Why we had a very, very gay wedding (not “just a wedding”)
One of the arguments we hear a lot is that weddings aren’t “gay” or “straight,” they’re just weddings. Of course, that’s true… but our wedding was also very, very gay, and that was one of our favorite things about it!
In the fight for marriage equality, there’s a risk that the thing that makes queer lives different will get lost in the shuffle. We wanted to celebrate the gayness of gay weddings and the importance of our broad family-of-choice to our lives. We ended up writing the following passage and printing it in our wedding program:
Realizing I can’t do it all on the wedding day: A “Type A” bride’s crisis
I never realized how “Type A” I can be until I started planning a wedding. It’s giving me an inordinate amount of stress to know that I can’t actually be the one cuing the music during our wedding ceremony. I can’t be the one decorating the tables at the reception hall. I can’t sit with the DJ and make sure he picks the perfect sequence of songs. Fellow Type-A brides: How are you handling having to relinquish control of your wedding day to other people?
What if you don’t want to play “princess for a day” at your wedding?
“I’m not really into princess-y dresses.”
“Oh, but why not?” asked Frannie, bustling behind me to unpin. “It’s your only chance to be a princess for a day. Every girl wants that.”
“Actually,” I replied, suddenly tired of being “helped” by this well-meaning woman and others like her, “I don’t like princesses.”
How being a bridesmaid taught me to embrace my inner fancy bitch
When I got married two years ago, budget budget budget was the focus of the day. This meant forgoing a big expensive dress, keeping costs low on the honeymoon, having a lunch instead of a dinner wedding. Looking back on my wedding, I have no regrets and didn’t miss wedding planning afterwards. But then I got invited to be a bridesmaid for my little sister. Upon hearing that I could choose my own dress and shoes, something deep deep within me that had been suffocated since my own wedding has reared its head.