaaaaay, too!

  2. I want to know what colour First Dance is. I’m almost sure it won’t be blue like ours will be ;o).

    Seriously though – what were they thinking?!!

  3. I tried to stop biting my nails and grow then for the wedding. I gave up. It was one more thing driving me crazy, so I just let them revert to their natural state. In all the pictures you can see my bitten-down, stumpy fingers, and I don’t care.

  4. Wait a minute. What am I saying? No you can’t! You can’t see my fingers! In fact, in the majority of the pictures, there is no focus on my hands because I was having too much fun!

  5. Oh gack. And I bet they’re all colors like cotton candy pink and pale lilac and creamsicle white.

  6. Yes, I agree with Karen exactly! I ran across them and their all the palest, most demure shades of pink. Every single one. Barf.

  7. Er, excuse me, but would someone who would be swayed by the desire to have “Wedding Bliss” fingernails actually stoop to buying her nail polish in a drugstore instead of a department store, or for that matter, to do her own nails?

    What might be cool, though, is if you actually incorporated the nail polish into the ceremony. Like, you could go in with the shade “I Do,” then right after you leave the ceremony you could paint your nails “Wedding Bells,” and then before your first dance, you could put on the “First Dance” shade… It could be performance art!

  9. “…the industry’s authority on wedding day beauty and nail color…”

    Last I check I was the authority when it came to my wedding day beauty. Call me crazy :P.

  11. Clearly the colours will be blush and bashful, etc.
    At least they’re cheap though – they could have gone with the usual “bridal markup” and made them $40 each…

  15. When my g/f now fiancee announced our engagement, one of the first things someone (an aunt?) told me was that now I’d have to start “taking care of my nails” since I’d be showing off the ring/s. This notice/advert immediately made me think that she must have been writing in suggestions to the bridal mags. *grin*

  16. I actually bought the color “Pawn the Ring” by Orly(I think it was part of their Divorcee set or something)…they also had “Take him to the cleaners”

  17. Y’know, I really don’t give a crap what the cheesy name of my nail polish color is so long as I like the color. That said, I’m betting these are crappy colors.

    I love the names of Manic Panic dyes and nail polish. I have a gunmetal grey called Hell’s Belles.

  18. Was that from Sally Hansen? I recognized the “Diamond Strength” bull crap.

  20. just came across this post and it made me laugh. everyone who knows me knows that my hands are one of my best (physical) features. always have my nails done and hands soft. this said, my nails will be ELECTRIC BLUE for the wedding. other than having my fiance with me the whole day, that will be my only requirement. to heck with only wearing blush tones on my wedding day! i’m wearing my favorite color.

  21. lol, just read this post. It’s obvious who the nail company is. To me at least. I only know of one nail polish people who have named one of their lines “Diamond Strength.” My nails are totally gonna be blue if I can’t find the perfect blue shoes.

  22. Me too! I’m going to have blue nails to match my blue shoes (once I find them that is). I always thought that would be a fun job, coming up with the names for nail polish:)

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