“The evening before my wedding, three guests cancelled via text. I was pretty gutted as there didn’t seem to be any reasoning behind them cancelling. Obviously if it was something really important behind them cancelling, I would be so understanding — but they didn’t really give a valid reason.
I’m a bit sad that they didn’t come and I’m not sure what to say when I see them next.”
“How should I respond when people come at me with comments like ‘Enjoy it now, it’s all over once you’re married!’ And ‘You’ll have a husband to cook for soon!’ Or ‘You’re getting married? My commiserations.'”
Here are a few of my favorite copy-n-paste responses, broken down into three separate strategies depending on your communication style…
My fellow Army Wives, Echo and Kilo (who helped write this post) and I, are political progressives, feminists, and romantically involved with soldiers in the US Army. It’s a crazy effing life. One might even say round pegs for the square hole of the US Armed Forces. We are absolutely committed to telling it like it is as professional women with complicated sexualities, careers, aspirations, non-traditional religious affiliations, and cultural clashes with the military… as well as the love, support, and strength we draw from our significant others, ourselves, and our close and ever evolving friendships. And yeah, we had a couple o’ gaps in our zeitgeist that we hope we can help you with.
Or: “Mary goes through it so you don’t have to!” Or: “Married life is way less thrilling than I was anticipating so I’m going to write a post as if I’m giving someone else advice about the situation I happen to find myself in.”
My surname now is ridiculously common. Googling me is a waste of time. There are zillions of us. After I get married, though, my last name is going to much more unusual. My school will be taking away my email address, and I’m going to sign up for a gmail account — can I put my new surname on it and start using it, or do I update everyone’s info again in six months after my wedding? What something I’ve submitted for publication gets accepted? Can I put my new name on that? How about my website?
My husband and I have been married for six years now and most of the family is fully aware of the fact that I kept my last name — actually, I’m sure my in-laws are well aware of this. But my mother-in-law keeps addressing mail and checks to me as if I had changed my name.
How do I address this issue in hopes of getting her to quit without being confrontational?