This morning a coworker of mine with whom I am friendly but don't see very often bustled over to me to ask about the wedding, and I just wasn't up for faking a smile and saying that everything was great. The wedding planning itself is going fine, but with everything else going on in my life right now, it's overwhelming and some things feel very difficult.
So I told her how I was feeling, and I got the impression that just wasn't what she wanted to hear, or that was the wrong answer and that planning my wedding should be the best time of my life, even if other parts of it are hard. Now I feel bad for being honest with her.
Should I just have said that everything is great?
I'm the queen of undersharing because I assume most acquaintances have no real interest in the less fun parts of life, but I'm assured by others that that's not actually the case. Either way, if this person isn't a friend or a close coworker, she may have just been fishing for a little upbeat news about a happy-ish topic.
Alternately, she may also be dealing with current events or life stuff and wasn't up for commiserating when she's also down in the mouth. And of course the third option is that she was totally cool with your less-than-fun answer about wedding planning and you were just misreading the situation. (Isn't interpersonal interaction fun and easy?) Even casual conversations can be riddled with doubt.
We recently talked about how you actually don't have to be a “happy bride” all the time. So maybe you don't have to be a fake thrilled bride-to-be with everyone. Or is it just easier to keep things within your circle?
I'm throwing it to our readers this time since they are surely dealing with constant questions about wedding planning when things aren't always the most chipper of times.
How do you handle wedding planning oversharing with coworkers and acquaintances?
Related wedding planning oversharing help:
Comments on How honest should I be with acquaintances about wedding planning?
I am the Queen of oversharing, seriously does Amazon sell a mouth filter ? My wedding was now 3 months ago and I’m getting tired of it and regret some of my shares . I’m a hairstylist so I’m on a daily cycle of people I’m still catching up with after the wedding . If 1 more person asks “how it went with my brother drama” I’m gonna snap. Lesson learned …maybe …I really have no filter lol
I was very open about my wedding planning with anyone who would ask. My office is a very close one and all of my co-workers were invited to my wedding though, so they’re way more like friends than acquaintances. My co-workers were actually the fist ones to see our invitations, my ring, and a lot of other things that arrived at the post office during my lunch break! They also heard about all the ups and downs.
I think it really just depends on what kind of person one naturally is. I’m very upfront, honest, and tell it like it is. I think some people would consider me an oversharer but with me what you see is what you get!
I think it’s unfair for anyone to expect you to straight up lie about how you’re doing, but if you’re worried about oversharing, I’d suggest just offering a generic statement to start. “It’s kind of stressful right now,” or, “It’s keeping me super busy,” or, “I’m ready to kill one of my bridesmaids, but you know.” If they aren’t interested in discussing it, they can back out of the conversation pretty quickly with an, “Oh, I know how that goes,” or, “Yeah, I can imagine!” If they respond with questions to continue the conversation, share away. I did this with most of my wedding-planning small talk, and my wedding planning was pretty smooth sailing most of the way. Most people just want a quick blurb to say hello (no different from a, “How’s your day going?”) but others genuinely want to know more.
I think it’s important to cultivate honest habits when talking about emotions. Saying it’s great when it isn’t not only harms you, but pressures other people to say the same. You end up with this Isn’t-this-super-stressful-incredibly-complex-event-planning-with-a-tiny-team-and-we’re-not-even-being-paid-for-it-FUN! culture that reinforces the sexist stereotypes around weddings and the stigma around mental health. It needs to be okay not to love it, and it needs to be okay to say so. Negative emotions shouldn’t be repressed and hidden; they’re not shameful.
So, be honest. You don’t have to share a lot, but if you’re not loving it, say so. Maybe your conversation partner will be able to help you out, or maybe you’ll be helping them out by acknowledging sometimes fun, exciting stuff is hard and stressful too.
I wish more people would share their stress. This wedding planning thing seems to be one long lesson in biting my tongue, and it makes me feel like an ungrateful monster every time I have critical or uncharitable thoughts about people who just think they’re helping. It makes it so much worse every time someone says, “oh wedding planning was so much fun! Enjoy every second, it goes so fast!”
It’s terrible but at this point I’m ready to get it over with and just get back to a normal life where things make sense.
I understand your feelings completely! It’s the worst when people are attempting to help but they’re creating more stress and then you feel bad for being angry at them because they’re only trying to help but damn it, they’re making you crazy! I went through that. Just know that your feelings are totally valid and it’s absolutely okay to be upset with someone who is trying to help. Trying is the operative word there!
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